'Mortal Kombat II' A Review

Mortal Kombat II is a fantasy/action movie a direct sequel to the 2021 reboot. The tournament comes again, Earth's heroes must defend it from the machinations from the villians out Outworld, this introduces two new characters Johnny Cage(Karl Urban) and Kitana(Adeline Rudolph).

Urban is really fun and Rudolph brings some soul but there's way more lore and plot in this installment and basically all of the supporting cast aren't given much to do other than reiterate exposition and, overall, there's just not that much action.

The action there is is compelling with some really deliciously gruesome kills but everything is weighed down but convoluted plotting and a baffling McGuffin. A Mortal Kombat movie should, above all, be fun and this one takes itself a bit too seriously to hit that benchmark consistently, sacrificing entertainment for attempts at 'worldbuilding' and setting up a broader franchise.

Classic, fold-laundry-to quality.

Currently streaming on HBO Max.

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'The Odyssey' A Review

The Odyssey is a period action/adventure movie an adaptation of the epic poem by Homer. Odysseus(Matt Damon) helps to sack Troy via the Trojan Horse and then sets of to return home with his men but loses his way. His wife Penelope(Anne Hathaway) waits in Ithaca for his return, surrounded by mustache twirling suitors insisting he is dead.

Damon, Hathaway, Tom Holland, and Robert Pattinson are miscast, the inconsistent and emotionally thin script don't help them out, they're not bad but it's clear they're are all taking different approaches, feel like they are in different movies, the performances overall just don't really mesh, aren't cohesive. The supporting cast is full of big names, all are fun to see, but not all are successful. Samantha Morton gives the most successful performance in the most interesting scene of the movie. Lupita Nyong'o is wonderful but her appearance is brief. Himesh Patel brings some much needed emotional reality. Benny Safdie's appearance is bizarre and jarring, Charlize Theron isn't given enough to do. It's just odd, with all this talent, with all these names, the acting in aggregate is mostly forgettable and bland.

To be fair it seems clear the acting nor the story is really the focus here, it's the production and in that respect the movie is revelatory. The costuming, the Göransson score, the set design- all are incredible. Rich expansive visuals explode in every shot. The non-linear structure and the frequent cutting seem to be a necessity of shooting on IMAX rather than motivated in any way by the narrative. The ending involves some incredibly shoehorned moralizing but the commentary is such a stretch it doesn't even come across as totally cogent.

A spectacular spectacle with nothing much under the hood.

Currently in theaters.

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'The Furious' A Review

The Furious is a martial arts action movie set in an unspecified Southeast Asian city about a father Wang Wei(Xie Miao) and journalist Navin(Joe Taslim) who go after a human trafficking ring to find their missing daughter and wife(respectively).

Reminiscent of Taken, there is relatively little in the way of plot but quite a lot of compelling, intricate action. Miao and Taslim are decent actors, they give the story the necessary emotional weight, but it is their physical performances that really shine which is in keeping with the genre. What's more surprising than how good the action is(that's kind of expected) is how funny and goofy some of it is. With a conceit as dour as child slavery the pops of humor and over-the-top almost Looney Toons style physicality is much needed and balances the darkness of the subject matter to make this, if not quite a romp, kind of shockingly fun and tonally complex.

A relatively rote premise is elevated by inspired fight choreography and a streak of gleeful dark humor.

Currently in theaters.

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'Crime 101' A Review

Crime 101 is an action/thriller about elusive methodical jewel thief Mike(Chris Hemsworth), his in-the-dark love interest Maya(Monica Barbaro), the cop on his trail with marital problems Lou(Mark Ruffalo), and frustrated high-end insurance broker Sharon(Halle Berry) and how their stories intersect over one final heist.

Hemsworth is a out of his element, whenever he's asked to play more muted/stoic/reserved characters he seems to struggle, a la Extraction & Extraction 2, he needs characters with humor or some perspective. He's unquestionably a compelling star but this is one archtype he's yet to crack. Ruffalo and Berry are able to bring much more depth and authenticity to their characters even if on-the-page they're pretty thin. You can just tell they have a backstory they've come into their scenes with, their history and context, as a result they feel like actual humans you want to watch. Barbaro and the heavy, that lil gremlin Barry Keoghan, are both miscast. They have yet to demonstrate they have any real range and do nothing but detract here. Barbaro's character is a plot point only and she fails to make it more than that. Keoghan has yet to demonstrate he can do anything successfully beyond his debut Killing of a Sacred Deer and continues to fail into a stunningly robust career with role after role where he deploys the same limited arsenal of ticks and calls it acting.

