Meatmorial Day

Rourke hosted his annual Memorial day cook out dubbed, as are many, Meatmorial. I went to it last year and it was a lot of the same people one guy, a college friend, I hadn't seen since the same event last year. Pat bought a bunch of meat, people brought a bunch of meat, and the grill was going full tilt the whole time.

It was a beautiful day and a great crowd of people. There's something very comforting being in a crowd of 40 people or so and knowing most of them one way or another. People, for the most part, with a common passion.

The sun, the food, and the company made it a truly wonderful laid back holiday.

For a long time I never felt a part of. I was uncomfortable at parties and in crowds. I preferred solitude and limited social interactions. Over the past two years I've become more comfortable and open. Gotten to know more people. And the result is an ease when navigating big get togethers and a desire for them. I discovered a real joy being around large groups of friends, feeding off the energy, and soaking in people just being around each other.

This aversion of course was related to my drinking, a symptom, and now somewhat free from it I can be in a crowd and not only resist the urge to drink but have no craving to. At one point Steph's boyfriend and I were chatting. I was smoking and he brought over a bottle of champagne. He offered me some and I told him I didn't drink, told him I was recovering. He responded "That must be really hard. At a thing like this especially." After he said that I thought about it, investigated my feelings, and found to my surprise I had no desire to drink, none at all. I was truly comfortable and happy. I sighed at what a gift it was. And finished my cigarette.

Some addictions are better than others.