The Move

Yesterday and today I moved. I've lived in this studio for two years and I've got a lot of fond memories of it. I'd never lived alone before, never had a space(however small) that was solely mine. It was very weird packing up all my stuff, all my possessions, and realizing it all isn't that much. 

The move itself was quite a trial. My apartment is on Wilson which, due to the Pride Parade, was one of the only main east/west thoroughfares open. Lots of foot, bike, and car traffic not to mention lots of people moving. It was also very hot. I did about half of the move alone, I didn't ask for help because I think I wanted one last act of solitude before Nicole and I moved in or I was just being stubborn. Whatever the motivation it was a terrible idea. Thankfully Nicole helped a bit in the morning and Vince provided some clutch help with my last load of heavy stuff.

I'm excited to move in with Nicole, live with someone again, have more space, and cultivate a home together. But I will miss my studio, it looks so small without any stuff in it. It was a great place. I moved in around the time of a big change and it was great to have my own limited space when I made a big lifestyle adjustment.

Thank you studio apartment, you were everything I wanted you to be.

'The Rover' A Review

The Rover is a dystopian western set in the Australia outback. The film opens with a title card "Ten years after the collapse." Either military, economic, societal or some combination the collapse is never explained. The first scene we see Eric(Guy Pearce) sleeping in his car. He awakens and drives to a bar and gets some water. His car is stolen by three criminals who have just come from a shoot out. Eric pursues and on his way captures one of the criminals brothers who was wounded and left behind, Rey played by Robert Pattinson. An odd relationship develops as the two men travel through the blasted lawless landscape in pursuit of a car with unknown significance.

Visually the film is bleak and beautiful, the score haunting, the story streamlined and sparse with much left to interpretation. Across the board the performances are rich with depth and subtext, the dialogue complex in it's layered ambiguity. Pearce stands at the center, quiet and determined, unflinching and seemingly morally vacant. He is a man created by the world that has moved on where whim or honor or revenge govern action not a voided societal contract. Pattinson gives his best performance to date as a gross, fumbling, almost oafish wannabe gangster. It's unclear for most of the film if there is something wrong with him or if he's just dumb. Pearce and Pattinson develop a precarious bond on their journey with Pattinson doing most of the talking. He creates a character we shouldn't like with naked neediness and an inability to comprehend motivation or consequence but some how we do like him. The supporting cast brings the foreign and frightening landscape into stark focus.

The ending is somewhat problematic with Pattinson, in the climatic scene, crossing the line from character to caricature. He stutters, he spits, he chews the scenery and much of the authenticity created in the previous hour is lost. The reveal, the motivation of Pearce, is also somewhat mystifying however the film never promises or implies there will be any kind of resolution. The Rover isn't the type of film that has a satisfying ending, it's a brief glimpse into a desolate future.

Violent, poetic, and arresting. The Rover shows us a world where morality has lost its meaning.

See It.

30

Yesterday, in the wee hours of the morning, I turned 30. The first thing I did when I got up was go to the DMV. A real thrill ride. After that Nicole and I spent the day together, went out to eat, to the movies, sat on her porch for a while and I managed to do a little packing. We finished off the night at Holy Fuck and I can say all in all it was an excellent, low-key, birthday. Just what I wanted.

Thirty seems like a bit of a milestone. Looking back it seems amazing I managed to get this far.

0-10. I don't remember much. My sister babysat me a lot and we watched Adventures In Babysitting, Back To The Beach, Neverending Story and various Disney movies. I went to camps in the summer and I liked being outside and fires and tye-dying and singing. I liked doing skits on parents night the best. I had a yellow banana bike. It was an adventure to ride with my dad from our house to the Baskin-Robins. I cried a lot and was extremely ticklish. I was terrified of the dark and being smothered. I got in trouble at after school care for telling Skylar Croft his dick was as big as the Sears Tower. I was in my first play, Councilman #3 in the Pied Piper. My dad lost his campaign for State Senate and Elliot Farr made fun of me the next day.

10-20. I got taller and fatter. After being borderline illiterate I discovered the Chronicles of Narnia and threw myself into reading, one of my greatest pleasures to this day. I played church basketball and AYSO soccer, I was mediocre at both sports. Middle school was a blur, I got bullied and picked on and wore Jynco's and pitted out my shirts all the time. I had my first kiss at Magic Waters Water Park. I did a lot of plays at my high school and at the local New American Theater. I learned to dance at school dances and from my high school girlfriend who was a dancer. I hit my biggest at 17 at 275lbs. My weight has been a struggle most of my conscious life. I didn't get into any of the college theater programs I wanted to, I didn't know how to audition, I'd show up in a t-shirt and jeans and do my clunky monologue from The Seagull. I ended up at Illinois State University with a good amount of my high school friends. I started drinking and doing drugs, dropped some weight, and became a bit of a loner or more aptly put an isolator.

