Daily Practice

Over the past couple years it seems like the tide of self-help has been displaced, pejoritized, the implication of "help" perhaps to close to weakness which it is, evidently, detrimental to admit. It's seemingly been replaced by self-care, which is essentially just a repackaging of the same concepts and ideas but without the same level of inferred humility. Whatever you call it there is always the danger of perceived egoism when people talk about or refer to working on themselves. But the reality is it can be a necessity especially in this our modern age of acidic social media and apocalyptic politics. However you term it I think it boils down to letting go of those things you can't control and taking action on those things you can and by doing those things achieving and maintaining some kind of balance, some kind of contentment.

The past several weeks I've felt off, anxious, weighed down. A bit overcome with how chaotic life can be. I think it started when Nicole and I had to unexpectedly move a couple months back and just kind of gradually gained momentum from there. Not to say I've been in a constant state of misery or anything, these things never work quite like that but its been kind of a steady waxing then waning then waxing of unpleasantness, discomfort. I found myself dreading going to work and when I was there maintaining a low grade unjustified panic. My thoughts racing with those kind of standard existential questions(what does it all mean? what's the point of it all?) that serve nothing save apathy and impotent nihilism. I figured my job was the problem, and it is chaotic and ultimately not the best fit for me however, telling my friend Jimmy about it he asked "what's changed" as I've had the job for two years now. And it set me back and really made me think. The answer is nothing. Nothing has changed about the job, the only other part of that equation is me. The real question I needed to answer was what was wrong with me.

The only thing I can control is myself. My actions and reactions. The world, life, my job, other people, all of it is outside of my control and when I attempt to control those things, attempt to will them in line with my wants and expectations I fail and am miserable. So what can I do. I can let go of desired outcome. I can apply for new jobs. I can build those things into my day that I know make me feel good. I can establish a routine that I can rely on independent of the chaos or influence of my job or the disparaging cultural and political landscape.

I've started a new creative project. I've started to wake up early. To work out and pray and meditate and take some time in the morning to find balance and whatever peace I can. To take some action against those feelings of restlessness and futility that had been plaguing me. And its working. I'm feeling better.

This is not something I came up with obviously, it was suggested and taught to me by others. But the point is a daily practice, whatever it may look like, can help. Small actions and routines can help with mood and racing thoughts and feelings and perspective. The world in 2017 may still be bleak and brutal but it is easier to face, easier to handle, easier to move through when we are doing the next right thing day-to-day, taking action where we can, and letting those things go which are outside our grasp. Which for the most part is nearly everything.