Awareness & Acceptance

Since getting sober one of the things I've been taught and cultivated is a sense of self-awareness. Developed habits to pause before reacting in anger or frustration, to investigate the origin of feelings of discomfort, to bounce ideas and decisions off of others in order to clearly see motivations, destinations, and ramifications.

One of the most clear cut and institutional feeling tools is the acronym H.A.L.T.(hungry, angry, lonely, tired). An easy way to give yourself a quick once over if you're feeling restless or irritable. Sometimes the solution is as easy as a snack, company, or a nap. The key is simply getting in the habit of investigating how you're feeling if you find yourself acting unreasonably or saying mean stuff or generally doing things that are out of character for you that you may come to regret. If you can create a small window of reflection between thought and action you can generally live in a happier, more tranquil way.

This idea extends beyond immediate physical and emotional concerns to broader instances and circumstances. For example, currently I feel a bit over committed, there's a thing I'm apart of that I'm not getting much joy or fulfillment from that I'm thinking about quitting. Instead of making a snap decision I've talked to a couple people, flushed out my feelings, desires, and responsibility regarding this commitment, and got some suggestions and some guidance on how to proceed. After getting others' perspectives I can move forward with a lot more confidence and comfort than had I made some quick emotional decision and then immediately regretted it which was my MO in the past. By breaking down the how and why of a situation with another person I can get a clearer idea of what the right path is.

The other thing I've tried to work on is an attitude of acceptance. For a long time control, or more accurately the illusion of control, ruled a lot of what I did. I wanted to control people and situations, I wanted the world around me to conform to my selfish wants. I discovered this was not only impossible to do but an untenable way to live.

I can only control myself. I always feel my emotions but I can choose to process them and react with either grace or ugliness. I can walk through my life stomping and affronted or lightly and contented. Through practice, discipline, and guidance the choice is now mine to make.