On Grief

We all grieve in our own way. Whether we commiserate or sit silently, whether we weep or anger, whether we recount memories or distract with humor. We all have our own process we must deal with in order to come to terms with loss. What we cannot do is bottle it up and ignore it. We must engage with our grief, we must feel, we must face it, the pain is ours to be experienced and grappled with and incorporated into ourselves as we move on. It is not some foreign thing to be scorned, as difficult as that can be.

Last week a friend passed away. He was 25. It is a tragedy and it is painful. He was funny and joyful, always grinning with an easy loud near-constant laugh. The fact that he is gone is a shock and as the days go by it still seems unreal, more like a dream or ill conceived prank rather than reality. Like any moment there'll be news there's been some mistake. It will take time.

As I mourn I try to crystallize my memories of James. Our conversations, the time we sat together during shows, the times I saw him perform, our hugs. And more importantly than that I keep in my heart and mind his unbridled joy not only of comedy but of life, his open and relentlessly positive disposition. I will carry that with me forever, as a remembrance and as a guide.

When it comes to death, that frightening and inevitable counterpoint to life, compassion should be our watchword and gratitude our touchstone. The burden of life can be heavy but in sharing it becomes lighter. We all struggle. In reaching out and connecting, in seeking understanding and empathy that struggle is weathered. Each day is precious, each friendship, relationship, family member, success, pleasure, triumph are to be relished and remembered. There is tragedy and cruelty and sometimes it strikes close to home. But there is also love, joy, and companionship. Seek it out and savor it.

The world is capricious. Sometimes life can be fleeting. This is how we go on. One step at a time. One day at a time. Fortifying ourselves with the warmth of friends and family we trudge the road of happy destiny. For today, today we are here.