20-30. I didn't have a great college experience, I made a couple close friends but generally didn't feel included, the college life I discovered wasn't inclusive and fun, it was lonely, harsh, and mystifying. I had a bunch of small parts in plays, I felt like the theater department never gave me a shot and I resented a lot of professors and fellow students. I had a big chip on my shoulder. My favorite role was Eddie in Rocky Horror Picture Show which I did my senior year. I went through a lot of phases. I didn't wear shoes for a while, I wore eyeliner, I wore black every day, that kind of stuff. My alcoholism gained some traction and force once I got out of the dorms. After college I moved to Chicago and struggled, went on many failed auditions, started taking improv classes, moved back in with my folks for a while, then moved back to Chicago. I fell in love with sketch and improv comedy, I gained a lot of friends and discovered a like-minded community which I had never had before. My addiction became uglier, more destructive, and desperate. I strained a lot of friendship and broke a lot of relationships. I came to a turning point and finally got some help.

At 30 I have the love a wonderful family and an amazing girlfriend. I have some incredible friends and a vibrant creative life. There are a lot of changes going on. I don't know exactly where I'm headed or how I'm going to get there, but I have a full and, for the most part, happy life. I feel like I've been given a second chance and a new way to look at and navigate things that use to overwhelm me. As a thirty year old man with graying temples and a graying beard I couldn't be more grateful for the twists and turns of the path, thirty years long, that brought me to this moment.

Graffiti 132

stop praying...God's too busy

I've been encountering this idea of a distant and neglectful God a lot recently. Craig just gave me the comic book series Preacher, which I loved, and I've been an avid fan of the Sandman Slim series since Matt gave me the first book two years back.

I don't believe in a Christian God. My concept of a higher power is much more personal. I get the inevitable backlash against some omnipotent and omniscient male figure pulling strings for millennia especially since the idea has been made impersonal through franchising. What I never understood was the idea of needing a  priest or pastor as a conduit of contact for that universal presence. Why does this person have a closer relationship to God, whatever the conception, than I do? The way I see it they don't. Pastors or priests may be better suited to listen, be supportive, guide, and provide advise but they don't have the ear of the divine anymore than anyone else.

I think the important thing is to, spiritually speaking, cut your own path. Free from dogma, obligation, and tired ceremony. Engage in something personal and fruitful. Either with an established religion or some form of original worship. Faith is freeing, simple loyalty can be static

"God and Nature first made us what we are, and then out of our own created genius we make ourselves what we want to be. Follow always that great law. Let the sky and God be our limit and Eternity our measurement." -Marcus Garvey

A Time To Talk

When a friend calls to me from the road 
And slows his horse to a meaning walk, 
I don't stand still and look around 
On all the hills I haven't hoed, 
And shout from where I am, 'What is it?' 
No, not as there is a time to talk. 
I thrust my hoe in the mellow ground, 
Blade-end up and five feet tall, 
And plod: I go up to the stone wall 
For a friendly visit.

-Robert Frost

Big Dome

With World Cup fever running rampant, I'm reminded of my high school soccer days. I originally wanted to play football because all I really wanted out of sports was violent contact. I went out for football my freshman year having never played before and not knowing anyone on the team. About half way through the all day practice they gave us equipment. I got pads but they couldn't find a helmet that fit me, my head was too big. The other guys called me Big Dome the rest of the day. I didn't go back.

After the football failure I went out for soccer. I knew the sport and some of my friends were on the team. I was a fat kid, didn't have much endurance but I had a good foot, a good sprint, and I was very aggressive. I was on JV all four years but I played up a couple times if they needed someone to come on and bust some heads.

I brought my thirst for contact into soccer which isn't a contact sport. I would slide tackle and check opponents with little regard for who had the ball or where it was. I vividly remember one time a guy had a break away and I sprinted towards our goal to catch him outdistancing my teammates. I knew I didn't have the finesse to steal the ball so I just flattened the guy. My dad said later "he was suckin' sod." Another time one of the other players was hassling one of my teammates, my buddy Aaron, he pushed him down, checked him, or was talking trash or something. I just saw red, charged across the field and tackled the guy after the the ref had blown the whistle. While I was pushing the guys head into the grass I said "You got a fucking problem meet me after the game." That was my first ejection. I waited for him in the parking lot but he didn't show.

My junior and senior year I held the NIC-9(our division) record for most penalty cards in a season. I may still. The school I went to didn't have great sports teams. Not only would we frequently get trounced on the score boards, the other teams talked a lot of trash. I figured if the other guys were going to win I'd make them earn it. Not through athleticism but through blunt force trauma. I got a yellow card in almost every game and a couple reds.

