The Numbers For 2014

For the second year in a row I went 365 days without a drink.

I went on two vacations, one to Richmond, VA the other to New York City.

I saw 72 movies in the theater.

Deep Schwa had 51 shows.

Prime had 49 shows.

The Night Shift had 20 shows.

The Hague had 3 shows and was cut.

We formed Sight Unseen and had 12 shows.

I read 37 books, my favorite of which was My Real Children by Jo Walton.

I wrote 46 poems and did 5 readings.

Tisher, Tim, and I released 10 episodes of Bubble Boys compromising season 2 completing the series.

Tim and I recorded the first season of a new podcast The Hindsight Hour yet to be released.

I conceived of and co-wrote a play, Contention, which will open in the new year.

I made 1 collage.

I made 1 mix tape.

I wrote 1 song.

I moved twice.

I went to 1 audition.

I rode my motorcycle for 7 glorious months.

I went to 0 concerts.

I went to 11 plays.

I went to 2 weddings.

I went to 0 funerals.

I had the love of a beautiful and supportive woman for the entire year.

'The Immigrant' A Reivew

The Immigrant is a period melodrama about a young polish woman's immigration to the US in 1921. Ewa(Cotillard) is way laid at Ellis Island when her sister is quarantined for influenza and she is threatened with deportation due to accusations of being a "loose woman". Bruno(Phoenix) theater producer and erstwhile pimp swoops in and saves Ewa and, through manipulation and persuasion, subsumes her into his employ.

Although beautifully filmed conveying the begone era in which it's set the narrative remains inert. The immigrant-pressed-into-prostitution story is cliche and lifeless despite the best efforts of Cotillard who brings all her considerable talents to bare without result. There are tragedies, injustices, magic, theater, brutality but all meaningless, we learn nothing, we go nowhere.

The two supporting males Joaquin Phoenix and Jeremy Renner are both horribly cast and ineptly directed. Renner is committed but simply out of his element, seeming cartoonish as an eyelinered tuxedoed stage magician, he may not be cut out for period he exudes modern. Phoenix puts little to no effort into his shambling, mumbling, half-hearted, vacate performance. He only stirs himself to actually act in the climactic final scene which is, to be far, excellent.

But despite, or maybe because of, the potency of the final scene and the corresponding breathtaking final shot The Immigrant is nothing but disappointment and wasted potential.

Don't See It.

Last Double Sunday

Andy got our team photo printed on this cool wood backing to hang up at iO. Matt took this picture, he was in town from Richmond and sat in with Schwa. Matt and I spent the day together catching up and talking shop which was great, the show unfortunately wasn't so great. I was a little disappointed that Matt didn't get to play a show where things were really clicking. The audience seemed to be a little reserved and we all had relatively low energy, it felt too much like work. Not a bad show but no where near the fluidity and fun we've been having the last two months.

After Schwa was the last Prime. We've been doing the show for almost two years at this point, started off as an idea Craig had, he just wanted to introduce a show as "two Scotts, two Nelsons, and a Uhlir". When it turned out to be really fun we kept doing it. Then both the Scotts got Second City gigs, we played with Brett for a while, had some sit ins, the Scotts came back, then we added Sabine. I always found the most satisfaction in the shows where we told some kind of story usually centered around a group of brothers, friends, co-workers, or some kind of sports team. Sometimes I was tired and our speed of play would lose me, sometimes I didn't like the shows that veered towards the absurd or the disconnected, but always I enjoyed playing with my friends, always I enjoyed the unique challenge of our particular style.

We had a great house and the show was super fun. It feels good to end it on a high note. It's nice to hang it up while were all feeling good, it's the right time. I'll miss the hour or so we talked and caught up before we hit the stage the most. Right now the plan is to get another slot at a better time but who knows. Whatever happens its been a good run.

'Listen Up Philip' A Review

Listen Up Philip is an exestential relationship drama about sophomore novelist Philip. The film centers mostly on narcissistic writer Philip(Jason Schwartzman) as his relationship with his photographer girlfriend Ashley(Elisabeth Moss) erodes and his friendship with his idol, fellow novelist, Ike(Jonathan Pryce) evolves. The film diverts at two points to follow Ashley and Ike before returning to Philip.

The acting from the three leads is superb. Schwartzman gives his most understated nuanced performance to date as this self-loathing yet contemptuous ego-maniac, finally cashing in on the promise he showed in his debut Rushmore, he walks a tightrope act, we don't like him but we care about him. Moss puts in an incredibly versatile emotional turn, in one instance a brief shot conveying a slue of thoughts and feelings. Pryce relegated to that guy who was in that thing for years finally has a role of substance he throws himself into. The supporting cast, including narrator Eric Bogosian, all work perfectly to create a palpable reality.

The narration, the changes in perspective, the flashbacks, and the burnt handheld Super 8 style of cinematography create a gritty immersive narrative which delves into the push and pull of relationships and the nature of the artist.

See It.

Memorization

Scene Breakdown

The first preview for Contention, the play I've been working on, is less than a week away. It's just Sarah and I in it so there's a lot of dialogue to memorize. I haven't had to commit a substantial script to memory since 2008 when I did Murder Center Stage in Rockford. Even then my role was supporting and I didn't have a ton of lines.

I use to pride my self on my recall. I could memorize scripts over night, recollect the specific details of a 30 minute improv show weeks after, could recite almost verbatim conversations with friends. At a certain point I think I reached full capacity and everything started to spill out. I couldn't hold on to details and minutia as long or as easily. Maybe it's simply a function of getting older.

That is all to say memorizing this script has been a real bear. Gratifying but work. Its been a struggle and I'm not totally comfortable or totally confident. The past couple months I've wanted to do something different, something outside my comfort zone, something with a little more risk. This certainly fits that description. I'm stressed and excited in equal parts.

Top 10 Chicago Shows of 2014

In the spirit of the end of the year and end of year lists, here are my top ten shows of the year.

Best Actor In Town. A playful and original sketch show with the conceit of competition for the title of best actor in town and an unidentified industry position. Both heartfelt and winking it struck the perfect balance of meta-theater and straight comedy.

Life Is Not A Show. An interactive performance outside the confines of a theater by Shar and Jeff where the audience followed Jeff from his apartment on a neighborhood excursion as he struggled with his love life. Totally fresh, totally unique, totally energizing.

Seance: An Exploration of the Metaphysical. A period set seance from Libby and Harrison. Immersive, novel, and truly frightening.

Holy Fuck Comedy Hour. The weekly experimental sketch showcase at The Annoyance. Each week the cast, with rotating guests, put up an evening of all new sketch material. From edgy to obvious, high brow to blue, over-complicated to un-prepared this weekly show offers courageous(if not always successful) comedy.

