Last Day

Today was my last day of work due to our office closure. This job was the first one I got and worked sober. Underwriting was the first line of work that I got a measure of satisfaction from. I showed up, I worked hard, and I did what was asked of me. Of course at times I slacked, cruised the internet, called in sick when I wasn't, but for the most part I was a good employee. I got a lot of great feedback from my bosses and I felt I was genuinely appreciated. It's a new feeling.

In the past I only lost jobs, more often than not for chronic lateness or calling in sick too frequently. The few jobs I wasn't let go from were because I left before they could pull the trigger. My time at this company was totally different. Was the work great and totally stimulating? No. I don't think I could be fully satisfied with any kind of job that was in an office. But there were times when I would pick up a certain task or problem that genuinely interested me, that was challenging, and I felt real satisfaction working on and solving it.

As a line of work insurance isn't very exciting, it is synonyms in popular culture with boredom and I don't necessarily refute that. A lot of my days were filled with a certain amount of tedium. But as someone who has experience in customer service, retail, and the service industry I think insurance, especially by comparison, offers a useful and effective product. It's a business just like any other but for the most part you get what you pay for, if something happens insurance provides monetary assistance. Sure purchasing it is a drag and the process can be too involved but when rubber meets the road insurance policies pay out when something happens.

In the midst of all the humdrum office minutia I, periodically, got to provide some real help and assistance to people in times of crisis. Those were the times I felt like the work was making an actual real-life difference, it felt good. I'm proud of the past two and a half years. Not only of the work I did but how I did it.

'Trainwreck' A Review

Trainwreck is a romantic comedy about a young woman Amy(Amy Schumer) who is a writer for men's magazine S'nuff. Under the influence of her father and as a result of her parents divorce she is distrusting of monogamy. She has a relatively free lifestyle which causes conflict when she meets nice but relatively straight laced sports doctor Aaron(Bill Hader) on an assignment for her magazine and the two begin to date.

The greatest aspect of the film is its stellar ensemble cast. Schumer and Hader give great tent pole performances which the cast revolve around. Schumer provides emotion, humor, and depth to her loveable but crass modern woman. Hader gives his most reserved performance to date, refreshing in its normality and honesty. The supporting cast is phenomenal. Excellent turns by Colin Quinn as the affectionate but acidic father of Schumer, Dave Attel as the perpetually upbeat but pathetic panhandler outside Schumer's apartment, Brie Larson as Schumer's sister gives the film a much needed dramatic authenticity, John Cena and Labron James give remarkable comic performances, and Tilda Swinton as Schumer's vapid and egomaniacal boss is delightful and almost unrecognizable. On top of all that there is a laundry list of wonderful cameos.

The film is very funny and the performances are excellent the only deficiency is in the predictable structure and somewhat muddled tone. Trainwreck follows the romcom formula almost by rote which is surprising and a bit disappointing given its refreshing characters. Perhaps in Schumer's freshman screenwriting attempt she relied on pre-established archtypes but with her well known biting and satirical abilities you expect a bit more. As far as message it is unclear how exactly we are suppose to view Amy. Are we to believe Amy's behavior before her inevitable transformation is bad? As the film progresses it seems to imply an unfair and discordant judgment on her prior promiscuity. Ultimately the ending implies monogomy makes you happy if only you are mature enough for it which, given everything that went before it, doesn't seem altogether fair or just.

Funny, fun, a great first foray from writer and star Amy Schumer.

See It.

Year Three

Today marks my third year without a drink. I struggled with alcohol for a long time and I had to go through a lot of pain to actually seek help, take some suggestions, and make some significant changes in my life. There were times when I thought I couldn't or wouldn't make it but I am here.

I no longer struggle with drinking, the obsession with alcohol has been lifted. I don't think about it often, I don't get cravings, I don't miss or romanticize it. I am still always wary around or regarding booze. When you have a problem vigilance is required.

