'They Will Kill You' A Review

They Will Kill You is an action/horror movie about Asia(Zazie Beetz) an ex-convict who infiltrates an exclusive high-rise as a maid in order to find her estranged sister who has fallen into the hands of a satanic cult.

Beetz is a dynamic screen presence and is able to switch focus from character to action with alacrity. She elevates a relatively pedestrian narrative and absolutely soars during the extended practical action sequences. The limited supporting cast has a lot of great talent just having fun- Patricia Arquette, Heather Graham(good to see you girl!), Tom Felton, Myha'la,- it's not a particularly complicated and even original plot but the limited location and the propulsive near-constant action keeps the momentum going and the charisma of the cast carries the day.

On a limited budget the (mostly) singular location and (mostly) practical effects make the action feel tactile, feel real, and Beetz is clearly doing a fair amount of her own stunts and choreography. It's reminiscent of the kind of fun, effective, nuts-and-bolts action flicks that don't get made as often anymore. The climactic showdown is a bit wonky and is the only scene with substantial CG but still all in it's a solid down-the-center piece of almost pure action storytelling.

The incomparable Beetz makes this relatively routine single-location action flick a thrill.

Currently in theaters.

See It.

'Pizza Movie' A Review

Pizza Movie is a stoner college comedy about two college roommates, Jack(Gaten Matarazzo) and Montgomery(Sean Giambrone), who find a mysterious and potent drug in their dorm room, take it, and must venture down to the lobby to pick up a pizza.

Matarazzo and Giambrone have charm and a certain chemistry but neither really has the experience to be leading men. Previously part of popular ensemble TV shows(Stranger Things and The Goldbergs respectively) they put in a valiant effort here and mine some laughs but they don't really provide much in the way of emotion or character to lock in to. The supporting cast is stronger- Lulu Wilson, Caleb Hearon, and Sarah Sherman- but despite energy and effort can't really elevate the somewhat slap-dash narrative.

The production is relatively straightforward but the drug sequences are fun with animation, practical effects, and some CGI. Those are basically the main selling point and where the movie gets creative. Ultimately though the story is a bit too muddled, the leads(although enthusiastic) a bit miscast, to really get this flick on the level of a PCU or Harold & Kumar.

An intriguing premise fails to come to full fruition.

Currently streaming on Disney+/Hulu.

Stream It.

'Ready Or Not: Here I Come' A Review

Ready Or Not 2: Here I Come is a horror/thriller, a sequel to the 2019 flick, picking up right where that movie left off. After surviving her attempted sacrifice Grace(Samara Weaving) must endure a double-or-nothing game this time pitted against the various other members of the Satanic cabal and they've brought in her sister Faith(Kathryn Newton) as extra incentive.

Weaving maintains her top tier Scream Queen/Final Girl status and it's great to see her again in this role. Newton is a wonderful addition and although some of the exposition the two are saddled with is a bit clunky they have great chemistry. The supporting cast is even richer than its predecessor- Sarah Michelle Gellar, Shawn Hatosy, David Cronenberg, Elijah Wood, and Néstor Carbonell, among others- all deliciously play the avaricious satanists.

On a limited budget the movie makes the most out of its(mostly) singular location and focuses(again) on practical effects and fight choreography, it's potent and it's fun although maybe not a well we necessarily needed to go back to. It's somewhat bogged down by unnecessary lore, similar but not nearly as egregious as the John Wick movies, what was compelling about the original was Weaving surviving and kicking ass not the specific machinations of the Satanic cult and contract. It doesn't noticeably detract but the movie could definitely be tighter, more propulsive.

Solidly entertaining, a wonderful cast, but not particularly surprising.

Currently in theaters.

Rent It.

Spring

before

the warmth transforms
comes

the crud and the mud

that fertile soup

wherein

the worms squirm

and the bulbs revive

'Nirvanna The Band The Show The Movie' A Review

Nirvanna The Band The Show The Movie is a time travel/parody/mocumentary about aspiring musicians Matt Johnson and Jay McCarrol(playing versions of themselves) attempts to play at Toronto venue the Rivoli which inadvertently sends them back in time.

Based on/a continuation of their TV show and web series the style is pretty niche, reminiscent of last years Pavements, I'm not sure anyone not already fans have much to actually enjoy here. As a novice, Johnson is relentlessly insufferable and McCarrol seems to do virtually nothing. The Back To The Future element is less parody than it is just direct recreation and reference. The hidden camera/on-the-street elements are somewhat impressive in that they're able to stitch together a narrative but other than constraints of budget that element doesn't bring anything to the movie or serve much purpose.

For fans of the duo presumably a real hit, for the uninitiated not much to offer beyond the mediocre. Hot Tub Time Machine did a better Back To The Future spoof, Bad Trip did a more inventive narrative and was funnier at using guerilla/prank style shooting.

NTBTSTM isn't bad it's just not particularly lively or original. It's a pastiche of better films and ideas.

Currently available to rent on most VOD platforms.

Stream It.

'Mike & Nick & Nick & Alice' A Review

Mike & Nick & Nick & Alice is a scifi action/comedy about Mike(James Marsden) who's fallen in love with his boss Nick's(Vince Vaughn)wife Alice(Eiza González) the both of whom want to flee the criminal underworld they inhabit. But Nick's future self has come back on this evening in particular because Mike's life is in danger.

The cast is stacked with talent both Vaughn and Marsden have buckets of charm and humor they deploy throughout, González doesn't have much to do but her innate watchability makes it work. The supporting cast has some fun surprises- Keith David(legend), Jimmy Tatro, Stephen Root, and Dolph Lundgren- are all fun and funny. There's a scrappiness about the production and the cast that translates to low key fun.

The script is overly plotted, the title is unnecessarily cumbersome, and some sequences employ some pretty dated(and cheap looking) filmmaking techniques. BUT. Overall it's a mostly effective fun action/comedy with a scifi twist that allows Vaughn to do a double role(pretty well!).

Entertaining if not spectacular.

Currently streaming on Hulu.

Rent It.

Life Is Suffering

In the dark
lonely hours
the First Noble Truth
takes on new resonance

when illness or fear

keep rest at bay

it requires

a certain pragmatism

to endure

hydrate

piss

lay down

clear the mind

sleep

wake up

repeat

it is not

the big questions

of Purpose or Meaning

that offer solace

but base necessities

that mitigate dread

during the long night