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A sticker for a band- Purrple.

"Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple." -Regina Brett

"I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it." -Alice Walker

Wind In The Leaves

Most times I would rather be doing. On the way somewhere. Watching a show, performing, at the movie theater. Traveling. Going out to eat. Running errands. Rehearsing, planning, writing. Moving in some way. Accomplishing things however small, or at least feeling a sense of accomplishment however slight. There is an engine in me that runs and does not like to be stilled.

But there are those times when I sit quietly at home. Far off I can hear the voices of the evenings' revelers and I have no wish to join them or participate in any way. When a chill wind blows boldly through the trees and there is no place I would rather be. Alone and silent and whole. When I feel as if I am the only one in this crowded city and the thought brings a deep and resonate comfort.

'Slow West' A Review

Slow West is a western about a teenage Scottish aristocrat who travels west through the US in search of his lost love. On his journey Jay(Kodi Smit-McPhee) encounters Silas(Michael Fassbender) a weathered bounty hunter and hires him to protect him. The duo have a number of encounters, most notably with Silas's former gang, on their way to Rose(Caren Pistorius) and her father's farm.

Shot in New Zealand the "west" has never looked so exotic or strange. The cinematography of the film is beautiful and along with many non-american actors paints a different and fresh portrait of the immigration heavy 19th century United States. The story is simple and the film short. We follow Jay after he has already reached the lawless west and his sparse back story is filled in via flashbacks. The film concludes once Jay has reached his goal. This gives the film considerable momentum and narrative satisfaction. Although Jay's journey is somewhat rambling he continues to move forward punctuated by interesting and/or bizarre interactions with the wild/desperate individuals that populate the unknown he travels through.

For the most part the performances are solid however the chemistry between the characters is somewhat lacking most notably between Jay and Silas. The two characters are suppose to go from a thin enmity to some kind of mutual respect however it is not quite earned. And although all the characters in the film are fully flushed out and alive they are lessened when they are forced to interact. They exist more successfully as ideas or archetypes a flaw that may be chalked up to this being the writer/director's first feature.

Slow West contains significant surprises and compelling subtle twists. It pays homage to the genre while also successfully inverting some of its more beleaguered tropes.

See It.

How I Go To The Woods

Ordinarily, I go to the woods alone, with not a single
friend, for they are all smilers and talkers and therefore 
unsuitable.

I don’t really want to be witnessed talking to the catbirds 
or hugging the old black oak tree. I have my way of 
praying, as you no doubt have yours. 

Besides, when I am alone I can become invisible. I can sit
on the top of a dune as motionless as an uprise of weeds, 
until the foxes run by unconcerned. I can hear the almost
unhearable sound of the roses singing.

If you have ever gone to the woods with me, I must love
you very much.
-Mary Oliver

Hindsight Hour: Family

An investigation of the nuclear family. From curfew violation to "the talk", from paternal frustration to maternal guidance. Episode two explores familial rules, parental expectations, and youthful experimentation.

Directed by Tim Joyce
Improvised by  Paul Chimko, Sarah Cowdery, Kevin Knickerbocker, Mike Malarkey, Nick Mestad, Steve Nelson, Tyler Parker, Meaghan Strickland, and Ingrid Walla

Pyrena

Apricot, cherry, peach, and plum
when I'm done I lick my thumbs.

Chomp, chew, munch, and groan
what sorrow once I reach the stone.

Pick, flick, slurp, and clean
fruits with pits- a fine cuisine!

The pleasure's in a careful eating
although the joy is all too fleeting.

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"We are all atheists about most of the gods that societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further." -Richard Dawkins

"I talk about the gods, I am an atheist. But I am an artist too, and therefore a liar. Distrust everything I say. I am telling the truth." -Ursula K. Le Guin

"When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?" -Quentin Crisp

'Tomorrowland' A Review

Tomorrowland is a scifi family adventure about a parallel dimension where through science and creativity anything is possible. But something is remiss in Tomorrowland and it leaves Earth in imminent peril.Casey(Britt Robertson) is an optimistic, independent, teen prodigy who is given a mysterious button that transports her via hologram to an incredible world. Under the unconventional guidance of Athena(Raffey Cassidy) a recruitment robot Casey teams up with former boy genius now truculent old man Frank(George Clooney) to break into Tomorrowland and fix whatever pervasive wrong may be sending both worlds spinning out of control.

