The Golden Rule

In college I had a friend who was coming out of the closet. We'd known each other since middle school and throughout high school and into college he dated one of our mutual friends. He broke up with her junior year and over the course of our final two years in college gradually came out of the closet. He lost weight, dyed his hair, started tanning and going out a lot.

His process was relatively drawn out, it wasn't something he wanted to talk about. Everything was secretive and covert, if someone asked him about it he would deflect or simply not answer the question. No one was putting pressure on him to come out and I don't think any of his friends were very surprised, we all just wanted to let him know that we accepted him and loved him for who he was or for whoever he wanted to be. It was difficult to show support given his cageyness.

Once before he went out for the night he said "when I'm in I'm in, when I'm out I'm out". There was an aggressiveness about the whole thing which confused me, An atypical "fuck you" type of attitude from my long time friend. Now he had every right to come out absolutely any way he wanted to, it just struck me as a little selfish and mean. I didn't understand it.

This past week some friends of mine laughed at me while I was hosting a show. Not laughed at what I was saying but laughed at me. It hurt my feelings, I felt mocked. There was something petty and inconsiderate about it that really surprised me. It felt like my friends were lashing out at me and I didn't understand why.

I've always been a sensitive person and something I have to keep in mind is that the world doesn't revolve around me and, more often than not, people have a lot going on. Like an iceberg, there is a lot going on below the surface. Everyone has their own reasons, motivations, and personal histories which shape and color the complex way they interact. Most peoples main concern is themselves, which is as it should be, people should look after their own health and happiness first and foremost. But there is a fine line between self-care and selfishness.

Ultimately you try to find the balance between taking care of yourself and being kind to others. To let those things go which don't matter. Treat others the way you would like to be treated, as best you can.