Gratitude 3

I am grateful for long books.
I am grateful for short waits.
I am grateful for kind, warm hearts.

Co-Dependent

I saw this a couple days ago and found it vaguely disturbing. I imagined who put it up...

The breakup wasn't my fault. I did everything that was asked of me and more. I should teach classes called 'Dutiful Boyfriend'. I know her favorite movies, foods, music, restaurants, and vacation spots. I know her extended families names, their alma maters, and their professions. I always listened patiently when she complained about work, girlfriends, periods, and the difficulty in finding the perfect summer dress. I read her journal, emails and gchat history. I quizzed her friends on what they would do, what she would talk about when I wasn't there. I learned as much as I could in order to make myself everything she wanted.

But it wasn't enough. She broke up with me two months ago. I still don't understand why. She said she needed space, time to think. She said I didn't have any interests except her. That's stupid. Of course I have interests, I made hers mine so we could always do stuff together, we would always have stuff to talk about.

She starting dating someone last week. He seems like a real bro, he likes sports, she hates sports, duh. After we broke up I moved in across the street from her place just to make sure she'd have some company if she needed it. She hasn't yet. I can look through my bedroom window into hers. Most of the time the venetian blinds are closed but not all the time. She stopped taking my calls last month.

I started to put up notes to her around the neighborhood. I never sign my name but she knows its me. Yellows her favorite color. I know she'll come back to me. She has to. This is just a phase. She's just going through a phase or something. This new guy won't last. He likes sports. Everyone knows sports are dumb. She'll get tired of him. She was just getting antsy. This guy is just a phase. And when it passes.

I'll be waiting.

'Looper' A Review

'Looper' is an action/thriller set in the future about time travel. In 2044 there are people called Loopers who kill people sent back in time by the mob from the more distant future. Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Young Joe a Looper who is put in a position to kill himself, Old Joe played by Bruce Willis, but fails and Old Joe escapes. The mob comes after both Joe's because of this failure. The movie doesn't really deal with alternate time lines, paradoxes, or any of the other interesting/fun stuff associated with time travel. For a movie that claims to be about time travel there is very little of it in the film. The first half of the film seems to about one thing but half way through takes a sharp turn about something totally different. Because of this the plot is disjointed and relatively unsatisfying. Levitt and Willis do decent turns as each other but the script doesn't give them much to do.

There are a few great moments particularly a montage where Levitt ages and becomes Willis. But mostly the film deliberately avoids it's own major plot device. Willis says at one point "I don't want to talk about time travel!" In that case, why am I watching? We are left with a lot of holes, a lot of unanswered questions, and a lot of missed opportunities.

As a futuristic time travel adventure the movie fails miserably. As a run of the mill summer action movie it succeeds.

Rent It.

Time

From A Friend

It's like time is a bandit, and it ransacked my house and stuffed all my happiness in one of those bags with a dollar sign on it, only I guess it would be that yellow smiley face instead of a dollar sign, and it's running. Time is. Time is running with my happiness in a bag, it's running away from me. And it tosses out bits of memories at me, so I have to deal with knowing that I didn't appreciate the good things I had when I had them. Music is in cahoots with time, I'm convinced. It serves as a scrapbook. Heaping regret and nostalgia and longing on you. Sometimes when a song is perfect to underscore a moment you have to ask yourself, “do I really want to ruin this song for fucking ever?” And Facebook. Come on. Timeline happened so that people could more easily see how much greater two years ago was. Mark Zuckerberg isn't a genius, he's a sadist. He ruined the world. Does he get that? He ruined the world. Sure I've reconnected with hundreds of friends from my past, but at what cost. At what cost.

Time doesn't seem like a thing until you catch up to it a bit and see how much it's been passing you by.

My vagina doesn't look like it used to. My boobs are different. My hair is turning gray. Sometimes my fucking knee hurts. My knee. It just fucking hurts for no goddamn reason.