Shot mostly on location in LA the city looks great and feels like a real place people exists(a big plus these days!). The car chases are thrilling, the heists are tension filled and fun, there's just not enough of either in a runtime that is overlong. There's been some decent Heat knockoffs over the years- The Town, Den of Thieves, even Wrath of Man to a degree- but this isn't even able to reach those mid-tier heights. There's too much character stuff and most of that stuff lacks depth, there's not enough action/thrills and what there is doesn't hold as much as weight as it should because there's little investment in the characters, and just overall the plot is unnecessarily complicated.

Aspirations to Heat with an A-list cast(on paper at least) produce a straight-to-DVD quality caper.

Currently streaming on Amazon.

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'Apex' A Review

Apex is an action/thriller about adrenaline junkie Sasha(Charlize Theron), the movie opens with a prologue where her and her husband Tommy(Eric Bana) are climbing the Troll Wall in Norway and he tragically dies. Five months later she is taking a solo trip in Wandarra National Park in Australia. She's warned by the ranger there have been multiple disappearances in the area and she meets a couple locals who are slaveringly psychotic but she's gotta kayak! One of the seemingly nice locals Ben(Taron Egerton) gives her a tip about the best(and secret) place to enter the park. But of course Ben is not a good boy, he is in fact a disturbed cannibal with mommy issues, and what quickly gets going is part Most Dangerous Game part Deliverance.

Theron is one of our greatest living movie stars, she's got a facility for emotion and a dynamic physical presence. But here she doesn't have much room to operate, she never really gets to open up and kick ass, the action is mostly calisthenic(she runs, climbs, kayaks, swims) which she's great at and it looks great but overall the character is overly thin and there's not enough compelling action to keep interest. Egerton goes delightfully big, a little dance sequence that starts off the chase is really fun and weird. So there's some energy to the performance but over time it just kind of peters out. In both cases the talent of the actors outstrips the script relatively quickly.

Visually the movie is incredibly uneven, some great on location shots, some decent studio shots, and some stunningly bad and obvious CG. It's part-and-parcel with the script- tonally confused. It can't quite decide if it wants to be pure action, can't quite decide how much it wants to delve into the emotional context of either Sasha or Ben, the fact they just don't kill one another at multiple points doesn't really track, and just overall it has the kind of patina of Netflix algorithmic compromise about it.

Theron and Egerton put forth incredible effort to make this barely compelling.

Currently streaming on Netflix.

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'They Will Kill You' A Review

They Will Kill You is an action/horror movie about Asia(Zazie Beetz) an ex-convict who infiltrates an exclusive high-rise as a maid in order to find her estranged sister who has fallen into the hands of a satanic cult.

Beetz is a dynamic screen presence and is able to switch focus from character to action with alacrity. She elevates a relatively pedestrian narrative and absolutely soars during the extended practical action sequences. The limited supporting cast has a lot of great talent just having fun- Patricia Arquette, Heather Graham(good to see you girl!), Tom Felton, Myha'la,- it's not a particularly complicated and even original plot but the limited location and the propulsive near-constant action keeps the momentum going and the charisma of the cast carries the day.

On a limited budget the (mostly) singular location and (mostly) practical effects make the action feel tactile, feel real, and Beetz is clearly doing a fair amount of her own stunts and choreography. It's reminiscent of the kind of fun, effective, nuts-and-bolts action flicks that don't get made as often anymore. The climactic showdown is a bit wonky and is the only scene with substantial CG but still all in it's a solid down-the-center piece of almost pure action storytelling.

The incomparable Beetz makes this relatively routine single-location action flick a thrill.

Currently in theaters.

