Airports & Airplanes

I like the ritual.
Arriving to the airport early.
Printing out my boarding pass.
Having one final pre-flight cigarette.
Standing in line at security. Prepared.
Removing my belt and shoes quickly.
Efficiently placing my things in bins.
The thrumming whosh of the body scan.
The inbetween world of the gates.
Indulging in McDonald's breakfast.
The patient wait, pre-boarding.
Quietly and slowly embarking.
The window seat.
The benign power of the take off.
The city dropping away.
Splayed out in its chaotic beauty.
Travel time devoid of reception.
Circling the unfamiliar destination.
Known but not routine.
Landing with a controlled but bumpy thrill.
All the little steps that transition life from normalcy to holiday.

Even though I know
everything continues on
its like some bit of magic
where I walk outside time
and all the little hurdles
are incantations
allowing me up and out and free.

Lakefront Visits

I've been spending a lot of time at the lake recently. An hour or two each day reading and soaking in the calm of the water. The patience and endurance of the lapping waves.

"Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”  -Bruce Lee

"In the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And an outstanding reason for choosing some sort of God or spiritual-type thing to worship- be it J.C. or Allah, be it Yahweh or the Wiccan mother-goddess or the Four Noble Truths or some infrangible set of ethical principles- is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things- if they are where you tap real meaning in life- then you will never have enough. Never feel you have enough. It’s the truth. Worship your own body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly, and when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you. On one level, we all know this stuff already- it’s been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, bromides, epigrams, parables: the skeleton of every great story. The trick is keeping the truth up-front in daily consciousness. Worship power- you will feel weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to keep the fear at bay. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart- you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. And so on." -David Foster Wallace

Thoughts On Writing

Tonight I read a story as one of the openers for Triplets Bogtrotter. It's a wonderful imaginative show that should be seen. Reading the piece got me thinking about writing in general and my own process in specific so here are some simple suggestions.

Write every day. The most common piece of advise from successful writers, the most obvious but sometimes the most difficult. Set a schedule, have some kind of system of accountability with yourself, even if you don't like what you write or only write a little bit- write every day. Through repetition you'll develop discipline and skill. You'll also become more adept at transferring your nebulous idea to the page.

Have an idea. For the most part sitting in front of a computer screen or a blank piece of paper isn't terribly inspiring. Have an idea of what you want to write or what you want to write about before you begin. Sometimes gestating on a particular idea can pay dividends when you write, if you have been thinking about a particular idea, outlining it, teasing it out, developing it in your head for a while it may come smoothly out of your head onto the keyboard. But don't ruminate too long, you can always revise. Sometimes it's best to start with something simple- a concept, feeling, or situation. Sometimes a title, line, or name is all you need to begin. An existing work can also be a good jumping off point(not plagiarism but inspiration).

Read it aloud. Reading what you've written out loud can give you insights into structure, word usage, and imagery. Alone by yourself or more effectively in performance. Reading a piece you've written in front of people is going to cue you in to what is resonate, what works, what is funny, what is touching. It can sometimes provide clarity as to what a piece is really about or its shape, rhythm, or flow. Responses from others, especially in a theatrical context, can provide invaluable guidance.

Revise but don't dwell. Your first pass on a piece most often isn't going to be its best incarnation. Spend time and energy rewording, restructuring, rewriting to make the piece as close to your ideal of it as possible. Sculpt it. After a certain point be done. Sometimes you can get stuck in revision, worrying over a piece or idea that is too slippery or evasive. Do your best, put the effort in then step back. Sometimes letting a piece sit for a bit(or walking away completely) is the best thing for it and for you.

Read. Read. Read.

Sundays Are For Cleaning

First I make coffee.
Then I sweep.
The bathroom through the hall to the bedroom, the living room, the second bedroom.
I make a neat little pile in the dining room. Sweep the dining room then the kitchen.
Use the dust pan to dispose of the collected filth.
I drink a cup of coffee and smoke a cigarette.
If there are dishes I do them.
I wipe down the counters, tables, and bookshelves.
Water the plants.
Take out the trash.
Lastly, the bathroom.
I scrub the sink, toilet, and bathtub.
To conclude I wash myself, wiping any errant suds from the shower walls.

Everything has its purpose.
Everything has its place.

Form and Function

Nicole bought this pumpkin about a month ago when we were at the apple orchard. Halloween came too fast and we couldn't find the time to carve it. This morning I brought it inside from the porch to thaw. This evening we cut it open, cleaned it out, and picked out the seeds. Nicole boiled, spiced, then baked them. I carved the husk and set a burning candle inside.

Holidays and harvests call for ritual but so too do their ornaments. A pumpkin needs to be carved, that is its purpose, the seeds separated and prepared for snacking because that is their function. There is such a rightness about the action. An appropriateness, a harmony.

Even thought we were two weeks too late there was great satisfaction in the doing.

Apple Orchard

This past weekend I've been back in Rockford visiting my family, Adam and his boys. Nicole came down yesterday and this morning we took our long anticipated trip to the apple orchard. We've talked a lot about doing season/holiday activities but its hard to find the time. Living together is wonderful but it makes going out and doing stuff less urgent. It can be a difficult balance to strike.

Marta and Nick came with, it was a beautiful day. Sunny and crisp. The only apples we could pick were golden delicious and there weren't a lot of them on the trees. Come to find out September is more prime for apple picking. We got reprimanded by a farm boy riding around in a gator for picking in an unauthorized row. In our defense, it wasn't clearly marked.

We walked out of the orchard, through the pumpkin patch, and a little ways into the corn. It was all very satisfying. Participating in the ritual of the harvest.

Marta and I reminisced a bit, going to the orchard was something we did every fall as kids. I haven't been to one in years. I've missed it.

We went into the barn and got some apple donuts, a must, then did some shopping. Next to this sign there were a couple kids running around trying to pull antique farming equipment off the walls. Same thing I did years ago.

The past week has been a bit of whirlwind. NYC to Chicago to Rockford. The differences are striking. But sitting at that farm drinking hot cider and eating a warm donut with my sister, brother-in-law, and loving girlfriend I get the feeling I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be.

Rituals

All the performers I've met have pre-show rituals. Some people take a pre-show poop. James eats two bananas before a show. This guy Colin who was on my first team would get really intense and shadowbox and do hard rock air guitar. Everyone has their thing. More often than not now I try to get to the theater half an hour early, sit some where quiet and read or listen to music, just try to get myself centered, and I always have a Redbull. I like to get to whatever theater I perform at before anyone else does, I don't know why, I just like being the first performer their, watch the performers arrive and the room fill up. I think it just adds to the magic of it for me. This empty space devoid of energy holds endless possibility and you just watch it happen.

The show I've been doing on Sundays after Schwa picked a name: Two Scotts, Two Nelsons, and a Uhlir is now Prime. For a long while now Craig has sworn by Gatorade Prime. Craig and Jim used to take it before their shows and now we take it before our shows. It's a "gel blend of carbs and vitamin B that delivers energy when you need it most" it's suppose to give you energy fifteen minutes after you take it. I don't know if it works but it sure feels like it works. We joke that it feels like one of the Looney Toons whose shoes turn in to rockets.

Prime shows feel like they've been getting better and better especially since we played with Lutz. I always sweat, we always have fun, and we always make each other break.

You could make the case we owe it all to the prime.