'Morris From America' A Review

Morris From America is a coming-of-age comedy about Morris(Markees Christmas) and his dad Curtis(Craig Robinson) who have moved to Germany, in the wake of the death of Morris's mother, for Curtis's work. Morris struggles with the rejection of his peer group and their subsequent bullying, the isolation and grief both him and his father feel, and develops a crush on the one classmate Katrin(Lina Keller) who becomes his friend.

Robinson give one of the best, most dynamic performances of his career. Conveying a emotional authenticity while not sacrificing any of his innate humorous charm. Almost all the best moments of the film are with Robinson and Christmas or with Robinson alone. The chemistry the two have together evoke a real father and son dealing with those difficult and wide-reaching issues that are always relevant because they are faced by all fathers and sons. Christmas holds the weight of the story on his shoulders and holds up well but many of the situations outside of his interactions with Robinson are constrained by their predictability. Keller and Carla Juni as Inka Morris's German teacher both put in good turns but they also are restricted by the some of the coming-of-age tropes.

The international setting provides a welcome freshness as does the use of hip hop as both a way to distinguish Morris and Curtis's foreignness as well as a mechanism for Morris to evolve and relate. The film falls short in some of the "bigger moments" which perhaps reflect reality but feel cliche.

An incredible performance from Craig Robinson elevates a somewhat stock story.

See It.

Medieval Times

From as far back as I can remember I've been drawn to fantasy. Dragons, magic, swords, shields, horses, quests, familiars, monsters, prophecies the whole thing. I like those type of stories so much because they take you to a different world, transport you, you can get swept up in it all and be part of an adventure. Reality and fiction set within it can feel, at times, pedestrian. I don't think I'm drawn to the escapism of it so much rather it offers something so clearly beyond the scope of the normal day-to-day.

Travelling into Chicago from Rockford as a child the Medieval Times castle stuck out amidst the flat landscape like an alluring oasis. When I was 8 we finally went and it was a dream come true. One of the highlights of my childhood. It was so immersive I felt like I was in one of the stories I loved so much. I felt like I belonged. I went again the next year for my 9th birthday.

Last night Nicole and I along with Jose and Meigan went, it was my first time back since I was a kid and although it didn't hold the same mystery(how could it) it was still a wonderful evening. As cheesy and touristy as Medieval Times can be there's something incredibly fun and comforting about it. That it remains, providing entertainment for all and a bit of magic for the young who need it.

Movie Theater Ettiquette

It seems in this our vaulted digital age some basic civilities have dissipated. Namely personal space and politeness. If you'll indulge the age-old gripe it seems with our technological advances our ability or interest in treating others with respect has waned. We seem to be ignorant in public spaces of proximity to each others bodies, perhaps a result of chronic device use shifting focus from the outside world within, and those age old words "please" "thank you" and "excuse me" seem endangered. And sure however dated and devoid of meaning these arbitrary phrases may be at the very least they indicate a modicum of consideration.

I acknowledge that I'm most likely hyper sensitive of these various indiscretions in the movie theater as it is a place of reverence for me. A place of solace and adventure, of comfort and belonging. Which all can be shattered by the inconsiderate. Which brings us to yesterday evening.

At the AMC River East in a small theater, the 9:50pm screening of Kubo and the Two Strings. The audience was surprisingly packed. Always early as to not miss previews or appropriate seating Nicole and I were situated with a single seat on either side. After the protracted introduction and fifteen minutes of previews the movie began. At the same time three gangly foreign tourist 12-year-old boys with backpacks stuffed-to-bursting lumbered in to the theater.

As the opening credits rolled for the emotional stop-action flick two of them walked to the center of the row we were sitting in and asked the couple to our left to move, which they did. The third after his buds had seated walked in front of us and said "Can you move". Nicole quickly acquiesced. "No problem" she said. The small ember of anger ignited by their oblivious tardiness blossomed into an incendiary bonfire of rage. God. How dare they.

As the boy stood in front of me I waited a calculated fifteen seconds then said "Unreal". I got up and purposely crowded him as I passed and nudged him with my shoulder. As the movie progressed I calmed but throughout the running time the three checked their phones, laughed at emotional moments, loudly snacked on full size bags of potato chips, and guzzled soda from two liters.