My main focus now is to live a full and productive life. When recovering from an addiction the first thing is becoming free from the substance. The second thing is learning how to live a happy and peaceful life, learning how to cope with negative emotions(anger, fear, resentment etc.), learning how to be an adult, simply- learning how to live.

By that measure this has been a good year. I've set goals and met some of them. I've attempted to communicate more in general and specifically more calmly, I've tried to gossip less. I've tried to make time for and spend time with loved ones, tried to work hard but also not hold myself to an impossible standard. Tried to lash out less and listen more. Tried to voice my own needs and respect those of the people around me. I may not have always succeeded but I was successful more often than I failed and I kept trying. In short its felt like progress, like growth.

I'm grateful for each and every day. The triumphs and the failures. The opportunities and the disappointments. It's about progress not perfection.

Tired of Goodbyes

Over the past year a lot of friends and acquaintances have left Chicago. Tisher's moving was the hardest to take, the biggest adjustment, the most surprising. After that it gradually became almost rote. Still emotionally effecting but natural. There comes a point in life, late 20's/early 30's(at least in the case of my peers), when you ask yourself certain questions. What's next? What path do I want to follow? What do I truly want? And whether the answer is motivated by family, career, adventure, ambition what-have-you it frequently necessitates a geographical change.

In movies goodbyes are always profound and cathartic. People say important and articulate things. Often the partings are final. Real life isn't like that. You convey your affection and care but there is rarely, in my experience at least, any weighty words or stunning reveals. If you expect something cinematic you will be disappointed. You don't need a dramatic interaction to prove what someone means to you. If you have appropriate expectations you'll get all the closure you need.

Goodbyes are important, telling people you love that you love them is important, wishing people well at the beginning of a journey or a big life change is important. But farewells are almost never momentous or partings lasting. You never know what directions lives may take, how they may diverge, or when they may come back together. And no matter what the future may hold you always have the memory of the person with you, so in a way they never actually leave.

Last Week

A couple months back the president of our company came and told us they were closing the Chicago office to consolidate all the jobs to our sister office in Maryland. We were all offered a severance,  the services of an out-placement consultant, and an exit schedule. At the end of June the customer service department left and this week is my last.

The past month has put a lot of strain on my department. The new employees in Maryland aren't coming along very rapidly and that puts a lot of work and even more frustration on those of us that are left in Chicago. Personally its been incredibly draining, I've tried to still work as hard as I can regardless of the impending end-date. It's been tough. Tempers have flared, work has gotten backed up, many customers have become upset, and people have started playing the blame game. The once positive work atmosphere has become a bit acidic and fatalistic. It takes its toll.

This next week feels like the final leg of a race, the sprint to the finish, I'm worn out but the end is in sight. All I have to do is get through the week.

'Pixels' A Review

Pixels is a scifi comedy about an alien invasion that manifests as 80's video game characters. The former arcade champions now aged and shlubby nerds are tapped to defend the world with their 8 bit skills. Sam Brenner(Adam Sandler) the 80's Pac-Man champion whose life never took off after his Donkey Kong Defeat by Eddie Plant(Peter Dinklage). He now installs and sets up televisions and computers. On a normal visit he meets Violet van Patten(Michelle Monaghan) and develops flirty contentious relationship. Through Sam's childhood friend President Will Cooper(Kevin James) taps him to fight the aliens-in-the-form-of-80's-video-game-characters and his life is finally given purpose.

There is not much to like about this recent addition to the slovenly and increasingly idiotic Sandler cannon. The sole positive of the movie is the live-action video game battles which constitutes about 12 minutes of running time. Although billed as a comedy the jokes are the same recycled fair Sandler has been relying on since 1995- vaguely misogynistic, sexist, and gross. The "romance" between Sandler and Monaghan is more far-fetched than the personified Pac-Man. It's rote banality is offensive, the ideas and dialogue a regurgitation of an echo of a cliche. This is nothing compared to Josh Gad's character's obsession with Lady Lisa and then her eventual materialization as a literal trophy.

