M(etro) T(ransit) A(uthority)

It's apathy
is so severe
it must
be deliberate,

the low bar
of basic function
unconsidered
its purpose- oracular,

a public service
that serves
neither public
nor metropolis,

a broken
sallow creature
more yolk
than convenience,

dirty- fine
repairs- expected
but a complete and utter disregard for accessible information
as to where and when and what is in operation
is nothing less than the pointed neglect of those not wealthy enough
to not require municipal transportation
as if the financially strapped
don't have enough with which to contend
in a city of trash and thwarted ambition.

NYC Visit

In NYC staying with my friends Meaghan and Tim. Went to the Frida exhibit, did a show, walked across the Brooklyn bridge with Chicago ex-pat Max, ate some good food, and went to see a play with Laurie Metcalf and John Lithgow(pretty incredible to see those two acting titans on stage together). A fun action packed little vaca. Much needed as the first half of the year has been mostly fine but certainly taxing.

There is a lot of cool things to do in NYC but this trip really solidifies my dislike of their transit system, which had numerous closures and partial stoppages with no signage or info on their website to indicate them, and just the claustrophobia and simple difficulties(like finding a bathroom) of existing their. Great place to visit but my hat is off to anyone living their making under 200K.

Tim dressed in a suit and a tie for the play while Meaghan and I were in shirts and jeans. We got out classed.

Went to the Alamo Drafthouse and to see a flick and there was this Kong back drop with many signs to tag the theater. Good little piece of marketing.

The Numbers For 2017

Year #5 without a drink. Thanks to all the friends, family, and strangers who helped along the way.

I went on 4 vacations(Harrisburg, NYC, Denver, New Orleans).

I did 48 shows with Deep Schwa.

I did 45 shows with Sight Unseen.

The Night Shift did 1 show.

I co-wrote and performed 1 sketch show 5 times.

I conceived and shot 20 interviews for a documentary tentatively titled Chiaroscuro.

I wrote 62 poems, 1 essay, and did 6 readings.

I watched 78 movies in the theater.

I read 68 books my favorite of which was The Antagonist by Lynn Coady.

I went to 1 concert(Willie Nelson).

I saw 1 of my heroes in the flesh(Chris Rock).

I went to 2 plays(Linda Vista, Doll's House Part 2).

I went to 2 weddings.

I went to 0 funerals.

I went to 2 Michelin starred restaurants.

I moved once.

I babysat my niece for the first time.

I learned and cooked 6 crock pot recipes.

I rode my motorcycle for 7 months. I changed the battery once.

Nicole and I celebrated our 4th Anniversary.

I'm grateful for it all.

A City So Nice They Named It Twice

Maybe what people say is true.
It's the hub, the center, the fulcrum.
fount of power, wealth, culture,
and down-to-earth celebrity.
Diverse and eclectic
the city teems with energy
and opportunity
not to mention history.

But there is also
the ever-present company of trash,
the thin layer of slime
the seems to coat
every inch of concrete,
the press of population
and the crushing weight
of mere existence,
the stink of polluted water
and of bodies packed
on narrow sidewalks
and damp train platforms,
intriguing but somewhat gross,
like a grandparents' attic.

Give me the Chi
Give me the lake
and the L and unappetizing deep dish
Give me perpetually underperforming sports teams
and second run Broadway shows
Give me the folk of the Midwest
perhaps not cosmopolitan
but down to earth and mostly kind
Give me the indifferent bite of the winter wind
and the cool comfort of the summer breeze
Give me the sprawl.

We may always be the neglected sister
of the east coast giant
but they can keep it
Give me Chicago
where there's room to breathe
and space to dream.

NYC

In NYC for a couple days visiting Meaghan and Tim who moved here from Chicago last summer. I got in last night and we had dinner in Brooklyn(where they live) and some ice cream.

Today we went to Manhattan and walked the High Line and hung out in Washington Square Park before going to a play.