I don't watch sports and I don't miss soccer. But all the World Cup talk brings back the memories of a couple incredibly satisfying hits.

Goodbye Caitlin

Caitlin and I met freshman year of college. We were both theater majors and became fast friends. Caitlin lived with Chloe for two years and we all hung out constantly. They hosted a bunch of parties, we went on adventures(once to an abandoned Asylum), got our Tarot cards read, had a seance for H.H. Holmes, went to Red Lobster(once), and a bunch of other stupid college stuff that I look back on with a lot of joy.

After college we both moved to Chicago and Caitlin took me to my first improv show at iO. She was taking iO classes for a bit and then went to Japan to teach English for a year. Because of her interest in it and her recommendation I took classes at iO. That decision resurrected my floundering social and creative life. I have her to credit for finding some personal and professional direction.

Since then we've both been doing improv and sketch around town, I've seen her perform a lot, she's wonderful. Over the last couple years we haven't hung out a ton but would always come together and reconnect in the green room at iO, over a quick cup of coffee, or a walk. We've been friends for 12 years at this point and all that history makes for a close bond regardless of how much we talk.

Last year we finally got on a team together and it was a real dream come true to play with her on The Hague. Our shows weren't always great but it was a pleasure to finally get to share the stage with Caitlin, my college friend who inspired me to get started with comedy.

Our friend Jessy's birthday get together senior year of college.

Caitlin is off to LA to work on The Katydids pilot for TV Land. I am so proud and happy for her. Not only could this great opportunity not be given to a more positive and funny person but it gives hope to the Chicago comedy community at large. Hard work and dedication pay off, talent is recognized, the dream is possible.

Love you Caitlin.

'Maleficent' A Review

Maleficent is a retelling of the fairy tale Sleeping Beauty from the perspective of the villain Maleficent. Once upon a time the countries of fairy and man lived next to each other under an uncertain truce. A young fairy Maleficent and a young boy Stefan became friends. Years passed and a romance grew. Unfortunately the human king became ambitious and attempted to invade the fairy kingdom but was thrown off by Maleficent. The king was injured during the battle and decreed any man who killed Maleficent would become the next king. Stefan overcome with greed used his friendship with Maleficent and through a despicable act became the next king. Maleficent, overcome with this betrayal, rejects the human world and sets her sights on revenge.

Visually the film is rich and engaging. Lush colors, interesting creatures, and memorizing naturescapes. Angelina Jolie as Maleficent puts in an interesting and layered performance as the hero/villain and titular character. She brings an incredible amount of believability and realism to all the fantasy. We see her go through a complex change and the film does a good job of creating a story with a lot of moral ambiguity. Unfortunately her character is the only one that is developed, that has any depth. Aurora and Stefan are both terribly underwritten and Elle Fanning and Sharlto Copley do nothing to heightened the limping script. Fanning is vacant, seemingly reading her lines from cue cards. Copley is brash and braying with no hint of an actual personality, more appropriate to an 80's action movie like Running Man.

Worth the watch for the visuals and for Jolie's performance. Low expectations yield high reward.

Rent It.

Goodbye Ted

Today there was a going away BBQ for Ted, he leaves this week for LA. We went through classes together at Second City and I initially really hated him. He introduced himself to me ten times. By the tenth time I just said "yeah, we've met" in a real condescending way, I don't think he noticed. He was(and still is in some ways) the type of person who deliberately or instinctually talks to the most important person in the room. I also resented his talent, he was obviously ahead of myself and our other classmates as far as creative output and vision.

Ted and I finally became friends about two years later when we were on HouseCo together at Second City. I found a great collaborator in Ted, we had similar comedic tastes and instincts. With him I figured out what it looked like to pitch effectively, to write-on-your-feet and find traction within a premise, how to refine a raw idea. I wrote one of my best sketches specifically for Ted, he was a gay Drill Sargent after the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell.  Our creative partnership naturally became a friendship. We were both going through some personal stuff when we were writing and putting up the show and leaned on each other.

Afterwards we decided we wanted to keep working together. We wrote a two-man sketch show called "A Year Of Saturdays". We gigged around for two months months, putting up ten or fifteen minute sets honing the material. Ted set up all that and he taught me a lot about discipline and doing the work. We were both really happy with the show, it was personal and had some edge, it was the first time I felt 100% ownership over and satisfaction with the material I was doing.

After that I didn't see much of Ted, I think we both would have liked to have kept working together but Ted had other projects with more ambition. He was trying to sell Shrink in LA and he went to Switzerland to film a version of his web series Break Ups. We grew apart.

I'll always be proud of those things we wrote together and I know Ted will land on his feet out in lala land. He's a networker of the first order.

Good luck, Goodbye.