Spitballin' at Quenchers Saloon. A weekly variety show hosted by Thomas, Brunlieb, and Scott. Each week a new and varied line up of readings, solo performance, improv, sketch, stand-up, storytelling, poetry etc. open for the best improv group in Chicago- Sand.

Closing Night: A Fine Actor Says Farewell To A Theater. Scott's farewell show conceived for and a dedication to the closing of the Upstairs Gallery. Famous actor S. Charles Nelson returns to the theater that gave him his start to reprise some of his most beloved roles. The perfect balance of mocking theater while doing great theater.

Sand at Jangleheart. The best improv set I saw all year. Perverse, committed, character driven improvisation.

It's Christmas Goddammit! A dysfunctional, combative, judgmental family gets together for the holiday. All the familial ugliness we're all familiar with was on display and milked for laughs that come from that sweet spot of commiseration. There's enough resolution and message to convey the message of Christmas but with none of the typical cheese.

Slice Of Life. The tale of J-Ball Pizza Face written by Tisher and John starring, alternately, Scott and Brunlieb. A bizarre and absurd unfolding of a world where a man marries a pizza. Dark, funny, and surprisingly affecting.

Weird COPcept ALbum Video Release Party. One of the last shows at the Upstairs Gallery Shar and Malarky released the videos, in character, for their passion project a rap album by two cops with samples from Weird Al. A stronger sense of appreciation and celebration I haven't felt at a show.

Honorable Mentions: The Raven and The Messenger, Becker, Oklahoma!: The Life and Times of West Reems and Two Lights

Xmas 2014

It was a pretty low key Christmas in the Nelson house hold this year. Last year we hosted three of my college-age cousins and Tisher, this year it was just the nuclear family and the extended family didn't get together. We did have an early dinner with my Aunt Anne, grandma, and cousin Alyssa which was great but the whole clan wasn't in attendance. It was nice and relaxing. No rushing around, little stress, and almost no last minute wrapping.

At this point in my life I can, or try to, savor the holidays and the time spent with family. Everyone's lives are so busy and have so much going on it's good to slow down and appreciate each others company, to lounge around, chat, catch up, and watch movies. I woke up with a bit of a cold yesterday and have been trying to shake off the corresponding grumpiness. I realize I'm getting older because I can't just power through being sick the way I use to.

The past couple years I've had a bit more money in my pocket and more time on my hands so I've tried to be more generous and more deliberate in my gift giving. It's nice to splurge once a year on your loved ones, to try to let them know how much they mean to you by the thoughtfulness of a gift or two. I think this year was relatively successful and my families reactions to certain gifts always gives me ideas for others.

As the years go by it gets harder and harder to make a list or to give my family suggestions of what to get me. I have everything I want, my life as it is feels relatively complete, for the most part I am happy. I love my family deeply, we've been through a lot, small swells to raging storms, and come through intact. And on Christmas we come together and connect, despite small irritants, despite my stupid headcold- blood calls to blood.

'The Babadook' A Review

The Babadook is an Australian psychological horror movie about an overwhelmed widow and her troubled son. Amelia(Essie Davis) is the exhausted mother of Sam(Noah Wiseman) her aggressive monster obsessed child. The specter of Sam's father who died in a car accident the night he was born hangs over the both of them and the film as a whole. Because of Sam's pathological fear of monsters both he and Amelia suffer from insomnia. One night Sam chooses a book for Amelia to read that she doesn't recognize called "Mister Babadook" about a boogieman that haunts a house and threatens the boy that lives there. After reading the book a presence starts to infiltrate their lives.

The majority of the film Davis and Wiseman are the only ones onscreen. They both give incredible performances, Davis is emotional, subtle, vulnerable, and volatile. Wiseman goes places we rarely see children go on film- he is unlikable borderline disturbing. The relationship, though strained and clearly unhealthy, is effective, we know they love each other in their own distorted ways, we are drawn in.

The Babadook serves not only as a literal supernatural terror but also as a metaphor for Amelia's unresolved grief and her resentment towards her son. On it's own the sequences with the Babadook are frightening, with almost none of the gore or jump-out scares that dominate modern horror but with an eerie insect like score, slow deliberate suspense, and shadowy disturbing imagery. The psychological issues plaguing Amelia and Sam also create an impending sense of doom. The audience, like the characters, feel emotionally exhausted and smothered.

The film is beautifully and elegantly shot, the first horror film in resent memory to shoot a monster in a  truly real and visceral way. There is almost no music in the score it is all atonal insectine scratches, rasps and groans which utterly and completely pull us in. The technical elements of the film harmonize to make us feel as trapped and hopeless as Amelia is.

Easily the best horror movie of the 21st century, genuinely terrifying, not for the faint of heart.

See It.

Penultimate Prime

Here's a gif courtesy of Tim Lyons from our second to last Prime. I referenced The Babadook around one hundred times.

One final Prime, for a while at least, this Sunday the 28th at 1030pm at iO.

FOMO

what to do
decisions- rued

who is where
too much to bare

why/why not
which spot is hot

regret piles up
the present forgot.

Street Talk 21

Waiting at the bus stop

Old Dude: You know what? I saw a new dog breed today!
Me: Um...yeah?
OD: It was the dardenst thing. It was just the darndest thing. A Pomeranian and a, and a, guess...?
Me: Eh
OD: And a...HUSKIE! (laughs) You know Pomeranian is a small dog, I don't usually like those small dogs, always jumping around and talking. But the Huskie, it had those Huskie different colored eyes and that soft, thick, brown fur, just lovely. Called it a, called it a, guess...?
Me: Um
OD: A POMSKIE! (laughs) Can you believe it? Not an official breed yet...but maybe soon!
Me: Uh sure, yeah.
OD: This neighborhood its like everyone has a dog! Not a cat man me, like dogs but medium size ones, or big ones. You know there's a dog breed that can take care of children? Komondor, use them for childcare in Romania.
Me: Ok
OD: You know these big white fluffy dogs they don't like anyone getting too excitable, they PREVENT anyone from getting too excitable, kids never hurt themselves with them around, know what I mean?
Me: Sure
OD: Damn fine breed. Hmm, when's this bus coming I wonder.
Me: Hopefully soon.

College Friends

Caitlin is in town from LA for the holidays, Chloe and I met her at Pick Me Up or an early dinner. Caitlin is doing great in LA, working on her sitcom and enjoying the beautiful weather. Chloe and I are pursuing our respective passions with more directness and results than we have in previous years. All three of us are happily romantically involved to varying degrees of seriousness. It's been 12 years since we met freshman year of college.

I didn't have the most idyllic or happy college experience. I learned a lot, grew a lot, tried out a lot of things but it wasn't easy and it wasn't terribly fun. I made three real friends in college(Caitlin and Chloe being two of them) and I've stayed in touch with them all. The majority of my lasting memories from that time are with Caitlin and Chloe- parties they threw, seances we performed, bands we saw, making special trips Chicago to visit them, or just hanging out at their apartment chatting or watching movies.

