Alone Together

In her book Mating In Captivity Esther Perel talks about the evolution of marriage and the romantic relationship over the last hundred years or so. She posits, to grossly paraphrase, with more employment options for men and women, increased ease in geographic mobility, as well as more energy and importance given to professional success, familial and religious community has become less available and less important in adult life. With this comes the rise of the idea of a Soul Mate, someone who is not only your partner but your best friend, putting the pressure on one person to fulfill all your romantic, social, and intellectual needs.

She alleges this idea is one of the main problems in modern relationships, our singular lives breed isolation and so unfulfillable expectations are put on our romantic partners. This not only can strain or destroy a relationship it has also created a large single culture with individuals holding out for "the one", looking for mythical perfection. Without the support systems of a religious community and extended family Perel contends it is more important now to deliberately cultivate independent lives in conjunction with a shared partnership.

I was talking with a friend last week and they were talking about a fight they had with their significant other, the latest in a long series of them, where the partner was upset, in essence, about my friend being busy and not always being available when the partner wanted them. Coincidentally the partner has a job they don't like, no hobbies, and no real social life outside of the relationship. This is something I've dealt with in previous relationships and once you establish the pattern, seeing each other doing every day, spending all your time with each other, its hard to break out of that habit without one or both parties being hurt. That's not to say it can't be done but no relationship can survive that singular pressure and expectation of making the other person the solution. I have another friend who has at times expressed frustration, other times real gratification in how shared they and their spouse's lives are. They've said when they're alone they don't know what to do with themselves and it makes them anxious.

When talking about life my dad likes to use an analogy of a three legged stool. Family/Relationship, Profession, and Passion/Hobby. And says that ideally you got all three but it can stand with two, but with only one you'll fall. I think friendship is also integral part of that recipe. In a relationship the people can't be completely dependent on each other. People need individual interest, activities, and friends. Individual lives as well as a life for/through the partnership. Because those various avenues give structure and satisfaction that aren't dependent on one person who is by nature flawed, who is human. Having aspects of your life not dependent on your partner also creates space, and space creates desire(per Perel).

By having separate lives it actually strengthens the partnership, it gives it more value, keeps it alluring, prevents it from becoming rote. I'm not talking about compartmentalizing I'm talking about some measure of autonomy so in the event your significant other is busy you don't stay home, do nothing, and cook up a resentment. Having aspects of your life that don't necessarily involve your partner creates a fuller more diverse experience, a broader context, and we are the best partners when our lives are balanced between multiple facets rather than precariously perched on one sole recipient of our focus, energy, and expectation.

'The Lost City of Z' A Review

The Lost City of Z is a biographical adventure/drama based on the non-fiction book of the same name. The film follows Percy Fawcett(Charlie Hunnam) an early 20th century military man turned explorer on his various expeditions into the Amazon to find a lost city. It opens on a military ball where Fawcett with the help of his wife Nina(Sienna Miller) hopes to gain contacts in order to elevate his position. Although failing that he is later given a surveying mission in the Amazon. He's paired up with Henry Costin(Robert Pattison) who becomes his companion thereafter. On that first mission Fawcett discovers ancient artifacts which hint at a sophisticated society long buried. This becomes his life long obsession.

Hunnam in his first real meaty dramatic role delivers in spades. He shoulders the major burden of the film with ease and contrasts the single-mindedness of the character with a captivating vulnerability. Hunnam captures the weight of responsibility and yearning for the unknown which war within Fawcett. Finally free from the baggage of teen stardom Pattison gives the best performance of his career, barely recognizable with his huge beard and thick accent, grounded and authentic he perfectly balances the more dream-like turn of Hunnam. Miller, somewhat confined by the role of home-bound wife still captivates with her magnetism and empathy. The supporting cast are all wonderful with some portrayals natural and others more heightened which in concert provide a great backdrop for the leads. Most notably Angus Macfadyen as the deliciously pathetic and petulant James Murray,

After a string of well produced but tonal failures writer/director James Gray has managed a success, in fact a beautiful harmony. The film fluidly mixes and switches not only time and location but genre. It is part period drama, part adventure, part war film, part hallucinogenic spiritual crisis. And they all come together to form a coherent and compelling whole. Visually immaculate the film periodically cuts in abstract images, dreams, or the characters imaginings which could be distracting but turn out to be incredibly potent heightening the already impressive craft.

A film about freedom, duty, and passion that reaches for something beyond.

Don't Miss It.

Seeing Linda Vista At Steppenwolf

Sitting in the theater
while the actors bash Trump
and praise Obama
not to mention
the graphic sex scenes
featuring extensive nudity
its hard not to notice
the sea of white haired
season ticket holders
that surround us
and wonder what they think
of Tracy Lett's latest.

Perhaps they resent
the blatant liberalism
or perhaps
it gives them a secret thrill
their tolerance and progressivism
something to laud
over their provincal peers
its hard to tell
given they are mostly silent
or obviously dosing.

As for all the flesh on display
I can't help but speculate,
how many will reach
for that small blue diamond pill
upon returning home-
Enlivened by the magic of live theatre.