At the end of the film, during the poignant resolution one of the three got up to stand in the entrance and take a call. As we exited I made a point to crowd him and give him a shoulder nudge. I was righteous in my passive-aggression. I was imparting a lesson.

Which is idiocy of course. It is most probable these three didn't even notice my behavior. Or if they did took it in stride as American attitude. It certainly didn't faze them. It was laughable.

For a long time I was an angry guy and I've mostly come to terms with it, put that part of myself behind me. Learned how to let go of small grievances and large irritants. But every now again it comes bubbling back. And every now and again I give it an outlet however slight. And almost always it is comic rather than sinister. Impotent rather than reasonable. And I'm reminded how futile fury can be.

'Kubo And The Two Strings' A Review

Kubo and the Two Strings is a stop-motion fantasy adventure film set in ancient Japan about a young boy Kubo(Art Parkinson) and his mother Sariatu(Charlize Theron) who are hiding out in a cave from their sinister family. One day Kubo is out after dark, something expressly forbidden by Sariatu, and is then confronted and chased by his two evil aunts. Thus begins his quest for the magical armor which will insure his safety.

All the actors give credible vocal performances however it is disconcerting the number of white actors portraying Asian characters. It is especially distracting when McConaughey enters as the beetle samurai, there is no hiding those laid back alright-alright-alright cadence. The cast is reflective of a recent trend in cinematic voice work where the intention seems to be slotting the most stars as possible as opposed to getting the best actors to cultivate the best performances. That being said the animation is incredible and imaginative, the story is emotional and evocative, all propelled by fun fast-paced adventure.

The plot itself is somewhat underdeveloped. Motivations, back story, and some of the machinations of the story as it progresses are unclear or muddled. It starts of strong but in the later third it kind of crumbles. It has the potential to be a really poignant beautiful piece of cinema but falls short with the injection of a moral and a beleaguered climax-come-resolution.

 Elegant stop-motion animation with a narrative that doesn't quite match its quality.

Rent It.

The Accident

My dad imparted
his love of motorcycles
some time ago
and it has been
a bonding point
ever since.

Early on
post-college
pre-profession
when I was sick and listless
our rides were the
only times lacking contention.

On our way back
from the illustrious
Oregon, IL
it began to sprinkle,
then drizzle, then rain
and my dad pulled off to reconnoiter.

But we were too close
and he cut right too quick
my back wheel locked
and began to slide
as the bike itself slowly
titled, then fell to the ground.

Not a crash but a wipe out surely. Unpleasant at 30 mph.

In pain and angry
I wriggled from beneath
the mound of metal
and ripped off my helmet
ready to rage
at my thoughtless progenitor.

As I stalked towards him
he removed his helmet
and I could see his face
had drained of color
and he looked at me, haunted, dreading
in that instant all my fury dissipated like a fog under the faithful sun.

The accident
was incidental
and what I saw was the
fear a father has of out living his child
I shrugged it off and made light to ease his worry,
comforted by the display, however morbid, of everlasting love.

'Don't Think Twice' A Review

Don't Think Twice is a dramedy about an improv group in New York City all clamoring to get on the Saturday Night Live stand-in "Weekend Live". After the TV producers visit one of the group's shows two of the six get tapped to audition. One of the two get the job and this coupled with the closing of their home theater forces the group to contend with their respective futures and the validity of their creative ambitions.

Although stacked with talented actors and comedians the cast flounders and mostly fails to bring to life writer/director Mike Birbiglia's mostly flat, immature, and trite script. Much of the behavior and dialogue of the characters is unbelievable, unlikable, juvenile or all three. Keegan-Michael Key gives the most compelling performance of the film and is given action and lines that most closely reflect how adult humans actually behave. The rest of the characters come across as self-involved petulant children. We're suppose to believe this group are all close friends however the minute one of their members gets commercial success they are immediately jealous, lash out, and attempt to leverage the friendship for gain. The characters as individuals aren't really developed so when they begin to be ugly to each other it doesn't necessarily make sense nor do we really care.

As an improviser myself I can say that Birbiglia's portrayal of the improv community and the art form itself are cliched and childish, perhaps emblematic of the burgeoning scene in the 90's but now totally irrelevant and incorrect. As a fellow artist I can say he gets wrong ambition and jealousy which are much more complicated and nuanced than he leads us to believe, not to mention, in almost every art form there is no single(Weekend Live) type of goal. The movie fails to take into consideration the myriad of different creative jobs, pursuits, opportunities, and projects that improv comedy, as a starting point, or any artistic discipline for that matter, could lead to. That however is mostly forgivable as improv is still a relatively unknown niche if the characters were actually three dimensional humans. They decidedly are not.