Flower Walk

Nicole graciously lent me some satchel bags and tubs for packing. As I walked from her place to mine and back I spotted some beautiful summer flowers. 

Summer flowers seem more exotic than spring ones. More energetic. 

After all the rainy days and oscillating temperatures I was surprised to see such lush and vibrant growth. Such colors.

But I guess it makes sense. All the storms, all the rage, all the friction. It's just fuel. Nature seems so precious, so delicate. But there is a pliant strength in all that beauty.

It was a good walk. Rejuvenating. Reminded me to keep my eyes open. You can't find if you don't seek.

Finding The Bottom

Whenever I move I inevitably reflect about previous moves. Nicole and I are moving in together come next week so I'm gathering boxes, throwing stuff out, and packing things away. It got me thinking about my worst move which was also the most piecemeal. I moved from Chicago back to Rockford over the course of about two months. I would come into Chicago for iO class and pick up another car load of stuff each week.

Winter of 2007 I was living in Humboldt Park(in Chicago) and working as a server at this bar and grill in the basement of Macy's formally Marshall Fields. It wasn't a great job and I wasn't very good at it. I never talked to my tables just took their orders and brought them their food as quickly and quietly as I could. I never, justly, got good tips. My personal life was a mess. I was borrowing money from my folks, drinking whenever I wasn't at work(and sometimes when I was), had few friends that were, justly, reluctant to interact with me, and had ballooned up to a solid 250 lbs. I also had some legal trouble hanging over my head for denting my neighbors '97 GMC Jimmy.

It was bad. It got worse.

I started dry heaving in the mornings. I'd be walking to the train to get to work and be driven to my knees in the stinking, garbage filled alley next to a dead rat with nausea and wretch for 15-20 minutes. DTs. That went on for about three weeks. One evening I grabbed a backpack full of clothes got in my car and left. Went back to my parents in Rockford with my tail between my legs. Totally defeated. Desperate, confused, alone. I told them I had a problem with alcohol. I told them I wanted to quit drinking. I told them I wanted to get better. They took care of me and got me back on my feet.

That was my first bottom.

It took me five more years to get sober.

Murals 3

Have been feeling a bit uninspired recently. I've been really busy but feel a bit worn down. Lots going on, not a lot of time to soak things up, just on the go all the time. These are a couple more murals from Nicole and I's Richmond visit back in April.

Big Bad Wolf.

Matt told us the writing on this mural is all stories of people who were helped by strangers.

Pride of Panthers.

"How much art can you take?"

Menstruation

I don't know much about it. I am a man and have never done it.
These are the things I know. Or think I know.
About cycles and spotting. Procreation and periods.

Sometimes it's worse than others.
Flow can be heavy, light, or somewhere inbetween.
Moods can be volatile: from grouchy to elated.
There are cramps. And maybe nausea?
Food can help.
So can water. Hydration is important.
If cliches are to be believed chocolate and rom-coms are a soothing balm.
But I have never seen these methods plied and so discredit their effect.

The monthlies can be daunting
to a man whose never had
a stream of blood
trickle
from betwixt his legs.

One of those mysteries
I cannot grasp.

'Obvious Child' A Review

Obvious Child is an offbeat romantic comedy about a young comedian on the rebound getting pregnant and having an abortion. At the opening of the film we see Donna Stern(Jenny Slate) on stage doing stand-up. After her set her boyfriend dumps her in the scummy co-ed bathroom. Donna is devastated. In the process of getting over her ex Donna has a drunken hook-up with nice, affable, business guy Max(Jake Lacy). She leaves the next morning before he wakes up and a couple weeks later discovers she is pregnant. She decides to have an abortion and at the same time she begins running into Max who gently pursues her.

Jenny Slate as Donna gives an incredibly nuanced, brave, and emotional performance which happens to be very funny. Classifying Obvious Child as a comedy is somewhat limiting due to its authenticity and depth. Slate carries the film, committing fully to complex moments which are both darkly comic and heartrending. The supporting cast brings humor and gravitas in equal measure creating authentic people in an authentic New York. The film takes only one small misstep with David Cross as a lecherous older comedian, but that scene is blissfully brief.

What's shocking about the film is not the subject matter but the ease, patience, and amusement with which it is handled. The abortion is secondary, the film is really about a young woman finding her way through a difficult time in her life- confusion, unemployment, heartbreak, love- something we can all relate to.

Obvious Child finds the sweet spot between the somewhat sophomoric and naive Knocked Up and the pretentious and trite Frances Ha. It's genuine and funny.

See It.

