Thirty seems like a bit of a milestone. Looking back it seems amazing I managed to get this far.
0-10. I don't remember much. My sister babysat me a lot and we watched Adventures In Babysitting, Back To The Beach, Neverending Story and various Disney movies. I went to camps in the summer and I liked being outside and fires and tye-dying and singing. I liked doing skits on parents night the best. I had a yellow banana bike. It was an adventure to ride with my dad from our house to the Baskin-Robins. I cried a lot and was extremely ticklish. I was terrified of the dark and being smothered. I got in trouble at after school care for telling Skylar Croft his dick was as big as the Sears Tower. I was in my first play, Councilman #3 in the Pied Piper. My dad lost his campaign for State Senate and Elliot Farr made fun of me the next day.
10-20. I got taller and fatter. After being borderline illiterate I discovered the Chronicles of Narnia and threw myself into reading, one of my greatest pleasures to this day. I played church basketball and AYSO soccer, I was mediocre at both sports. Middle school was a blur, I got bullied and picked on and wore Jynco's and pitted out my shirts all the time. I had my first kiss at Magic Waters Water Park. I did a lot of plays at my high school and at the local New American Theater. I learned to dance at school dances and from my high school girlfriend who was a dancer. I hit my biggest at 17 at 275lbs. My weight has been a struggle most of my conscious life. I didn't get into any of the college theater programs I wanted to, I didn't know how to audition, I'd show up in a t-shirt and jeans and do my clunky monologue from The Seagull. I ended up at Illinois State University with a good amount of my high school friends. I started drinking and doing drugs, dropped some weight, and became a bit of a loner or more aptly put an isolator.
20-30. I didn't have a great college experience, I made a couple close friends but generally didn't feel included, the college life I discovered wasn't inclusive and fun, it was lonely, harsh, and mystifying. I had a bunch of small parts in plays, I felt like the theater department never gave me a shot and I resented a lot of professors and fellow students. I had a big chip on my shoulder. My favorite role was Eddie in Rocky Horror Picture Show which I did my senior year. I went through a lot of phases. I didn't wear shoes for a while, I wore eyeliner, I wore black every day, that kind of stuff. My alcoholism gained some traction and force once I got out of the dorms. After college I moved to Chicago and struggled, went on many failed auditions, started taking improv classes, moved back in with my folks for a while, then moved back to Chicago. I fell in love with sketch and improv comedy, I gained a lot of friends and discovered a like-minded community which I had never had before. My addiction became uglier, more destructive, and desperate. I strained a lot of friendship and broke a lot of relationships. I came to a turning point and finally got some help.
At 30 I have the love a wonderful family and an amazing girlfriend. I have some incredible friends and a vibrant creative life. There are a lot of changes going on. I don't know exactly where I'm headed or how I'm going to get there, but I have a full and, for the most part, happy life. I feel like I've been given a second chance and a new way to look at and navigate things that use to overwhelm me. As a thirty year old man with graying temples and a graying beard I couldn't be more grateful for the twists and turns of the path, thirty years long, that brought me to this moment.
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