With the glut of options we went to A Doll's House Part 2 based almost slowly on Laurie Metcalf and Chris Cooper being in it. It was a great production, a new play which takes place fifteen years after the Ibsen original. The language is contemporary although the setting isn't, which helped to make it its own thing, more inspired by but not tied to the classic. Metcalf was stupendous, I've seen her a couple times at Steppenwolf over the years, she was always good, but this was by far the best. Cooper seemed to be a bit more unsure especially in his first scene but was more comfortable and engaging as the play went on. Even though he was good and not borderline transcendent like Metcalf it was a thrill to see him in the flesh as I've been a huge fan since Adaptation.

Meaghan and Tim have been wonderful hosts and it's been great to spend so much time with them, we hung out regularly in Chicago but its different making all day plans, sleeping on their couch, its been great. Some friends fade away, and that's fine. Some friends become acquaintances with no love lost. Some friendships endure, deepen and mature, regardless of distance. And that is one of life's greatest pleasures.

Graffiti 151

12ozProphet appears to be a graffiti collective. Graffiti as straight advertising for bands, websites, what have you strikes me as a bit beside the point. Same with simple tags. To me it's counter to the spirit of graffiti. Like this tag, it's odd that a graffiti collective is simply putting their name on stuff as opposed to actually saying something or making art.

The name itself I find unsettling, I presume it is in reference to a can of spray paint but my first thought was a can of beer. That belligerent and bone-deep confidence that makes one pontificate with such certainty about the world, that ability of divination which usually follows the third or fourth drink. That state of mind isn't something to be revered or sought.

Graffiti 146

"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap." -Kevin James

"I love pizza; you can't really go wrong with pizza." -Nick Jonas

"I think of dieting, then I eat pizza." -Lara Stone

"And I don't cook, either. Not as long as they still deliver pizza." -Tiger Woods

"Everybody likes pizza!" -Buddy Valastro

Graffiti 145

"A man who is not afraid is not aggressive, a man who has no sense of fear of any kind is really a free, a peaceful man." -Jiddu Krishnamurti

"Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict - alternatives to passive or aggressive responses, alternatives to violence." -Dorothy Thompson

"There are worlds of experience beyond the world of the aggressive man, beyond history, and beyond science. The moods and qualities of nature and the revelations of great art are equally difficult to define; we can grasp them only in the depths of our perceptive spirit." -Ansel Adams

Graffiti 144

"Most of us, swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about, need only a bit of praise or encouragement - and we will make the goal." -Robert Collier

"If I could get any animal it would be a dolphin. I want one so bad. Me and my mom went swimming with dolphins and I was like, 'How do we get one of those?' and she was like, 'You can't get a dolphin. What are you gonna do, like, put it in your pool?'" -Miley Cyrus

"The shark is the apex predator in the sea. Sharks have molded evolution for 450 million years. All fish species that are prey to the sharks have had their behavior, their speed, their camouflage, their defense mechanisms molded by the shark." -Paul Watson

Graffiti 141

 

Some bizarre comment on advertising or clueless ploy to get city denizens to drink more water?

"In the United States, the advertising and public relations industry is huge. Back in the more honest days, they called it propaganda. Now the term doesn’t sound nice, so it’s not used anymore, but it’s basically a huge propaganda system...His first great success was to induce women to smoke. In the 1920s, women didn’t smoke. So here’s this big population which was not buying cigarettes, so he paid young models to march down New York City’s Fifth Avenue holding cigarettes. His message to women was, 'You want to be cool like a model? You should smoke a cigarette.' How many millions of corpses did that create? I’d hate to calculate it. But it was considered an enormous success." -Noam Chomsky

"There are two sayings that are familiar in every news room across the country: 1) sex sells; 2) if it bleeds it leads." -Armstrong Williams

Graffiti 140

In college I was almost never without my Walkman, mixtapes and headphones blocking everything out. I never felt quite comfortable at my alma mater, never a-part-of, the music and the ritual of it my bit of protection. This was in the burgeoning time of cell phones and iPods. For the most part people weren't plugged in yet.