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Do Not Fear Strangers

An odd sentiment. There is something to be said for being open and assuming people are honest and kind. Having a positive and hopeful attitude. Putting that stuff out into the universe gets you the same in return, in theory. But there is also value in being alert, vigilant, and ready for anything. Especially in a big, somewhat dangerous, unpredictable city like Chicago I find this a little naive. The ideas aren't mutually exclusive I guess, being generous and perceptive, patient and firm, compassionate and protected. It's just difficult. And rare.

"Fear makes strangers of those who would be friends." -Shirley MacLaine

"It's good to remember that in crises, natural crises, human beings forget for awhile their ignorances, their biases, their prejudices. For a little while, neighbors help neighbors and strangers help strangers." -Maya Angelou

Growth

A couple weeks back Marta was visiting and dropped off some plants for me. There's something really fulfilling and comforting about having a couple green things around. I don't think I'd ever want a pet, too much time, too much attention, but having something to care for is fulfilling. The nurturing is reciprocal.

For me dogs are too simple and needy, cats too aloof and entitled, plants however, they have the perfect amount of independence and exhibit tangible growth or neglect.

Dogs and cats can be cute and lovable, I don't refute that. But there is something particularly beautiful about a veined leaf, shades of green in dappled sunlight, the curve of a blooming petal, that surpass the grinning face of a golden retriever or the bent back of a tabby.

On Going Unnoticed

As vain to raise a voice as a sigh
In the tumult of free leaves on high.
What are you in the shadow of trees
Engaged up there with the light and breeze?

Less than the coral-root you know
That is content with the daylight low,
And has no leaves at all of its own;
Whose spotted flowers hang meanly down.

You grasp the bark by a rugged pleat,
And look up small from the forest's feet.
The only leaf it drops goes wide,
Your name not written on either side.

You linger your little hour and are gone,
And still the wood sweep leafily on,
Not even missing the coral-root flower
You took as a trophy of the hour.
-Robert Frost

Soundtracks

On Monday Drennen, James, and I watched Death Proof. There's a lap dance scene with this song underscoring it. I don't remember the lap dance scene being in the original release of Grindhouse back in '07 and I don't really remember the song from the other times I've seen it since. For whatever reason this time around it really struck me and I've been listening to it non-stop all week.



Nicole and I just saw Obvious Child, review forthcoming, and there was a really great scene with this song under it. I first heard this when Chloe put it on a tape for me years ago. I always liked it.



Songs can elevate films. Heighten moments. That's no secret but whats rare are those times when a film makes you appreciate a song you previously didn't like or didn't notice. The conjunction of the film and the song make both of them resonate in a way they, separately, do not. I think its a rare thing. A lot of the time it seems music is just used as filler or to make a boring scene seem interesting.

The first moment where I felt like a song and a scene really hit me was in Rushmore. Bill Murray drunk and sad at his sons birthday party accompanied by The Kinks.

The Range Of King

Stephen King's first 2014 offering is a neo-noir crime thriller complete with suicidal retired detective brought back from the brink of death by one last case. King fans, crime fans, and fans of interesting well written characters will enjoy Mr. Mercedes. King combines classic detective tropes with modern technology and a modern problem- senseless mass murder. What unfolds is a taught howcatchem pitting an unlikely, aging, overweight hero against a pathetic, perverse, and all to possible villain. The pedal-to-the-metal pacing keeps you turning pages but the depth of the characters make the pulpy tale rich.

Mr. Mercedes does not have any supernatural element and tangentially addresses some very timely issues. As a King fan and taken in conjunction with the King Cannon it makes me hopeful that we may get a straight novel out of the wordslinger in the near future. It seems like King is evolving beyond horror, not that he can't do it or doesn't need to do it, but from some of his recent books its clear he has become more interested, and put more energy, into the people that populate his fantastic yarns than he use to. He has become more concerned with the interpersonal rather than the mystical. I fell in love with Stephen King through the Dark Tower Series then went back and read as much as I could. I love his dialogue, I love his characters, I love how his stories move. Having devoured so much of his work I would like to read, just once, a Stephen King novel devoid of genre. Not because I am unsatisfied but because as a reader that's the direction the books seem to be pointing. I can see it, I wonder if he can.

Either way Mr. Mercedes is a good read. And, as always, a new Stephen King book makes me excited for the next. Revival is due out in November. 

'Words & Pictures' A Review

Words & Pictures is a fluffy romantic dramedy about an alcoholic English teacher and an arthritis stricken artist. At a Maine prep-school Jack Marcus(Clive Owen) is a writer with writers block struggling to maintain his teaching position due to his drinking. Enter Dina Delsanto(Juliette Binoche) as surly NYC artist who has taken a teaching position due to her crippling arthritis. Sparks ensue.

The movie is plodding, predictable, and flat with a script seemingly spewed out from a cliche-machine. Tonally it is sporadic with divergence into painful and poorly constructed scenes regarding addiction as well as an ill-advised tangent into teenage sexual harassment. If the movie was actually the light-hearted rom-com it appeared to be it wouldn't have been great but it would have been entertaining.

