Sunday, August 21, 2011

Steve's Guide To Relationships

1. Communication- Talk about it. If you're upset, if something is bothering you, if you're not getting something you want. You have to let your partner know. They can't read your mind. They could do something that irritates or upsets you and not even know it. If you are about to make a big decision or a small decision, bring them in on your decision before it's made. It doesn't affect just you anymore. Make sure to talk about your feelings and expectations, you always want to be on the same page.

2. Compromise- One person shouldn't dominate the relationship. You shouldn't always do what one person wants to do. One person likes movies, the other person likes concerts, then alternate. One person likes to be social, the other person is a homebody, alternate. It can even be as simple as going out to eat. One person likes to try new restaurants, the other person likes to go to the same 3 places, mix it up. Both parties in a relationship should be happy. Sometimes it happens naturally, other times you have to work on it and that's ok. Even beneficial. You get out of your comfort zone and do things that you don't normally do, and you do it with someone you care about.

3. Sex- Talk about it. Talk about what you like and what you want. Relationships usually start off hot and heavy and then cool off. That's ok. People range from hyper sexual to asexual, so after the honeymoon period you have find out where you and your partner fall in that spectrum. If, for example, you have a long period of time without being sexual and you want to be but your partner doesn't seem to be interested, talk about it. It may seem weird or make you feel uncomfortable but talking about it is better then getting so frustrated you do something you'd regret. Also there's nothing wrong with wanting to try things that are out of the norm. If you have a particular kink that you want to try or that turns you on, bring it up. And to quote Dan Savage, a partner should be GGG within reason(good, giving, and game).

4. Friends- You don't have to be best friends with your partners friends but make an effort to hang out with them once in a while and get to know them. Your partner cares about you and wants their friends to know how great you are. You don't want to be 'X's boyfriend/girlfriend' you want them to know who you are.

5. Family- At a certain point you should meet your partner's family if you can. Don't look at it as a pressure situation or an obligation. Look at it like an opportunity to get to know a greater context for your partner. Where they come from. And who knows they could be super awesome!

6. Separate Lives- Have a life that's outside of your partners life. Whether it be work, a hobby, or friends. There's nothing that can aggravate a relationship more than spending too much time together. Spending time together is great of course, that's why your in the relationship. But make sure to have some alone time once a week, make sure to go out with friends without your partner. If you have separate apartments don't spend the night together every night. If you don't see your partner for a day or two you're going to be that much more excited when you do see them.

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