The State of Masculinity

It's unfortunate
men may only feel
they can be honest
around a fire
or in a garage

Be True

As you wept
in our bed
I did not know
what to do

I could not know
your despair
or the pain
that ran through you

There are things
that can be shared
but others only
to be endured

Sometimes words
cannot heal
and assurances
have no weight

So I gave what I had-
my ears
and the warmth
of my embrace

For today
it was enough.

Overwhelmed

I enjoy praise
as I think
most people do
but I was not
prepared
for the raw nerve
I struck
when tackling
menstruation
by relating it
to a personal
groin injury,
advocating
for male empathy
and understanding
when it comes
to the somewhat
baffling gulf
between the sexes.
The response
was shockingly
electric, applause
like waves
crashed on me,
embarrassed by
the vehemence
and tongue-tied
with the perennial
awkwardness of compliments
I quickly and silently left
overwhelmed and confused
with the impact of my words.
Sometimes success can be bewildering.

'The Forbidden Room' A Review

The Forbidden Room is a French Canadian silent movie/early film inspired montage comedy-drama. Book-ended by an odd commercial like sequence "How To Take A Bath" the film then moves into a submarine, a sailor on the sub tells a story, someone in the story has a dream, on and on spinning off into various loosely connected vignettes eventually circling back to the submarine for a series of climaxes to bring a semblance of resolution to the non-narrative piece.

Tonally the film is a collage of styles, at points silent with title cards, alternatively allegory, farce, melodrama, and parody. The over-the-top comedic performances seem totally incongruous with some of the heightened and dramatic situations, incompatible with the care and singular visual quality of the film. The various sequences are almost all monochromatic and the shots and cuts create an ethereal dream-like quality. The film is so packed with ideas and technique it walks the line between beauty and indecipherable mess.

The artifice and creativity of the film is unarguable, as far as conception it is incredibly unique. There is however a glaring and disheartening misogyny on display. Of the thirty plus cast members the majority of the men are past middle age and the majority of the women are in their twenties. The majority of the women in the film appear fully nude at various points. All the women in the film fill one of three roles- mother, wife/girlfriend, or object of sexual desire. This could be through some specific intention of the filmmakers, if so it is not apparent. The portrayal of women in the film is antiquated and offensive. The film not only utilizes silent film craft but has parroted the gender dynamics of that bygone time period.

Artistically layered, socially bankrupt.

Don't See It.

Menstruation

I don't know much about it. I am a man and have never done it.
These are the things I know. Or think I know.
About cycles and spotting. Procreation and periods.

Sometimes it's worse than others.
Flow can be heavy, light, or somewhere inbetween.
Moods can be volatile: from grouchy to elated.
There are cramps. And maybe nausea?
Food can help.
So can water. Hydration is important.
If cliches are to be believed chocolate and rom-coms are a soothing balm.
But I have never seen these methods plied and so discredit their effect.

The monthlies can be daunting
to a man whose never had
a stream of blood
trickle
from betwixt his legs.

One of those mysteries
I cannot grasp.

Billie Jean King

For most of my life my father and I have been the only men in my family. I have Uncles and boy cousins but they are spread out across the country and I rarely see them. In Rockford where I grew up it was just my dad and I. He grew up with three sisters. I grew up with a sister and three girl cousins. I had an early education in equality. I was taught respect from a group of strong minded, independent women for which I am grateful. My dad also was, and is, a good example of how to treat people.

One of my early memories is watching an A&E special about the 1973 "Battle Of The Sexes" tennis match- Billie Jean King vs. Bobby Riggs. I was very young and didn't understand what I was watching. My dad put the TV on mute and explained it to me.

Dad: Well Stever...Bobby Riggs was this washed up old pro who wasn't even that good in his prime, his whole thing was that women pros could never be as good as men, he challenged Billie Jean at first but she said no so he played and beat this older woman. He was a real loud mouth asshole saying women belonged in the bedroom and the kitchen stuff like that. After that game Billie Jean agreed to play him in a nationally televised match. We were all for her, it was generational, Stever this was '73- Vietnam time, the nation was...it was political, it was more than a tennis match. This was also around the time of Title IX so equality was a big thing for us. We were sick of the old foags running things and we wanted a change, Billie Jean was a symbol. Anyway. Up to the match Riggs was non-stop trash talking trying to get in Billie Jean's head, like Ali before Rumble In The Jungle, except Riggs was no Ali, didn't have the talent, didn't have the words. Billie Jean just trains, didn't let it bother her. The match comes, Billie Jean waxes Riggs. Makes the old man run the court till he can't take it. It was huge. The Lib beat the Lip.

The story and the message stuck with me. This year is the 40th anniversary of the match and BJK is the subject of a PBS Masters documentary that aired last week. You can also listen to a great interview with Billie Jean King on Fresh Air here.