Owen and Binoche seem lost with actions and dialogue so mismatched their characters have no semblance of reality. We do not care about either of the main characters nor do we care about the trite argument they are engaged in English vs. Art. Their romance is so contrived and pointless, their characters so opaque and unlikable, the inevitable redemption is totally unbelievable.

On a personal note the portrayal of alcoholism in film leaves a lot to be desired. This stereotypical and romanticized depiction of alcoholism is the latest in a long line of exploitative portraits of addiction on screen. Using it as plot device rather than treating it as a real thing. Most recently with Crazy Heart and Flight now with Words & Pictures addiction is used to manufacture emotional reactions with no actual resonance. The AA scenes alone are laughable in their inaccuracy. The throws of addiction are sad and desperate, rarely do they involve a big blow up at a restaurant or someone trashing their apartment listening to 80's punk. At least in my experience. And the road to recovery is not quick and easy. People do not turn on a dime after one AA meeting and retrieve the affection of their loved ones after one emotional tear-soaked apology.

Addiction and recovery is a serious, complicated, sometimes wondrous, often painful journey. Using it to blatantly further plot or illicit sympathy in a film cheapens the struggle of those people directly and indirectly involved.

Don't See It.

Graffiti 130

The quote is from an Eminem song. Juxtaposing it with a cartoon rat takes away a bit of the negativity and irreverence. It just seems goofy. Maybe its a dig at Eminem. Maybe its a comment on our blind complacency. Either way I don't particularly like it. There's a willful stupidity about it that is unsettling.

"People who are given whatever they want soon develop a sense of entitlement and rapidly lose their sense of proportion." -Sarah Churchwell

"Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real." -Thomas Merton

"I am afraid of privilege, of ease, of entitlement." -Tan Le

MAC

Jim was back in town for a wedding so Prime was rightfully bumped for the return of Middle Age Comeback, most likely the final at iO's Clark Street location.

It was a packed crowd and Craig asked me to do lights. Felt just like old times.

It was a great show. High energy, a meandering narrative, lots of yelling and goofy voices. It very much brought back how things use to be a couple years ago. Craig and Jim were on a hot streak, MAC and 3033 was the show to see and always packed, every once in a while I'd get to do lights and feel part of something I admired.

It was a nostalgic evening and provided some good perspective for me. Some things change, people move away, but some things are right there waiting to be picked back up.

'Edge Of Tomorrow' A Review

Edge Of Tomorrow is an alternate-future alien-invasion movie with a time travel conceit. In a not-to-distant future ferocious squid-like aliens, dubbed Mimics, have come to Earth to take over. They have taken over continental Europe and the combined forces of humanity are planning one last big operation to stop them. Tom Cruise is Major William Cage, a craven military PR man. After attempting to black mail General Bringham(Brendan Gleeson) Cage is shipped off to be on the front lines of the following days surge. During the course of the ensuing battle Cage kills a large Mimic, is splattered with its blood, dies, then awakens in the previous day. A loop has been set and every time Cage dies he resets, doomed to repeat the bloody battle over and over again.

Cruise puts in his best leading performance since 2004's Collateral. As the days repeat we not only see his skill as a solider improving but we see a moral and philosophical change in him. There is action, humor, and speculative science a plenty but Cruise holds the emotional core as an ordinary, cowardly, man in an extraordinary situation who goes through a subtly progressive transformation. In the vein of Sigourney Weaver's Ripley Emily Blunt is bad-ass Valkyrie Sgt. Rita Vrataski the human army's hero. Aloof and determined she trains Cruise and a rough friendship develops. Blunt plays the Sgt. with a sleek toughness, never cowed, never weak, but always interesting. She also brings a freshness vital for the repetition required by the premise. We see her repeat scenes and actions but always with different flavors and with an undefinable certainty. Although given little to do the supporting cast gives the world much needed depth. The shinning star is Bill Paxton as Cruise's CO Master Sgt. Farell. Paxton plays the Kentucky Commander with a joyful religious fatalism that is delicious and he is given the best dialogue in the film, a much repeated monologue welcoming Cruise to his squad.

The time travel set-up is played well. It keeps a quick and functional pace going which propels the film and maintains interest. Its also used with surprising effectiveness for laughs with multiple garish deaths by Cruise. In our over-saturated world the aliens are a treat because they are original. Frenetic and squid like they are terrifying, we see them just the right amount, enough to be satisfied but not enough to be overwhelmed or desensitized. The film, rightly, spends more time on Cruise and the different facets of his much repeated day.

