After work, outside a bodega. A drunk man crouches two feet in front of the door talking to himself.
Drunk Man: Wha we got...Hmmm...is that...
As I open the door and start to walk in the Drunk Man lunges into the door way with me. For a moment we're scrunched in the door frame shoulder to shoulder. Partly my momentum and partly a wave of anger propel me forward and jostle him in the process. Essentially forcing my way in first. I immediately regret it but it happens so quick I don't know how to respond.
Drunk Man:(seemingly much more sober, standing by the entrance shuffling through his bags) What? You think you tough? You think you strong? You ain't that strong.
I stand in line to buy cigarettes looking straight ahead not saying anything.
Drunk Man: I'm ready. You want me to teach you something, you want me to show you something. Who are you, you nothing. You ain't that big, I'd whop you easy. I'm right here. You in some big rush. Everyone in a rush.
He continues to make vague threats as he rummages through his bags, presumably finding whatever he came back in to the store for. As he leaves he makes a big show of holding the door for two people who are entering. As if to, justly, shame me for my rudeness.
After I purchase my smokes I walk home feeling gross. Dirty. Certainly the Drunk Man was off putting and perhaps deliberately antagonistic but everyone deserves respect regardless of their condition. There is no benefit in being baited to matching unpleasantness with the same. Acting out of anger or aggression, lashing out, is never satisfying. There is no righteousness in it even if in the moment there is some fleeting justification.
Although distressing it is a good reminder. Whether on a commute, dealing with people professionally, friends, collaborators, total strangers, what-have-you it is better to be gracious, kind, and forgiving. It makes for a much happier life.
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