We're not as close as we were then, our lives more complicated, our time more precious, our passions more and more divergent. But we're still connected, we never lost touch. Through various changes in occupation, geography, interest, and romantic partners we've held on to our friendship.

Maybe it's the holidays or I'm just feeling particularly sappy. Regardless, I couldn't feel more lucky to count two of the smartest, kindest, most creative women I know as friends. I'm grateful that the bond formed by three excitable, dramatic, adventurous teens has weathered the tests of time.

Graffiti 147

"Oppression that is clearly inexorable and invincible does not give rise to revolt but to submission." -Simone Weil

"The disappearance of a sense of responsibility is the most far-reaching consequence of submission to authority." -Stanley Milgram

"Many children are natural fantasists, I think, perhaps because their imaginations have yet to be clobbered into submission by experience." -David Mitchell

"I don't conquer, I submit." -Giacomo Casanova

'The Theory Of Everything' A Review

The Theory Of Everything is a romantic biopic about the lives of Jane and Stephen Hawking. The film opens on the night of their meeting at a party. Their courtship coincides not only with Stephen's Ph.D. thesis at Cambridge but also his diagnosis with Lou Gehrig's. As time passes Stephen wrestles with his work as a physicist and his worsening condition as Jane attempts to take care of him, their burgeoning family, and find some degree of normalcy and happiness.

The love story is relatively rote and Stephen's scientific theories(the reason he is famous and the story worth telling) are only briefly touched on, never really explained or explored. The leads give good performances however there doesn't appear to be much of a story to tell. They both struggle, they both sacrifice, they both find some measure of success and balance but it isn't enough. It hints at larger ideas of science, the universe, love, and commitment but never actually address them. The focus is spread so broadly many themes are touched on but none are developed.

The film feels too much like real life to be fairly described as cinema. Ultimately there is no message save perhaps- life is difficult.

No doubt the life and love of the Hawkings' is compelling however The Theory of Everything offers only sadness with little solace.

Don't See It.

MBSing

Monday I had the pleasure of being a guest on Mary Beth's podcast MBSing. We talked about movies, inspiration, writing, and I spoke about my love of poetry. I also read some of my favorite poems and a couple of my own. It was a real fun time, click below to listen.

MBSing with Steve Nelson- Poetry

The Tree

Nicole put the tree up a day or two after Thanksgiving. It seemed a bit overzealous to me because my family has always been very last-minute regarding every aspect of Christmas. But, as always, the tree always brightens up the house, brings on the giving spirit. We've each wrapped a couple gifts and they just look right under the tree.

The past couple months Nicole and I have been making our apartment home. It's been a gradual process, figuring out where everything goes, procuring different odds and ends, simply putting the live time in. Making it comfortable and ours.

The tree, the presents, and our first co-habitational Christmas made me realized how settled we've become in our apartment. How comfortable and easy and fulfilling it is. It may be the coming holiday but right now I'm sitting in a lot of gratitude for my beautiful and loving girlfriend and my life at large.

The Four Agreements

A counselor gave me a print out with this on it a couple years ago. I have a copy posted at work and in my bedroom. Good ideas to consider when you need some guidance or are frustrated. Especially during the holidays when everyone is busy and stress is prevalent.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

1. Be Impeccable with your Word.

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally.

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions.

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best.

 Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Restraint

If you see something say something
may not apply
to friends.

Secrets, are often best kept
stories not-told
words unsaid.

Gossip can be acidic
I discovered
when relating seeing a fellow on a tandem bike.

She replied "I wish I did not know."
Shock hit me
like a gut-punch
and regret, the constant teacher, whispered:

Ignorance can mean contentment, consideration- silence.

It's A Wonderful Life

The annual It's A Wonderful Life viewing hosted by the Scotts was tonight. This year was the first time I attended, Nicole rushed over from a show and made it right before the movie started, it was truly wonderful.

Peter and Jo reserved half the theater, about 350 seats, and I knew about half those people. Lots of friends and acquaintances. It was a pretty vocal crowd which made the whole viewing a lot more energetic. I only talked to a couple people before and after but there was a very real and gratifying sense of sharing the experience with everyone. Of being there in the moment and celebrating and coming together.

It was only the second time I had seen the film, it still ends the same way.

Schwa In Wheaton

One of Jeff's old students opened an improv theater in Wheaton, West Side Improv, and asked Schwa to come do a set for opening night. Karisa picked Danny, Jeannie, and I up in the loop after work and we headed out to the suburbs. The traffic was pretty dreadful but it was nice to spend an hour in the car together telling stories, catching up, and gossiping. It's not something we usually have the time or opportunity to do so the car ride in and of itself was a real treat.

We met Brett and Jeff in downtown Wheaton and had a bite before the show. The theater is in a converted basement, pretty intimate, probably sat fifty or so reminded me a little of the old iO cabaret. The six of us walked in, it was a packed crowd, and got a certain amount of attention. It was cool and weird. We'll get some kind of recognition at iO but this was a little more focused, a little more energized. It felt like the expectations were pretty high, us being billed as the veteran Chicago team, a reputation Schwa has certainly earned.

We closed out the night and the show went great. The crowd was reacting a lot from the get go, seemed like they were really hungry for it, really wanting to laugh, seemed very fresh. The intimacy of the theater itself helped us to create a good energetic groove. The set was a little longer than we're use to but we didn't run out of steam, we hit a couple peaks and a couple valleys and ended on an upswing. Jeff and Jeannie have been gone the past two Sundays so it was nice to have them back for this fun one-off.

It was refreshing to get out of the city with the team, bond a little, and do a fun show for a very receptive audience. It's good every now and again to break your routine and do something different, adjust your perspective, shake things loose.

Old Habits 2

Yesterday I accidentally over slept and was late for work. No particular reason aside from snoozing my alarm one to many times and burning the candle at both ends a bit. It's the kind of thing I use to do when I was drinking- chronic tardiness.

It's odd how some of those old habits come creeping back. Even without the booze, the despair, the deceit I still have a problem with punctuality. An issue work places don't overlook. It's certainly no where near what it use to be but it's still a bit discouraging to have these unproductive old modes of operation that are still lingering.

There were no repercussions but my supervisor did reference this other guy who use to work at my company, this guy who I think had a drinking problem, he made a very loose comparison to this guy because he said he was a bit worried. This guy once didn't show up for a couple hours because he had been jumped the night before. Of course with me I was only delayed about fifteen minutes but the comparison kind of brought me up short.

I'm almost two and a half years sober at this point but I'm constantly reminded that its a process not a switch that gets flipped. I'm never going to be cured. Sobriety and a sober life is something you work at every day, one day at a time. There are successes and failures and you keep moving forward doing the best you can utilizing the tools you have and by reaching out to people.

