Mean Face

Growing up I got bullied. The middle school and high school I went to were pretty rough. It taught me to present myself in a certain way. To appear tough, to appear big, to appear mean, to appear ready. All in order to be ignored, left alone. The residual effect is that my neutral face, the face I make when I don't intend to be making a face at all, is a mean face.

Some people have told me they didn't like me when they first met me. I'm told I can initially strike people as distant, intimidating, and angry. It doesn't help that I'm a little reserved when meeting people. But that passes and any first impressions, mine and theirs, are usually wrong. I blame any confusion on the mean face. Seemingly only in job interviews is my expressionless extremely serious mug appropriate.

There are some benefits. Twice in the past month I've been with Tisher when he has been stopped, cornered, and prosthelytized to. He told me it happens to him often. He also gets harassed by pamphleteers and the can-you-spare-a-moment people. I rarely get approached at all. No one has ever asked me if I accepted Christ into my heart.

My long ago "don't fuck with me" defense has faded but not vanished. At this point I wouldn't want it to, it's part of who I am.

If you see me from across the room and you think "wow, that guy looks like an asshole" remember its not me, its just my face.