'Born To China' A Review

Born To China is a Disney nature documentary which follows four different animals in China- snow leopard Dawa, giant panda Ya Ya, golden snub-nosed monkey Tao Tao, and a herd of chiru. The film follows each group through five seasons. Beautiful panoramas and intimate footage of the subjects make for an interesting if not particularly fresh nature doc.

There are many gorgeous shots and cute and compelling moments of the animals, it is in essence exactly what you would expect. John Krasinski's narration is somewhat distracting as it seems a little out of place but its functional. Because it's Disney the film doesn't really attempt to go below the surface, everything is mostly pleasant and kid-friendly. Good but does not distinguish itself against well produced NatGeo shows.

Pleasant and unchallenging.

Rent It.

'Free Fire' A Review

Free Fire is an action-comedy set in the 70's about a gun deal in Boston between two IRA members and a local arms dealer facilitated by Justine(Brie Larson). The movie opens on two stooges driving in an RV on the way to the deal where all the players meet. Ord(Arnie Hammer) takes the prospective buyers into a warehouse for the actual exchange where the majority of the action takes place. Something goes wrong and bullets start to fly.

The high-caliber ensemble cast does well, charming and engaging as the talented typically are, Larson, Hammer, and Cillian Murphy especially. But although the cast are all funny and have good chemistry we don't particularly care about any of them because we don't really know anything about them. The story, essentially, takes place in one location which certainly made for an affordable production but doesn't make room for any character shades outside of witty.

Competently shot, scored, and staged the movie feels more like an exercise in screenwriting rather than an actual film that was intended for release. The tone is a bit muddled, the inspiration seems to clearly be Reservoir Dogs but doesn't have any of that film's grit or vitality and lands more in the realm of the clunky 2007 Shoot 'Em Up. Although short the film drags considerably in the final act as all the characters are basically crawling around wounded in the dirt groaning for 25 minutes.

An eclectic ensemble that can only do so much with a pedestrian script.

Rent It.

Artistic Respect

Earlier today we got asked if an original Annoyance member, who was looking to get back into performing, could come play in the Fishbowl. The answer was of course yes. We, my team that hosts the show Sight Unseen, try to be open and inviting to anyone who wants to come participate and play with the students. Before the show we looked up the guy's website which on the start page has a big picture of him and Jay Leno and lists him as a professional MC. I'm a bit skeptical but I'm trying to keep an open mind.

Jimmy is out of town this week and some of the other folks were running late for various reasons so I was the only one there before the show, not typical, so I was scrambling a bit to get things set up. This guy comes into the theater, old and overweight, and starts immediately name dropping the famous people he knew back in the 80's. He's loudly and passive aggressively making comments implying he expected to be greeted and given the red carpet. Mike, a friend and frequent Fishbowl player, introduces himself talks to him a bit and brings him over to me. I attempt to explain the format but the third time he interrupts me I just give up. He then makes a sarcastic comment thinly disguised as a joke about how "organized" we were. I responded firmly but with what I felt to be significant restraint telling him we'd been doing the show successfully for two years thank you. He didn't watch the opening group and tried to rope other performs into listening to him name drop, he was cringe worthy in the Fishbowl, and left after we started our set. This is all to say the guy was a real tool.

Point being respect should be the watchword. I'm sure I come across from time to time as superior or judgmental and the reality is that I'm just reserved, quiet until comfortable. But that's something I'm aware of and I work on. Make an effort to be welcoming and make conversation with people when they're doing my shows and I try to be open and agreeable when I'm doing theirs. Perhaps all his bluster and "I knew Pasquesi and Messing when" crap was just nerves but I don't think so and even if it was his behavior was inexcusable. Rudeness and entitlement have no place in the world at large or a theater where people are putting themselves out there in vulnerable ways donating their time and talent in most cases with no recompense save for the pleasure and satisfaction derived from the work itself. It is important to be aware of how we behave regardless of what reverence or difference we believe we deserve, because most of the time we don't deserve any. What we do deserve is common decency and respect. What that looks like is simple humility(regardless of stature) and basic politeness. Ultimately we're all the same- thinking feeling humans trying to make our way through life. That is the truth regardless of age, wealth, or "success".

Let's cut the bullshit and respect each other. You want to come do our show? Feel free. But I'm not going to give you preferential treatment. I'll treat you as an equal. Which you are.

A City So Nice They Named It Twice

Maybe what people say is true.
It's the hub, the center, the fulcrum.
fount of power, wealth, culture,
and down-to-earth celebrity.
Diverse and eclectic
the city teems with energy
and opportunity
not to mention history.

But there is also
the ever-present company of trash,
the thin layer of slime
the seems to coat
every inch of concrete,
the press of population
and the crushing weight
of mere existence,
the stink of polluted water
and of bodies packed
on narrow sidewalks
and damp train platforms,
intriguing but somewhat gross,
like a grandparents' attic.

Give me the Chi
Give me the lake
and the L and unappetizing deep dish
Give me perpetually underperforming sports teams
and second run Broadway shows
Give me the folk of the Midwest
perhaps not cosmopolitan
but down to earth and mostly kind
Give me the indifferent bite of the winter wind
and the cool comfort of the summer breeze
Give me the sprawl.

We may always be the neglected sister
of the east coast giant
but they can keep it
Give me Chicago
where there's room to breathe
and space to dream.