The Big Apple

Took this picture of Tisher's street as I was heading to the airport. It was a great to see Tisher and spend some time with him in his new city. It's a good fit for him, sprawling and romantic, cosmopolitan and bizarre, full of freaks, hipsters, and affluent douches. We did everything I wanted to do, saw some shows, hit tourist hot spots, and had some great food. It was a full experience with lots of stuff to ruminate on and unpack.

At the beginning of the trip I was nervous, scared that I would get overwhelmed in the utter tumultuousness of the city. On the bus from LaGuardia to Tisher's it was packed and I could feel myself getting worked up, prepping for a freak out. My bus stop finally came and no one really moved, people were just shuffling in place. I called out loudly but calmly "coming out!" and people made way. I had a little breakthrough, I realized the MTA is just like the CTA, the same etiquette, the same mix of confused/belligerent patrons, the same protocol. Realized over the course of the visit Chicago and New York aren't that different. Of course NYC is bigger, faster, more intense but when it comes to actually functioning, the day-to-day stuff, they're similar enough for me to be able draw the parallels and make it work. Chicago operates at an 8, NYC at a 10, they're not the same but on the same end of the spectrum.

The culmination of that realization was that I could live in NYC. I'd be able to establish a routine, be able to make my way around, carve out my little part of the city, be able to endure and figure it out and make a life. I have the ability to do it, it is not outside my capacity.

My second realization after talking to people about their lives, work, classes and shows was that I do not want to. I applaud my friends for making the jump, I have faith that not only will they be happy but they will attain the comedy success they deserve. I won't move there unless I have a gig, I have no desire to move there blind and start taking improv classes over again. No desire to take on a big city again from the ground up. Don't see the benefit in struggling to make rent let alone get stage time. Not to degrade that choice, I'm sure they are making longer and firmer strides towards a comedy career than I am, but it is comforting to come to the conclusion that that is not my path. The line between delight and despair is paper-thin in NYC. For a while there I felt left behind, confused, lost as to what I wanted to do and how I was going to do it. Going to New York and seeing it I know I'm where I'm suppose to be.

The trip, although not particularly restive, was inspiring. Creatively invigorating. I'm back in Chicago more balanced than I have been in months. Grateful for the opportunities I have, the loving friends that surround me, and Chicago itself.