Balance

Recently when people have asked me how I am I've said "I'm happier than I've ever been." And it's the truth. Now life isn't all ups, I haven't become wildly successful and I still have credit card debt. But I've discovered that happiness is closer to contentment than constant elation. There are periodic victories and moments of great joy but mostly things are simply good and I've found a great deal of satisfaction in that.

Everything stems from my sobriety. It's the linchpin. With my illness neutralized(with vigilance) I can pour energy, previously focused on self-destruction and basic survival, into those things that interest me and bring me joy. I can be a good friend, a good family member, a good boyfriend. I can conceive and execute my creative ideas with confidence and precision. I can see all the movies I want to see.

Happiness isn't about doing amazing things(parasailing), visiting exotic locations, or eating decadent foods- though it can be part of it- its about balance. Putting energy into and being fulfilled by different aspects of your life- work, friends, family, hobbies, romance. Finding that sweet spot where you're freely giving and freely getting. Focus too much on one thing and the scale starts to shift.

I am very much in love. Nicole has filled out my life and opened my eyes to how an honest relationship can work. Being with her I've learned the value of compromise, to look at it as a furtherance rather than a hindrance. There is very little effort involved but a lot of communication. We don't talk constantly, we don't hang out all the time, we don't define ourselves by each other. We make each other a priority and we relish the time we spend together. We don't let our relationship get in the way of friendships or creative endeavors and we don't let friendships or creative endeavors get in the way of our relationship.

Needless to say Nicole is a major reason why I'm happy. So is my sister's upcoming wedding. So is Bubble Boys season 2. So is Deep Schwa. So is coaching again. So is planning vacations for the spring and summer.

Work is boring and can be draining. I don't make enough time to call my family. I make mistakes. I feel guilt and anxiety. I'm not perfect.

In short: I'm human. And so are you.