There are many egregious errors in the film, improv and interpersonal, but two stick out. The first is that Key's character Jack and his girlfriend Sam played by Gillian Jacobs break up during an improv set. This is so contrived and dumb its painful for all the wrong(dramatic) reasons. The second is the fact that Miles, Birbiglia's character, continually sleeps with his young impressionable students and its treated with a casual acceptance, at times its even a punchline, which is offensive. Doubly so given the conversations being had in comedy communities throughout the country.

Tone-deaf, cloyingly contrived, offers a feel-good thesis with no supporting evidence.

Don't See It.

Blockbuster: Closing

Tonight was closing night for Blockbuster. A more gratifying and demanding project I don't think I've ever worked on. After My Two Sons last year, which was basically a coming of age story about two boys, I wanted to do a show about the female experience. I came up with the framework of having the location be at a Blockbuster and take place over the course of one day partly because Blockbuster played a big part in my growing up and partly because it seemed like a place where references would easily launch discussions. The intention was to explore various gender issues by how they are portrayed in and reinforced/subverted by pop culture. I wrote an outline, the cast improvised the various scenes which were recorded, and I transcribed a script from the recordings.

I pitched the show to the Annoyance last December, they initially rejected it, I modified the proposal and re-pitched it and they said yes. We took February and March to generate the script and when I followed up about an opening date for the show there was some miscommunication and, after some back and forth, we got slotted for July. We took April and most of May off then came back with the completed script to get ready for the opening. This is all to say we've been working on the show for a while.

I cast Meaghan, Amy, Meg, and Sarah because they are all incredibly talented but also admirable people whose perspectives and ideas I knew would be engaging. I wanted to create a play that showcased their personalities and point-of-views. A lot of the challenge for me as the director was having some kind of structure which allowed them to do that. While working with them and trying to specifically address certain issues a lot of stuff came up that I wasn't aware of both outside of the play and as an outgrowth of our working dynamic. I learned a lot and tried to practice patience, honesty, and empathy whenever we ventured into subjects and circumstances that I had no experience or knowledge of. To listen more than talk, to facilitate rather than dictate. There were some tough moments but throughout Meaghan, Amy, Meg, and Sarah remained open and willing to continue the work and the conversation, even though there were moments that were frustrating the experience was one of discovery and growth, for me and I think for them too. The play itself they were all amazing in displaying courage and chemistry, strength and vulnerability.

Jimmy, Max, and Danny all worked with me on My Two Sons and we have a close friendship as well as an intimate working relationship. With the way I create plays through outlining, improv, then transcription a comfort and ease with that kind of process is important. They're also incredibly charismatic performers and just a joy to be around. With Mike, not pictured above but below, we've been friends for a long time, he's one of the most dynamic performers I know, but we'd never really worked together, I wanted him to essentially be the villain of the show. It required him to walk a fine line between darkness and humor, pathos and aggression, which he has a very unique ability to pull off. All of them were incredible to watch. They weren't in the play a lot and functioned primarily as cameo-like foils for the four leads but they gave generously of their time and ability to help create, what I hope was, something that offered a somewhat fuller view of gender relations by their participation.

The play turned out almost exactly how I had pictured it in my head, better. The structure, the flow, the content. I set out to do a play that paid tribute to movies and Blockbuster and we did that, more importantly I wanted to do a play that had a message, and as complicated as that turned out to be, I think we accomplished that. In the comedy community there seems to be an aversion to sincerity, people use irony as a shield, a way to comment without putting belief on the line. And sure that can be good even great but personally I think there's something more powerful about putting yourself out there and being genuine. And perhaps the show and its intentions are imperfect given the complex and varied subjects we attempted to address but I take great satisfaction and pride in the work that we did and the show we produced. In the effort and attempt.

The process and the people taught me a lot not only about the subtle and not-so-subtle forms and instances of sexism and repression but also about directing itself. About story and character, about narrative expectation, dramatic tension and release. How to communicate and collaborate more effectively. I'm more knowledgeable personally and creatively because of the show. And that is the result, almost exclusively, of the open minds and hearts of the cast.

