Reflections On The IOP

I finished the Out-Patient program yesterday. It was an interesting journey, I went in tired and blue and I came out awake and sharp. One part group therapy, one part lecture, and one part popery. It was a rolling admissions group so people could start at anytime with a wide range of addictions(from crack cocaine to alcohol) and sober time(1-50 days). I met some interesting people who I felt a kinship with. That is what made it so helpful. Getting in touch with people who understand where you're coming from and are going through similar experiences. You realize you're not alone. Three times a week I knew I could go somewhere and talk about my addiction and cravings and anxiety to a group of people with no overt connection to my life and they would understand.

People shared all kinds of things which at times I wasn't prepared to hear. Or which made my issues so shallow by comparison it made it much easier to deal with. Failed marriages, loved ones with cancer, relapses, dead-end jobs, despair. When I first went in I was the youngest person by ten years, half way through it was a group of young people, by my last night I was the youngest by a wide margin again. I found I identified with and got more out of the people around my age. People with two decades or more of addiction have a much different perspective, are in a much different place, which towards the end of my tenure I found virtually unrelatable. And if I'm being honest, irritating.

The problem I had was some of my fellow patients talking on and on without really saying anything, going into such minute detail about the minutia of their day, or spouting out unsolicited advise about the right way to do this or that. Most of the time those were the older patients which I guess I can excuse because they were older but more importantly their addiction was older.

For the most part everyone was great and from time to time someone would say something that totally resonated with me and made me feel like 'that's me, they're saying exactly what I'm feeling, they're saying exactly what I need to hear.'

I feel much better now: clear, well rested, stable. And I feel much better equipped to move on.

I'm grateful for the sun, the moon, and the cool cool night breeze.

Day 32