The ending is the only detraction and not a great one. The film has the potential to end with a punch in the gut but is more like a pat on the head. There is also the ill-conceived romance between Blunt and Cruise shoehorned in the last couple minutes. But even that is so fleeting its negligible.

An exciting, alien filled, time travel, block buster with a surprising amount of heart.

Don't Miss It.

Temptation

A foaming beer
is in my hand
I bend my head to drink it.

Some small force
stops my lips
the smell of hops, lingers

The soulless drink
lies in wait
its jaws dripping, moist
And gleaming.

Refresh, Reset

Tonight Meaghan and I were the only ones able to make The Night Shift show at The Playground. Last weekend I felt pretty funky with the shows I did. Off, uninspired, lost. So I was eager to get back onstage tonight and either shake it off or really commit myself to a prolonged rut. I love The Night Shift and playing with them at The Playground because I truly feel unencumbered. I truly do not care who is there or if they laugh. A common thing coaches or teachers say is "just play for each other" which is a good adage but its extremely difficult. You can curb your inner sensor and your desire to please an audience but its almost impossible to remove completely.

Meaghan and I had a great show. Or at least we both thought it was great which is the important thing. We had never done a two person show with each other and I think there was a bit of nerves going in on both our parts. It was grounded and playful, we played close to ourselves and really gave ourselves over to the inspiration of the moment. We were surprising each other and, I think, creating something authentic. It almost felt like we were the only ones there, just living these lives we had slipped on for a bit. It was incredibly refreshing and affirming for me coming off a week where I felt stale.

The content of the show was not uncommon. Meaghan and I were an unhappy couple, we did a scene in our apartment hashing out grievances for about half the show and then cut to the couples first date for the second half. But it was the specifics and the chemistry that really gave it life. Subtleties in speech and action that felt like this couple we created was a real couple. After it I felt inspired to try to sit down and sketch it out, script it, turn it into a one act or full play.

The show rejuvenated me and I have Meaghan to thank for it. She's a great collaborator. Energetic, joyful, and just straight up game to go wherever. It was a good reminder of the mindset I need to and want to be in to get maximum satisfaction from a show. Not only for myself but for whoever may be watching. When I feel engaged, surprised, and affected most likely the audience will as well.

Winds of Change 2

With Tisher gone, iO moving, and Nicole and I cohabiting in the near future my life is in a state of flux. My dad is fond of repeating that old saying "The only constant in life is change." Which is certainly true. And change can be fun and exciting or it can be challenging and scary, either way it is always unknown. Sometimes its difficult or overwhelming when outside forces or situations break your established patterns or routines. Upset your comfort. But most of the time change is for the good. Prevents you from becoming complacent, propels you forward. We are all on our own journeys with individual pitfalls and promise. But we get no where if we don't continue, there is no progress without effort, no triumph without risk, no courage without fear.

I am excited for these changes in my life and the decisions on the horizon that will influence its ultimate direction. I'm on the cusp of 30. It feels like a real watershed moment, its both thrilling and terrifying. The seasons keep passing, the moon keeps cresting and waning, and the Chicago comedy machine keeps churning. And I, I just keep taking it one day at a time.

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, join the dance." -Alan Watts

"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living." Gail Sheehy

Rules

I've never liked rules or people telling me what to do. I've always had the instinct to disobey or avoid them. I never saw much good in restrictions and never had much respect for the way other people want things to be done. As time has past this knee-jerk contrary outlook has faded. At a job there are certain expectations and as an employee you are required to fulfill them, there is a complicit agreement. With certain modes of performance there are established ways of doing things, agreed upon paths and directions. There is a time to go against the grain but unilateral rebellion is not only unwise it is often unproductive.

Tonight I subcoached BIG JUDY for Mark. A great group of fresh improvisers. They were great at taking direction and took inspiration from some really cool places. What was most striking was their adherence to certain improv rules at the detriment to the scene and/or having fun.

Yes and is the core tenant of improvisation but I think there is a common misconception about what that actually means. Fundamentally its about agreement. Insuring the people on stage have some common understanding of what is going on. It does not mean that the players have to agree to each others ideas, concepts, or premises. If the character you are playing doesn't like what another character is saying or doesn't like them period its ok, even logical, to say no to them, to put them down, to enter into an argument. The text and subtext of a scene do not need to contain "yes and" its broader concept that applies to the performers not the imaginary worlds they create. Questions are another tool improvisers are conditioned not to use. But often a person has more of an idea of their character than you do and doesn't want to go off on an expositional monologue derailing the scene. So, questions are a fine avenue to use when teasing out more information about certain characters or the scene. Arguments are another no-no. This is probably the rule I think is the most useless after a certain education point. Disagreements or characters with opposing points of view drive dramatic action, they are normal in the world we live in. Misunderstandings and emotional hurt are fundamental aspects of life. To tell improvisers to adhere to this doctrine is not only hamstringing their ability to use their real life in their imaginary life but it often makes for incredibly boring scenes.