This show has been the most exacting project I've ever worked on and consequently the most fulfilling and there's a lot of people who helped me and inspired me along the way. HP for putting together the 2008 female alt-rock soundtrack. Beanpole for the poster art. Alison and Allison for being incredible understudies. Nicole for being my confident and always providing a listening ear. The Annoyance for the opportunity. And most importantly the cast who gave of their time and talents in exorbitant amounts.

Hindsight Hour: Conclusion

After two years and two seasons I put this project to rest with the release of these last two episodes. It started as a very vague concept and, over time, developed into something I'm really proud of. I've learned a lot about narrative more specifically narrative improv and I think through the repetition of some of the scenes and themes have been able to highlight some interesting and cool interpersonal commonalities. Over the total 14 episodes there is a lot of great performances and content. Some hilarious stuff and some real honest-to-goodness emotion. I'm grateful for all the time and effort that went into this, doubly grateful for the generosity of time and talent from a list of incredible collaborators top of that list being Tim Joyce my director and podcast partner for four years running. It's been a fulfilling experience, thanks to all who listened.

Domestic life. The first triplet of scenes addresses the contentiousness of cohabitation, the last scene tackles a pregnancy scare.


Growing pains. The first scene depicts the age-old dorm-room pot-bust. The second couplet delves into a student-professor stand off

Season 2:
Directed by Tim Joyce
Improvised by  Damian Anaya, Mike Brunlieb, Sarah Cowdery, Laurel Krabacher, Rosie Moan, Jimmy Pennington, Meaghan Strickland, and Andel Sudik

Anniverary

In my youth
romance
was all reactive,
pursuit
more base
than amorous,
typified
by selfish
negotiations
rather than
compromise
and an inability
of vulnerability.

Then there was you.
And along with all
the satisfying
intrigue of desire,
the excitment
and joyful freshness
of courtship,
there was a deep
reservoir
of intimacy,
an effort at
communication,
and a building
growing, melding-
a resonance-
the likes of which
I had never known.

Do The Right Thing

Sometimes the right thing to do is easy and obvious. Hold the door for an old person with a cane, give up your seat on the train for someone with a kid, show up to work on time, take out the trash, what have you. Other times it can be more elusive, more complicated. Taking responsibility for your action while still advocating for yourself, making compromises or not making compromises, standing up for yourself, letting something slide, taking into consideration the wants/needs/desires of friends/family/employers, not sacrificing your wants/needs/desires in the service of people-pleasing. It can be murky.

But even on the small scale it can be difficult. We may be exhausted, irritable, myopic, unwilling or unable to give of ourselves for even the most basic kindness on any given day. And that's OK. Some days are good and some days are bad. What we can do is do our best on any given day and realize that that won't always look the same.

Some days the right thing will be a missed opportunity, something we just overlooked. Some days it will pass us by because, in that moment, we were incapable of taking action. Some days will be all success and triumph. We will lay our heads on our pillows at night with a sigh of satisfaction and a sense of unbridled fulfillment. Some days we won't even notice that we are doing the right thing, we simply will be. Some days we will endeavor greatly to do the right thing, to be honest and true and things will get all mixed up and we'll be left feeling like emotional hamburger, all twisted up and pounded out and spent. Some days will be a struggle and in trying to do the right thing we may end up doing the wrong thing. Some days we'll be confronted with deceit or pain and the path may be unclear. Some days require action, others stillness. Some days require talk, others listening. Some days require confrontation, others quiet acceptance.

Morality can seem, at times, so abstract it is not applicable. But some simple practices may provide definition for the theoretical. Pause. When confronted with a person or situation pause before reacting. Investigate your feelings and think through your response. Talk. Consult with friends and loved ones when you're in need of direction. By taking in the input, suggestions, and perspective of others we gain clarity. Pray. Or meditate. Cultivating an internal calm will pay dividends in the external.

In this our modern age of irony the idea of being a good person seems quaint, uncool. But given the current climate of socio-political upheaval, of dissent and protest and injustice, now more than ever we should aspire to do the right thing. To breathe meaning into cliched words like hope, courage, and tolerance. To forsake internet rhetoric for real world empathy. To try, to attempt, to do the right thing. To be ruled more by principle than knee-jerk reaction. To seek understanding rather than being understood. To seek to love rather than be loved. And to always do the right thing.