Visually stunning, with rich innovative imagery and production design. The intricate gadgets, futuristic vehicles, and eerie skyline of Tomorrowland make the film worth while in and of itself. As one of the few original properties of the summer movie season the world created in Tomorrowland doesn't disappoint. The lead Robertson is strong however the most engaging performances come from Cassidy(who is twelve) and Clooney. They have great chemistry and Cassidy, despite her age, goes toe-to-toe with Clooney, every scene they share she is his equal if not his superior. For his part Clooney is the most earnest and sincere he has been in years, bringing a sense of solidity and reality when the film departs into pure fantasy. There is also the implication of romantic feelings between the two of them, explained away by Cassidy playing an ageless robot, even so it is a bit creepy but overshadowed by how genuine they play it.

The message of Tomorrowland although somewhat on the nose is a good one- yes the world has problems, lets do something to fix it. In our current state of rampant fear and paranoia a family movie with a message of positivity, solidarity, and action is much needed.

A fun pleasant adventure, odd enough to be intriguing.

See It.

True Spring

The three day weekend couldn't have happened at a better time. Both Nicole and I have been worn out the past couple weeks and have needed some R&R and time to connect. We did a bunch of errands then went to sit by the lake.

It was a truly gorgeous day. Lots of people were out to enjoy the sun and the cool calming water. There's a palpable sense of relief. After oscillating from 50 to 70 with occasional rains I think it's safe to say spring has finally arrived. We can at long last shake off the last echos of the oppressive cold.

It was wonderful to spend time with the woman I love, all day with no interruptions. Great and necessary. The warmth, the growth, the approaching summer, all together it gives me such a sense of hope. There are challenges and trying times on the horizon but right now I feel only gratitude and excitement. 

Ye-Ye's Farewell Show

Tonight Nicole and I went to see Heather's band The Ye-Ye's farewell show. Soon Heather will be heading to Harrisburg then Berlin after twelve years in Chicago. She is one of my oldest friends and I've been remiss in seeing her perform. The show was great. Energetic and fun with a lot of love in the room. The Ye-Ye's have been a passion project of Heather's the last couple years and I'm happy I got to see them before Heather's departure. It was a lovely adieu,

A Parable About Childhood

The boy ran weeping into the forest.
Fleeing the oppression of his parents.
Tears blurred his eyes.
Rage clouded his mind.
After a time the boy became tired.
He found that he was lost.
He drifted.
Out of the shadows stepped a tall old man.
The old man wore a long dark cloak and a broad brimmed hat.
And had one cold eye.
The Wanderer.
"You know me."
The boy nodded.
"Come."
But the boy could not. He was afraid.
After a pause the old man held out his hand.
For although he was rarely kind he was very wise.
The boy grasped the long, cool, strong fingers and they walked together.
The old man lead the boy to a dark and deep pool.
"Look."
In the pool the boy saw a vision.
He saw himself as a young man
Then a turtle, old and kind, with the land nestled on its back.
He saw himself as a man not old or young.
Then, at the murky bottom of the sea, an enormous serpent with its tail between its jaws.
He saw himself as an old man.
Then a fearsome wolf, crazed and wild, chasing after the moon.
He saw triumph and failure. Heartbreak and joy.
The old man dipped a cup into the pool and the vision disappeared.
"Drink."
The boy drank. The vision faded from his memory.
The old man refilled his cup and drank as well.
"You are small and the forest large."
The boy nodded. He knew it to be true.
"But each leaf brings life to the world tree."
And the Wanderer was gone.
The boy, no longer lost, returned home.
For a time contented.

'Pitch Perfect 2' A Review

Pitch Perfect 2 is a musical comedy the sequel to the 2012 original. The Barton Bella's are in their senior year of college and are three time national acapella champions. The movie opens at a presidential event where the Bella's are slated to sing. During their performance Fat Amy has a wardrobe malfunction and as a result the Bella's are disgraced and suspended with only once chance at redemption- the acapella international competition where no USA team has ever succeeded. With differing priorities and a wandering musical compass the Bella's must come together if they hope to win.