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'Mike & Nick & Nick & Alice' A Review

Mike & Nick & Nick & Alice is a scifi action/comedy about Mike(James Marsden) who's fallen in love with his boss Nick's(Vince Vaughn)wife Alice(Eiza González) the both of whom want to flee the criminal underworld they inhabit. But Nick's future self has come back on this evening in particular because Mike's life is in danger.

The cast is stacked with talent both Vaughn and Marsden have buckets of charm and humor they deploy throughout, González doesn't have much to do but her innate watchability makes it work. The supporting cast has some fun surprises- Keith David(legend), Jimmy Tatro, Stephen Root, and Dolph Lundgren- are all fun and funny. There's a scrappiness about the production and the cast that translates to low key fun.

The script is overly plotted, the title is unnecessarily cumbersome, and some sequences employ some pretty dated(and cheap looking) filmmaking techniques. BUT. Overall it's a mostly effective fun action/comedy with a scifi twist that allows Vaughn to do a double role(pretty well!).

Entertaining if not spectacular.

Currently streaming on Hulu.

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'War Machine' A Review

War Machine is a scifi/action movie about aspiring Army Ranger "81"(Alan Ritchson) whose team is attacked by a large alien military machine during their final training exercise.

Ritchson has enough presence and stoic charm to make up for his limited range and seems to be the heir apparent to the beefcake 80's action star a la Stallone/Schwarzenegger, and that's not a bad thing, there have been a dearth of straight-up action movies in recent years, unfortunately the movie he's in is a bit too thin to make an impression but here's hoping this is the beginning of more feature leading roles for Ritchson. The supporting cast have some talent but all are so woefully underwritten and most of the "bonding" in the first half while the recruits are in training is montaged.

The look of the picture is pretty generic but at least most of the scenes take place during the day in adequate lighting. The alien machine design is pretty simplistic bordering on laughable but the CGI isn't bad and with the set and sound design there is a sense of reality. There's plenty of pretty intense gore, which at times is a bit incongruous, tonally the movie doesn't seem totally clear on what it wants to be. It's overly serious but doesn't spend much time on the emotion or character and the scifi element is so brutal and menacing there's not a ton of fun in it.  Still, not terrible just not particularly good.

A laundry flick.

Currently streaming on Netflix.

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'The Wrecking Crew' A Review

The Wrecking Crew is an action/comedy about two estranged brothers brought together by the mysterious death of their father.

Dave Bautista brings his steely, grounded presence and Jason Momoa brings his Peter Pan charm and in general, it really works. The two have great chemistry, the comedy works, the emotional beats(occasionally a bit rote) mostly work too. It's a great riff on the buddy cop subgenre that has mostly been languishing since the 90's. The supporting cast are all talents and having fun- Temuera Morrison, Jacob Batalon(Ned from Spider-Man), Frankie Adams, Miyavi, Morena Baccarin, Roimata Fox, on and on- all-in just great casting and other than the two leads mostly regular working actor types which just really enhances the ensemble.

As far as the look, the mix of on-location and green screen/CGI mostly works, some of the more complicated action sequences are, thankfully, actually lit but the CGI car crashes and destruction of property isn't as effective as the more practical effects, what really shines is the fight sequences which are all long shots, perfectly choregraphed and shot from a remove where you can actually see what is happening. That more than anything really puts this flick a cut above. If there's a detraction it's just the needless collateral damage, a hallmark of contemporary action pictures, it's great when the bad guys get their due but do we need so much destruction of public property and innocent bystanders?

Two charismatic leads(and an impeccable cast) elevate a relatively pedestrian buddy cop treatment.

Currently streaming on Prime.

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'The Rip' A Review

The Rip is an action thriller about the Miami-Dade Police Department's Tactical Narcotics Team(TNT) that investigates a tip that turns into something much bigger and dangerous than they expected.

Matt Damon as the leader of the team Lt. Dumars is good if not particularly surprising or doing anything much beyond what we've seen him do in the past, he is no doubt a movie star and he is no doubt servicable in the role. Ben Affleck as Sgt. Byrne is more electric, is having more fun, and it is genuinely great to see the two of them share scenes together again, their chemistry is undeniable. And if the movie itself is semi-standard cop-fair it is well made, the script is tight, the action is compelling, it works. The supporting cast is full of some solid talent- Steven Yeun, Teyana Taylor, Catalina Sandino Moreno, and Kyle Chandler- who all round out the film and give it depth and texture. Is this Heat? No. But it's a world beyond Netflix's typical offerings in this genre like Havoc and Extraction. 

