'The Death Of Robin Hood' A Review

The Death Of Robin Hood is a period drama, a gritty "realistic" take on the last days of the folk hero Robin Hood(Hugh Jackman) who(twist!) is actually a murderous villian.

Jackman is compelling and fierce in the role but the story itself is so bleak, so dull, so lacking in any kind of narrative purpose that it doesn't much matter. The supporting cast is good-to-great Jodie Comer is wonderful as a prioress and Bill Skarsgård is unrecognizable(in a good way) as Little John. But however good the cast is they cannot elevate or make sense of a script that is 100% DOA.

Visually the film is dark and atmospheric, beautifully moody and transportive. The score is at times incongruous but period appropriate and evocative. The big and glaring issue is the story itself, the "take" on the Robin Hood legend the premise of which is- what if that was all a lie and he's actually just a thoughtless violent selfish murderer? Which like, fair I guess, if he ever did exist this is probably more "true" but this "spin" is not entertaining, it has nothing to teach the viewer, there is no lesson to be learned, no discoveries. The film basically opens with a child murder(the first of several) and although the fight choreography is compelling in-and-of-itself the context in which it exists is mostly repugnant and/or woefully uninteresting.

Successful at what it sets out to do but spectacularly miscalculates that that outcome is in anyway something people would want to see. Maybe worth a distracted viewing for the cast and the production for those with a strong stomach.

Currently available to rent on most VOD platforms, streaming soon on HBO Max.

Stream It.

'Heart Of The Beast' A Review

Heart Of The Beast is a survival thriller about a veteran James(Brad Pitt) and his dog Odin(Uber, Seeka, Ryker, and Hondo) who crash in the Alaskan wilderness and have to trek out injured and ill equipped.

Pitt here isn't able to exude his typical movie star wattage and as a result an already flimsy story falters pretty much from the jump. The various Odins fair a lot better but the script overly relies on the emotional heft having a dog(or any pet) in a movie carries and as the runtime clicks along it feels pretty transparently like emotional manipulation.

Shot in New Zealand it looks like Alaska(ish) but the CGI animals are really bad and a lot of the survival beats feel perfunctory and recycled. There's just not a lot to this, we've seen in several times in recent years, and this adds nothing to the genre and doesn't execute it particularly well on top of that.

Too mediocre to be offensive, too cookie-cutter to be interesting.

Currently in theaters, coming soon to Paramount+.

Don't See It.

Mind Body Connection

It can be easy to forget
our minds are bound to earth
confined to our blood and bone

but when struck ill

we are brought, crashing

to the present moment

our bodies, without a thought

deploy countermeasures

those shivers

are the sudden rush

of our defenses

I am grateful

for that chill

those shakes, the chattering teeth

I am brought back to my body

solidified in my flesh

I am myself I had forgotten

sickness an irritant

but in the convalescence

am I reminded

of my wonderous fragility

'Resident Evil' A Review

Resident Evil is a horror comedy, an adaptation of the video game series. Medical courier Bryan(Austin Abrams) gets a a last-minute delivery to Raccoon City in the snowy Colorado mountains. After accidentally hitting a woman wandering the snowy roads things turn weird when she disappears. The film follows Bryan as he is confronted with a series of challenges and increasingly grotesque monsters.

Abrams is superb here, channeling a kind of bumbling slacker everyman that grounds the whole story and provides emotional authenticity as well as a good dose of necessary levity. The support cast is relatively minimal and doesn't have much to do. The actors with names you recognize are good but are onscreen for less than 5 minutes each. Jo Martin as a receptionist in the beginning probably makes the biggest impact, she's amazing. But ultimately it's really a one-hander and Abrams shoulders that burden with an ease and effectiveness that his filmography doesn't necessarily indicate(at least up until now). His bumbling charm and earnestness is pitch-perfect and integral in making this film work.