The plot is disconcertingly manufactured with numerous collegiate comedy cliches piled on each other in the first half hour to set the movie off to a lumbering start. Although still fun and energetic with wonderful music the sequel has none of the freshness of its predecessor. Many of the jokes are recycled, different variations of the same set ups from the original.Visually the movie is rich and striking, a significant cinematographic improvement. But the predictability and lack of character development make the movie feel as routine as a Rocky sequel. The plot is also blatantly structured to set up a a third movie with a new lead which is distracting.

Entertaining but relatively flat.

Rent It.

A Murder In Cameratown

Tonight after ten straight days of rehearsals and a truly obscene amount of work A Murder In Cameratown opened. It's a play written by Kevin and Nick, directed by myself. There are two videos, innumerable props, over fifty tech cues, three deaths, great characters, and tons of jokes. They wanted to put together a noir style spoof, something like Chinatown meets Naked Gun. It's ambitious, complicated, and very funny. It has been an intense and challenging experience, primarily due to the truncated timeline, but ultimately fulfilling. I'm really proud of the show and learned a lot from the experience.

Two more chances to see A Murder In Cameratown Tuesdays 1030pm at iO. May 26th and June 2nd.

Ode To My Arizona Straight Cut Jeans

Our time together was all too brief
you were my second favorite pair of jeans.
Had you had a darker wash
you would have been number one.

We saw New York, LA, snow, sleet, and sun.
But yesterday after stopping at 7-Eleven
while mounting my bike to leave-
you split from crotch to knee.

O' Arizona Straight Cut Jeans
you perished the same way
many of your brethren had gone before.
Shredded by time, damp, and legs splayed wide.

I will miss your stolid sturdiness
but you were a substitute for one before
and although it is inconvenient to replace you now
you are not important enough to grieve.

Priorities

This past week I've been over scheduled. Every spare moment has had something plugged into it. Always coming from something on the way to something else. It's stressful and it takes it's toll.

Due to our upcoming office closure work has been difficult. There are some major changes happening, not all of them communicated well, and the mood of the office oscillates between apathetic to extremely frustrated. All of us are slowly and surely being worn down.

On top of all my normal and miscellaneous creative obligations I've been working on Kevin and Nick's play every day for the past week. It has been fun and gratifying work but it is too much. When I'm overextended artistically each project suffers. I find myself exhausted and unable to produce to the quality and to the extend that I'm capable. It has been a good and fresh reminder of keeping things in balance, of saying no if need be, and setting specific expectations and boundaries. It can be difficult especially when projects are interesting and I'm always very grateful to be asked to participate in things but when I find myself periodically over committed I am reminded that less is almost always more.

It comes down to a matter of priorities and unfortunately it takes an exhausting week to bring that back into focus. The two most important things in my life are my recovery and Nicole. And maybe because they are the most constant and defining they seem to be those things I push to the side when things get busy. Those are the things that rejuvenate and sustain me, that bring me energy, joy, and peace. I need to be better about carving out time, regardless of circumstance, for those things which truly matter and be wary of over extending to the detriment of the things which are vital.

'Mad Max: Fury Road' A Review

Mad Max: Fury Road is an Australian post-apocalyptic action film, a sequel/revitalization of the 80's franchise. In the distant future civilization has collapsed, gasoline and water are scarce and valuable commodities, and society has devolved into a number of cultish tribes. The film opens on the titular Max(Tom Hardy) alone and battling insanity. He is quickly pursued and captured by the War Boys a clan lead by the cruel despot Immortan Joe. Furiosa(Charlize Theron) is one of Immortan Joe's lieutenants and is sent out to acquire gasoline. Once she goes off course it is discovered she has liberated Immortan Joe's imprisoned "wives" and he sends out his whole army, along with Max in chains, to pursue.

The production design of the film is incredibly rich. From the soundtrack, landscape, cars, and lightening down to the precise minutia of the clanish costumes. There are so many small individual touches that go unexplained that bring the world into vibrant clarity. The dialogue too with specific jargon and slang, much of which we have to infer meaning, help to create a unique reality. The narrative is start to finish a chase, seemingly improbable it never loses momentum and continues to barrel forward with interest constantly engaged. A rare accomplishment for a two hour film.

