Gifts

I've always considered myself a great gift giver but a poor gift receiver. Its easy to find or purchase a little something or a big something to give to someone to show that you care about them. Something special or something generic it doesn't matter that much. The act itself carries more meaning than the thing being given. It says: I went out of my way, I had you in mind when I wasn't around you, I thought of you when I saw this, I want you to have something from me, I may not be able to articulate my feelings or my thoughts for you so I got you this symbol of them.

I feel like I've always, as far back as I can remember, been deficient in expressing to someone my appreciation for the gifts they've given me. It always feels fake, shallow, incomplete. Unable to acknowledge the little or large meaning of the exchange.

Jen gave me some flowers tonight. A small pot with a bunch of purple pungent blossoms. Her friendship and support and by extension these flowers mean a lot to me and I don't think I was able to express my gratitude. Not only for the gift but for everything.

The unsaid things seem to be the most important to say. And the most difficult.