Visually the film is evocative, the pacing relentless, the movement of the camera appropriately restless, and the judicious use of 1st and 3rd person POV shots extremely effective. The creature design and blood work is both horrific and at times appropriately absurd. The grotesque is mined for both scares and laughs. The plotting is relatively simple, follows Bryan on his journey to deliver his package, one stop and then the next. That simplicity allows for both Abrams to shine and just to streamline the narrative creating this propulsive, thrilling ride that feels like a Resident Evil game without being overly beholden to any of the games plots or lore. If there's a hiccup it's that the ending(because of the pedal-to-the-metal pacing) is quite abrupt but doesn't ultimately detract.

The most successful video game adaptation made to date. A near-perfectly constructed horror/comedy, a great piece of popcorn entertainment to start the Fall.

Currently in theaters.

Don't Miss It.

'Siren: The Voices of Shelley Beattie' A Review

Siren: The Voices of Shelley Beattie is a documentary about bodybuilder and performer Shelley Beattie, aka Siren from American Gladiators. Narrated by and featuring Marlee Matlin as she and director Irene Taylor interview people from Beattie's life, cut with archival footage, home movies, and animations of Beattie's journals and artwork.

Beattie's life, career, deafness, and struggles with addiction are explored with a thoughtfulness and depth this kind of celeb profile doesn't usually have. She was a trailblazer, an inspiring figure, but she also had a darkness and rage, all of which is shown, this is not a curated pick-and-chose portrait like Taylor's previous I Am Celine Dion which was more entertainment than documentary. There's sorrow here as well as hope, success as well as despair. A complete, compelling and human story.

A feature that has a necessary vitality to it, Beattie deserves to be remembered, her story to be known, and this accomplishes that with grace and insistence. A shame this didn't get theatrical distribution.

Currently streaming on HBO Max.

See It.

'Mayday' A Review

Mayday is an action comedy set in the cold war, pilot Troy(Ryan Reynolds) crash lands in the Russian wilderness after he is shot down during a black op. He's rescued by Nick(Kenneth Branagh) America obsessed disgraced KGB, and the adventures and jokes ensue!

Reynolds deploys his patented schtick and it's not ineffective but it doesn't totally fit. His wise-cracking veneer is never penetrated and it just feels like something we've seen over-and-over from him especially the past 5 to 10 years. By comparison Branagh is a revelation, he's so funny and also emotionally present and authentic. In this kind of buddy action flick his unflinching commitment is what really sells it. The support cast is not really germane as they don't have much to do, other than, kinda, Marcin Dorociński as the heavy who's fun.

Writers/directors John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein can make movies, no question, it looks good, soundtrack is banging, pacing is relatively tight, got a good mix of heart and jokes. It's no Game Night but it's not bad. Surprising that Apple dumped this on streaming really. The only real hiccup is the casting of the lead, Reynolds just kinda washes out what could be a fun 80's throwback.

Diverting enough with an inspired Branagh.

Currently streaming on AppleTV.

Rent It.

I Need Some Gas

An old hustle
a classic

up there

with

could I get change for this $20

dependable

because it's human

plausible

At the Belvidere oasis

I stop to fill my tank

and a boisterous broken-english

man comes upon me

he asks me

if I speak Arabic

asks me to fill him up

he's on vacation

from Canada

with his family

and lost his cards

offers me

an unopened pair of Airpods

as payment

A grift

is my first instinct

the old I-need-gas chesnut

but I was coming from

watching my niece and newphew

perhaps more amenable

than my usual Chicago edge

isn't it possible this could be true?

this goofy, loquacious, Canadian(maybe) immigrant

who told me in response to saying I had no kids

but isn't that the whole point of all this?

who thanked God and shook my hand several times

who at least seemed convincingly genuine

isn't it possible he made some mistake and actually needed help?

I wasn't and remain not totally convinced

but

should there not be room for kindness and generosity in this world?

especially now with divisiveness and decay run rampant

should we not, when we can, where prudent

toss what small compassions we can onto the rising tide of humanity?

Today, for me the answer was yes. Even if it was a shuck and jive.