Visually the film is dark and thick evoking the close humidity of southern Florida, the locations are limited, the action, when it comes, explosive and potent. The score subtle and suspenseful. It's a pro production. When the script veers into the obvious or the cliche the presence of the actors weathers those bumps relatively easily. In a feature landscape where regular action movies(without superheroes or magic or aliens) are in shorter and shorter supply this is kind of treat. The logic of not distributing it theatrical is increasingly silly given this is the kind of movie that would be a sleeper January hit, the kind of decent money maker Gerard Butler and Jason Statham have had a monopoly on the past several years.

A solid piece of popcorn entertainment.

Currently streaming on Netflix.

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'Anaconda' A Review

Anaconda is an action comedy a reboot/meta-sequel to the franchise. Doug(Jack Black) a wedding videographer and Griff(Paul Rudd) a struggling actor together with their friends Kenny(Steve Zahn) and Clarie(Thandie Newton) decide to pursue their dormant dream of making a movie and travel to the Amazon to reboot the 1997 cult classic Anaconda.

Black is as magnetic as ever and wills this into being an agreeable, fun adventure by shear charisma and energy alone. Rudd is decent but is a bit uninspired, he's seems to lost a bit of his spark in recent years, but both Zahn and Newton make up for it completing the foursome with enough chemistry and electricity to make this enjoyable. The supporting cast is pretty limited with Selton Mello(who is inspired) and Daniela Melchior(good in a mostly thankless role) being the most notable. All in all it's a solid ensemble.

Visually the film is relatively straight-forward with some action and comedy sequences being the most involved(and effective), the soundtrack catchy. The script, overall, is a bit thin but nonetheless it's entertaining, a solid popcorn flick in a time when depressing Oscar bait is flooding theaters. Good counter-programing.

A relatively fresh take on IP is bolstered by the indefatigable Black and Newton clearly relishing operating in the comedy space. Hampered by somewhat predictable emotional arcs.

Currently in theaters.

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'Sisu: Road To Revenge' A Review

Sisu: Road To Revenge is a period action movie, a sequel to 2022's Sisu. After WWII Finland has ceded parts of it's country to the Soviet Union as part of the peace treaty. Aatami(Jorma Tommila) our hero, sets off to retrieve his house, log by log, and bring it back into Finland. Igor(Stephen Lang) is tasked with making sure he never gets back across the boarder. Bodies pile up.

Tommila brings his same enigmatic charm but this time, in a moment or two, he's extremely emotional. It really works and it's an interesting balance. Lang, as always, is a mustache twirling delight. The guy is one of the best heavy's working and at 73 it's nice to see him still at it. The rest of the cast are mostly just cannon fodder. There was little dialogue and plot in the original and there is even less here, with a streamlined story and cast that focuses on the action.

As to the action it's great, thrilling, gory, frequently funny. That's where the focus seems to have gone in the sequel, on the action set pieces, and it shows. Tommila is just as proficient and unstoppable and it's a lot of fun. The choreography, the stunt work, the intricacy of it all work together to give it that tactile feel that many modern films lack. The only fault is that it's a sequel, it can't, by definition, come out of left field and be the lovely surprise that the original was so may be destined to fall short of it's predecessor.

An old school action thriller that delivers.

Currently in theaters.

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'The Running Man' A Review

The Running Man is a dystopian action movie, an adaptation of the Stephen King novel. In the near future the US is under corporate authoritarian rule and the majority of the population live on poverty pacified by reality TV. Ben Richards(Glenn Powell) enrolls in the most dangerous program, the titular Running Man, in order to afford medicine for his ailing baby.

