Today I turned 32 and naturally its a time to reflect on the past year. I had a number of goals I set out to accomplish which, by and large, I did. But not without some compromises and sacrifices. This time last year I was about to be laid off and I wanted to take two months off to relax, recharge, and write. I did that and although there were times of boredom and ennui it was mostly great. Before I started a new job Nicole and I went on a motorcycle trip to the Badlands. It was an incredible experience, something I had wanted to do for years, but due to late September weather being what it is it was at times trying.
The new job I got and have had the past 9 months has been mostly good, a small office with friendly co-workers, decent pay, but with a sometimes frustrating lack of structure and clarity in the day-to-day operations. We'll see where it goes in the next couple months, it continues to be a work in progress.
I applied to grad schools in poetry. Something I had been thinking and talking about for a while. I didn't get accepted to any of them. A disappointment but not really a surprise. I wanted to put myself out there and see what kind of response I would get, I wanted to take the action and I did. Even though the answer was no it feels good to have done it, its not something I will think about or regret later on. The way the process played out though put a strain on Nicole and I's relationship.
Around my birthday last year we were about to put up "My Two Sons" which had a great run, it got reviewed which was one of my big goals for the show. In November I had the idea for "Blockbuster" and the process of working on it has been incredibly gratifying, but there has been a couple delays and postponements, due to simple confusion and scheduling- no ones fault, but even so that has drawn out the process in a somewhat frustrating way. The first preview for the show is this Friday and I couldn't be more excited for people to see it.
I recorded and started putting out my podcast this year with a new much more effective format although it seems not as many people are listening to it. This at first was a little disappointing but after thinking about it the important thing is the making of the thing, and sure it'd be great if a lot of people listened to it but ultimately the satisfaction is in the creating itself not in whatever hollow validation the internet could provide.
I've kept in touch and visited with my three oldest friends HP, Beanpole, and Adam as often as I could although not as often as I'd like. It seems like there's never enough time, never enough vacations, to see the important people in my life. Same goes for my parents and my sister who is expecting her first child in the next couple weeks. We've spent a good amount of time together and I'm overjoyed to become an uncle but life seems to move so fast its sometimes hard to find the necessary time.
Nicole and I are about to celebrate our three year anniversary and we renewed our lease for another year. There have been some challenges this year, mostly I think, stemming from not communicating as clearly or as often as we should have. This is only natural I think, times you have to work through, periods of passive detachment where you are going through the motions. To maintain a relationship, to keep it healthy and fruitful, you have to work at it and we let things lie for a while. Not to say it was bad or even contentious or that we didn't have a lot of fun this past year, we did. But the past couple months we haven't been on the same page, not detrimental in and of itself, but there's been distance and our partnership hasn't really moved forward. We had a discussion tonight that was difficult but ultimately got us out of the funk we've been in, its cathartic to get whatever anxiety may be lurking out in the open, it creates a clear path ahead.
This is all to say taken in total it has been a good year. Its felt like progress. Ultimately there were more successes than failures, more triumphs than defeats, more joys than disappointments. I did my best to navigate problems with patience and understanding. I wasn't always able to but I tried and that's growth. I still get angry, I still get discontent, but as time goes on those feelings become more manageable, more fleeting. And through continued practice I find it easier to be kind, to practice patience and honesty day-to-day.
This year taught me what I knew already, a lesson I continue to learn. To quote Stephen King "This is how we go on: one day at a time, one meal at a time, one pain at a time, one breath at a time." I need to pursue those things which bring me joy and show up for the ones I love. Happiness isn't easy it takes diligence and work. And there will be times when it is a struggle but even in those times the beauty and blessings of daily life are all around me if I only stop and recognize them.
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