Healthy Argument

there is satisfaction
in impassioned dispute-
sitting with fellow performers
né artists and dreamers
drunk on righteousness
raising ones voice
to not quite a yell
directing clarity and force
like a thrown spear
at the respected
oposition,
there is a satisfying boiling
that comes from this clash
of perspectives
the friction of differing
objectives
especially when debating
not politics, money, or religion
but that oh so subjective:
creative predilection
perhaps I wouldn't
derive so much glee
from the theororetical
confrontation
if the truth weren't so nebulous
or, in reality, irrelevant.

Maintain A Little Mystery

One of the best and worst things about improv is its ephemeral nature and as an outgrowth of that, as a practitioner, this process of consistently striving but never arriving. There is no end point, no mastery, no perfect. And because of that it, for the most part, retains a challenge and can, potentially, consistently deliver satisfaction. So the path of someone who does improv is riddled with small victories and discoveries(as well as elongated plateaus and petite defeats). I had a little victory, a little epiphany at the Deep Schwa show tonight.

Although every couple years we incorporate new members a lot of the people on the team have some substantial time together. And after literal years of performing together it becomes much easier to identify your habits and go-tos. With time comes awareness and with awareness you can slow things down and make more deliberate choices.

The first scene I did in the show tonight was with Andy we were a father(me) and son(him) and it was his fifteenth birthday. As was custom in the family I gave him a long-ago shed rattlesnake skin that he had to wear against his skin tied around his belly. The suggestion for the show was psoriasis so my pull was basically just "skin" for the scene. I had read a fantasy book years ago where there was a shapechanger that in their human form had a snakeskin wrapped around their bare torso, so that was where my head went. The thing being although my intent for it was to have some kind of magical connotation I didn't explicitly say that however the way Andy played it and the way it was called back later implied and played with the idea of magic and mystery. Although I didn't state my intent explicitly it was discovered and explored organically by the team.

In a later scene with Jeff I was a student and Jeff was my teacher. He was talking to me about a test I had taken, kind of reprimanding in tone, and I said that I had drawn a raven on it. My idea was that this kid I was play was trying to do magic(I was on a big magic kick for the show, don't know why) and I was trying to evoke Odin's ravens Thought and Memory to help me with the test. I didn't explicitly say this but it was clear there was something kind of odd about what I was doing. Jeff kind of translated that as my character being "creative" and sent me and another student(Craig) out to solve mysteries telling us we were beyond school and had bigger things to do.

In both instances I had a clearer idea than I ultimately put forth and the result was something much more fulfilling. Without me machine-gunning out every specific of my idea, the idea was able to coalesce in a much more nuanced and organic way. I was able to catch myself and only reveal a part of what I was thinking, giving my character some subtext an internal fuel as well as allowing my fellow players to interpret my words and actions with more alacrity than they could have had I been more concrete and specific. And the payoff was not only that it worked, the scenes were successful, but that the team kind of got it anyway maybe not my exact thought but the spirit of what I was going for. I checked my instinct of spewing all my ideas out at once and the result was something way more satisfying.

'Hidden Figures' A Review

Hidden Figures is a historical drama based on the non-fiction book of the same name. The film follows three women in 1962 who work as computers at the segregated West Area Computers division of Langley Research Center. After Sputnik pressure is doubled for the US to get results and  Katherine Goble Johnson(Taraji P. Henson) is promoted to the Space Task Group but is initially dismissed by her colleagues. Mary Jackson(Janelle Monáe) is an aspiring engineer but faces bureaucratic and legal hurdles. Dorothy Vaughan(Octavia Spencer) is the supervisor(in all but name) of the West Area Computers division who struggles for her rightful position as well as teaches herself coding for the newly acquired IBM. The three face and overcome various racial, gender, and professional divides to make the NASA program successful.

Henson is wonderful and understated as the somewhat bookish math genius and plays the set backs with heartbreak but never wavers in her determination or her ultimate fascination with mathematics itself. Spencer is dynamic, as always, giving a layered strong performance without sacrificing emotion or vulnerability. Monáe has the least screen time of the three but provides a nice balance with a more overt combative turn. The three have incredible chemistry and all imbue the film with a textured reality where the big moments are earned and the small moments portray the true injustices and triumphs of the time with more honesty because of how commonplace they seem to be. The supporting cast, most notably Kevin Costner and Glen Powell, all do good work. No character goes through some epiphonic transformation but there is a steady sense of progress, of obstacles being hurdled and preconceptions being slowly shed. Racism and sexism aren't solved but battles are won, it feels like life or perhaps how we hope life should be.

The film has a clarity and tenacity that offers hope through intelligence and resolve. It portrays the ugliness of the bigoted and embittered but doesn't wallow in it. The courage on display isn't cinematic construct its very human.

A grounded and compelling true story anchored by three incredible leads.

See It.

Cookies

flakey
cakey
crumbly
treats

oblong
oval
large
petite

coco
lemon
caramel
yum

any
kind
'cept
butteredrum

there may
come a time
when cookies
are past their prime
but for now
they're all sublime

Expectation

New Year's Eve has always seemed to me like the most impossible of holidays. The desire is for something extravagant and wild, for something year defining, providing some kind of definitive closure. But it almost never fulfills that desire, it is simply a day like any other. And because of that expectation placed on it both externally from society and internally from ourselves it is almost always a disappointment.

