'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' A Review

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is a scifi-action-comedy, a reboot of the TMNT series about four teenage anthropomorphic turtle brothers trained in the art of ninjutsu by their rat sensei in the sewers of New York City. This incarnation sees April O'Neil(Megan Fox) uncovering the mystery of the turtle vigilantes battling the assault weapon wielding criminal Foot Clan.

The movie is lack-luster and plodding to the extreme with virtually every scene dumping long, involved, and mostly irrelevant exposition. All the performances are phoned in and flat especially the dead-eyed Fox as the inquisitive reporter. The Turtles are manic and frenetic with so little time spent on them the colored bandannas are needed to distinguish them from one another. Their portrayals at points verge on the racially offensive. Even Will Arentt and William Fichtner seem lost among the drudgery of the script. And with Tony Shalhoub as the voice of Splinter the casting is uniformly clueless.

The CGI turtles themselves are oddly colossal, seemingly invulnerable except when fighting Shredder and his bizarre mechanized samurai suit. The action sequences are uninspired, rote, and by-the-book. The inherent humor and irreverence of the original incarnations is only halfheartedly attempted and totally unsuccessful with "one-liners" recycled from various movies of the past thirty years.

Absurd in its poor construction and execution. Absolute in its unrealized potential. Heartbreaking in its transparent motivation to cash-in on a popular franchise and its corresponding childhood nostalgia.

Don't See It.