Although Max is the titular character Furiosa is the real hero of the film. Theron gives one of her most dynamic performances in years- powerful, emotional, and moral. Hardy with barely any dialogue gives a lot of dimension and force to Max while still maintaining an inherent quality of mystery and unknowability. They are equals, partners, with mutual respect. There is no sense that Max is some kind of savior but a capable individual who has teamed with other capable individuals. The women who Furiosa is attempting to free also give great performances. They don't have a ton of dialogue but we get a sense of who they are and they are not victims. They have purpose, personality, depth, and agency. Much has been made of Mad Max:Fury Road's implicit treatment of gender. The film is certainly not about that but through its casual development and equal treatment of its female characters it shines a bright light on a systemic film industry problem.

A transportive thrilling adventure with an important subtle message.

Don't Miss It.

Team Time

For some reason Craig has been increasingly excited about Mad Max: Fury Road the past couple months. He hyped it up so much and was so stubbornly enthusiastic about it almost all of Deep Schwa went to see it tonight(photo credit to Jeff).

The movie was great- visually rich, fast paced, bizarre, and fun. We don't often hang out or even see each other outside of our prescribed Sunday show so its always special the handful of times we get together throughout the year. Great to spend time with my friends and teammates in a theater we aren't performing in.

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"God gave me a great body and it's my duty to take care of my physical temple." -Jean-Claude Van Damme

"I now truly believe it is impossible for me to make a bad movie." -Jean-Claude Van Damme

"You have to believe what you say, and if you believe what you are saying, then acting is easy."-Jean-Claude Van Damme

"The action films I will make in the future will be more believable and character-based. I am now on my second cycle of fame, and I want to make films that smell real and are truthful." -Jean-Claude Van Damme

Hindsight Hour: Work

My new podcast Hindsight Hour is first and foremost an experiment. Each episode has a theme and within are scenes improvised by my talented friends based on the same handful of scene premises. I wanted to try something non-narrative and be more deliberate and alternative with the soundscape. To look at where people get their inspiration and to identify commonalities within various themes. I'm very proud of the finished product, how successful we were in realizing those ideas is up to the listener. Tim and I put a lot of work into these and I'm very excited to release episode #1.

An investigation of the workplace. From the break room to human resources, from office spats to questionable employer flirtations. Episode one explores the menial, the humdrum, and the quiet seething frustration of the work-a-day clock-puncher.

Directed by Tim Joyce
Improvised by Paul Chimko, Sarah Cowdery, Annie Donley, Kevin Knickerbocker, Mike Malarkey, Nick Mestad, Scott Nelson, Steve Nelson, Tyler Parker, Meaghan Strickland, and Ingrid Walla

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"Aaah, summer - that long anticipated stretch of lazy, lingering days, free of responsibility and rife with possibility. It's a time to hunt for insects, master handstands, practice swimming strokes, conquer trees, explore nooks and crannies, and make new friends." -Darell Hammond

"There are all kinds of stupid people that annoy me but what annoys me most is a lazy argument." -Christopher Hitchens

"People are not lazy. They simply have impotent goals - that is, goals that do not inspire them." -Tony Robbins

Overwhelmed

Days eaten up by commitments
sleep increasingly neglected
time sacrificed to creativity
and relaxation a distant dream.

Concrete plans bring clarity
a feasible schedule coalesces
opaque obligations receive confirmations
and stress gives way to anticipation.

Silence And Fog

Many nights are loud. With drunken revelers spilling out from crowded bars barking loudly on the sidewalks. Sports fans congregating around the many stadiums yelling their support and derision. Dense traffic with screeching brakes, roaring engines, the not infrequent blast of horns, and the periodic yowl of passing sirens. The lively cacophonous sound makes the already populated city seem crowded. At times convivial, others isolating.

Then there are those rare nights when it seems the whole city is asleep. The avenues and streets deserted. And a peaceful silence descends upon the grid. Unbroken and prolonged. When Chicago, like an eager puppy, lays playfully on its back and presents its warm and portly belly for a rub. All the streetlights like stars and all the buildings like kind and restful idols. A solitude so deep it is comforting.

