Temptation

A foaming beer
is in my hand
I bend my head to drink it.

Some small force
stops my lips
the smell of hops, lingers

The soulless drink
lies in wait
its jaws dripping, moist
And gleaming.

Refresh, Reset

Tonight Meaghan and I were the only ones able to make The Night Shift show at The Playground. Last weekend I felt pretty funky with the shows I did. Off, uninspired, lost. So I was eager to get back onstage tonight and either shake it off or really commit myself to a prolonged rut. I love The Night Shift and playing with them at The Playground because I truly feel unencumbered. I truly do not care who is there or if they laugh. A common thing coaches or teachers say is "just play for each other" which is a good adage but its extremely difficult. You can curb your inner sensor and your desire to please an audience but its almost impossible to remove completely.

Meaghan and I had a great show. Or at least we both thought it was great which is the important thing. We had never done a two person show with each other and I think there was a bit of nerves going in on both our parts. It was grounded and playful, we played close to ourselves and really gave ourselves over to the inspiration of the moment. We were surprising each other and, I think, creating something authentic. It almost felt like we were the only ones there, just living these lives we had slipped on for a bit. It was incredibly refreshing and affirming for me coming off a week where I felt stale.

The content of the show was not uncommon. Meaghan and I were an unhappy couple, we did a scene in our apartment hashing out grievances for about half the show and then cut to the couples first date for the second half. But it was the specifics and the chemistry that really gave it life. Subtleties in speech and action that felt like this couple we created was a real couple. After it I felt inspired to try to sit down and sketch it out, script it, turn it into a one act or full play.

The show rejuvenated me and I have Meaghan to thank for it. She's a great collaborator. Energetic, joyful, and just straight up game to go wherever. It was a good reminder of the mindset I need to and want to be in to get maximum satisfaction from a show. Not only for myself but for whoever may be watching. When I feel engaged, surprised, and affected most likely the audience will as well.

Winds of Change 2

With Tisher gone, iO moving, and Nicole and I cohabiting in the near future my life is in a state of flux. My dad is fond of repeating that old saying "The only constant in life is change." Which is certainly true. And change can be fun and exciting or it can be challenging and scary, either way it is always unknown. Sometimes its difficult or overwhelming when outside forces or situations break your established patterns or routines. Upset your comfort. But most of the time change is for the good. Prevents you from becoming complacent, propels you forward. We are all on our own journeys with individual pitfalls and promise. But we get no where if we don't continue, there is no progress without effort, no triumph without risk, no courage without fear.

I am excited for these changes in my life and the decisions on the horizon that will influence its ultimate direction. I'm on the cusp of 30. It feels like a real watershed moment, its both thrilling and terrifying. The seasons keep passing, the moon keeps cresting and waning, and the Chicago comedy machine keeps churning. And I, I just keep taking it one day at a time.

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, join the dance." -Alan Watts

"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living." Gail Sheehy

Rules

I've never liked rules or people telling me what to do. I've always had the instinct to disobey or avoid them. I never saw much good in restrictions and never had much respect for the way other people want things to be done. As time has past this knee-jerk contrary outlook has faded. At a job there are certain expectations and as an employee you are required to fulfill them, there is a complicit agreement. With certain modes of performance there are established ways of doing things, agreed upon paths and directions. There is a time to go against the grain but unilateral rebellion is not only unwise it is often unproductive.

Tonight I subcoached BIG JUDY for Mark. A great group of fresh improvisers. They were great at taking direction and took inspiration from some really cool places. What was most striking was their adherence to certain improv rules at the detriment to the scene and/or having fun.

Yes and is the core tenant of improvisation but I think there is a common misconception about what that actually means. Fundamentally its about agreement. Insuring the people on stage have some common understanding of what is going on. It does not mean that the players have to agree to each others ideas, concepts, or premises. If the character you are playing doesn't like what another character is saying or doesn't like them period its ok, even logical, to say no to them, to put them down, to enter into an argument. The text and subtext of a scene do not need to contain "yes and" its broader concept that applies to the performers not the imaginary worlds they create. Questions are another tool improvisers are conditioned not to use. But often a person has more of an idea of their character than you do and doesn't want to go off on an expositional monologue derailing the scene. So, questions are a fine avenue to use when teasing out more information about certain characters or the scene. Arguments are another no-no. This is probably the rule I think is the most useless after a certain education point. Disagreements or characters with opposing points of view drive dramatic action, they are normal in the world we live in. Misunderstandings and emotional hurt are fundamental aspects of life. To tell improvisers to adhere to this doctrine is not only hamstringing their ability to use their real life in their imaginary life but it often makes for incredibly boring scenes.