As those things got more popular and it was more common for people to be distracted with their devices I put down my headphones and my Walkman(actually it broke and they don't make them much anymore). Initially my move was blatantly non-conformist. I didn't get an iPod because everyone else was going wild for them. But as iPods turned into iPhones and all phones into smartphones I've tried(and sometimes failed) to keep my engagement with digital gadgets while in public to a minimum.

Phones are a distraction and can take peoples focus away from the individuals they are with which can be irritating. More importantly though it conditions people not to deal with life's moments of boredom, discomfort, and unease. Gives people a nice warm social blanket in any situation. Prevents them from developing the skill and tolerance required to navigate those more disquieting moments of life.

"The cell phone has become the adult's transitional object, replacing the toddler's teddy bear for comfort and a sense of belonging." -Margaret Heffernan

"We know that people are less open in conversations if the other conversant puts a cell phone on the table. Even if it's turned off. The sign is enough to close the mind and make a prospective client or lover less likely to do what you ask. As people realize this, they'll start putting away phones or turning them off." -Douglas Rushkoff

Big City Blues

The G train hurtles
through the burrows
of Brooklyn borough
toward a man-made monument
to nature's tranquility.

You fidget, flick
pick, and preen
tendrils, wafts, of unease.

Thick, it clouds my eyes
I cop a buzz
it coats my tongue.

A contact high
from your rising panic
tearing ahead
to the depths of manic.

Bayard–Condict Building

Senior year of college I transcribed this monologue from the documentary The Cruise. I used it for auditions after graduation, for the most part it went over well. Last week in New York I stopped by the building to pay homage.

"Oh look, straight up, oh that’s a great view, the white terracotta straight ahead. That’s the one building that Louis Sullivan designed for New York City."

"Look at the meticulousness, and you know that strong vertical launch in the facade is typical of the Sullivan milieu. You know terracotta becomes one of the major materials of New York City architecture. Its like a sand baked brick its not quite granite and its not quite brick it kinda walks the mainstream middle and it was excellent for New York City architecture because it could hang off the skeletons of the buildings its much lighter than stone. The difference though between stone and terracotta I think with me that strikes me the most is that terracotta reflects the sun light and stone absorbs it and you can see the bouncy light along the building."

"When I see terracotta like this it just makes me feel like I’m senselessly running through a meadow or high grassland area nude chasing a woman I’ve never met before whose entirely nude and its just the most raw and primordial chase. Two nude human beings running through grassland marsh area."

"As you move up the building can’t you feel the undulations of her curvature the um ah yes yes that slight groan some people have during the act of intercourse. The like ugh, like the somewhat dying grunt of a beautiful woman grunting in the storms of her own malaise. You can feel it in the matriculations of the cornice lines of the terracotta. That’s why the terracotta is important to me. The ugh, the ugh moments of life. Ugh. Ugh. Yes. Yes. Oh god! Please. The begging parts of life, on the left side you see those like lionesk characters way up there. Please don’t stop. Please don’t stop!"

Graffiti 139: New York City

 Smoke meth, hail Satan.

There was a surprising amount of chalk work around the city, this took up a whole wall.

An Evian advertisement.

Alfred Hitchcock?

New York City: The Perpetual Motion Machine.

Marvel Mish-Mash Mural.

"There is a thread that ties me to the night." -Mana

Cockroach, rat, and pigeon- the original denizens of New York.

The Big Apple

Took this picture of Tisher's street as I was heading to the airport. It was a great to see Tisher and spend some time with him in his new city. It's a good fit for him, sprawling and romantic, cosmopolitan and bizarre, full of freaks, hipsters, and affluent douches. We did everything I wanted to do, saw some shows, hit tourist hot spots, and had some great food. It was a full experience with lots of stuff to ruminate on and unpack.