I may never completely shake some of my more ingrained negative habits but I can now recognize them and take productive actions to try to rectify them. No one is perfect, we're all works in progress.

The Best Actor In Town

Tonight Nicole and I went to see The Best Actor In Town at The Annoyance, a sketch revue/murder mystery from Jo, Jeff, Brian, and Devin featuring Phil and Felske.

It was a great show. This and the Saturday holiday show It's Christmas Goddamnit! have been two of my favorite shows of the year.

The Best Actor In Town rides the fine line of mocking straight while simultaneously engaging in grounded committed performance. The sketches were great and playful, some melodramatic, some over-the-top gross, all wonderful. My favorite was this weird stylized dramatic family scene where they were playing with this unspoken, strict, formality which if anyone violated it they got slapped.

Jo, Jeff, Brian, and Devin played a variety of different types of characters, some of which I hadn't seen them do before. It was surprising and, for me at least, resonated so much. Brave, experimental, go-for-broke comedy that I found so engaging.

It's always fun to see talented friends perform, it's inspiring to watch creative people do something new and exciting, something ambitious and a bit dangerous. Really great work by some really great folks.

Graffiti 146

"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap." -Kevin James

"I love pizza; you can't really go wrong with pizza." -Nick Jonas

"I think of dieting, then I eat pizza." -Lara Stone

"And I don't cook, either. Not as long as they still deliver pizza." -Tiger Woods

"Everybody likes pizza!" -Buddy Valastro

Failure

I read something at Quenchers tonight and it didn't go particularly well. It's the first time I've read one of my written pieces where it wasn't well received or I didn't feel good about it.

Afterward I kept replaying it in my head and attempting to diagnose the potential pitfalls.

-The piece itself wasn't strong. I could have edited more, refined it, focused it, been more clear about the ultimate point of it.
-The content wasn't palatable. I intentionally wrote something a bit gross, a bit naughty. Maybe it went too far and simply turned people off.
-It was a bad crowd. It was kind of raining and miserable tonight so not a ton of people showed up. Four people that did show up, friends of someone I assume, seemed not to be having it at all. Quenchers is an experimental evening with a specific feel, I don't know what these four folks were expecting but they were none too pleased with any performance that evening. Their sullen judgement was distracting and made me a bit anxious. I'm still mystified why they didn't just leave.
-I bailed on the piece. I could feel, or thought I felt it certainly could have been all in my own mind, the disinterest of the audience as I was reading. I started to get nervous and just started to speed through the thing, wanted to get it done. If I'm not invested of course the crowd wouldn't be.

Ultimately it doesn't matter. Performance, especially outside the context of repeated scripted territory, is ethereal. Why something goes well or doesn't go well, feels good or feels bad, is mostly unquantifiable.

I've been fortunate both with opportunities and with consistency. I don't have bad shows very often, most written piece I've performed have been received positively, met my expectations for them. When something doesn't go well it's more surprising and unsettling than it use to be because it's no longer the norm. But failure is an integral part of performing. It provides an opportunity for reflection and is a clear instigator of growth.

Tipping Point

Tonight we cancelled Prime for the first time due to lack of audience. We've been struggling to find a crowd since TJ & Dave starting performing at the same time a couple months back. Late Sunday night in general, especially given iO's new location, is tough.

Craig has been talking for a while about ending the run. With a consistently light crowd there's not much incentive, for Craig because it's time away from his wife, for the rest of us because it means starting each work week tired. It's great to see everyone each week, check in and hang out a bit but without a decent audience to entertain the weekly grind of it has seemed a bit hollow, a bit futile.

None of us are at the point any more where we're starving for stage time, we're at a pretty comfortable place where our time is relatively valuable and we can be a bit discerning how we relegate it. It's always a joy to get on stage and perform but I think we've all been a bit frustrated with our lack of traction when it comes to people coming to actually watch.

Craig gave us a ride home and made the call we would end the run at the end of the month. I, and I think Scott and Sabine too, felt some relief. End it before it gets to be a chore and we come to resent it, end it while the shows are still fun and quality. We talked about trying to get another slot at iO sometime in the future, something that might work better with our schedules and be more conducive to building an audience. It could work out, it could not. We'll see.

For now there's three more chances to see Prime. Sundays at iO 1030pm till 2015.

A Biting Wind

Cold creeps toward marrow
and frowns pull at cheeks.

Feet frost, fingers freeze,
bitter joints pop and creak.

The mind stutters, ambitions seize
Winter's teeth sink slow and deep.

'Antarctica: A Year On Ice' A Review

Antarctica: A Year On Ice is a documentary about life on Antarctica. Over the course of a year Anthony Powell uses time lapse photography and personal interviews to convey the feeling of that cold and remote continent.

The film is intriguing in that it delves into detail about the relatively unexplored subject however some of the mechanisms that are used are relatively distracting. The constant and unrelenting time lapse shots of nature are at first interesting but then quickly become unsatisfying. Powell presumably uses them to convey the energy of the Antarctic but when not a single shot is still it is almost impossible to take anything in. The desolate beauty of the landscape cannot be appreciated because it is always in constant motion, it is unclear what to look at, there is no focus, no pause in which to digest what he is trying to show us.

The score also seems out of place. Cliche triumphant orchestra crash in at times when we are meant to appreciate the majesty and solitude of nature. It seems as if Powell doesn't trust the images in and of themselves, he wields his intention like a club, the sickly sweet accompaniment pounds at us leaving no room for interpretation or subtlety.

The characters that inhabit the film are curious and engaging, the landscape beautiful, but discordant elements in post production leave the film simply serviceable. More appropriate for TLC or the Discovery Channel rather than the movie theater.

Rent It.

Releasing Pressure

Yesterday I was feeling a little off, cranky, out-of-sorts. Not for any particular reason, just tired and a bit worn out I suspect. Sitting at home after work I couldn't relax, I was restless, had some negative energy without a convient outlet.

I went to Thunderdome later in the evening and just going out and seeing folks was a bit of a relief. I was in the first group that played and that's when I really started to feel better. The set itself was good not great, very dark and blue. Most of my characters were mean and I brought up a lot of perverse subject matter(like the book Flowers In The Attic). After it was over I felt empty, I purged all the negativity I had been feeling.

In classes I had a couple teachers who would deride "improv as therapy" and I think there is certainly some substance to that. The goal is to have fun and make people laugh, you don't want someone unloading all their personal woes on an audience, it's inappropriate and seldom humorous. But you can use personal experience as inspiration. You can use it to relieve stress. When the pressure builds up take it to the stage.

Temptation 2

an offer

via text
in the morning-night

an old friend
solicitous
inferring illicit desire

the allure
of carnal play
with an unknown figure

the thought
then guilt
for mulling sensual betrayal

a man alone
accustomed to deceit
weights the price of a sickly sultry treat

Contention: A Love/Hate Story

Beanpole put this together for my upcoming play at The Annoyance. We have two previews January 2nd and 9th then an eight week run. It's still a ways away, they don't have the info up on the website yet, and we have a lot of work to do.

