Some years ago I was in a dark place. After unsuccessfully battling alcoholism for two years I had been dumped by my girlfriend and fired from my job and threw myself entirely into the bottle. As the days of isolated inebriated misery went by I began to be plagued by suicidal thoughts. I consumed as much as I could and laid plans. I got into rehab before things went too far but it was close. Maybe another day, maybe a couple hours and by alcohol poisoning or my own hand I would have died. And in that limbo, in that darkness, I did not find answers, a white light, or a glimpse of the beyond. What I did find was certainty. Death was waiting. And that certainty changed my perception everafter. I relate this not for sympathy or recognition but to let you know- I know what it is, I’ve been there.
We all owe a death. Whether you believe in some cosmic creator or mere biological happenstance we are all ticking clocks counting down to the inevitable. Some will have longer than others, for some it will go on longer than wanted, some will be snuffed out far too soon, but no matter your particular situation life is finite. The price of life is death. A definitive ending to our time in this world. You cannot escape it, you cannot avoid it, you will die. That is the first thing.
The boundary between life and death is paper thin. It is tissue, gossamer, scrim. Vulnerable to a light wind or mere whimsy. Accident, catastrophe, illness are possible at any moment. Potentially around every corner. The world is full of threats. Both overt and oblique. All outside of our control. Life is incredibly fragile. That is the second thing.
Death is nothing to fear. That is the third thing.
Acceptance of the inevitable can be difficult, understanding of our frailty demanding. Nothing facilitates this shift in perspective quicker than a near death experience. As anyone who has had one can confirm it brings with it some substantial clarity. You realize how precious life is. And for some this may sound like a cliche, a platitude more appropriate for an inspirational poster rather than anything actually applicable. But if you’ve been to the threshold, if you’ve knocked on Death’s door, you know it is not some proverb but a reality. With this realization the world takes on a sharp and compelling beauty.
We will all die. This is not something to regret or fear. It is simple fact. Like the blue sky or the piss stinking Red Line train car. Don’t fight against this inevitability, accept it. Acceptance can provide a boundless freedom. That is the first thing.
Death could come at any moment. There is not a day that goes by that there isn’t an epidemic, shooting, terrorist attack, plane crash, car accident, on and on. The possibilities are endless and can cause anxiety and dread. But that it is but wasted time and energy. Cruelties and injustices, both actual and metaphysical, are perpetrated regardless of any of our individual worries. So worry serves no purpose. Yes, there is despair but there is kindness. Yes, there is menace but there is hope. Which brings with it more contentment? Which allows for the richer existence? That is the second thing.
Our time is fleeting. How we spend it is our choice. You can be ruled by fear, irritation, paranoia, and a laundry list of other acidic emotions which function only to limit and bind. Or you can choose to relish this capricious gift we were all given. That is the third thing.
Given all this I have some suggestions. Be present in your own life. Don’t dwell in the past or worry about the future. Tell your friends and family you love them whenever and wherever you can. If you have a purchase you want to make, an activity you want to do, a place you want to visit. Do it. If you have a job you hate- quit. Focus on and go after what you want and need and believe. Make compromises but don’t give in. Talk less, do more. Curb expectation. Enjoy. Savor. Seek. Live your life.
To quote Robin Williams in the criminally maligned classic Hook. “To live, what an awfully big adventure.”
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