Graffiti 159

"Beyond the reach of human range, a drop of hell, a touch of strange." -Stephen King

“LSD was an incredible experience. Not that I’m recommending it for anybody else; but for me it kind of – it hammered home to me that reality was not a fixed thing. That the reality that we saw about us every day was one reality, and a valid one – but that there were others, different perspectives where different things have meaning that were just as valid. That had a profound effect on me.” -Alan Moore

"If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a kind that we could wake up next morning with a clear head and an undamaged constitution-then, it seems to me, all our problems (and not merely the one small problem of discovering a novel pleasure) would be wholly solved and earth would become paradise."
-Aldous Huxley

Haunting Music

I did mushrooms a couple times in college. I enjoyed it and got a lot out of the chemically induced shift in perspective. After the first time I noticed I would periodically here music(sober and otherwise). There may be no corollary but I noticed it around the same time.

From time to time I would hear faint strings, like an orchestra warming up. Sometimes it was chimes or the plunking tones of a xylophone. Never a cogent song just snippets, refrains, bridges, parts of verses, pieces of choruses. Other times it was the low thrumping hum of a synth, like the death throws of a rave.

Alone in my apartment or walking the quad solo, for no discernible reason I'd hear these echos. When I would focus on it, try to make sense of it, it would fade away.

For a while I thought it was a sign of mental instability. As if my substance use had marked me in some way. After my initial disquiet I found it comforting. Followed by some eerie score only I could hear I was never quite alone. I had a couple pet theories, chief among them that I had, through psychedelics, tuned into some ethereal frequency and could pick up the remnants of sound waves bouncing around the atmosphere.

Shortly after college the music faded and never returned. I still miss it.

Geeking Out

I was searching through past pictures and I found this one. I rode my motorcycle out to Richmond back in '09 to visit Matt. This picture made me think of this odd bit of poetry from college.

The door is open.
Opened is true.
The truth behind...

Bob, my college roommate, is a great musician. We lived together all four years. He would jam with all different types of people from time to time. One time this guy named Chris came over with a friend who played an instrument to watch them jam. A week or so later I get a call from Bob while I'm at rehearsal.

Bob: Steve, it's me. Don't come home right now. Call me when you're on your way home.

Evidently this guy had taken LCD everyday, all day, for 7 days straight. He had got it into his head that me and Bob were 'good people' 'truthful people' people he wanted to be around. He came into our place while Bob was working on some guitar riffs and Bob tried to calm him down. He told him to write his thoughts down on a piece of paper. The above poem is what he wrote. Bob kicked him out eventually cause he was being such a creep. But the guy didn't want to leave. Not in an aggressive way but just wanted to be around Bob and me, he wondered where I was. Thus my voicemail. When I got home he had cleared out and Bob told me the story. We were both shocked and weirded out.

The next day we found out he had been found on the lawn of one of the dormitories that morning in his underwear and subsequently committed.

There are terms sometimes you don't understand. After this experience I understood the term...

Geeking Out.

'Winter's Bone' A Review

This year has been pretty thin for film. This movie was a pleasant surprise. See it.

(Spoilers)

The movie takes place in the Ozarks of Missouri. The landscape is bleak and its people poor. Junked up cars and trucks sit in almost everyones yard. The movie opens with a seen that clearly establishes our hero Ree Dolly played by Jennifer Lawerence. A seventeen year old girl who acts like a woman, shouldered with the responsibility of taking care of her mother and raising her little brother and sister. Her father, a meth cooker, was recently released from jail on bond using their house and property as collateral. The local sheriff played by Garret Dillahunt(of Deadwood fame) comes by to tell Ree that her fathers missing and they'll be evicted if he doesn't make it to court. Her response "I'll find him." with such determination you have no doubt she will.

The rest of the movie is Ree's quest to find her father and save her home. Everyone in the area is a Dolly and related in some way. And it seems everyone is involved in the meth trade. It's spoken about obliquely and not emphasised which is pleasing for us, its not about drugs its about Ree. Movies about meth or meth culture sometimes beat it to death a la 'SPUN'. Ree first goes to her sisters for help and then her uncle 'Teardrop' played by John Hawkes(also from Deadwood). She continually gets the brush off and is told to 'go home and not mettle.' A relative takes her to a blown up meth lab and says her father was in it. Her response "You must think I'm stupid, there's 3 month old weeds growing in there." She's smart and she's brave and she's strong. She has a singleness of purpose and thats to take care of her family. She tries to approach the local crime boss, of course a Dolly, but when she pushes her luck three women beat her up.

She comes to in a garage full of Dollys looking to intimidate her. Teardrop comes to pick her up and take her home and makes it clear she's to be left alone. Hawkes at first comes off antagonistic towards Ree, gruff and almost hateful. He periodically snorts from a bag of white powder we assume is meth or cocaine. He conveys a relaxed reserve of danger, like he could calmly kill at anytime. One of my favorite scenes Teardrop is driving Ree home and they get pulled over by the sheriff. The movie is a lot of implications and subtext, most things are left unsaid. Come to find out Jessup Ree's dad had turned snitch in order to help his family. This information kind of comes out while the sheriff tries to get Teardrop to get out of the car. Teardrop pulls a gun, backs the sheriff down, and drives off. This scene was such a pleasure to watch because of the tension, the exposition, and the aesthetic. Also its nice to see two awesome actors from my favorite TV show have a scene together.

Another favorite scene of mine is during a break of looking for her father Ree teachers her brother and sister to shoot and skin squirrels. It's sweet, forceful, and beautiful. She's trying to teach them how to feed themselves, how to survive, in case something should happen to her. She's totally aware of the danger shes put herself in looking for her father but she pursues this goal fearlessly.

A subplot during the film is Ree thinking of joining the armed forces. She is thinking about joining up for the $40,000 signing bonus and maybe a chance to get out of her town. She never says this but you can see that she's conflicted about the decision. Half way through the film she talks to a recruiter. The scene is just so honest and powerful. He gives her some advice, basically she should stay with her family, the money isn't a reason to join up. I realized during this scene how great the accents were. Understated yet totally regional.

Come to find out Jessup has been killed for talking to the cops the Dolly clan eventually bring Ree out to the body where she gets proof he's dead for the sheriff so they can keep their house. Early on Teardrop said "don't tell me who killed him, if you find out don't tell me." At the end he's sitting on Ree's porch, there's a long pause, and he says out of no where "I know who did it." He runs to his truck and drives off presumably to kill whoever he suspected. Teardrop comes in and out of the movie like a storm. Hawkes was absolutely mesmerising to watch.

Ree is the movie. She's quiet and stalwart. Brave and powerful. We travel with her on her journey and never get a sense that she's afraid or thinks about stopping. She has her family to think of. We all aspire to her courage.