Very excited to keep working, hone this thing, and put it up. Coming soon!

The Hanging Tree

One of the highlights of Mockingjay Part 1 is Lawrence's acappella song which they use a couple different times. Reminds me a bit of the T Bone Burnett produced soundtracks for Cold Mountain and O' Brother Where Art Thou?

'Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1' A Review

Mockingjay Part 1 is the penultimate installment of the Hunger Games series adapted from the trilogy of the same name. In the wake of Katniss Everdeen's second appearance in the Hunger Games a revolution has begun. Katniss was saved by the underground militant district 13 but Peta was left in the custody of the capitol. A good portion of the movie is taken up with district 13's recruitment and use of Katniss as a propaganda tool to foster the burgeoning revolution.

The is the first adaptation in the series that exceeds the source material. The book Mockingjay is meandering and confused, this incarnation is slick and handles the ideas of revolution, subversion, torture, greater good vs. individuality, propaganda, and image with much more deftness and surety than did the novel. It strikes a great balance of action and thrill with political and social commentary.

All the returning actors have done most of their work in the previous movies, all the exposition is taken care of so they are free to give life to the narrative without constraint, which they do. Jennifer Lawrence plays Katniss with significantly more confidence in this installment which provides the character with a more gripping range. The movie culminates in a cliff-hanger action-heavy rescue mission. Just enough information is revealed that we are not disappointed. The first adaptation of this type that seems to actually warrant being broken into two parts.

A good installment in a good series. Leaves you eager for part 2 but not impatiently so.

See It.

Gluten Free

Earlier this week Phil asked me to be part of his one-off show at CIC Freak Supreme. A couple of us got together and brainstormed a little one act today in about three hours. Some folks opened with an improv set then we did our play followed by a faux talkback.

The title of our play was Gluten Free although Felske introduced it as Gluten which in hindsight may have been more apt. It was a pretty stupid premise, five variations on essentially the same scene. Each one was at a bakery of some sort catering a specific bread product. Each place had a corresponding accent and the boss of each place had a specific hat. Pretty fun and very dumb. The fake talkback at the end was also very silly, it always feels naughty to thumb your nose at theatre while engaging in it.

It was a satisfying little process. I've found in the wake of a lot of my friends moving its a lot easier to branch out, get involved with things I normally wouldn't have, collaborate and get to know people I only previously knew tangentially. I miss all my friends, Tisher especially, but its forced me to put myself out there a bit more, creatively and socially, and it's surprisingly enriching.

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"A man who is not afraid is not aggressive, a man who has no sense of fear of any kind is really a free, a peaceful man." -Jiddu Krishnamurti

"Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict - alternatives to passive or aggressive responses, alternatives to violence." -Dorothy Thompson

"There are worlds of experience beyond the world of the aggressive man, beyond history, and beyond science. The moods and qualities of nature and the revelations of great art are equally difficult to define; we can grasp them only in the depths of our perceptive spirit." -Ansel Adams

Giving Thanks

I'm back in Rockford with my family celebrating the holiday. Today my folks and I had my aunt, uncle, grandma, and my little cousins over. It was relatively low key and uneventful but comfortable. The kind of comfort that only comes with years and through blood. My extended family is large and the Nelson clan has all stayed in relatively close proximity and contact. We see each other most every holiday and there is a great satisfaction in that closeness.

I talked poetry and death with my grandma and played some card games with my little cousins. My dad and uncle watched football and we all ate too much pie. Tomorrow we'll get together with the whole family over at my Aunt Anne's. Nothing terribly exciting but when we all get together it is very intimate and supportive.

I'm thankful for my loving family, their care and consideration.

For my incredible girlfriend Nicole and her love.

For inspiration, stage time, and audiences both receptive and apathetic.

For friends new and old, faraway and close to home.

And today, most of all, for Dave's miraculous recovery.

The Gods continue to smile upon their soldiers of mirth.

No Longer Home

It seems so small.
Hometown, parents' house
The past.

Quite a distance
from that chubby youth
I use to be.

It is bittersweet
to discover childhood
long-ago and faraway.

Ownership

Right now I have two projects percolating that I'm really excited about. The first is my podcast Hindsight Hour, Tim and I have done four recording sessions and have one more planned before we  delve into the editing. The idea is that each episode will have a theme like family/work/relationships, there will be a series of improvised scenes addressing the theme from different angles. The hope is to not only make some discoveries about the expressed theme but also about where people find their inspiration, shed some light on the elusive creative process. I don't know how I'll set it up, format each episode in order to accomplish those goals but its a stimulating challenge.

Had rehearsal tonight for my other project. A play called Contention, I got the idea a couple months back from an improv show. It's a dark comedy about a failing relationship told in non-chronological order. It starts with the break-up, the second scene is the couple's first date, then it jumps back and forth through time ending in the middle.

I submitted the proposal for it to The Annoyance almost on a whim, not really expecting to get a slot. Much to my surprise and gratitude we'll start previews January 2nd. The cast is Cowdery and I with Phil directing. We're four rehearsals in and have the bones of a script. Working on it has been incredibly fulfilling. It's what I've been looking for- a show with a narrative, a show with a cut and dry script, a show that could(potentially) get reviewed, and most importantly a show over which we have creative control.

I fell in love with improv because it was a mode of performance that allowed me more creative ownership than the straight theatre I had been doing. After doing improv for years I found myself wanting more. Improv, although wonderful, is ethereal. Ultimately it has no product, it is all process. Those rare perfect shows only last in memory.

The past couple months I've been looking for more tangible projects, more active ways to express myself creatively, finite processes with concrete goals. The podcast and the play are the result. Working on them is very gratifying and I look forward to putting both projects out into the world.

Night On The Mountain

The fog has risen from the sea and crowned
The dark, untrod­den sum­mits of the coast,
Where roams a voice, in canyons utter­most,
From mid­night waters vibrant and pro­found.
High on each gran­ite altar dies the sound,
Deep as the tram­pling of an armored host,
Lone as the lamen­ta­tion of a ghost,
Sad as the dia­pa­son of the drowned.

The moun­tain seems no more a soul­less thing,
But rather as a shape of ancient fear,
In dark­ness and the winds of Chaos born
Amid the lord­less heav­ens’ thun­der­ing–
A Pres­ence crouched, enor­mous and aus­tere,
Before whose feet the mighty waters mourn.

