Grandma

Yesterday was my grandmother's 84th birthday. My extended family all got together to celebrate. I spent a good portion of Friday night and most of the day Saturday transcribing poems I'd written into a moleskin as her present. She's a poetry fanatic and poet in her own right, I think she liked the gift and gets a bang out of her grandson writing poems.

There was never a question of love between my grandma and I but our relationship was overshadowed by the immediate and close connection I had with my late grandfather. I once asked my dad if I could call my grandmother, when he let me do so and she answered I immediately asked her to put my grandfather on the phone. After his passing there was a brief period where we tried to get to know each other better. Grandma Pat took me to a couple movies, all of them my picks, which ended with a very awkward viewing of Water World.

When I hit middle school our connection became periodically contentious and continued in that vein through college. My grandmother, an ardent feminist and member of the League of Women Voters, would lecture me at length about how to treat women, their undeniable equality, and in the same breath order me to take out the trash, clean out the basement, or mow the lawn. She paid a great deal of attention to my female cousins and interacted with me, I felt, with a certain amount of gender superiority and scorn. For my part I was frequently petulant, habitually hostile, and occasionally deliberately disrespectful. Time passed and all that faded.

Although never really close recently we've both made more of an effort. She's taken an interest in my comedy career, has come to a couple shows, and will even pitch me bits. Most of them involving some combination of older people, innuendo, driving, death, and McDonald's oatmeal cookies. I've tried to make myself more available, engage her at family gatherings, and keep an eye out for poems or collections she might like. In a way my birthday gift is a long overdue peace offering.

I love my grandmother and I know she loves me. Through the times of conflict and discord that did not change. Blood calls to blood. I don't forget the past because it got me to the present. But I am grateful any lingering resentment or friction has dissipated. There is time left to enjoy each others company and share each others interests.