Tranquil Or Meek

Last night Nicole and I went to Willie Nelson at Ravina, all-in-all a nice evening. A great venue, cool to see Willie, old but still playing, good to get out and do something a little different. However the night started with an odd, potentially night-killer type interaction.

For a long time I had quite a temper, unable or unwilling to put up much resistance whenever I felt anger, justified or otherwise. It got me into a lot of trouble over the years and strained or alienated a lot of people I had relationships with. When I got sober it's something I worked(and work) a lot on. Not lashing out, feeling and processing emotions rather than stewing, letting go as opposed to fostering resentment, communicating rather than arguing. And for the most part I'm successful, most things don't bother me much anymore, things pop up but I'm mostly able to pause and let go and not react. But that's the thing, sometimes letting something go isn't the right thing to do.

A couple months back Nicole and I had an interaction with a door guy where he made some inappropriate comments, totally out-of-line, and neither her or I really reacted, just felt bad, were made to feel small by this guy. Afterward we talked about it and we felt like we should have said something, as difficult as it may have been it was important to say something and we didn't.

So, we took the Metra up to Ravina and while we were getting off the train this guy and the woman he was with were behind us. I heard him say "Get over it hon, it's the weekend" and then something else, more aggressive and sharp in tone. Nicole was behind me and I wasn't sure who he was talking to, remembering our interaction with the door guy I thought if he was saying these vaguely threatening things to Nicole it was important I say something. I turned around and said "Are you talking to us?" Clearly drunken, with blood-shot eyes the guy said "I'm not talking to you. But I can be." I felt a crash of adrenaline, nerves electrified, ready to fight, an old but familiar feeling. I knew that if I said anything else the situation would escalate needlessly. I turned and we kept walking and he said something else under his breath. After we were out of the train and separated from the disembarking passengers Nicole told me he was talking to some lady on the train and then the poor lady he was with. Ultimately it didn't matter and I didn't really need to say anything to him in the first place. The guy was drunk and irascible, rude and unpleasant looking for an altercation but not worth engaging with.

Point being there are times to pause and be silent and let things go, most times I think. The potential for violence or confrontation almost never has any value. But there are times when it's important to stand up and say something, when threats or denigration or abuse are not to be tolerated. The trick is knowing the difference, something I continue to try and figure out.