-George Sterling

Sundays Are For Cleaning

First I make coffee.
Then I sweep.
The bathroom through the hall to the bedroom, the living room, the second bedroom.
I make a neat little pile in the dining room. Sweep the dining room then the kitchen.
Use the dust pan to dispose of the collected filth.
I drink a cup of coffee and smoke a cigarette.
If there are dishes I do them.
I wipe down the counters, tables, and bookshelves.
Water the plants.
Take out the trash.
Lastly, the bathroom.
I scrub the sink, toilet, and bathtub.
To conclude I wash myself, wiping any errant suds from the shower walls.

Everything has its purpose.
Everything has its place.

'Foxcatcher' A Review

Foxcatcher is a drama based on the true story of Olympic gold medalist brothers Mark & David Shultz and their relationship with wealthy wrestling patron John du Pont. In the wake of their Olympic the more charismatic and engaging David(Mark Ruffalo) has secured himself a university coaching position and is raising a family. The more reserved Mark(Channing Tatum) exists in his brothers shadow but yearns for a way to separate himself and get some recognition apart from is revered brother. Enter John du Pont(Steve Carrell) eccentric infantile heir to the du Pont fortune who hires Mark to run his wrestling training facility: Team Foxcatcher. After some time du Pont also brings on David.

The mood of the film is somber, its color muted. the score almost non-existent. Compromised mostly of long takes and wide shots there is a palpable sense of naturalism and impending doom. The texture and tone of the film make certain promises- sincerity, depth, tragedy, catharsis- but the script and the performances don't fully follow through on that commitment. Some of the motivations are elusive to a point of disconnection.

Carrell and Tatum shoulder most of the burden, and subsequent blame, of Foxcatcher. Both provide phenomenal efforts but their characters are too far outside their current ability. Carrell is handicapped by his prosthetic nose and overzealous age make up. His nasal voice, entitled petulance, and odd cadence are a beginning to du Pont but he doesn't go much further. We never glimpse who this person is or why they are acting the way they are. He is so mysterious he is almost completely unknown which is unsatisfying. Tatum similarly doesn't give us enough depth. He finds moments of complicated, aggressively restrained emotion, but only moments. His default is a flat-lined oafish jealousy with occasional sparks of complexity. These deficiencies could also be attributed to a script that's ambition exceeded its substance. Carrell and Tatum put in valiant efforts and each finds a couple moments of inspiration but the parts do not make a whole.

The exception in the film is Mark Ruffalo. He plays David with a casual authenticity, a cool brilliance, a lived-in complexity, he's the only character in the film that has real dimension. Any time he is on screen the vitality is increased. When he wrestles there is an assured validity in the way he moves. Similar to Christian Bale's performance in The Fighter watching Ruffalo you wish the supporting actor was the lead.

Vague and lacking depth despite some inspired casting.

Rent It.

Composition

The Night Shift had a show tonight then I headed over to The Annoyance for Holy Fuck. I've mentioned before it's my favorite show, always new, always fresh, always swinging-for-the-fences.

Holy Fuck is also my favorite show to take pictures of, taking pictures of shows in general is fun, to record them, capture some funny moments or lines that would otherwise disappear into the ether. But HF especially because there is such a wide variety of bits, costumes, wigs, and stupid faces.

Took a lot of pictures tonight but this one I'm particularly proud of. Nate in the shadows looking up at Devin, the angle of the wall suggesting movement up towards the light, the hopeful and adoring tilt of Nate's profile, Devin's comfortable slouch and satisfied, almost condescending, smirk.

You be the judge of its integrity but I think it captures the playful sweetness right before they started berating the audience for a suggestion of something perverse for an incredibly bizarre "song".

Escape 2

Last week I delved head first back into The Kingkiller Chronicle. It's a great fantasy series: magic, love, passion, adventure, revenge, its got it all. I've read it a couple times. The past couple days I'll just read the book covertly at work then go home and keep reading. I've been keeping my head down, kind of mentally retreating. The weather combined with recent unsettling events have made me contemplative, reserved, in need of a little zoning out.

In a way fiction is all escapist to some degree and no genre more so than fantasy. It's easy and pleasing to forget the machinations of the real world when you are immersed in magic and dragons, secrets and adventures. Rereading some of my favorite fantasy is entertaining but its a way for me to slow everything down, take a step back and get balanced. Like a meditative trick to get my mind in a state of neutral, to mentally recuperate.

Since my first reading of the The Chronicles of Narnia in 4th grade fantasy has been my refuge. Whether from stress, heartbreak, grief, or depression I found comfort, courage, and rejuvenation in the dark forests and looming cliffs of those lands long-ago and far-away.

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"Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement - and we will make the goal." -Robert Collier

"If I could get any animal it would be a dolphin. I want one so bad. Me and my mom went swimming with dolphins and I was like, 'How do we get one of those?' and she was like, 'You can't get a dolphin. What are you gonna do, like, put it in your pool?'" -Miley Cyrus

"The shark is the apex predator in the sea. Sharks have molded evolution for 450 million years. All fish species that are prey to the sharks have had their behavior, their speed, their camouflage, their defense mechanisms molded by the shark." -Paul Watson

'Big Hero 6' A Review

Big Hero 6 is an animated super hero movie about a teenage genius inventor investigating the untimely death of his older brother. The movie opens on precocious teenage Hiro engaged in an illegal bot(small robot) battle. His brother Tadashi saves him from getting busted by the cops then takes him to his university to show him the robotics department in order to inspire him to use his mind for more fruitful purposes. Hiro participates in a fair at the university during which there is a fire where Tadashi is killed. Hiro enlists the help of the late Tadashi's nurse robot Baymax and Tadashi's friends to find out who is responsible.

Relatively common ground is tread here, classic comic book origin story troupes paired with predictable technological powers. They also develop a sweet, touching relationship between Hiro and robot Baymax, recycled WALL-E territory. There is formulaic second act angst with an uninspiring third act reveal. There is nothing, in any way, new about Big Hero 6. It is a mish-mash of other more successful, more potent movies that have gone before it.

Light and fun with a pinch of heart it is still completely by-the-numbers.

Rent It.

Influence 2

The past couple weeks Craig and I have got into conversations after shows with students or audience members, they usually ask how long the team has been around. When we say 18 years they'll invariably ask how long each of us have been on the team. Craig always over shoots how long I've been playing with Schwa, last night his first guess was 8 years(it's been 2 and a half). He's one of my closest friends and it feels like we've been playing together for a long time.

For the first couple years we knew each other Craig was my teacher and coach. I looked up to him and modeled a lot of my improv after what he did, sometimes lifting moves, characters, and initiations whole cloth. Time past and we became regular friends. At this point I'm sure someone watching would be able to see Craig's influence in my playing style but not nearly as prevalent as it use to be.

Yesterday both Schwa and Prime were really fun, solid shows. Craig and I usually dissect them afterward, these conversations use to mostly entail him telling me his impressions of the show, now it's much more of a discussion with disagreements and different angles on certain elements or scenes. Divergent ideas on success and satisfaction.