Predictable, dumb, lazy.

Don't See It.

Florida Wedding

The past couple days Nicole and I have been in Daytona Beach at Nicole's parents house for her sister Kim's wedding. It's been a whirlwind couple of days what with family dinners, preparation, and the typically intense Florida heat. This morning Nicole and I woke up early for a swim in the ocean. It was incredibly warm and calm. Soothing and energizing. I've only swam in the ocean a couple times in my life. This time- in the early morning hours, on a mostly deserted beach, in the company of my loving partner- was the most significant.

After our swim Nicole went off with her sister to have a sibling breakfast and get their hair done. I helped Nicole's parents get things ready for the ceremony. It was an intimate affair, the smallest wedding I had been to, they're were around 18 people total. The ceremony was on the beach then we had the reception at a local country club.

What struck me the most about it was how happy Kim and Sean were. The whole event wasn't very complicated so I think they were able to make it exactly how they wanted it to be and enjoy it with none of the stressors that can come with a more involved wedding.

It was wonderful to be included in such a close family event, I was able to get to know Nicole's family a lot better, and really feel like I was a part of the whole thing. Overall a beautiful and joyous day.

The Atlantic

cool, calm, gentle, meek
quiet, still, vast, and sleek.

there are no answers to be found
the waves break, the tide pounds.

the beach constant and changing both
a harbinger of internal growth.

although no epiphanies are near
the self is fortified and clear.

'Ant-Man' A Review

Ant-Man is a Marvel superhero movie about a cat burglar released from prison who gets the opportunity to redeem himself and reestablish a relationship with his estranged daughter. In the 80's Hank Pym(Michael Douglas) discovered the Pym-particle which he used to create a suit which enabled him to shrink as well as multiply his strength. Pym kept the science behind the particle and the suit secret as a matter of security. Years later one of his disgruntled proteges Darren Cross(Corey Stoll) has discovered the particle and is creating his own suit with the intent to selling it to the highest bidder. Pym with the help of his daughter Hope(Evangeline Lily) recruit ex-con Scott Lang(Paul Rudd) to wear the Ant-Man suit and steal the suit being created by Cross.

It is impossible not to compare superhero movies given the gluttonous number of them being released as well as Marvel's continued misguided quest to shoehorn each movie into the same universe. So, comparatively Ant-Man's small scale is refreshing. It is not an explosive spectacle but a heist movie. Humor, personality, and fun with the shrinking visuals propel the movie as opposed to elongated CGI carnage and hyperbolic world-ending catastrophes.

Rudd as the titular hero displays his characteristic charm although his inherent humor is a bit underutilized. The most engaging aspect of the movie is Rudd's relationship with his three ex-con friends most specifically Michael Pena who steals all of his scenes with an infectious childlike optimism and sense of play. The diverse casting paired with unstereotypical characters are one of the major refreshing elements of the movie.

Refreshing when put into the Marvel context but lacking significant laughs or heart as a stand alone.

Rent It.

Hindsight Hour: Relationships 2

The season 1 finale. An investigation of romantic relationships. From endearments to the embittered, from diffidence to infidelity. Episode six explores disenchantment, betrayal, and heartbreak.

Directed by Tim Joyce
Improvised by Michael Brunlieb, Sarah Cowdery, Annie Donley, Scott Nelson, Steve Nelson, Tyler Parker, Meaghan Strickland, and Ingrid Walla.

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“Most mandalas have an intuitive, irrational character and, through their symbolical content, exert a retroactive influence on the unconscious. They therefore possess a “magical” significance, like icons, whose possible efficacy was never consciously felt by the patient.” -Carl Jung

"The mantra that you're given in Transcendental Meditation you keep to yourself. The reason being, true happiness is not out there, true happiness lies within." -David Lynch

"Sleep is the best meditation." -Dalai Lama

Return of Duffy

Duffy was back in town for a wedding and she played with Schwa last night. When I joined the team three years ago we connected right away and it was a real treat to have her back. She fit back in seamlessly, like she had never left. She is a joy to perform with and is one of the kindest people I have ever met. I've missed her as a performer and as a friend.