'Hell Or High Water' A Review

Hell Or High Water is a western crime drama about two brothers who rob banks in order to pay off the mortgage on their family ranch. The film opens on Toby(Chris Pine) and Tanner(Ben Foster) driving up to a Texas Midland Bank and holding it up before it opens. We then follow the brothers, as well as the Texas Rangers assigned to track them down, as they rob more banks and launder the money at a local casino in order to get enough money to avoid foreclosure.

Pine and Foster have great chemistry and give rich, playful, understated performances. Moments of poignancy are punctuated by humor and throughout they maintain a casual authenticity that compliments the bleak and beautiful landscape. Jeff Bridges as Marcus, the ranger tracking them down, gives an atypically quiet turn with flashes of complicated restrained emotion. The entire supporting cast evokes a sense of reality and that elevates the relatively straight forward but engaging story with exceptional turns by Katy Mixon and Margaret Bowman.

Narratively uncomplicated but texturally layered the film incorporates not only class struggle and the mortgage crisis but most successfully lays out the moral grayness of the situation. Crime with justification is still crime and has a cost. This is done tactfully and without judgment in a way that elevates, what on the surface at least, appears to be typical genre fair.

Beautifully shot and gracefully scored with diegetic and non-diegetic music both work together to create a singular world. The film delightfully subverts the summer heist movie expectation and delivers something altogether more artful.

Great performances, vivid production design, a surprisingly resonant plot.

See It.

Penultimate Blockbuster: Goodbye Meaghan

Tonight was the second to last Blockbuster and Meaghan's last night in Chicago. The house was packed with friends and family and the show went the best that it's ever gone, a wonderful send off for Meaghan. The process has been challenging and fulfilling and I've learned a ton from it. I'm proud and nervous each week for the show and each week the cast makes new discoveries and the audience reacts to different things in different ways. One of the greatest pleasures of the whole experience has been working with Meaghan on one final project before she leaves for NYC.

We met when we got put on a Playground team together back in 2010 and have been friends and collaborators since. She's one of the most talented people I've ever met and one of the most generous and kind friends I've ever made. As a collaborator she's pure energy, eliciting inspiration from the people she works with and garnering the attention of any audience who has the pleasure of seeing her.  As a friend she's caring and hilarious. Always supportive and ready to offer her insightful perspective, creative time, or share opportunity however busy she is. I'll miss her deeply.

I wrote her a letter offering some suggestions on her move and telling her what her friendship has meant to me. A portion below.

"Ask for help. This is a tough one for me because a lot of the times I feel like I have to do stuff on my own, to prove that I’m strong or independent or whatever. And this is OK up to a point but ultimately in almost all aspects of life you can’t do it alone. So ask for help when you need it whether its finding places to eat, places to perform, calling family or friends when you're lonesome, looking for work, what have you. Do not hesitate to reach out to people for help, they will want to do so.

You’re very brave. People talk and think about courage typically as a reflection of how we see it in movies. Usually in regards to confrontation or like overcoming a life threatening illness or some really dire circumstance. The reality is that life isn’t that dramatic often. But it still takes courage to get up every day and live life with joy and principle despite how, at times, it seems somewhat impossible. You walk through life with, what seems to me, a real don’t-give-a-shit attitude. Not like the kind of attitude young improv dudes have where it is clearly petulant and partially if not entirely posturing. And its not like you lack compassion, you’re incredibly empathetic, but you have a true sense of doing what you’re going to do, living your life how you’re going to live it, regardless of how people view you. And that’s brave. That’s impressive. And I know you, like me like everyone, have insecurities and fears but you go on and you keep moving forward despite those. You don’t use them as a crutch, you don’t lash out, you don’t blame, you take responsibility when you’re at fault, you keep going. From where I sit that’s real courage. Now you’re about to/are taking a big step and that’s brave too. Whether you stay in NYC long or not. Whether you move to LA or not. Whatever happens. Action takes courage and never forget, never question, how brave you are."

Summer Heat

hot and sticky
all the day
liberating
long winter's gray

at times so thick
and pressing warm
we curse the clouds
that bring the storms

recollect
the biting cold
when heat presents
oppressive, bold

savor
the lush and bright
before the autumn's
measured night

'Gleason' A Review

Gleason is a documentary about Steve Gleason former New Orleans Saints safety who was diagnosed with ALS in 2011. The film shows Steve shortly after he gets his diagnosis and finds out his wife Michel is pregnant with their first child. As time passes Steve and Michel grapple with the degenerative nature of the illness as well as the challenges of parenting.

