Last Day

Today was my last day of work due to our office closure. This job was the first one I got and worked sober. Underwriting was the first line of work that I got a measure of satisfaction from. I showed up, I worked hard, and I did what was asked of me. Of course at times I slacked, cruised the internet, called in sick when I wasn't, but for the most part I was a good employee. I got a lot of great feedback from my bosses and I felt I was genuinely appreciated. It's a new feeling.

In the past I only lost jobs, more often than not for chronic lateness or calling in sick too frequently. The few jobs I wasn't let go from were because I left before they could pull the trigger. My time at this company was totally different. Was the work great and totally stimulating? No. I don't think I could be fully satisfied with any kind of job that was in an office. But there were times when I would pick up a certain task or problem that genuinely interested me, that was challenging, and I felt real satisfaction working on and solving it.

As a line of work insurance isn't very exciting, it is synonyms in popular culture with boredom and I don't necessarily refute that. A lot of my days were filled with a certain amount of tedium. But as someone who has experience in customer service, retail, and the service industry I think insurance, especially by comparison, offers a useful and effective product. It's a business just like any other but for the most part you get what you pay for, if something happens insurance provides monetary assistance. Sure purchasing it is a drag and the process can be too involved but when rubber meets the road insurance policies pay out when something happens.

In the midst of all the humdrum office minutia I, periodically, got to provide some real help and assistance to people in times of crisis. Those were the times I felt like the work was making an actual real-life difference, it felt good. I'm proud of the past two and a half years. Not only of the work I did but how I did it.

'Trainwreck' A Review

Trainwreck is a romantic comedy about a young woman Amy(Amy Schumer) who is a writer for men's magazine S'nuff. Under the influence of her father and as a result of her parents divorce she is distrusting of monogamy. She has a relatively free lifestyle which causes conflict when she meets nice but relatively straight laced sports doctor Aaron(Bill Hader) on an assignment for her magazine and the two begin to date.

The greatest aspect of the film is its stellar ensemble cast. Schumer and Hader give great tent pole performances which the cast revolve around. Schumer provides emotion, humor, and depth to her loveable but crass modern woman. Hader gives his most reserved performance to date, refreshing in its normality and honesty. The supporting cast is phenomenal. Excellent turns by Colin Quinn as the affectionate but acidic father of Schumer, Dave Attel as the perpetually upbeat but pathetic panhandler outside Schumer's apartment, Brie Larson as Schumer's sister gives the film a much needed dramatic authenticity, John Cena and Labron James give remarkable comic performances, and Tilda Swinton as Schumer's vapid and egomaniacal boss is delightful and almost unrecognizable. On top of all that there is a laundry list of wonderful cameos.

The film is very funny and the performances are excellent the only deficiency is in the predictable structure and somewhat muddled tone. Trainwreck follows the romcom formula almost by rote which is surprising and a bit disappointing given its refreshing characters. Perhaps in Schumer's freshman screenwriting attempt she relied on pre-established archtypes but with her well known biting and satirical abilities you expect a bit more. As far as message it is unclear how exactly we are suppose to view Amy. Are we to believe Amy's behavior before her inevitable transformation is bad? As the film progresses it seems to imply an unfair and discordant judgment on her prior promiscuity. Ultimately the ending implies monogomy makes you happy if only you are mature enough for it which, given everything that went before it, doesn't seem altogether fair or just.

Funny, fun, a great first foray from writer and star Amy Schumer.

See It.

Year Three

Today marks my third year without a drink. I struggled with alcohol for a long time and I had to go through a lot of pain to actually seek help, take some suggestions, and make some significant changes in my life. There were times when I thought I couldn't or wouldn't make it but I am here.

I no longer struggle with drinking, the obsession with alcohol has been lifted. I don't think about it often, I don't get cravings, I don't miss or romanticize it. I am still always wary around or regarding booze. When you have a problem vigilance is required.

My main focus now is to live a full and productive life. When recovering from an addiction the first thing is becoming free from the substance. The second thing is learning how to live a happy and peaceful life, learning how to cope with negative emotions(anger, fear, resentment etc.), learning how to be an adult, simply- learning how to live.

By that measure this has been a good year. I've set goals and met some of them. I've attempted to communicate more in general and specifically more calmly, I've tried to gossip less. I've tried to make time for and spend time with loved ones, tried to work hard but also not hold myself to an impossible standard. Tried to lash out less and listen more. Tried to voice my own needs and respect those of the people around me. I may not have always succeeded but I was successful more often than I failed and I kept trying. In short its felt like progress, like growth.

