Doing The Work

The past couple weeks a lot of my time and mental space has been taken up with working on my new play My Two Sons which has its first preview July 3rd. After Contention I wanted to do something more overtly comedic, the idea has been rolling around in my head for a while, the basic premise started out as parents talking directly and specifically about taboo subjects(sex, drugs, drinking) with their kids.

Over the course of working on the show its turned into something different(better) than what I had originally conceived, more specific to the cast and our collective experiences. It has more heart and is more realistic than the simple formula I started with. The cast is great, everyone I wanted to get involved was game and is great which I could't be more thankful for, but orchestrating seven peoples schedules is relatively difficult. And the summer isn't the best time to work on a show what with vacations, weddings, and just general seasonal restlessness.

Even though the show has been progressing and coming together I've been obsessing a bit about it. Not in an overt way just worrying. Replaying scenes and what still needs to be done over and over in my head. The past week especially its occupied most of my down time to a point where I've found it difficult to relax or get to sleep. It's all unnecessary of course, wasted energy, and I think it has to do with control, or rather the illusion of control. I can't control other people and situations, I don't want to, the shows I like to do, the only theater I like to engage in is collaborative so its inherently going to be unpredictable, dependent upon the creative whims and varying schedules of others. For me, the process and the product are more satisfying that way, but I still struggle with a lingering desire to have things my way.

The creative process has gone pretty smooth but my own personal process has been more challenging. I'm trying to navigate my feelings with some grace, to seek out some acceptance, take time to slow down and be still, trust the amazing people I'm working with, and recognize that no matter what it'll work out.