SPAM

Sometimes

easy and cheap
is all you can get
sometimes
it's all you need

Canter's

bread. meat. mustard. pickle.
simple.
perfect.
Sandwich.

The Grocery

I'm turning 40 this year
and I know I'm getting old

the passions and diversions of youth

rapidly fading

if not completely absent

because 

I could talk about grocery stores

for an hour

easily

and gladly

Foodways

I make rosettes
as my mother does
as my great uncle Gale did
as my great grandma Bertha did
and further back

to the fjords

the farmers and the fishermen

but always

boiling fat, batter, cast iron

and time

Street Food

I was more impressed
by the beef head taco
I ate on the street

leaning on a concrete divider

in front of the Target parking lot-

hands greasy, mouth tingling

the rotisserie al pastor glistening

the spiced meats smoking

the fresh tortillas being grilled

all under the make-shift tent-

than anything I have had

in an actual LA brick-and-mortar

I'll take offal

over avocado toast

any day.

Sound Advice

In Athens
on a school trip
I stood in the buffet line
befuddled, frightened
perhaps even scoffing
at the Grecian feast on display

so foreign and inscrutable to me

to my cohorts I proclaimed 

"I won't try that!"

like the ignorant American I was

sitting down to eat

with a child pallet's plate

Joel, a friend

his meal stuffed with every offering

calm, determined, said

"My parents didn't pay all that money

for me to come here and not try everything I can."

like a luke warm splash of water - shame

shame for my entitlement

like a heady prickling of pepper - anger

anger at the oblique rebuke

but then an electric bolt - epiphany

he was right, this was the experience

we had traveled so far to have

and looking inside myself

it was not preference but fear

returning to the line I piled high.

And then O' Reader did I gorge

grilled meads and honeyed fillo 

unctuous sauces and fluffy pita

dishes I could not describe or name

seconds, thirds, fourths

overcome by the deliciousness

the wonderous variety

I was converted. Reborn.

The Wok

Objects with utility
we call tools

with frequent use

and a certain perspective

tools can be companions

of a sort

I have made a new friend

and like any good relationship

it is full of learning

and effort

deepening with time

My Dad Can Eat Chips

My dad can eat chips
full size bag
to the head
in less than five minutes

We'll be on the phone

and he's crunching

and chewing, 

just excavating chips

He gets home from work

he sits down

and he eats chips

like a compulsion

It's astounding

this quirk, this skill

the pure efficiency

the guy loves chips

And yes, I am my father's son,

you better believe I can eat chips too.

Go Gas

Electric stove got no feel
no personality

no melody

no vibe

Gas stove got a life to it

a flow to it

a rhythm

a beat

Someday gas will become extinct

and that day

will be a sad one

not for Mother Earth

but for the stove

as culinary collaborator

India House

We went to India House
for the first time in 1997
for my mom's birthday
it was one of the first

(if not the first)
Indian restaurants in Rockford

It was the first time I had crispy poppadoms

the first time I had tangy chutney

the first time I had fluffy naan

samosas, tandoori, curry

ghee, aloo, paneer

vindaloo, masala, kofta

mustard seeds, fennel, turmeric

a cornucopic, transcendent, cascade of spice and flavor.

At first, tentative

I picked and nibbled

then revelatory, ravenous, I devoured

broken, battered, decimated

lay my pre-teen fidelity

to Hot Pockets and frozen pizza

revealed was my naiveté 

my narrowminded prescriptive palette

and from this ecstatic epiphany of a meal

grew a hunger to taste it all

a willingness to try 

when before it was only reticence, only fear

there gestated a courage, culinary and otherwise

to, at the very least, be open

to the possibility of the new, the unknown.

Biscuits

The first biscuit I remember

was from the Pillsbury tube

taking it hot from the oven

tossing it from hand to hand

to let it cool

then sinking my teeth

into that soft flaky goodness

this thing more fitting

to my child's hands 

than a slice of bread

more playful than a dinner roll

more flavorful than the bland

utilitarian grocery loaf

to which I was accustomed

O' Xanadu

The second and perhaps

the more auspicious

was from Popeye's Fried Chicken

and from that

all other biscuits have been judged

it's cascade of salty buttery goodness

like an injection of hot delirium

it's unfurling, encircling warmth

like a comforting familial embrace

carbonic fuel for transcendence 

Since

I've had many biscuits

some so-so, some delicious

but never will I forget

my first two initiates

reliable Pillsbury

and Popeye's, Rockford affiliate.

Caramelizing Onions

Patience
that's all it takes
and a little stock
doesn't mean it's easy
in fact
Time
has ever been
the chef's foremost foe.

Zatarain's

Store-bought
box-dinner
may not exude
authenticity
but the various
rice-spice mixes
available from
Cajun/Creole
brand Zatarain's
offer an astounding
harmony
perhaps not as brash
and bold
as fare straight from
a Big Easy kitchen
but more than enough
to satisfy and surprise
not to mention easy,
their jambalaya
was the first meal I prepared solo
at 10
the simplicity
was something I could handle
the result
made me proud
you see it was actually good
and from there a circuitous route
to regular at home cooking
which I've come to love
mostly owed upon reflection
to grocery store
fringe marque Zatarain's
which has never left
my repertoire.