In a way Craig is my longest running collaborator, we've had a creative relationship of some kind since he taught my level 3 class, my improv may not directly mirror his any longer but he was my main source of inspiration and guidance for a long time. Now as friends with a substantial history we perform together and discuss improv as equals. It's one of the great joys of my life.

Pumpkin Jack

A lonesome gourd, neglected and forlorn

its rind craves carving
its seeds beg baking
its insides yearn for the gentle kiss of candle flame

Late, I clasp the blade
thrust its brightness into that cool orange
cut and scoop and weed out treats

A leer is left, the dead appeased.

Form and Function

Nicole bought this pumpkin about a month ago when we were at the apple orchard. Halloween came too fast and we couldn't find the time to carve it. This morning I brought it inside from the porch to thaw. This evening we cut it open, cleaned it out, and picked out the seeds. Nicole boiled, spiced, then baked them. I carved the husk and set a burning candle inside.

Holidays and harvests call for ritual but so too do their ornaments. A pumpkin needs to be carved, that is its purpose, the seeds separated and prepared for snacking because that is their function. There is such a rightness about the action. An appropriateness, a harmony.

Even thought we were two weeks too late there was great satisfaction in the doing.

The Subtlety Of Feeling

When I was drinking my emotional range was limited: elation, despair, rage. They didn't mix and although I felt each with some depth it was never terribly complicated. I used my dependable and constant friend Jim Beam to dampen and curb any other feelings, channeled them into my three acceptable modes of operation. To make things simple, to make them manageable, to curb my constant fear. When I was active in my addiction there was no texture to my mental state, no nuance, no variety, no range. I numbed out because I didn't know how to deal, all emotion, on some level, was too overwhelming to deal with.

A therapist once told me you stop maturing when you start using. That your emotional development is suspended by heavy use of drugs and alcohol. I certainly found that to be the case for me. Two years ago upon getting sober I felt like I had been reborn. Not in a religious sense but in the sense that almost all feelings and experiences were new. I had to learn and sometimes relearn how to navigate and deal with situations, people, and emotions I had never encountered with a clear head before. It's been a sometimes difficult, frequently surprising, always fulfilling journey.

This past week has been a rough one. A situation outside my control and experience has brought on a torrent of complicated and confusing emotions. Many feelings bound together- grief, regret, sadness, hope, absurdity, community. Each existing simultaneously with the others. None of them glaring and steady but each subtle and mystifying, flaring at times then cooling. Humming quietly but not diminishing.

As a sober man I have no recourse with substance. I cannot cushion or escape, I have to feel. It can be taxing or bewildering, being overwhelmed with this parade of emotional colors, but ultimately I am grateful. I have prayer, mediation, and many loving people I can talk to. I have the ability to feel my feelings, I no longer sit in fear of them. I can be present in this moment which seems so large and uncertain. Work through the shadows and shades of my feelings, participate and process, stand firm and witness. Be there for others to lean on and lean on them in return.

'Interstellar' A Review

Interstellar is a space opera about the slow ecological collapse of the Earth and the subsequent mission to find a habitable planet. The film takes place an a not-so-distant future, governments have collapsed after an unnamed war, blight has struck a number of different crops rendering them extinct, and the entire world is threaten with starvation. Cooper(Matthew McConaughey) is a former-pilot current-farmer single-parent raising a son and daughter with the help of his deceased wife's father. Through a magnetic anomaly his daughter Murph discovers the coordinates of the remnants of NASA's base. Cooper is promptly asked to captain the shuttle that will be sent through a worm hole across space time to another galaxy where there are a number of potential Earth replacements. After some agonizing over his family he leaves.

McConaughey as Cooper is relatively tired and flat. Compelling enough to hold attention and center the movie his performance is simply adequate, ultimately he has no magic, no teeth. The performances throughout serve only to further the beautifully shot and relatively convoluted and bloated narrative. Jessica Chastain as grown-up Murph gives us something resembling edge but the concern of the film is with broader philosophical/pseudo-religious ideas and the vastness of the unknown rather than dialogue or emotional development.

The plot twists and turns, goes on unnecessary divergent tangents, rambles at times when it should run. There is a lot of fat on Interstellar. But taken as a whole it is a film that provides a compelling journey with a satisfying and just conclusion. It doesn't have the clarity or focus of 2001: A Space Odyssey but it is gorgeous, imaginative, ambitious, and thought-provoking.

Clunky yet interesting Interstellar is a transportive space adventure that answers the questions it raises although not quite satisfactorily.

See It.

Talking To Grief

Ah, Grief, I should not treat you
like a homeless dog
who comes to the back door
for a crust, for a meatless bone.
I should trust you.

I should coax you
into the house and give you
your own corner,
a worn mat to lie on,
your own water dish.

You think I don't know you've been living
under my porch.
You long for your real place to be readied
before winter comes. You need
your name,
your collar and tag. You need
the right to warn off intruders,
to consider
my house your own
and me your person
and yourself
my own dog.

-Denise Levertov

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“Because to take away a man's freedom of choice, even his freedom to make the wrong choice, is to manipulate him as though he were a puppet and not a person." -Madeleine L'Engle

“In America, through pressure of conformity, there is freedom of choice, but nothing to choose from.” Peter Ustinov

“Freedom is not merely the opportunity to do as one pleases; neither is it merely the opportunity to choose between set alternatives. Freedom is, first of all, the chance to formulate the available choices, to argue over them -- and then, the opportunity to choose.” C. Wright Mills

On Cheating

Spitballin' at Quenchers hosted by the bad boys of Sand is my favorite show to do in Chicago. The guys always book eclectic and interesting acts and have created an experimental, sometimes dark, always gracious environment. For the past couple months I've read poetry but tonight I read an essay I wrote about infidelity. An excerpt below.

"I don’t have many skills but for a time I was good at cheating. Let me say first and foremost I am not proud of my past. I don’t condone, advocate, or excuse cheating. My transgressions I chock up to youth and misplaced morality. In an attempt at exorcism I divulge my circumstances and my tactics.

At 15 I read World According To Garp, which in some ways diagrams, explains, and forgives infidelity. It had a huge impact on me and it is still my favorite book.

I first cheated when I was 16 on my high school girlfriend Jessy with my friend Ariel. Jessy was beautiful and kind but unable to express emotion and terrified of sex. Ariel and I were sitting in my mother’s Oldsmobile Achieva outside her house after a play we were in. I had a crush on Ariel throughout our production and was, at the time, impatient with the physical progression of the relationship with my girlfriend. It was summer, a mix tape I had made was playing Cake, the windows were down, it was dark. Now take a moment, cast your mind back to those feelings of nervous panic laden excitement associated with your early romantic encounters. Multiply that feeling by a hundred and that is what I felt on the precipice of my first act of betrayal."