A couple months back she tweeted something disparaging about men who wear bolo ties not knowing since her move to LA I'd begun wearing them. Since then she's given me a hard time about wearing them hence the above picture, note her disgust.

One of the great things about Schwa is former teammates coming back to play. It's a singular team in the sense it has been around for years and has continued to evolve. Members get added, members move on, but the team remains and whenever any former member comes through town they are welcome and encouraged to come play. There's an ever replenishing sense of camaraderie and history. Thus Deep Schwa endures.

Little Eli

I spent yesterday with my friend Adam and his two boys Ethan and Eli. It's always a real treat to see them, talk nonsense, and play games. I try to see them as often as I can, I don't want them to forget me. It's important to me that I have a presence in their life. But sometimes spending time with the boys can be exhausting. I don't know how Adam does it or parents in general for that matter. Parenthood is a non-stop gig. Kids need almost constant attention, have a steady stream of questions, and are years away from self-sufficiency. 

It's humbling to spend time with Adam and his family. He's an adult, became one a long time ago. It's great to spend time with him and his boys, I get a little taste of what fatherhood might be like, the frustrations and the joys.

The Past

I do not regret the past
for every pain
has brought me to the present.
But
there are days.
When old shames
buried deep
bubble up,
when scare tissue
long healed
aches,
when forgotten wounds
reopen and spill remorse.
And there are nights
when every shadow
is a face
accusing and wronged,
when the dark
is crowded by ghosts
of the transgressed,
when sleep itself
seems aggrieved.

Like a chain around the neck
with each link trailing
back miles and years
to birth.

The weight
is sometimes
too much to bear.

My Two Sons: Opening

Tonight was the official opening of My Two Sons. We had a close to capacity crowd which was very warm and responsive. It went great. It feels like we're hitting a good groove and I'm really looking forward to the remainder of the run. I'm very proud of the show, its message, and the work the cast is doing. From my initial conception it has gained a lot of depth and dimension and has far exceeded my expectations for humor and heart.

Every Friday at 8pm at The Annoyance through August 21st.

Improv Violence

One of the fundamental rules in improv is avoid violence. Its stressed in classes in order to keep people safe and in control, its associated with "bad improv".  Pulling a gun in an improv scene is such a cliche bad move it was immortalized in The Office. The purpose of this rule is to one- make sure improvisers don't hurt each other by throwing actual punches which were intended to be pretend and two- there are many who believe violence in improv scenes halt the action, take the scene to a dead end.

Safety is of course important. But with some experience and very basic stage combat knowledge you can execute a serviceable punch or kick with well placed slaps, knaps, and stomps. Improvisers who know what they're doing shouldn't avoid violence after a certain point, it's a valuable tool that raises the stakes of a scene and can be visually appealing to an audience. In the matter of weapons the rule of Chekhov's gun applies i.e. if you pull a gun it should be used and when its used there should be consequences. The bad improv doesn't result from someone pulling a gun but from the gun not being used or people not reacting to it. If you pull a gun and do nothing with it the scene stagnates. If it is fired, if it is treated with some semblance of danger, the scene can soar.

Tonight during the Sight Unseen show I played a sex ed teacher with Rosie and Jimmy playing my teenage students. The scene built a bit then turned dark, me threatening Jimmy with a taser if he didn't promise to put the sensual needs of Rosie, his girlfriend, above his own, he hemmed and hawed so I tased his crotch. It got a huge reaction and an applause break.

We established an interesting scene, the message of it was basically- male-hetero-sexual-consideration- and used the threat of violence to increase tension, then the actual(pretend) violence to provide a crescendo and therefore a satisfying conclusion.

