100 Mile Radius

Perhaps there is a cost
in experience or perspective

for living only

in this place

not straying far

from the confines

of my birth

regret strikes

on occasion

the what ifs

the paths aborted

and yet

I am more myself having stayed

roots sunk deep, ever deeper

the land more mine

and me more hers

Pino's Pizza

Like many
my childhood was not idyllic
not to say it was traumatic
although there is always
a degree of trauma
for any child as they move
from adolescences to adulthood
But like many
there were also small excitements
and simple joys
not least among them
the weekly visits to the vaulted
Pino's Pizza
where my father would schmooze
with the Perrecone paterfamilias
and matriarch as I basked in their
warm wood paneled store front
and maybe fed a quarter
to the aging Mrs. Pac-Man
and returning home with bounty
we would feast
on BBQ chicken or Canadian bacon
Hawaiian or taco pizzas
with my mother periodically having her own
small anchovie concoction
and although Pino's has since closed
it's memory of hospitable comfort
and peerless deliciousness
will never fade
it remains my Platonic ideal
my ur-pizza
a greatness I may search for
but never again attain.

House Of Donuts

Who can judge
the veracity of
capricious memory
but of all the marvelous
baked and fried
morning pastries
I've consumed
the best, the ideal
came from the now defunct
House of Donuts
on Auburn Street
in Rockford Illinois.

Once perhaps
a gas station,
truck stop,
or greasy-spoon diner
converted to a pantheon
for ring-shaped cake
the decor- seedy 70's
the clientele- brash
but friendly
in that quintessential
gritty Midwestern way
but the wares, gods the wares!

Crispy crullers
silky long johns
decadent danishes
precarious mounds
of donut holes
rich chocolate options
and tangy citrus concoctions
fruit-filled turnovers
and rich ridged old-fashioneds
jelly, jam, and cream stuffed
frosted, glazed, and flaky
a vast and joyous smorgasbord
that satiated and consoled
the years of my youth.

The House of Donuts
may have fallen
but it will live forever
flavorous and redolent
in the minds of countless
loyal customers like me.

Zero Gravity

Among comedians
the subject of influence
is often discussed
and I never say much
when it comes to SNL
Strangers With Candy
or Kids In The Hall
for I was struck
not by interest
but necessity
when, at 12
my sister, 16
domestic tensions grew
what with curfew
driver's licence
and potential romance.

The moment
when lightning struck
was one evening when
my sister planned to go
to Zero Gravity
our local non-alcoholic
teen dance club
as the discussion of her attendance
escalated to argument
a circuit tripped
and I inserted my child self
into the conflict
and began to recite
with affectation
the low-budget
commercial for Zero G
interspersed
with pulsing mouth percussion
and as my performance
gained momentum
they both began to laugh
and the pressure eased
my sister left
the contest of wills delayed
if not resolved
my first attempt
at pre-teen satire
and my first lesson
in the power of comedy.

Mighty Mike's Maze

As a child
the closest
I got to magic was
Might Mike's Maze
a converted warehouse
with hanging
itinerant
red canvas walls,
darkly lit,
the gloom and silence
punctuated
by the occasional
burst
from the fog machine
and the periodic
blast
of a strobe.

The stated goal
was to find four
multi-colored
poker chips
stashed
in hanging bags
at four obscure
dead-ends
throughout
the maze
within a certain timeframe
and that was fun
the game itself
but more than that
it was a fertile place
for fantasy
in it
I was Thesus
hunting the Minotar
I was Ged
evading the priests of Atuan
I was someone else
somewhere else
lost on an Adventure.

Aldeen Park

I'm back in Rockford for the weekend visiting my folks. It's also my friend Adam's oldest boy's birthday. I haven't been back since July so this visit is long overdue.

One of the things I miss most about Rockford is the parks. I worked in a number of them as a camp counselor growing up. They're all large and beautiful. It's easy to get lost and forget you're in a city at all. When I got into town this afternoon I rode my motorcycle(one last ride) to Aldeen to hike around for a bit while there was still some light.