In the distance the familiar rumble of the train. And faintly, quieter even than the noiseless night, a whisper of promise, hope, and adventure.

Facilitating

A couple days ago Kevin and Nick asked me to direct a play they'll be putting up at iO and I said I'd be happy to. We had a first rehearsal this afternoon.

They already have a concept and a detailed outline, have been handling all the various particulars actually. My function is to be an outside eye, help shape, and see the forest despite the trees.

In improv and in performing in general I don't consider myself an incredibly dynamic or hilarious performer. I'm good but not exceptional. The function I serve in most groups and what I think I excel it is being a facilitator. It's natural for me to set people up, to guide the trajectory of a show, to simplify, to streamline, to clarify. I have an ability to make things happen and push things forward, to create situations where others can shine.

Not to imply I am some humble supporter always in the back ground because that's not the case, I certainly take my moments center stage and love getting laughs all by myself. But if I were to analyze when I find the most success and feel the most fully plugged in it is when I'm facilitating and synthesizing the creative energy and ideas of my fellows.

All this is to say rehearsal today with Kevin, Nick, Brunlieb, and George was very fun and engaging. Nick and Kevin are both very frenetic and cerebral, both constantly generating ideas, and I found my natural inclinations toward simplicity and directness balance with them rather well. This next week will be very busy with rehearsals for this but it'll be gratifying work with a guaranteed interesting product.

A Murder In Cameratown at iO Tuesdays 1030pm 5/19, 5/26, 6/2.

Gone So Soon

The bloom of the cherry and magnolia blossoms are so brief it seems criminal.
One day an eruption of color, the next pedals scattered on the ground.
Dancing listlessly in indifferent gusts of wind.

But just, maybe, for beauty so delicate and fleeting.

Scar Tissue

One of the side effects of addiction is your psychological development is halted. Through substance abuse your emotions are dampened, deadened. In many cases, in mine at least, this was deliberate before it became a compulsion.

I can't pin point when I "became" an alcoholic because I believe I always was one but certainly shortly after graduating college my drinking escalated, became insatiable and single-minded. This was spurred on by an inciting incident. A major life event that would have been difficult to deal with while sober, impossible to process while perpetually intoxicated.

Since entering recovery some things from my past will resurface now and again. Thoughts, feelings, and emotions I had compartmentalized and hidden, drowned by years of indulging, come back. It can be painful. The protection of time can be deceiving. Last night I was part of a story telling show and I related this incident from my past that, in hindsight, accelerated my drinking. It was more draining than I thought it would be, brought back dusty half-forgotten memories, I realized I hadn't handled or fully processed the event or corresponding fallout. It was good to rehash and come to grips with the past, healthy, but sad too. Bittersweet.

My therapist called it scar tissue. I am sure this is not the last time something like this will happen. We all have a past. There's no telling when an innocent probing thought will strike some neglected heartbreak and bring the past rushing to the present. But our pasts have made us who we are, shaped us, tempered us, and deserve to be remembered. And our emotions, those fundamental teachers, warrant attention and care. It is important to feel your feelings, not be shamed or ruled by them but to simply feel, process, and progress.

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"Beyond the reach of human range, a drop of hell, a touch of strange." -Stephen King

“LSD was an incredible experience. Not that I’m recommending it for anybody else; but for me it kind of – it hammered home to me that reality was not a fixed thing. That the reality that we saw about us every day was one reality, and a valid one – but that there were others, different perspectives where different things have meaning that were just as valid. That had a profound effect on me.” -Alan Moore

"If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a kind that we could wake up next morning with a clear head and an undamaged constitution-then, it seems to me, all our problems (and not merely the one small problem of discovering a novel pleasure) would be wholly solved and earth would become paradise."
-Aldous Huxley

A Glacial Spring

Although flowers have begun to bloom and tree's leaves bud and broaden the spring's warmth has been capricious.

A day or two of enlivening heat quickly revert to the chill more appropriate for Fall then the season of rejuvenation.

Always a fickle season we tender citizens are teased by Jord's flirtations. Cold then hot, humid then not. Rains and thunderstorms, sunny days all passing warm.