Certainly people just learning improv shouldn't start trying to kick, hit, or stab each other. At the beginning its difficult enough to navigate a simple premise. But that doesn't mean it should be outlawed. At a certain point the threat of violence and (pantomimed) violent acts can provide much needed energy and catharsis.

'Amy' A Review

Amy is a documentary about musician Amy Winehouse and her tragic death due to substance abuse. The film is a collection of friends and families personal footage, audio interviews, and archival clips with drone shot panoramic landscapes for filler. It begins with Winehouse at 18 at the beginning of her career and follows her through her early musical struggles, first album, smash-hit second album, grammy wins, then to her untimely death.

The first half of the film is relatively interesting, we are privy to Winehouse's initial musical influences and style. She always had an incredible voice but her early songs are heavily jazz inspired- unstructured emotional and raw. Here we get a glimpse of something we did not know about Winehouse, the first half of the movie has a purpose, we see where the artist came from, how she evolved.

The second half of the film goes from distasteful to down right offensive. Winehouse's struggles with addiction are shown through numerous compromising photos and video clips, her unsuccessful attempts at sobriety portrayed bluntly without nuance, the filmmakers gleeful bludgeon the viewer with this imagery and this aspect of her life over and over again. Her failed marriage is also exposed to a pitiable degree with long shots of Winehouse and her ex-husband sloppily making out cut with him saying things like "Whose going to pay for this? Amy! I'm broke!" Winehouse's addiction is gratuitously explored but the film says almost nothing about the tragedy of her death or her musical legacy.

Amy insinuates Winehouse's father, ex-husband, manager, and the media at large are partially responsible for her death. It condemns them for exploiting her but the film itself is exploitative. The film does not show the "real" Amy Winehouse as it proclaims on its marketing materials it is in reality a self-righteous synthesized regurgitation of all the tabloid muck that was published around the time of her death.

At the end of the film they squeeze in Tony Bennett saying "I wish she would have lived longer. Life teaches you how to live it if you can survive long enough." An endearing and poignant sentiment but too little too late.

A harsh, thoughtless, voyeuristic look at the tragic life of a virtuoso vocalist who deserves better.

Don't See It.

'The Wolfpack' A Review

The Wolfpack is a documentary about six brothers kept in confinement by their domineering father in a lower Manhattan apartment. Through their shared love of cinema the brothers cope with their isolation by reenacting their favorite films complete with props and costumes made of cereal boxes and masking tape. Inspired by The Dark Knight one of the brothers escapes which propels the whole family to begin interacting with the outside world.

The film is a composite of interviews, home movies, and the brothers day-to-day life. At the time the film was shot the brothers are still acclimating to the outside world and are relatively naive. We accompany them on their first visit to Coney Island and a movie theater. They display a wonder and caution bordering on paranoia for the city they have lived in their whole lives. These scenes are juxtaposed with their versions of their favorite films played out in their apartment. What is most astonishing about these homages is not the reverent seriousness in which they go about them but the brothers uncanny abilities of mimicry. The brother portraying Mr. Pink in Reservoir Dogs does an incredible Steve Buscemi.

The why of the situation is never fully flushed out. Their father is only a specter in the majority of the film, referred to but only seen towards the end where he drunkenly provides a half-hearted justification for his actions. Their mother however is ever-present nurturing and loving, clearly caught in a bad situation, who gains some personal and familial redemption towards the end. The brothers are all articulate and seem relatively at peace with varying degrees of acceptance and adjustment regarding their childhood. All barely speak to their father and refer to past situations and events that cannot be forgiven. Some viewers may want more, want the gory details, but they would not provide a clearer picture of who these brothers are.

What is clear is the brothers deep and prevailing love of cinema. The film clearly conveys not only a deep love of movies but the power film has to bring hope, relief, and inspiration in life's darkest hours.