Powell was good in his breakout Everybody Wants Some!! he was good as the fourth on the call sheet in Top Gun: Maverick but he's not a leading man(at least not yet). His performance here is all posturing, all performative, all indicating and falseness. He is uncompelling and unbelievable. And as the movie is in some ways episodic as he continues his run there is no other characters for him to really build rapport with and neither his character nor any other develops in anyway. The supporting cast is mostly good but there are problems with the script, there's a tension in what the movie wants to be- the comedy, the commentary, or the action. The result is kind of a mess with Powell who is trying too hard to project some pre-loaded expectation rather than just acting.

Although extensively CGI'd visually the world created is cool looking and intricate. The soundtrack catchy, the action well choregraphed and shot. But it's just got no juice, no spark, no thrill. Because Powell isn't compelling the stakes of the whole thing feel meaningless and the machinations of the commentary are watered down and muddled to the point it loses any bite(during a time when it couldn't be more relevant!). For example, a scene where Michael Cera's character monologues about class revolution he ends it with a swigging a Monster energy drink, cringe. It all feels like something more appropriately dumped to streaming rather than a blockbuster.

Overlong, weak lead, convoluted plotting, enough good action to put on during chores.

Currently in theaters.

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'Predator: Badlands' A Review

Predator: Badlands is a scifi action movie, a standalone in the Predator franchise and the ninth in the series. Dek(Dimitrius Schuster-Koloamatangi), a Yautja(Predator) runt, strives to prove himself to his clan by going to Genna, the 'death planet', and hunting the unkillable Kalisk. After crashing he teams up with Thia(Elle Fanning) a damaged synthetic and the two strike up an unlikely partnership.

Schuster-Koloamatangi gives a great performance, expressive and alien, conveying an understandable but distinctly different species. He has a lot of room to play, which he does, mostly utilizing physicality and brings the Predator, here-to-for mostly unknowable, into a fully flushed out character. Fanning is a great foil, fast-talking and funny and the two have great chemistry. The supporting cast is pretty limited but equally effective. There is a Grogu-esk sidekick that kind of rides the line of fun and cute occasionally dipping over to on-the-nose but still mostly just fun.

Visually the film is rich, imaginative, and exciting. The landscape, the flora and fauna, the creature design. It's all very specific and very evocative. Director Dan Trachtenberg continues his resurgent efforts for the franchise, expanding the world in interesting way and telling diverting standalone stories. The score is thrumming and contagious, the costuming, the props, all are clearly meticulously thought out and serve the transportive worldbuilding. It marks somewhat of a tonal shift for the franchise, this is definitely a PG-13 action flick, reminiscent of the kind of thing you'd have seen in the late 90's with humor, heart, and exciting fights and that's one of the things that make it feel so fresh and exciting. 

A thrilling, immersive adventure. A throwback style popcorn flick Hollywood seems to have forgotten how to make- fun.

Currently in theaters.

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'Nobody 2' A Review

Nobody 2 is an action movie, a sequel to 2021's Nobody. Hutch(Bob Odenkirk) is exhausted working overtime kicking ass and dropping bodies to pay off the mob debt he incurred in the first movie. But as a result he is neglecting his family. As a way to reconnect he takes the family to tourist town Plummerville(a quasi Wisconsin Dells). But Hutch can't stay outta trouble long!

Odenkirk is fun to watch here, he clearly does a fair amount of his own stunts and the fight scenes are great. But the emotional plotting is pretty thin and goofy, with some stabs at giving the character some depth and the family dynamic something beyond the superficial but it's not particularly successful or engaging. The supporting cast is solid, returners Connie Nielsen, Christopher Lloyd, and RZA and new additions John Ortiz and Sharon Stone all bring energy and presence(particularly Stone). The only off note is Colin Hanks as the evil Sheriff, not really in his wheelhouse. But overall there just isn't enough for all of them to do.

The action is shot legibly and has impact, the finale in the fair grounds is a blast, the fight choreography is crisp and exciting. Pretty much everything else though meanders or doesn't seem to have a clear intent. There just doesn't seem to be enough reason for this sequel to exist.

It's fine, diverting enough but not particularly original or unique it just kind of iterates.

Currently in theaters.

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'The Naked Gun' A Review

The Naked Gun is an action comedy, a reboot/sequel of the Leslie Nielsen franchise this time with Liam Neeson as Frank Drebin Jr. The movie opens on the heist of a literal P.L.O.T. device and the antics go from there. There's slapstick, visual gags, word play, some goof action, and a pretty stacked cast of fully committed actors having a blast.