There's something incredibly peaceful about it. Something I'm always drawn back to.

Little Eli

I spent yesterday with my friend Adam and his two boys Ethan and Eli. It's always a real treat to see them, talk nonsense, and play games. I try to see them as often as I can, I don't want them to forget me. It's important to me that I have a presence in their life. But sometimes spending time with the boys can be exhausting. I don't know how Adam does it or parents in general for that matter. Parenthood is a non-stop gig. Kids need almost constant attention, have a steady stream of questions, and are years away from self-sufficiency. 

It's humbling to spend time with Adam and his family. He's an adult, became one a long time ago. It's great to spend time with him and his boys, I get a little taste of what fatherhood might be like, the frustrations and the joys.

Giving Thanks

I'm back in Rockford with my family celebrating the holiday. Today my folks and I had my aunt, uncle, grandma, and my little cousins over. It was relatively low key and uneventful but comfortable. The kind of comfort that only comes with years and through blood. My extended family is large and the Nelson clan has all stayed in relatively close proximity and contact. We see each other most every holiday and there is a great satisfaction in that closeness.

I talked poetry and death with my grandma and played some card games with my little cousins. My dad and uncle watched football and we all ate too much pie. Tomorrow we'll get together with the whole family over at my Aunt Anne's. Nothing terribly exciting but when we all get together it is very intimate and supportive.

I'm thankful for my loving family, their care and consideration.

For my incredible girlfriend Nicole and her love.

For inspiration, stage time, and audiences both receptive and apathetic.

For friends new and old, faraway and close to home.

And today, most of all, for Dave's miraculous recovery.

The Gods continue to smile upon their soldiers of mirth.

No Longer Home

It seems so small.
Hometown, parents' house
The past.

Quite a distance
from that chubby youth
I use to be.

It is bittersweet
to discover childhood
long-ago and faraway.

I-90

There's a stretch of I-90 I've worn well with rubber. From Rockford to Chicago, Chicago to Rockford, back and forth. For a while I had all the exits memorized, knew the NPR schedule by heart both WNIJ(Rockford) and WBEZ(Chicago). I've driven, motorcycled, gotten rides, and ridden the Coach USA bus.

It has been an obstacle, a bridge for contemplation, an irritant, a safety blanket, a danger, and a bore. I've seen all manners of construction, traffic, and improvements. For a time my world encompassed only two cities and a stretch of road.

With friends moving and the Chicago comedy scene in a state of flux I have cause to reflect. My world is much larger now with innumerable possibilities. There are countless roads stretching out to the horizon. Each with opportunity and mystery and promise.

Wedding Weekend

I came back to Rockford last night in preparation for my sister's wedding Saturday. There's a lot of i's to dot and a lot of t's to cross but things are coming together. As the day approaches and people start rolling into town I realize how large my extended family is, aunts and uncles and lots and lots of cousins, Bannens, Brannons, and Nelsons. Some of whom I haven't seen in years, some I may have only seen once or twice, but blood binds and there is shorthand with family however distant.

My goal this weekend is just to be available, to be ready and willing to do whatever is asked of me by my sister, her soon to be husband Nick, or my folks. To be patient, accommodating, and as kind as possible. I'm sure in the next couple days tempers will be short and there will be at least one crisis. People will be tired and there will be countless errands to run. But already I can feel this immense and unwavering outpouring of love.

It's an exciting and momentous time for the Nelson clan, anticipation builds.

R&R

I headed to Rockford to see my sister and celebrate my dad's birthday. Nicole came with and we spent a good deal of time lounging around watching Master Chef Junior. Great show.

 

It took me a long time to become accustomed to Chicago. The size and speed. Now I don't really think of it. Rockford by contrast is much more sedate. It's nice to go back and just relax, decompress.

But after a day or so I get antsy. It's more open in Rockford, more space-less people, more nature which I love. But I want to be on the move. Need to be. I love my childhood home and the city I grew up in, it's a great place to recharge. But it's not home anymore.