A Meditation On Food

Cook as much as possible
don't deny yourself the service of restaurants
but cook when you can
endeavoring to do more
when considering what to cook
think about what you like
a solitary or contained item
and try to cook it
if its not successful
do not be discouraged
consider the faults of the dish
and make adjustments to alleviate those faults next time
if you repeat this process often enough
you will learn how to make a great dish that you enjoy
that knowledge you will never lose
and with that knowledge there is confidence
when inspiration is necessary
look to TV or restaurants
cook books can be too rigid
recipes too structured
from the nomads who first roasted meat
cooking has primarily functioned on intuition
and so
when selecting a dish to prepare
consider its component parts
imagine its construction
if necessary consult a recipe as a guide
to set parameters not prescriptions
execute
however successful, enjoy
because you have done this.

High Tea

As a child

one of my favorite activities

was high tea

at the Drake Hotel
a special treat
when my mom and I
went on Chicago adventures,
I'd throw a coin in the fountain
and make a wish,
delicately chew
finger sandwiches
perfectly sized for my child-hands,
ogle the dessert cart
(especially the cream puff swan)
although I rarely got one,
slurped sweet boundless tea
and gnawed the sublime
complimentary
raw sugar cubes,
best of all I would explore
the lush, lauded, labyrinthine
interior of that lasting landmark
lost in imagination.

O' Xanadu.

House Of Donuts

Who can judge
the veracity of
capricious memory
but of all the marvelous
baked and fried
morning pastries
I've consumed
the best, the ideal
came from the now defunct
House of Donuts
on Auburn Street
in Rockford Illinois.

Once perhaps
a gas station,
truck stop,
or greasy-spoon diner
converted to a pantheon
for ring-shaped cake
the decor- seedy 70's
the clientele- brash
but friendly
in that quintessential
gritty Midwestern way
but the wares, gods the wares!

Crispy crullers
silky long johns
decadent danishes
precarious mounds
of donut holes
rich chocolate options
and tangy citrus concoctions
fruit-filled turnovers
and rich ridged old-fashioneds
jelly, jam, and cream stuffed
frosted, glazed, and flaky
a vast and joyous smorgasbord
that satiated and consoled
the years of my youth.

The House of Donuts
may have fallen
but it will live forever
flavorous and redolent
in the minds of countless
loyal customers like me.

The Numbers For 2018

Year #6 without a drink. I didn't do it alone, I couldn't. I've stayed sober because of the help of others and the grace of my Higher Power.

I read 62 books my top 5 were The Sudden Appearance of Hope, The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet, The Minotaur Takes A Cigarette Break, The Anubis Gates, and Paradox Bound.

I saw 82 movies in the theater.

I fired a gun for the first time.

We(Nicole and I) went to 2 author events(Christina Henry and Esther Perel).

We went to 2 Michelin starred restaurants(Topolobampo and Parachute).

We went to 4 weddings.

We went ice skating once.

I went on 3 vacations (Richmond, motorcycle trip around Lake Michigan, New Mexico).

I saw 1 adolescent hero- Broon.

I did 48 shows with Deep Schwa.

I did 47 shows with Sight Unseen.

I did 9 shows with Plane Station.

I did 4 shows with Terrific Six(various mixes of members from my first improv team The Album).

I directed 1 solo show.

I understudied and performed in the play Deerfield Inn once.

I wrote 68 poems, 3 essays, and did 9 readings.

I rode my motorcycle for 6 months.

I went to 1 magic show.

I went to 0 funerals.

I went to 0 plays.

I went to 0 concerts.

I helped celebrate my niece's 2nd birthday.

Nicole and I celebrated our 5th Anniversary.

A full year, a satisfying year, a fast year. I'm grateful for each and every day.

Confidence of Youth

Some years ago
we young
auspicious
burgeoning adults
quested for
some local nosh
in Chinatown
successful
we sat and I
at my most
hubristic
ordered the spiciest
item on the bill-o-fare
delieverd
it was delicious
raptuours
at least at first
but soon
I realized my doom
my scalp began to tingle
face to flush
pours to spill
there rose a heat
that water, milk,
nor deep heaving breaths
could quelch
but I soldiered on
and stuffed my face
until my brain
hit an incendiary peak
and sanity itself
was on the brink
with white bursting
in my eyes
ears ringing
with cymbal crashing
nose, a torrential spigot
beaten, bested
I recovered in the bathroom
a modern day Icarus
humbled not by sun
but spice.

Baskin Robbins

How far you've fallen
no longer the franchise pillar
once you were
spliced with Dunkin
and sometimes
paltry sandwich chain
TOGO
forgotten,
dusty,
sidelined
but it was not always thus.
Once you were
the coveted summer destination
with vast counters
housing countless flavors
stretching out for obscene durations,
to my child's eyes
you were a vibrant smorgasbord.
Although your selection was bountiful
and your wares tasty
I held you in high esteem
for what you meant to my family.
On a bad day, after a soccer game,
or pre-birthday celebration
you were treat, reward, and consolation.
I won't forget
the summer bike rides
mom and dad and sis and me
our purpose- scoop, sundae, cone
a cool reprieve, vitality.
I will remember you like
once you were
not like how you are now.

Mennonite Donuts

The glaze glistens
and drips
off the donuts
on the drying rack
they're delivered steaming
into my mouth
sugar and fried dough
dissolving
in hot ecstasy
warm pleasure trickling
from mouth to stomach
along nerves to all
extremities.

Odd to think
the sourdough
from which they're made
may be older
than television.