1. Do it in person. There's nothing more gutless or harsh than breaking up over the phone. I've done it, I'm not proud of it. Whoever the person is they deserve a face-to-face. It's daunting, even if your the person who wants to break up its a really terrible feeling, believe me I get it. Sack up and tell the person.
2. Be honest. People can smell deceit. Not all the time but especially in break-ups. Your much better off just telling the person the real reason you want to break up. If you're in a relationship for an extended period of time I'd hope you care about the other person. In fact I'd hope you love them. So be honest, express yourself. They'll appreciate it, it serves you well to put your feelings out there. The other person may be hurt but if you were close to begin with your just doing justice to your connection.
3. Hold something back. Don't divulge potentially hurtful information. If you've been in a relationship hopefully you know each other very well. In that case your in a position to really know the other persons weakness. Do not use this. You may be upset, really upset, thats fine. But don't hurt someone because you're hurting. Don't hurt someone just because you can. Don't throw out pieces of information when your leaving as a 'fuck you' to the relationship. Thats childish.
4. Have your friends on speed dial. In the aftermath of any break-up your going to feel raw. Your going to feel kind of lonesome or listless. Call your friends. Get out and don't stew. The best way to move on is by doing things. The other people that love you as much as your significant other are your friends and family. They're there to lean on, so lean on them. You're not alone.
5. It's not over. If you were in love, which again I hope you were if you were with someone for an extended period of time, its not going anywhere. It's special and it's beautiful and it's not just going to dissipate like smoke. Those feelings linger. Even if you've moved on and the other person is really hurt or whatever you still have this thing in common. Breaking up doesn't mean that it wasn't important, breaking up doesn't mean it wasn't special. You'll always have it, in someway, forever.
6. The contact question. There are two ways to go with this. One, you sever completely and don't contact each other. Two, you become friends. One is easy but it's also harsh. There's no room to wiggle but the benefit is that its clean. There's a definitive ending. Two is much, much harder. You almost have to start completely over to build a connection from the ground up. Without a lot of things. There's no middle ground. If you try to do something in between it's just going to be an extension of the relationship and someone is going to be leading the other person on. Not fair.
Break ups are hard.
Bottom line: You're going to be ok.
Good advice. I was just thinking of #3 this morning. Well said.
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