Cousin Geri

Has passed
into the clearing
at the end of the path
and those that remain
must consider
the impact
of the departed

A key tenant

a key belief

of the old Norse

(from which stock our family came)

was the sacredness

the importance and gravity

of hospitality

To feed and house

and make comfortable

those guests

you have the fortune

to welcome

to your hearth and home

This we carried

from the fjord's of Norway

to the lakes of Wisconsin

and which my Grandma Bertha

passed along to my cousin Geri

and which she, in turn, gave to me

As a child

upon each visit

there was pop in the fridge

cookies and chips in the cabinet

a clean soft bed for me to sleep

her welcoming (but eccentric) poodle to play with

visits to the Mall of America

and most of all

her unassuming

yet unshakable

kindness and attention

This shaped me

how I keep my home

how I treat guests

my expectations

about what hospitality is

what it means to care

The Great Equalizer

parental relations are

by nature

complicated

so those times

that are good

really purely good

have real weight

and importance

for my dad and I

sport

seems to be

the great equalizer

we went to the Bulls game

and start to finish

stem to stern

it was simply

a lovely night

just fun

just pleasant

enjoyment

of where we were

who we were with

and what we were doing

sounds basic

but in my experience

rare

How My Mother Imparted Feminism To Me Indirectly

She kept her maiden name.
She taught me how to clean

and required me to do it.

She taught me how to cook

and required me to do it.

I have yet to meet a man

who could relate

to even one of those things.

Thanks Ma.

Aldo's First Game

As I attempted
to explain to my nephew the rules
I am reminded
of the White Sox games
my dad took me to
and did the same
I am reminded

of a story my Aunt Anne likes to tell

about my Uncle John 

before he passed

explaining football to me

as a toddler

watching a Bears game

and telling her

"He gets it!"

I am reminded

of a story my dad likes to tell

about listening to a Black Hawks game

with his dad

driving home from a trip

weeks before my grandfather passed

I am reminded

that sport

and togetherness

can heal

or at least

offer respite

Cousins

If you can remove

disfunction

avert contention

there's nothing like family

when it's good

it's really good

connection

context

history

a sharing

a belonging

a bond

immune to time

unassailable

In-Laws

If we are to believe
marriage is the joining

of two people

the connecting of two families

to forge one anew

then I want to meet them all

as far back as they yet live

as far out as the ties are known

regardless of dysfunction or merit

because of the commitment

my wife and I have made

they are now mine as well

as necessary to my present

as my own blood

the tree is not pruned

by decision or disinterest

only death

and even then

they linger

Spring Break

Back in Nicole's home state of VA to visit her sister and cousin and to do some hiking.

Had to stop by Carl's, one of Nicole's Grandfather's favorites.

Catch

Simple
tossing the frisbee
my wife, our nephew, and I

some might say boring

inconsequential

but on a crisp spring day

out in the cul-de-sac

we are all engrossed

and together

Domesticity

There's a lot to navigate
logistics, compromise, food

it's noisy, chaotic

but gratifying

the texture of it

the depth

easy to get lost in

the labyrinthine obligation

sometimes it's good

to disappear

in service to others

Family

They know
better than anyone
having been there

having lived it

blood is thicker, sure

but more important

more true

is that shared experience

trumps all

commonality

and its power

begets understanding

begets belonging

makes transformation

a possibility.

Gilbert

Walking through
the remanence of a life

the dust

the mold

the memories

what reveals itself

is a story

complicated, circuitous

a myriad of aborted interests

gifts bought but not given

posturing, projects

a world in and of itself

cubbies and corners filled

but empty

the cost of cruelty

a history of regret.

But in the clutter

the mess

the dirt

lies 

an opportunity

for those that remain

to move beyond it.

"I'm good."

My grandmother
refused to acknowledge
this idiom

she would harangue me

for its use

wholly rejecting

colloquial evolution

she would force me 

to the explicit "No."

as a child

already intimidated

by her distance presence

and afraid of offending

this was difficult

but

it was good training

good practice

in making the decision

and holding the line.

Men of a Certain Age

When my dad calls me
from the hospital

I find I am prepared

not dread or fear or panic

only readiness

illness and death, adversity

these are the price of admission

and sooner or later

must be paid.

But thankfully

not quite yet.

Offerings

We return to where my wife was born.
We visit the places and people
that shaped her.

We pay our respect to the land.

It is good and correct that we do these things.

I am privileged to share in it.

Irv

My grandpa loved me
from the top of my head
to the tips of my toes
to the marrow of my bones

all the way through.

I understood this as a child
with a profound certainty

I was seen, I was safe
and that sustained me
for many years after his death.

Foodways

I make rosettes
as my mother does
as my great uncle Gale did
as my great grandma Bertha did
and further back

to the fjords

the farmers and the fishermen

but always

boiling fat, batter, cast iron

and time

Saying The Thing

At the Sox game
a special place for us
my dad said
"I should have helped you with baseball more"
I said
"Naw, baseball was never my game"
he said
"I was kind of an absentee father"
I said
"Yeah. Sometimes."

A Moment To Remember

As my wife and I
swung our nephew
he closed his eyes
spread his arms

a soft smile
crossed his lips
his hair swirled

as he leaned into the wind

safe and contented.

Generational Gaming

Playing Mario Kart with my niece
my nephew contentedly
in my lap
I am grateful for my Nintendo 64
for its stalwart diversions

its simple adventures

its sturdy construction

for this shared moment

in quiet communion

even if 

after fifteen minutes

she proclaimed it 'too hard'

and went back to playing Barbie

Cooking For My Parents

Some things can't be forgiven
Some things can't be forgotten
Some times regret doesn't dissipate
But most things can be healed.