I'm grateful for each and every day. The triumphs and the failures. The opportunities and the disappointments. It's about progress not perfection.

Tired of Goodbyes

Over the past year a lot of friends and acquaintances have left Chicago. Tisher's moving was the hardest to take, the biggest adjustment, the most surprising. After that it gradually became almost rote. Still emotionally effecting but natural. There comes a point in life, late 20's/early 30's(at least in the case of my peers), when you ask yourself certain questions. What's next? What path do I want to follow? What do I truly want? And whether the answer is motivated by family, career, adventure, ambition what-have-you it frequently necessitates a geographical change.

In movies goodbyes are always profound and cathartic. People say important and articulate things. Often the partings are final. Real life isn't like that. You convey your affection and care but there is rarely, in my experience at least, any weighty words or stunning reveals. If you expect something cinematic you will be disappointed. You don't need a dramatic interaction to prove what someone means to you. If you have appropriate expectations you'll get all the closure you need.

Goodbyes are important, telling people you love that you love them is important, wishing people well at the beginning of a journey or a big life change is important. But farewells are almost never momentous or partings lasting. You never know what directions lives may take, how they may diverge, or when they may come back together. And no matter what the future may hold you always have the memory of the person with you, so in a way they never actually leave.

Last Week

A couple months back the president of our company came and told us they were closing the Chicago office to consolidate all the jobs to our sister office in Maryland. We were all offered a severance,  the services of an out-placement consultant, and an exit schedule. At the end of June the customer service department left and this week is my last.

The past month has put a lot of strain on my department. The new employees in Maryland aren't coming along very rapidly and that puts a lot of work and even more frustration on those of us that are left in Chicago. Personally its been incredibly draining, I've tried to still work as hard as I can regardless of the impending end-date. It's been tough. Tempers have flared, work has gotten backed up, many customers have become upset, and people have started playing the blame game. The once positive work atmosphere has become a bit acidic and fatalistic. It takes its toll.

This next week feels like the final leg of a race, the sprint to the finish, I'm worn out but the end is in sight. All I have to do is get through the week.

'Pixels' A Review

Pixels is a scifi comedy about an alien invasion that manifests as 80's video game characters. The former arcade champions now aged and shlubby nerds are tapped to defend the world with their 8 bit skills. Sam Brenner(Adam Sandler) the 80's Pac-Man champion whose life never took off after his Donkey Kong Defeat by Eddie Plant(Peter Dinklage). He now installs and sets up televisions and computers. On a normal visit he meets Violet van Patten(Michelle Monaghan) and develops flirty contentious relationship. Through Sam's childhood friend President Will Cooper(Kevin James) taps him to fight the aliens-in-the-form-of-80's-video-game-characters and his life is finally given purpose.

There is not much to like about this recent addition to the slovenly and increasingly idiotic Sandler cannon. The sole positive of the movie is the live-action video game battles which constitutes about 12 minutes of running time. Although billed as a comedy the jokes are the same recycled fair Sandler has been relying on since 1995- vaguely misogynistic, sexist, and gross. The "romance" between Sandler and Monaghan is more far-fetched than the personified Pac-Man. It's rote banality is offensive, the ideas and dialogue a regurgitation of an echo of a cliche. This is nothing compared to Josh Gad's character's obsession with Lady Lisa and then her eventual materialization as a literal trophy.

Predictable, dumb, lazy.

Don't See It.

Florida Wedding

The past couple days Nicole and I have been in Daytona Beach at Nicole's parents house for her sister Kim's wedding. It's been a whirlwind couple of days what with family dinners, preparation, and the typically intense Florida heat. This morning Nicole and I woke up early for a swim in the ocean. It was incredibly warm and calm. Soothing and energizing. I've only swam in the ocean a couple times in my life. This time- in the early morning hours, on a mostly deserted beach, in the company of my loving partner- was the most significant.

After our swim Nicole went off with her sister to have a sibling breakfast and get their hair done. I helped Nicole's parents get things ready for the ceremony. It was an intimate affair, the smallest wedding I had been to, they're were around 18 people total. The ceremony was on the beach then we had the reception at a local country club.

What struck me the most about it was how happy Kim and Sean were. The whole event wasn't very complicated so I think they were able to make it exactly how they wanted it to be and enjoy it with none of the stressors that can come with a more involved wedding.

It was wonderful to be included in such a close family event, I was able to get to know Nicole's family a lot better, and really feel like I was a part of the whole thing. Overall a beautiful and joyous day.