Next week at work "The Board" is coming in to do their yearly meeting. My bosses seemed to be wound pretty tight about it reiterating certain protocols multiple times. Something that in the past would have really bothered me. Now it doesn't so much, it takes little effort from me to wear a tie three days next week and to mind my p's and q's around the higher ups. There is no cause to go against my work place restrictions, there is no reason to, no end game. I receive a pay check, I'll gladly show up with a tie. When it comes to policy and our procedures for certain things, that's another matter, I handle things in the most efficient and effective way as I see it even if that means not necessarily going with the pre-established protocol.

There is a time and a place for all rules. From speeding, to work place dress codes, to performance. But often situations call for rules to be side-stepped, bent, or broken. In improv and in life we find those points where divergence from rules is most appropriate.

Street Talk 18

Outside 7-Eleven, a 50ish man with gray hair, dirty white t-shirt, stained cargo shorts, obviously drunk.

Old Drunk Man: Hey! Hey! Can I buy a cigarette?
Me: (reading a collection of Mary Oliver poetry, smoking) No, sorry man.
ODM: (shocked) WHAT!? I said buy!
Me: No, sorry man.
ODM: (shows me hand full of pennies and dimes) I have, like, a dollar!
Me: No, sorry.
ODM: (whining) Come on PLEASE!
Me: No.

Guy walks into 7-Eleven presumably to buy cigarettes. Upon leaving he walks within inches of me reading my book mumbling under his breath trying to get me to look up. I don't look up. It's clear he is on the fence about starting some kind of verbal or physical altercation. Before rounding the corner he stops and stands looking at me. I don't look up from a poem about how wonderful it would be to live alone in the mountains.

ODM: (like an angry cat) HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

I don't look up. After a minute or two he walks away. I read a poem about the melodious and tranquil chirping of morning birds.

Goodbye Tisher

About five years ago I met Tisher for dinner with my friend Wes and his girlfriend at the time Jess. I had just come from seeing The Cove for the first time. A profoundly moving documentary about dolphin slaughtering in Japan. I was all amped up about it, politically and emotionally charged. I didn't know anything about him at the time save he was on Neapolitan at iO which everyone was lauding as the next great group which I, of course, resented. He was kind of a dick as I recall, pretentious and full of himself, taking multiple opportunities to ridicule the premise of The Cove and undermine my obvious passion for it. I decided I hated him.

Two years later we started temping at Groupon at the same time. The day after the big snow storm, this was 2011, all the temps went into to work and most of the normal employees didn't. We started talking at lunch about this guy who played at iO and how much we didn't like him. He had a repertoire of offensive trope characters he always played and we bonded over talking shit about this guy and feeling superior. I'm a touchy-feely type of guy and so after that I would pat him on the back or give his shoulders a little rub when I would walk by and he started to do the same to me. From that moment on we were friends. We sat next to each other at work for the next six months and started seeing each others shows and going to movies.

A year later we were having lunch at work and we started to talk about doing a project together, that project turned into Bubble Boys our improvised comedy serial. It, to date, has been the most challenging and satisfying creative project I've done and I couldn't have found a better collaborator than Tisher.

Over the course of our friendship we've seen each other at some low points and there was never any doubt we would stick by and support each other. Our friendship went from work friends to improv friends to something a lot deeper and more complex. I've kept no secrets from Tisher and used him as a sounding board almost daily. I relied on him as a social buffer, social blanket, and social bloodhound- I not necessarily being in the loop as much as him.

Along with him inspiring and fueling me in our partnership with Bubble Boys he also inspired me to create a character, some bizarro version of him which I've written a couple short posts as and a lot of quotes on Facebook. He was always kind and game in regards to this portrayal which is not necessarily flattering and which for me was a huge experiment I learned a lot from. I didn't know how or was incapable of writing in a voice other than my own before I started to create a fictitious version of him. That has been a huge gift, has opened up some abilities and avenues I didn't know were available.

Tisher has not only been a great friend to me but to many people. He will be missed as a friend and as a unique and engaging performer. His effortless blend of high-brow concepts and content with low-brow presentation are unlike anything anyone else is doing. His moving leaves a hole in the Chicago comedy community.

But Tisher is off to greener pastures in NYC where I know it is just a matter of time until he finds success like our other Chicago friends who have fled to the coasts. I will cherish our time together in Chicago and look forward to the next stage in our friendship.

Catharsis

unvoiced feelings
eat at joy
and stew deep
inside your belly

anxiety gathers
steam and weight
in the boiler
of your bosom

but given shape
emotions free
undeserved pressure
and life with simple clarity
dissipates your displeasure