When the consistent hot of summer comes I know I'll yearn for the cool of Autumn but now all I want is a string of days to bask in the bright sun's rays.

Both

Some days I wake up
and I know her better than I know myself
I can anticipate her moods and needs
and sometimes what she'll say
her thoughts as easy to discern
as the time on a clock face
we are not two people but one unit
each an extension of the other.

Other days I wake up
and I don't know her at all
we are like strangers
and communication is so difficult
it is almost futile
we are all sharp edges and confusion
she's as unknowable as an alien would be
as inscrutable as the Sphinx.

I love her on both days.

'Avengers: Age Of Ultron' A Review

Avengers: Age Of Ultron is the second Avengers movie and the latest in the long neverending saga of the Marvel cinematic cash-grab. After the collapse of SHIELD the Avengers are protecting Earth under the direction of Captain America. After a raid on one of the last strongholds of Hydra the crew discovers Loki's staff and does some experiments. Tony Stark aka Iron Man sees the opportunity to create an Artificial Intelligence to protect the world and provide the Avengers a chance to retire. Things go horribly wrong. The result is Ultron- the insane AI's mission is to eradicate the human race because only then will they be safe. Sound complicated? It is!

There is a pervasive air of weariness that permeates the majority of the movie. About half the actors seem to be phoning it in. Simply marking out movements and reciting lines. Not out of laziness but a lack of dimension in the story itself, this sequel doesn't have a fraction of the heart of its 2012 predecessor. The plot is incredibly convoluted with little to no payoff or resolution, Age of Ultron is almost all set up for Marvel Studio's five year plan, the focus is on putting all the chess pieces in the right place for the coming years, nothing actually happens in this much anticipated follow up.

James Spader as the villainous voice of Ultron is good and the best performance is given by Andy Serkis in a brief cameo but ultimately the movie lacks any real substance or stakes. The action at this point is all rote, there's nothing new in this incarnation and because the Avengers are mostly battling identical robots the fight scenes are very similar to Iron Man 3. There's also a continuation of the trend of gratuitous collateral damage. The superhero movie handbook must read- In place of actual story destroy lots of large buildings.

Characters exhausted by over exposure, a tangled unsatisfying narrative, and visually pedestrian Avengers: Age Of Ultron is everything director and writer Joss Whedon fought against in The Avengers.

Don't See It.

Shell Theory: An Existential Musical!

Last night Nicole and I went to Shell Theory at CIC. Its an original musical written by Sarah with music composed by her brother. The show is playful, absurd, dark, at points bleak but also affirming in a weird way. There was dancing, lots of fun props, some wonderful singing, and the most mileage out of the CIC light board to date(i.e. lots of cool tech).

I really enjoy watching narratives that my peers have written, there is something so much more immediate and engaging about watching original content. Outside the predictable or formulaic constraints of improv and sketch there's a chance to see fellow performers in a totally fresh context.

Shell Theory runs Fridays and Saturdays at 8pm through May 30th. Highly recommended.

'The Wrecking Crew' A Review

The Wrecking Crew is a rock & roll documentary about a group of studio musicians known by that same name that played on numerous hits in the 60's and 70's. Directed by Denny Tedesco as an homage to his father guitarist Tommy Tedesco the film is clearly a labor of love but unfortunately never manages to push past mildly interesting.

The extremely drawn out production of the film 1996 to 2014 and the inexperience of its director are starkly evident in its construction. Although the story of The Wrecking Crew is compelling a majority of the interviews were shot in the 90's on what appears to be mediocre video equipment,  dated cartoonish animated sequences are used for interstitials, and many of the interviews are edited together in such a way they aren't particularly cogent. All these elements combine to make the film feel more like something that would have been seen on PBS in the 90's rather than something appropriate for a movie theater in 2015.

The Wrecking Crew does have a lot of heart and the segments with Carol Kaye especially are extremely compelling. She talks about a specific song or session, she plays the bass riff that she was given, then she plays what she came up with which we all recognize from the hit song we know. Unfortunately all the other interviews don't have that same streamlined quality or the other interviewees the open, friendly, clarity of Kaye.

There is a great story to be told but after almost twenty years Tedesco was only mildly successful in telling it.

Rent It.