Neeson is a delight, his gravely deadpan delivery and absolute commitment to the absurd not only makes the comedy work but it's infections and the tone he sets permeates the entire cast and the movie. Pamela Anderson as Beth Davenport is a great foil to Neeson, the two have wonderful chemistry, and it's just the right kind of tone for her, she's able to play and have fun. A wonderful follow up to her ambitious if somewhat underrealized turn in The Last Showgirl. Danny Huston as the heavy is having a ball and it's great to see him in not only a comedy but something this broad where he's able to let loose. CCH Pounder is not cast against type exactly but she plays the bizzarro absurd version of the various law enforcement and government officials she's played over her long career. Similarly Kevin Durand returns to the villainous henchman role he's played before but is able to be funny and kinda comment on it. Overall just solid casting and clearly director Akiva Schaffer set a fun, playful tone that trickled down.

In some ways the way it's shot its relatively conventional, as most comedies are, but every couple scenes there would be a real inspired physical comedy set piece culminating in a fight scene with Neeson set to 'Fergalicious'. The soundtrack/score is effective but most of the credit goes to a pretty air tight inspired script, a talented cast all-in, and an assured director in Schaffer who had a clear vision. It's refreshing that this exists and was released in theaters, an adult comedy(of which we get few-to-none), that doesn't try to hit every demo, there are many references people under 30 would not get. But even then I think there's appeal to a younger crowd just based the infectious exuberance of the whole thing.

A light-hearted, unserious blast. Guaranteed to make you lol.

Currently in theaters.

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'The Old Guard 2' A Review

The Old Guard 2 is a sequel to 2020's The Old Guard an adaptation of the comic book series about a group of immortal warriors. Six months after the events of the first film the team continues to do covert action for the betterment of mankind but an even older immortal comes in to gum up the works.

The cast is full of talent but none of them are given anything much to do other than contort themselves to make the clunky, melodramatic, overly complicated, uncompelling, lore bloated and emotionally thin script make any degree of sense let alone be entertaining.

The production is almost categorically terrible from Charlize's baffling mullet wig to the harsh, amateurish lighting(reminiscent of 90's made-for-TV-movies), to the bizarre framing and camera set ups, to the clunky awkward fight choreography. Almost every aspect of the production is a failure. Unfortunately it doesn't qualify for so-bad-it's-good status because the tone is so incredibly serious. The whole endeavor is honestly confusing given how good the first movie was. It's not even bland enough to have on in the back ground while doing chores, it's that grating.

Without Gina Prince-Bythewood at the helm this burgeoning franchise sinks.

Currently streaming on Netflix.

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'Jurassic World Rebirth' A Review

Jurassic World Rebirth is a scifi action movie, the 7th in the Jurassic Park series. Dinosaurs as amusement park fodder have fallen out of fashion and have been dying off due to the modern incompatible climate. There are only survivors around the equator on isolated quarantined islands. A greedy pharmaceutical exec Martin(Rupert Friend) puts together a team- Zora(Scarlett Johansson), Duncan(Mahershala Ali), and Henry(Jonathan Bailey) to go in an extract DNA to fabricate a heart disease cure all. Sound derivative and overly complicated? Well there's also a family, with their own set of contrived back stories, sailing across the Atlantic on a self-made sail boat that gets attacked and joins up with the mercenary crew.

Johansson does what she can with her incongruous and clunky character but fails to bring much interest or life to it. Ali fairs better and skates mostly on his natural boundless charisma, it helps he's not incumbered with as much nonsensical backstory as Johansson's character. The rest of the cast range from mediocre to flat. Friend and Bailey continue Hollywood's increasing penchant for casting C-list brits to save on payroll and get what they pay for- boring performances and in the case of Bailey a terrible American accent.