Don't Miss It.

Peaks And Valleys

Currently I feel a bit depleted, creatively and otherwise. The last couple weeks of my job have been draining(two left), the play has taken a lot of energy, and my schedule has left little time to recharge. As a result I don't feel terribly inspired.

Inspiration and the corresponding creative output seem to move in cycles. Like a stream, sometimes it rushes, sometimes it trickles. Some tributaries circle back to the main flow, some dead end. I've found things tend to move in fits and starts, periods of change and productivity followed by mundane routine, a plateau before the next discovery.

Right now I'm just putting one foot in front of the other. Its not bad just tiring. But the end is in sight and I can already feel a little stirring, the promise of good things to come.

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I recently reread The Shining and one of the things Stephen King reiterates in the book is that a lot of people have a little shine about them. Most people have something special about them, a spark, a gift, an ability. It manifests itself in different ways for different people- creativity, empathy, athleticism, discipline, patience, rhetoric etc. Most people have some kind of talent- some big, some small. And talent has to be cultivated but even more importantly used.

"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity." -W. Clement Stone

"Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute! Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Only engage, and then the mind grows heated. Begin, and then the work will be completed." -Jean Anouilh

"Obsessed by a fairy tale, we spend our lives searching for a magic door and a lost kingdom of peace." -Eugene O'Neill

'The Overnight' A Review

The Overnight is a relationship dramedy about a couple who are new to LA and meet an eccentric father Kurt(Jason Schwartzman) through their respective children at a playground. They form a tentative friendship and Kurt invites Alex(Adam Scott) and Emily(Taylor Schilling) over for dinner and a playdate. Alex and Emily attend with their son in toe but when the boys go to sleep the parents drink and smoke weed late into the night. Debauchery ensues.

The film rides a fine line between drama and farce, making some broad and interesting points about fidelity and sexuality while still providing a substantial amount of laughs. It is able to explore the concept of sustaining a marriage while flaunting prosthetic penises and paintings of buttholes. The four actors are the real reason the film works- giving charming, likable, empathetic performances while navigating substance use and somewhat taboo matters of sex. No character in the film is suspect they are all genuine, there is nothing duplicitous going on although at times it feels like there might be.

There are a a lot of surprises in the film. Not plot twists necessarily but scenes which progress down a certain path then turn to the unexpected. The subject matter and the unpredictability of the narrative are refreshing. A movie for 30-somethings about 30-somethings that has wider relationship applicability.

Although not entirely successful, at points it seems like its stretching or unsure of its tone, The Overnight provides significant humor and honesty in equal measure.

Rent It.

The Salvation of Summer

After weak and weeks long flirtations
summer has arrived, gently and with affection.

The social metronome's clicks have quickened
and the frequency of romance oscillates with increased fervor.

All bodies yearn for lazy days of sun,
all minds crave adventure and the unknown.

There is a frantic abandon brought about by the delayed heat,
a light but crazed wildness infecting all the summer sojourners.

A season so lush and sharp desire is ever-present and glory a possibility.

The Golden Rule

In college I had a friend who was coming out of the closet. We'd known each other since middle school and throughout high school and into college he dated one of our mutual friends. He broke up with her junior year and over the course of our final two years in college gradually came out of the closet. He lost weight, dyed his hair, started tanning and going out a lot.

His process was relatively drawn out, it wasn't something he wanted to talk about. Everything was secretive and covert, if someone asked him about it he would deflect or simply not answer the question. No one was putting pressure on him to come out and I don't think any of his friends were very surprised, we all just wanted to let him know that we accepted him and loved him for who he was or for whoever he wanted to be. It was difficult to show support given his cageyness.

Once before he went out for the night he said "when I'm in I'm in, when I'm out I'm out". There was an aggressiveness about the whole thing which confused me, An atypical "fuck you" type of attitude from my long time friend. Now he had every right to come out absolutely any way he wanted to, it just struck me as a little selfish and mean. I didn't understand it.