The film is incredibly moving and emotionally raw. We get an unvarnished look not only at the nature of the disease but at the emotional and mental toll that goes along with it. Both Steve and Michel are worn down not only dealing with the repercussions of ALS but with being parents of a new born. As Steve's condition worsens and his mobility decreases to almost nothing much of the care taking for Rivers, their child, and Steve himself falls to Michel.

More than a story about ALS the film examines the human condition at both its most hopeful and most desperate. Unflinching  moments of pain, heartbreak, and perseverance where you almost wish the camera would cut away in order to give we, the audience, some relief but it does not. It lingers on the triumphs and the defeats of the family. It shows scenes of both physical(an at-home enema) and mental(an evangelical faith healing) discomfort. So intimate is the experience it is at points overwhelming. But more palpable than the tragedy is the family's(and the community they create) ability to carry on, to laugh, to find the joy and keep going.

Powerful, brutal, and tenacious. Not for the faint of heart.

See It.

'Jason Bourne' A Review

Jason Bourne is an action/thriller, the long gestating fourth installment in the already complete Bourne Trilogy. The film opens on the titular hero Bourne(Matt Damon) on the Greece/Albanian border wracked with ennui and despair before going into a bare-knuckle boxing match. We then see Nicki Parsons(Julia Stiles), former CIA agent and Bourne cohort, in Iceland perpetrating a hack against her former employer in order to get black ops files and put them online. She's traced by Heather Lee(Alicia Vikander) under the watchful gaze of glowering Robert Dewey(Tommy Lee Jones). Parsons goes to Bourne for help and an international cat-and-mouse game ensues.

Damon returns to one of his most famous roles with a lot of emotional affectation. The confident and capable Bourne we know and love seems to be mostly gone in favor of a character that is more "damaged" this doesn't make much sense given what we know about him and seems to be completely motivated by the necessities of the plot. Stiles, always a welcome presence, is wasted as a plot device which becomes almost immaterial. Vikander puts in a noble effort but ultimately can't rise above the senseless contrivances of the script, also her American accent is distracting flat and indistinguishable. Jones as the tyrannical, corrupt, old white guy(in a long line of such Chris Cooper, Brian Cox, David Strathairn, Albert Finney) absolutely phones it in, the character and the performance are derivative and boring.

The large and glaring problem with Jason Bourne is its plot. There are some interesting ideas presented- digitalization, government accountability, internet privacy, social media surveillance etc.- but none of them are developed or brought to any kind of fruition. What we get is a regurgitation of the same plot of previous installments in a much more belabored and exhausted fashion. We go back to the same well of "Bourne's memory" which since Identity has provided diminishing returns. It is uninteresting at this point to go back in to Bourne's past. What is more interesting is his future, who will he become, that is the only question the movie should be answering and it doesn't.

Uninspired and predictable.

Don't See It.

Hindsight Hour: Family 4

A focus on parental conflict. The first couplet of scenes looks at the expectation of a conventional family, the second at the great "guest list" debate.

Directed by Tim Joyce
Improvised by Damian Anaya, Mike Brunlieb, Laurel Krabacher, Rosie Moan, Jimmy Pennington, and Meaghan Strickland

Endurance

Some days survival is a win.
When tasks
become challenges
become insurmountable barriers.
And every human is a leering
needy
petulant
bully.
When bones are replaced with thinly coiled steel wool
electrified by low voltage-
pulsing,
thrumming,
buzzing- never crossing the line
into outright pain
stress hovering incessantly around unpleasant.
When the mind is plagued by the what ifs
and the security of control becomes alluring
and although you constantly grasp for it,
wrestle with it,
it alludes you
leaving you more confounded than when you began.
When the clock is the master,
slicing the day into not enough.
And every breath is tainted with the stink of unmet responsibility.
On those days the goal is simply to get through it.
To stay in the moment, to live every hour, every minute of those bad days.
To get in bed after its all over and say "I tried"
not even "I tried my best" because those days have no room for best.
On those days it is all struggle, all defeat.
On those days
Survival is a victory.

And tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.