I put partying to bed a while ago so NYE isn't really on my radar anymore but it serves as a good example of the kind of inevitable let down high expectations can provoke. And certainly this is true of events or experiences in general, another obvious example is movies. Knowing a lot about the plot of a movie or hearing a lot of positive things about it before seeing it can typically make it unsatisfying. Although more complex this can be true of people.

The relationships we have with friends, family, and significant others are(most likely) the most fulfilling we have in our lives but they can also be the most frustrating(if you're someone who viscerally connects to strangers only to never see them again or has an understated but lasting attraction to co-workers you only know peripherally more power to you but then this is probably not applicable). We are more sensitive with and expect more from our loved ones. And this is reasonable to varying degrees and up to a point. However expectation, especially expectation of behavior, almost always leads to disappointment, irritation, or resentment. Best case scenario you don't necessary notice when someone is behaving how you believe they should, its not necessarily something overt that you would, say, thank them for.

What I'm talking about is a bit beyond day to day minutia although it can manifest that way. Say a friend or relative is messy or chronically late and that bothers you. They live their life in a chaotic way that you find irritating, off putting, or inconvenient. They need to grow up and get it together, be responsible, or so you think. Perhaps someone is always complaining or worrying about this, that, or the other and this bothers you. They're general sense of anxiety is contagious. You tell them not to worry, everything's fine but it has no effect. Perhaps you have a friend or relative who you make all the plans with, you are always the one calling, texting, and scheduling. You resent the effort and want more in return but they may be totally oblivious even unwilling.

The reality is you can't control other people but what you can control is your reactions to them. You can't stop your friend or family member from being late or worrying(hey its whats working for them) but you can choose not to let it effect you. You can't make your friend or family member make plans with you but you can choose to stop reaching out as much. What you can do is set up boundaries. Which aren't inherently negative. Creating some distance or parameters for yourself with people that you love but also drive you a little crazy. In order, not to withdraw, but to get the most out of the relationship for both of you. And this can look like any number of things- limiting contact, limiting conversation topics, only seeing each other in a group or one-on-one. Any number of things. If your asking yourself what that looks like even more explicitly its saying to your friend "let's not talk about work" its making plans to get coffee but not a meal. Simple unobtrusive steps that can make you feel better about the relationships you have with the people you love. You can also decide that perhaps the cost is too high and you don't want to see someone anymore. That's OK too. You aren't obligated to maintain a connection with someone because of history.

Maya Angelou said "When someone shows you who they are, believe them" and keeping that sentiment in mind can help us curb our expectation of those we interact with and in so doing limit how effected we become when our friend who's always late shows up late or when our uber religious relative goes into a diatribe about how wonderful and essential their church is. We all have faults and quirks and are doing the best we can, we all have different interests and different ways of coping, and we can't change and mold each other through strength of will(probably a good thing). So then what can we do. We can be aware of our expectations and not let them dictate how we feel or react, we can set boundaries in order to take full advantage of our relationships. We can be an advocate for ourselves but let those things that don't matter truly slide.

'Silence' A Review

Silence is a historical drama based on the novel of the same name. Portuguese Padres Rodrigues(Andrew Garfield) and Garupe(Adam Driver) set off to find out the fate of their mentor Ferreira (Liam Neeson) who has disappeared in 17th century Japan after the Japanese government has started to prosecute Christians. After getting to Japan they minister to small villages in secret but are eventually discovered and captured by the Grand Inquisitor(Issey Ogata).

Garfield, never terribly magnetic, translates his natural default petulance into this character with little success. It's unclear if he is suppose to be compelling or sympathetic, or what we are suppose to think or feel about him at all, but the result is a portrait of a self righteous naive rather boring young man. Driver is much more adept in bringing some depth to the relatively flat character but is shuffled off screen before he has an opportunity to do much. The two also implement truly bizarre and distracting accents which are more reminiscent of high school kids doing "upper class" than the period and country they're intending to evoke. Neeson, who essentially has only one scene, is stalwart and captivating as always, doesn't bothering with whatever pseudo european dialect the others are attempting and is stronger for it. Although he is only in the film for a couple minutes he has one of the strongest presence, putting feeling into the one actual open discussion of faith which the film engages in. The other strong presence, and essentially the savior of the film, is Ogata who gives depth, humor, menace, and logic to his character. Basically the only character in the film with any nuance, that evokes any actual interest. The Japanese townsfolk who interact most directly with the Padres and who are then persecuted are all played with an over the top fawning eagerness that is confusing and feels disingenuous if not straight up exploitive.

Visually the film is beautiful, we can expect, at least, wonderful cinematography from any Scorsese picture. But that aside Silence is mostly an abject, and boring, failure. For a film seemingly explicitly about faith and spirituality it says little about it. For a film seemingly about culture clash it says little about the East or the West. For a film seemingly about history it provides little to no context for the action taking place. For a film that seemingly believes it has a point or message it is utterly lost. Perhaps for a very small population of suspended Catholics this film may offer some margin of interest but anyone else will be caught in its dull morass.

The latest in a series Scorsese pictures that are all proficiency with no substance.

Don't See It.

Work Ethic

There is some
satisfaction
in the toil
of the office,
in endless emails
answered,
in scanning
mailing
printing
faxing
untold documents
for review
signature
and date
or simply
for your records,
in the confines
of the desk
and rolly chair,
in the focused
application
of effort
and in tasks
completed
checked off
then forgotten.

If this sounds
pedestrian
why
that's because
it is
but amidst
the bleed
and grind
of mundane
employment
you must take
pleasure
where you can.