This past week some friends of mine laughed at me while I was hosting a show. Not laughed at what I was saying but laughed at me. It hurt my feelings, I felt mocked. There was something petty and inconsiderate about it that really surprised me. It felt like my friends were lashing out at me and I didn't understand why.

I've always been a sensitive person and something I have to keep in mind is that the world doesn't revolve around me and, more often than not, people have a lot going on. Like an iceberg, there is a lot going on below the surface. Everyone has their own reasons, motivations, and personal histories which shape and color the complex way they interact. Most peoples main concern is themselves, which is as it should be, people should look after their own health and happiness first and foremost. But there is a fine line between self-care and selfishness.

Ultimately you try to find the balance between taking care of yourself and being kind to others. To let those things go which don't matter. Treat others the way you would like to be treated, as best you can.

Hindsight Hour: Family 2

An investigation of the nuclear family. From sibling disappointment to paternal oversight, from romantic advise to teenage rebellion. Episode five explores youthful selfishness, parental inconsideration, and childhood defiance.


Directed by Tim Joyce
Improvised by Michael Brunlieb, Paul Chimko, Sarah Cowdery, Annie Donley, Kevin Knickerbocker, Mike Malarkey, Nick Mestad, Scott Nelson, Steve Nelson, Tyler Parker, Meaghan Strickland, and Ingrid Walla

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"Without tradition, art is a flock of sheep without a shepherd. Without innovation, it is a corpse." -Winston Churchill

"A line is a dot that went for a walk." -Paul Klee

"Art! Who comprehends her? With whom can one consult concerning this great goddess?" -Ludwig van Beethoven

Street Talk 24

I'm sitting on the steps of a church smoking, waiting to meet a friend. On Mondays the church sorts and packages clothes and food for donation. I notice on the side of the church there is an old man waiting by the side door. He is short and thin, his baggy cloths are dirty, his grey hair unwashed.

After a couple minutes he approaches the stairs where I am sitting.

Old Man: 'scuse me.

He sits on the stairs just below me. He has a to-go Styrofoam container with food in it which he begins to eat quietly. It's a Thanksgiving meal- turkey, stuffing, corn, and mashed potatoes. At first I'm nervous he'll ask me for money or a cigarette but he doesn't. We sit in silence. He eats, I smoke. We sit this way for about ten minutes.

It strikes me as incredibly sad. This old man eating a donated Thanksgiving dinner in the middle of summer. With the air so hot and humid I wonder how he could be enjoying it. I chastise myself, any food is welcome when you're hungry.

I wonder if he is waiting there for the same reason I am. I suspect he is not. I think if things were different I could be him. I think there was a time when the gutter held a certain glamour, a certain romance for me and that I am glad I am free from that delusion. I think his present could still be my future if I'm not diligent, if I'm not attentive, if I'm not wary. I silently thank him for his unconscious reminder.

He does not smell, he is not rude or pushy, he is not angry, he is simply sad. And the sadness follows him like a loyal dog. Regret too. I can feel the weight of his regret.

I think we are not much different him and I. Two men sitting on the steps of a church. One smoking, one eating.

'Terminator Genisys' A Review

Terminator Genisys is a scifi action movie about potential nuclear winter and killer robots, a sequel/reboot of the Terminator franchise. In the not to distant future a malevolent artificial intelligence called Skynet has launched warheads all over the world and initiated the systematic extinction of the human race. The human resistance is lead by John Connor and on the eve of victory over the machines their final weapon is employed- a time machine. This is the premise of the 1984 Terminator however in this installment the timeline is disrupted and multiple individuals are sent back to fight over the future.