At the beginning of the trip I was nervous, scared that I would get overwhelmed in the utter tumultuousness of the city. On the bus from LaGuardia to Tisher's it was packed and I could feel myself getting worked up, prepping for a freak out. My bus stop finally came and no one really moved, people were just shuffling in place. I called out loudly but calmly "coming out!" and people made way. I had a little breakthrough, I realized the MTA is just like the CTA, the same etiquette, the same mix of confused/belligerent patrons, the same protocol. Realized over the course of the visit Chicago and New York aren't that different. Of course NYC is bigger, faster, more intense but when it comes to actually functioning, the day-to-day stuff, they're similar enough for me to be able draw the parallels and make it work. Chicago operates at an 8, NYC at a 10, they're not the same but on the same end of the spectrum.

The culmination of that realization was that I could live in NYC. I'd be able to establish a routine, be able to make my way around, carve out my little part of the city, be able to endure and figure it out and make a life. I have the ability to do it, it is not outside my capacity.

My second realization after talking to people about their lives, work, classes and shows was that I do not want to. I applaud my friends for making the jump, I have faith that not only will they be happy but they will attain the comedy success they deserve. I won't move there unless I have a gig, I have no desire to move there blind and start taking improv classes over again. No desire to take on a big city again from the ground up. Don't see the benefit in struggling to make rent let alone get stage time. Not to degrade that choice, I'm sure they are making longer and firmer strides towards a comedy career than I am, but it is comforting to come to the conclusion that that is not my path. The line between delight and despair is paper-thin in NYC. For a while there I felt left behind, confused, lost as to what I wanted to do and how I was going to do it. Going to New York and seeing it I know I'm where I'm suppose to be.

The trip, although not particularly restive, was inspiring. Creatively invigorating. I'm back in Chicago more balanced than I have been in months. Grateful for the opportunities I have, the loving friends that surround me, and Chicago itself.

Good Food & Lots of Walking

We got up kind of early this morning to meet Andel for brunch, she's currently on a Second City ship which ports out of NYC on Saturdays. To fortify us for the trip into Manhattan we stopped at Peter Pan Donuts just down the street from Tisher's apartment. Although Rockford's now defunct House Of Donuts will always hold a nostalgic and delicious place in my heart the chocolate glazed donut I had a Peter Pan's may be the best I've ever had.

We met Andel at The Wren in the East Village. As always it was wonderful to see her, she's just one of those people I click with automatically, instinctually on the same page. After spending time with her I always feel refreshed, focused. I got the Irish Breakfast which was very good, the blood sausage certainly was head and shoulders above any I've tried before.

After brunch we went to a bookstore then passed Gandhi on the way to the train. When we got back to his apartment Tisher napped while I wandered down to the river front.

Made a friend on the way.

On the river front there was some kids shooting a short film and a couple taking engagement photos. I've seen a lot of photo shoots the last couple days, about half models and half couples. Even so there wasn't that many people around. It was nice to take an hour or so by myself and listen to the waves break along the beach.

Empire State Building on the left, Chrysler Building on the right.

Tisher and I headed to Prospect Park for the evening. Walked around, talked, and tried to stay in the light. It was thrilling, even thought NYC isn't what it once was in regards to crime, it felt a little dangerous walking around this huge park after dark. No telling who could be hiding in the shadows.

The night was clear and cool, mist gathered above the vacant baseball fields. At one point we passed a cabin hosting a wedding reception. The dulcet rhythms of Mambo #5 breaking the otherwise pervasive silence.

Because of construction we got out a couple stops early and walked the rest of the way home. We passed through a kind of seedy neighborhood, then a neighborhood of Hasidic Jews with tons of folks out and about in full garb, it abruptly changed when we went under the BQE and were back in hipster Williamsburg. It was interesting how the texture of a neighborhood would change drastically by only traveling a couple feet. Tisher said the above is the Brooklyn town hall.

We got a late night slice, another New York must, then went to bed.

The Bridge, The Square, & New York Improv

After breakfast Tisher and I headed to the Brooklyn Bridge. It was the only must for me of the trip. This view is facing Manhattan.