Next week at work "The Board" is coming in to do their yearly meeting. My bosses seemed to be wound pretty tight about it reiterating certain protocols multiple times. Something that in the past would have really bothered me. Now it doesn't so much, it takes little effort from me to wear a tie three days next week and to mind my p's and q's around the higher ups. There is no cause to go against my work place restrictions, there is no reason to, no end game. I receive a pay check, I'll gladly show up with a tie. When it comes to policy and our procedures for certain things, that's another matter, I handle things in the most efficient and effective way as I see it even if that means not necessarily going with the pre-established protocol.

There is a time and a place for all rules. From speeding, to work place dress codes, to performance. But often situations call for rules to be side-stepped, bent, or broken. In improv and in life we find those points where divergence from rules is most appropriate.

Street Talk 18

Outside 7-Eleven, a 50ish man with gray hair, dirty white t-shirt, stained cargo shorts, obviously drunk.

Old Drunk Man: Hey! Hey! Can I buy a cigarette?
Me: (reading a collection of Mary Oliver poetry, smoking) No, sorry man.
ODM: (shocked) WHAT!? I said buy!
Me: No, sorry man.
ODM: (shows me hand full of pennies and dimes) I have, like, a dollar!
Me: No, sorry.
ODM: (whining) Come on PLEASE!
Me: No.

Guy walks into 7-Eleven presumably to buy cigarettes. Upon leaving he walks within inches of me reading my book mumbling under his breath trying to get me to look up. I don't look up. It's clear he is on the fence about starting some kind of verbal or physical altercation. Before rounding the corner he stops and stands looking at me. I don't look up from a poem about how wonderful it would be to live alone in the mountains.

ODM: (like an angry cat) HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

I don't look up. After a minute or two he walks away. I read a poem about the melodious and tranquil chirping of morning birds.

Goodbye Tisher

About five years ago I met Tisher for dinner with my friend Wes and his girlfriend at the time Jess. I had just come from seeing The Cove for the first time. A profoundly moving documentary about dolphin slaughtering in Japan. I was all amped up about it, politically and emotionally charged. I didn't know anything about him at the time save he was on Neapolitan at iO which everyone was lauding as the next great group which I, of course, resented. He was kind of a dick as I recall, pretentious and full of himself, taking multiple opportunities to ridicule the premise of The Cove and undermine my obvious passion for it. I decided I hated him.

Two years later we started temping at Groupon at the same time. The day after the big snow storm, this was 2011, all the temps went into to work and most of the normal employees didn't. We started talking at lunch about this guy who played at iO and how much we didn't like him. He had a repertoire of offensive trope characters he always played and we bonded over talking shit about this guy and feeling superior. I'm a touchy-feely type of guy and so after that I would pat him on the back or give his shoulders a little rub when I would walk by and he started to do the same to me. From that moment on we were friends. We sat next to each other at work for the next six months and started seeing each others shows and going to movies.

A year later we were having lunch at work and we started to talk about doing a project together, that project turned into Bubble Boys our improvised comedy serial. It, to date, has been the most challenging and satisfying creative project I've done and I couldn't have found a better collaborator than Tisher.

Over the course of our friendship we've seen each other at some low points and there was never any doubt we would stick by and support each other. Our friendship went from work friends to improv friends to something a lot deeper and more complex. I've kept no secrets from Tisher and used him as a sounding board almost daily. I relied on him as a social buffer, social blanket, and social bloodhound- I not necessarily being in the loop as much as him.

Along with him inspiring and fueling me in our partnership with Bubble Boys he also inspired me to create a character, some bizarro version of him which I've written a couple short posts as and a lot of quotes on Facebook. He was always kind and game in regards to this portrayal which is not necessarily flattering and which for me was a huge experiment I learned a lot from. I didn't know how or was incapable of writing in a voice other than my own before I started to create a fictitious version of him. That has been a huge gift, has opened up some abilities and avenues I didn't know were available.

Tisher has not only been a great friend to me but to many people. He will be missed as a friend and as a unique and engaging performer. His effortless blend of high-brow concepts and content with low-brow presentation are unlike anything anyone else is doing. His moving leaves a hole in the Chicago comedy community.

But Tisher is off to greener pastures in NYC where I know it is just a matter of time until he finds success like our other Chicago friends who have fled to the coasts. I will cherish our time together in Chicago and look forward to the next stage in our friendship.

Catharsis

unvoiced feelings
eat at joy
and stew deep
inside your belly

anxiety gathers
steam and weight
in the boiler
of your bosom

but given shape
emotions free
undeserved pressure
and life with simple clarity
dissipates your displeasure