The plot of the movie relies heavily on the first two installments of the franchise which begs a predictably unflattering comparison. Arnold Schwarzenegger's T-800 is only a caricature of the fearsome, stolid, surprisingly soulful character it once was, as the installments have progressed he has degraded to simply the butt of the joke. Jai Courtney as Kyle Reese is cloyingly bland and almost manages to navigate the entire time with a single honest moment. Emilia Clarke does not have the compelling ferocity of Linda Hamilton but she does do the iconic Sarah Connor justice imbuing her with fire and competence. Jason Clarke as John Connor is underutilized and mismanaged giving a decent performance despite a borderline nonsensical role.

Like Jurassic World there is some pleasure simply in the nostalgia of the movie, revisiting characters and story lines we have some affection for. The narrative is fresh enough to begin with but depreciates in potency as it gets more and more complicated. They attempt to create an emotional journey along with the action but it is ineffective.

Mildly entertaining but substantially less satisfying than revisiting Terminator 2.

Rent It.

A Picture of a 4th Of July Barbaque

And there a table with chips, dips, and mayonnaise based salads.
And there, another table, with eight inch paper plates, red forks and blue knives.
In the corner the requisite grill, with assorted sausages and ground meat patties sizzling.
In the adjacent corner a keg containing what I assume is cheap beer.
I assume because I do not partake.
No beer of any kind has crossed the threshold of my lips for almost three years.
Outside the yard, on the perimeter, there is a generously stocked bar.
I marvel that party goers do not flock to it and take more liberal advantage.
My thirst, when I indulged, was never so sedate.
All around are men with hats.
All around are women with bright and airy dresses.
Everywhere are smiles and heads thrown back with laughter drinking in the heat.
On a patch of bare concrete people hit a plastic ball with a stunted plastic bat.
And whoop and run the makeshift backpack bases.
Further out a volleyball is bumped and set and bumped again.
And even further on a gravel strewn empty lot where folks play a sweaty game of Ultimate.
The party proper is in shade,
with dappled sunlight gently bouncing off round cheeks and bared arms.
And more people arrive through the narrow pathway boarding the house.
And more people trickle out, wandering contentedly down the quiet alley.
And for a day and a night there is only this.
A fleeting eternity.
This warm bright camaraderie.

Empty

Tonight is the first preview for My Two Sons. We've all put a lot of time an energy into it and for me personally its taken up a lot of head space and almost all of my creative juice. Its what I've been thinking about while lying in bed trying to get to sleep, I roll scenes over in my head, replay, reconstruct, revise, over and over. I've been thinking about people's schedules and our timeline, counted down our rehearsals and hours as we got closer to tonight. I feel a bit empty having poured so much thought, worry, and consideration into it. I haven't had much urge or inspiration to write so I feel I've been a little neglectful with updating this blog amongst other things.

Conversely it's gratifying to pour so much into one project, a project I'm proud of that is significantly more complex and ambitious then things I have done previously. And this spent feeling is also nice in the sense that it helps reassure me I've done all I can for the show. I have confidence in the show. I know it will be funny, have heart, and everyone in it will be great. I'm excited to have people see it and see how they respond. I'm also eager to just do it. And do it and do it and do it. Get into the routine and flow of the show, to make it sing.

Top 5 Movies of 2015 So Far

Top 5:
Duke of Burgundy
Ex Machina
Mad Max: Fury Road
Slow West
What We Do In The Shadows

Top 5 Disappointments:
Avengers 2
Chappie
Jurassic World
Kumiko The Treasure Hunter
White God

Most Underrated:
Maps To The Stars

My Two Sons

The past month we've been putting a lot of work into this show. Its an original play I conceived which the cast, under the direction of Sarah, wrote. Its about two high school boys in 2003 growing up, experimenting with drugs and alcohol, exploring their sexuality, and maybe getting into some trouble. It has laughs and a message. Shows start this Friday at The Annoyance. The first two weeks are previews followed by a six week run.

My Two Sons, Fridays at 8pm in the small theatre, 7/3-8/21. Guaranteed chuckles and feels.