I've only been to NYC twice before. My first visit I was 8 and the only thing I remember is seeing a guy get mugged. The second time was my senior year of college. The city was too big for me then, too cramped, too intimidating. But at one point we walked across the bridge basically alone, it was the middle of November, and I was struck by the beauty of the skyline and the peace of those weathered stones.

Crisp and a bit overcast it was an ideal fall day. The walk over the bridge was meditative and majestic. One direction the spikes and spires of Manhattan, the other the chaotic sprawl of Brooklyn. The Brooklyn Bridge is my favorite place in New York. There's a stalwartness about it, a serenity, an uncompromising gentleness. The bridge feels familiar, there's comfort in that.

This view is facing Brooklyn.

We crossed the bridge and wandered through lower Manhattan, passed a couple different court houses, and crossed this street.

This squirrel greeted us as we stopped to rest in Washington Square Park.

A surprising amount of flowers still in bloom.

We meandered through the square and continued north for a while then got on a train back to Brooklyn.

Annie and Joey joined us for dinner, great to see them. Bizarre for me, seeing all my Chicago friends in NYC, starting this new chapter of their lives, anxious and excited.

Tisher and I tried to see Gone Girl but it was sold out so we went to The Judge instead, review forthcoming. Then we went to see Conner's team at UCB.

I've heard a lot of talk about New York Improv vs. Chicago Improv, game play vs. scene work. I've never seen any New York teams to make the comparison until tonight, and I have to say possible bias acknowledged, NYC has got nothing on Chicago when it comes to improv. Conner was amazing but the rest of the team, although there were a couple people with a lot of talent, were single-mindedly making/trying to make jokes the entire time. No scene went longer than twenty seconds without a walk-on or a tag out, most scenes were done in some nebulous non-space, nothing was set up, nothing was left to breathe, there was a singular focus on making jokes.

Don't get me wrong I was entertained. It was a decent show. But there was no patience, no heart, no real inspiration. If that was any indication of NYC improv, that style can be categorized not by "game play" but by a dogged need to be funny at the expense of actually improvising.

Anyway. It was nice to get a little improv fix and to finally see a show at UCB.

Central Park & Colbert

Got up at 4am to catch a flight to New York City to visit Tisher. After a bite to eat in Brooklyn we headed to Manhattan and walked around Central Park.

I can't stop thinking about one of my favorite movies The Cruise. It's about this double decker bus tour guide Timothy "Speed" Levitch. He has this amazing monologue about Central Park, listing all the tons of dirt and rocks, all the figures on plants and animals that were imported to construct it. The worlds largest man made piece of nature.

It was beautiful, quiet, and green. So bizarre to have such a huge park in the middle of a crowded city.

Walking around I haven't seen as many pigeons or rats as I expected.

There were people there but not a ton, it was easy to have a relatively solitary Central Park experience.

Being in New York reminds me of Through The Looking Glass. It feels like an amped up mirror image version of Chicago where everything is just a bit different. A bit faster, a bit more compact.

Central Park: an oasis for the on-the-go New Yorker.

Shakespeare in the park.

By the lakefront under the stairs these two weirdos were playing violin and singing opera. Behind me there was a middle aged guy with a huge string contraption making bubbles. It was wonderful.

After the park we went to The Colbert Report. Robert Plant was the guest. I wouldn't describe it as fun exactly, I feel like Tisher and I as comedy people can kind of see the strings being pulled, and with Ariel writing for the show I didn't go into it with the same kind of unbridled enthusiasm as some of the other tourist type guests. Regardless it was very cool. It went by surprisingly quick and Colbert was all business, the consummate professional, compelling from the moment he hit the stage.

Once the taping was over Ariel(I made her make a "tough" face) took us back stage and showed us her office and the writers room. It was all very exciting and wonderful. She was incredibly generous getting us the tickets and showing us around and I think very excited some friends came to see her work.

We got dinner and caught up, Ariel describing her routine and me providing Chicago updates. A great first day.