And 5 years from now, I'm going to be nostalgic for my now-vagina and my now-boobs, and my now-hair. And my knee will hurt worse.

The times I smell the best or feel the softest or sing the prettiest... are when I'm alone and it's like... come the fuck on. Really?

All time has taught me is that my heart is an idiot, we should be better to our good moments, and my period makes me insane(though time being the brain rapist that it is, I'll probably even miss that when it's gone).

Don't Worry, Be Happy

A couple days ago I talked to a guy who had relapsed after six years because of a break up. Six years is a long time and relapsing doesn't take anything away from him. It's a new start and that's ok. Maybe just what he needed. He said something that I thought was telling: "I had the girlfriend, I had the job, I had it all..." and when one of those things went away he drank. Happiness is a volatile, elusive thing. Sometimes it's taken away so fast we don't know how to cope. Those times you need to be grateful for what you have and lean on those people that are close.

I started thinking about it and I think there is this false idea a lot of people have. That having the right life will make them happy. This idea that:

If I was engaged I'd be happy.
If I was married I'd be happy.
If I had a kid I'd be happy.
If I liked my job I'd be happy.
If I got paid more I'd be happy.
If I got hired by Second City I'd be happy.
If I had tickets to the twelve course tasting menu at Next I'd be happy.
If I had a Prius I'd be happy.
If I was in shape I'd be happy.
If I got more sleep I'd be happy.
If I lived in a warmer climate I'd be happy.

And sure once you get those things you might be happy. But what happens when those things are taken away? Why not be happy with the life you have now? It's great to have goals or things you want to do but sacrificing the present because you're looking towards the future is unhealthy.

We all need to be grateful for what we have. Live in the moment. And find happiness where we can. Find balance, so when something bad happens we don't fall.

We just stumble.

'The Master' A Review

'The Master' is a film about the relationship of two men. It takes place in the 50's. Joaquin Phoenix plays Freddy Quill a listless alcoholic. Philip Seymour Hoffman plays The Master a leader of a quasi-religious organization vaguely resembling Scientology. The two meet and develop a connection. There is a lot in the film that is understated, so understated in fact it's nonexistent. Nothing actually happens in the film. The characters go through no change. There seems to be no point. If Paul Thomas Anderson had a point in making the film(which I doubt) it's so subtle it's indiscernible.

The film looks great and sounds great. I would have said the acting was also great if the characters went through anything, if anything happened to them, if they changed at all, but they do not. Doing the same thing for 150 minutes isn't impressive. They are also almost entirely unlikable. Not a single character in the film garners any sympathy so as an audience member you are not invested in the non-action that's going on. The story doesn't go anywhere. It simply fades in and fades out. There really isn't much about Scientology in the film or L. Ron Hubbard who the film is suppose to be inspired by. The film has no substance. No actual story. All sizzle, no steak.

Don't See It.

Goodbye Kate

Kate's last Deep Schwa show was last night. I didn't know her until last year when I started seeing her around a lot. We became fast friends which I think Kate does effortlessly with everyone she meets. She's probably the nicest most open person I have ever met. And one of the most talented too. When I started performing with Schwa she and I just clicked. It's only happened to me a couple times, where you find a person who can read your mind, understand your initiation or idea even if it's muddled. Every scene I did with Kate I loved. Each scene was fun and effortless. I always looked forward to Schwa shows and no little reason was because of Kate's excitement. She always came in positive and totally juiced to perform. That kind of energy is contagious.

Kate and I did a lot of scenes as two women(you can find one here). Those were always the funnest. We also did scenes as two guys or where we would switch genders. She was always game to mix it up. My favorite scene with Kate was probably in our rehearsal with Liz Allen. Kate was a male chef and I was her neglected wife. I think my opening line was something like "You always spend so much time in the kitchen!"

I'll miss playing with Kate, her smile, her infectious fun, and most of all her kind heart.

From the show last night:


LA is in for a treat.