'Nightcrawler' A Review

Nightcrawler is a LA crime thriller about a pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps sociopath who discovers then excels at night time freelance videography of crimes and accidents for local news. Louis Bloom(Jake Gyllenhaal) is a thief, scrounging scrap metal and personal items to make a living. He drives past an accident on the highway and encounters a group of guys filming it for the local news. He buys a camera and his life is changed forever.

Gyllenhaal's performance stands at the focal point of a relatively unoriginal piece of neo-noir. It is unarguably intense, focused, and striking. His already large eyes bug out of his gaunt head, his unblinking stare adding palpable menace to his non-stop self-help jabber. He is undoubtedly successful in his portrayal of this success-by-any-means under-educated overly-intelligent creep. The character is interesting but there is never an explanation for any of his actions, no reasons, no real exploration of personality. We feel no empathy for him. We do not care one way or another if he succeeds, if he fails, even if he were to die.

The film tries very hard at being what it is, the effort is clear not only in Gyllenhaal's performance but the dialogue, the motivations, the obviously manipulated machinations of the plot. It pounds away repeatedly on the theme of sensationalist media. It, seemingly, wants us to believe the story of Lou Bloom is the modern American dream punctuating scenes of his negotiative successes with a melodramatic triumphant score. Ultimately it provides nothing by way of conclusion save vague nihilism.

Confused, interesting yet unappealing characters, with a thesis ripped straight out of 1976's Network.

Don't See It.

In Or Out

Emotions rise
with questions of commitment
strung-out and spread-thin
chewing schedules
battling ifs
a friendship
hangs on the weight of a decision
tears, fears, and panic
soothed by time
and reflection
present an inevitable
selection.

Friends still, both with relief.
A collaboration not meant to be.

Skokie

I don't believe in heaven or hell per say but if there's a purgatory it's the basement of the Skokie Hilton. The past two days I've been manning a booth at a conference for work. Talking with customers, potential customers, and handing out pens and cooler bags. Most of it however was just sitting there in an uncomfortable hotel chair.

Both days I got up at five to get to Skokie by seven. Exhausted with nerves jacked from too much coffee I stewed. I wouldn't have minded as much if it was a constant stream of people to talk to but there were workshops going on and it was mostly down time. In a basement. In Skokie. Running on fumes.

My employer purchased a ticket for me to the awards lunch because we were receiving recognition for having a healthy workplace. I'm not one for making small talk with strangers, especially in some ambiguous social work environment. I get very stubborn and resistant when I feel obligated to socialize especially in an employment context. The people at my table were all nice but I felt put off having to use my lunch hour to essentially continue to be representation for my company. The food was good.

The view from the banquet hall was pretty impressive. You could see the Chicago skyline in all its panoramic glory. Foggy and distant.

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I'm in Skokie for work today and tomorrow and it's pretty unbearable. Walking home I spotted this and although maybe a bit trite it made me feel better. Seeing positive images and phrases always makes me feel optimistic, hopeful, comforted. Part of some larger community actively trying to reach out.

"Be excellent to each other." -Abraham Lincoln in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

"I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from total distress, and grow by reflection." -Thomas Paine

Flying

The first time I remember being on a plane I was 7 or 8. I was flying to Philadelphia with my Grandma. It was exciting and scary. The only thing I knew about flying was what I saw in movies, namely Home Alone. When the flight attendant came by I got a sprite and felt very adult. Very worldly. I didn't eat the peanuts. I couldn't stomach nuts of any kind until I was 25.

My favorite part was the take-off and landing. It still is. The power, the speed, the danger. During those moments I always think about the plane crashing. Not in a morbid or desirous way, but in a damage-control crisis-management type of way. How I would operate in the event of a disaster. The options, avenues, and procedures.

Around the time of my first flight I listened to this book-on-tape Flight #116 is Down. Its about a plane that crashes on the property of this 16 year-old girl while her parents are out of town. She steps up and helps to handle the emergency.

I've flown once or twice a year since that first time. And I look forward to that feeling of bizarre calm I get form those brief moments of peril that bookend each flight.

Haunting Music

I did mushrooms a couple times in college. I enjoyed it and got a lot out of the chemically induced shift in perspective. After the first time I noticed I would periodically here music(sober and otherwise). There may be no corollary but I noticed it around the same time.

From time to time I would hear faint strings, like an orchestra warming up. Sometimes it was chimes or the plunking tones of a xylophone. Never a cogent song just snippets, refrains, bridges, parts of verses, pieces of choruses. Other times it was the low thrumping hum of a synth, like the death throws of a rave.

Alone in my apartment or walking the quad solo, for no discernible reason I'd hear these echos. When I would focus on it, try to make sense of it, it would fade away.

For a while I thought it was a sign of mental instability. As if my substance use had marked me in some way. After my initial disquiet I found it comforting. Followed by some eerie score only I could hear I was never quite alone. I had a couple pet theories, chief among them that I had, through psychedelics, tuned into some ethereal frequency and could pick up the remnants of sound waves bouncing around the atmosphere.

Shortly after college the music faded and never returned. I still miss it.

'Birdman' A Review

Birdman is an experimental dark comedy about a washed-up actor, famous for playing superhero Birdman twenty years in the past, putting up a Broadway play. The film opens on an image which flashes so quickly it's unclear what it is. Next we see Riggan Thomson(Michael Keaton) in his dressing room before a rehearsal. The film unfolds in what appears to be one unbroken shot, gliding seamlessly through time and space as the week of previews moves inexorably towards opening night. The main focus of the film is the existential artistic crisis of Riggan's: his desire for relevance, his struggle with identity, his testing the limits of his ability.

Keaton gives a masterful performance. Layered, incredibly complicated, and soulful. Like the character he plays there is a question whether or not he is capable of what is being asked of him. He throws himself completely into the role giving us everything he's got. Like the camera he flows from estranged movie-star to pretentious actor to regretful father to insecure artist, sometimes portraying them all at the same time, the fluidity and dimensions he creates are transformative. The other powerful performance is given by Edward Norton as working and craft-driven New York actor Mike Shiner. Norton and Keaton are actors playing actors who act within the film sometimes intentionally badly, other times unintentionally so. Norton's subtlety and volatile emotion bring this, at first, unlikable character into being and we eventually not only root for him but the whole production. Norton and Keaton find such success and depth because their characters are in some ways reflections of their real world personas but the film is anything but autobiographical. The supporting cast is also incredible but isn't given as much to do.

The camera work creates a sense of immediacy, the jazz drummed score a frenetic tempo. The technical elements coupled with the inspired performances foster a very real sense of being with Keaton as he nobly and disastrously navigates this very important week. There is also a light fantasy element to the film, raising questions of Keaton's characters sanity. The conclusions that can be drawn from these divergents are many.

Although maybe not entirely successful Birdman is a daring work of art.

Don't Miss It.