Visually the film is at least compelling to look at and the score is effective but the creature design kinda misses the point. Dinosaurs are enough, cross-species splicing monsters turn this from Jurassic Park to kaiju territory. The problems though begins and ends with the script, kind of bizarre given screenwriter David Koepp wrote both this and one of 2025's best Black Bag. Although it isn't as craven, dumb, or ineffectual as the Jurassic World trilogy it misunderstands why Jurassic Park was a success and why people are still interested. It's too convoluted, too shallow, and too route to be anything other than a thin summer blockbuster destined to be forgotten after everyone streams it in six months while they fold laundry.

A vapid reheat of a beloved franchise driven into the ground by avarice.

Currently in theaters.

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'Fountain Of Youth' A Review

Fountain Of Youth is an action/adventure movie in the mold of Indiana Jones and National Treasure but decidedly not family friendly given the staggering body count. Estranged siblings Luke(John Krasinski) and Charlotte(Natalie Portman) reconnect in the search for the titular FoY for vague and suspect rich guy Owen(Domhnall Gleeson). 

Krasinski, gods love him, has never and will never escape Jim from The Office. Much like Seinfeld he got rich and famous from playing a character close to himself and the reality is, beyond that, he has no real range or ability. Here he is miscast and his attempts at wise-cracking adventurer come across like a walking sexual harassment lawsuit. Portman is the better, more well-rounded actor, but she struggles as well trying to make her paper thin baffling character make any kind of believable sense. The script obviously sucks and reads like an AI was prompted "DaVinci Code with assault weapons" but most of the supporting cast is better able to, at least, have fun and be watchable- Gleeson, Laz Alonso, and Carmen Ejogo are all solid but underused.

The budget was huge so it looks pretty good with some on location shooting and a fair amount of practical stunt work and minimal CGI. The soundtrack is pretty Gen X cringe and the costumes are, across the board, pretty laughable. All-in-all an extremely odd, derivative, catastrophic waste of money and continues director Guy Richie's wildly inconsistent later career.

Perhaps containing some perverse pleasure in the schadenfreude arena but unequivocally a bad movie.

Currently streaming on Apple+.

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'From The World Of John Wick: Ballerina' A Review

Ballerina is an action movie a spinoff from the John Wick series set between John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum and John Wick: Chapter 4. In a prologue flashback we learn that Eve is an orphan after a nameless gang attacked her home and killed her father, in a montage we see Eve(Ana de Armas) become a "protector" assassin, taken in by one of the John Wick world gangs. She leaves the nest when she begins to unravel the mystery of her past.

de Armas is a talented actor, on the come up and justly in demand, she does quite a bit of her own stunt work(or so it appears) and anchors the movie as best she can. Unfortunately she has to contend with an overly convoluted frequently unintentionally silly script. She is a bit too green for this kind of role. Keanu Reeves in this series or Charlize Theron in Atomic Blonde had the benefit of decades of movie-stardom before they came to their gritty action films and here you can tell de Armas(although clearly putting in colossal effort) doesn't have the years of fight choreography/martial arts experience on her CV. She still sells it, there are some great kills and a wonderful flamethrower duel in the final act but her ability to execute the action is inconsistent. The supporting cast is basically just a parade of cameos where they show up for a close up to monologue exposition or spout truly embarrassing John Wick lore.

The problem with this movie is the same that all the JW movies have had since the first which is that the people behind it, namely shepherd of the franchise director/producer Chad Stahelski doesn't really understand why people like the series. It's not because of the overly convoluted melodramatic assassin underworld worldbuilding, it's the practical action as well as the pleasure of seeing a lead we can root for be an unstoppable force. Here there's too much plotting, too much pointless soap opera, not enough of de Armas kicking ass and dropping bodies. We want to see her to be realistic emotionally but we don't want to see her be realistic in combat. She gets beat up too much, we're shown she's not a super assassin but a mid-range one, which doesn't quite make sense given the context of the story nor is it particularly fun. The stakes are incredibly mushy, in this kind of movie there's a certain amount of suspension of disbelief necessary but narrative logic can't be jettison completely. It attempts to juggle and integrate all the absolutely unnecessary and preposterous lore created by the main JW movies and as a result it's not particularly entertaining nor does it feel like it's own story it's just John Wick 3.5.

On the high end of the tedium scale, a certifiable do-chores-to feature.

Currently in theaters.

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