Philip Seymour Hoffman: A Reminder

Whenever drugs or alcohol take a life it is tragic. There is nothing selfish or weak about the struggle with addiction. Some people are born with a genetic disposition for excess, a gift for boundless consumption, often augmented by psychology. It is a struggle. A desperate, lonely, painful, guilt-ridden struggle. It requires constant vigilance and support. Frequently you have to ask for help. Sometimes you get tired of fighting. I know what it is, I've been there.

The passing of Philip Seymour Hoffman is lamentable but he leaves behind 20 years of incredible work as an artist. He has an uncompromising legacy. He will be remembered.

His death does not surprise me. It is a mantra of those in recovery that taking that first drug or that first drink has only two potential outcomes: jail or death. Relapse is common and perpetually lurking. Addiction is insidious. Drunk, high, or sober it gains strength. Any sober alcoholic or drug addict is days, minutes, even seconds away from total ruin. Myself included. It is a precarious place but with diligence, care, and compassion a sober life can be a rewarding life if never an easy one. I proffer no judgement on the late actor I'm trying to elucidate the tenuous position he and other people with addiction are in.

I do not know the circumstances of Hoffman's death but I would bet it was not some huge event but something small that drove the actor back to excessive drug use. Maybe he saw an advertisement for an alcohol he never tried. Maybe he watched the heroin scene in Pulp Fiction. Maybe he was worn down by the cold and cooped up and bored. Whatever it was I bet it was small. A fleeting moment. A brief craving. A passing trigger. And for that moment his cunning addiction had been lying in wait. One moment was all it took.

I hope his death opens peoples eyes about addiction. How serious it is and how many people need help. There's still a stigma with addiction- that its a matter of will power, that its not an actual disease, etc. Regardless of what you call it or how you classify it addiction is fatal. And these fatalities are avoidable.

I take it personal. That could be me, not that I could be a lauded movie star with an Oscar, but I could be dead. Rich/poor famous/unknown addiction does not discriminate. I would not receive accolades or retrospectives but I might warrant a headline like "Local Comedian Found Dead, Alcohol Related".

For those in recovery this is a reminder. Death is close.