Thursday, May 23, 2013

A Disturbing Dream 11

I have had a reoccurring dream for the past year, between two and four times a month. The basic idea of the dream never changes but the circumstances and locations are always different.

I have to go back to high school and retake one or more classes. Usually they are biology, chemistry or physics classes. It may sound relatively mundane but there's an oppressive sense of panic and desperation in the dream.

Sometimes I'm in my former high school or middle school but most of the time I'm in some huge weird conglomeration of all schools that I've ever been to or heard of.

I'm usually lost and late for class. I'm always my age so I'm a decade older then the oldest students.

Almost always the material being presented is miles over my head which invariably makes me incredibly frustrated and/or depressed. Many times I get kicked out of class and wander the halls looking in to classrooms trying to gain entrance, to learn something, to have some purpose.

Other times I'm at my childhood home and I'm late for class. I feel like a real bum at 28 being late for biology. I show up late and get hall-swept and end up spending the whole day in detention with students and a teacher who's younger than I am.

Often times I'm in the main office getting directions to my classes from a secretary. She outlines a route on a map which I immediately forget, she gives me my schedule which I immediately lose, I wander the halls aimlessly looking in at classrooms full of smart kids I have nothing in common with. I don't fit in and I never will.

Out of place, out of time.

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