The Numbers For 2013

For the first time since 1999 I went 365 days without a drink.

I made 1 major purchase, a Honda VTX motorcycle.

I went on 1 vacation to Richmond, VA.

I saw 88 movies in the theater.

I went through 1 breakup.

Deep Schwa had 51 shows.

Prime had 46 shows.

The Night Shift had 23 shows.

Rick had 9 shows and was cut.

The Hague was formed and had 18 shows.

I created 1 character: Pastor Dirk Deadman.

I did 2 auditions.

I got 1 callback.

I read around 40 books, my favorite of which was The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman.

We rebooted Groh Show and released 4 episodes.

Tisher, Tim and I released 10 episodes of Bubble Boys comprising Season 1.

We recorded 6 episodes of Bubble Boys Season 2, yet to be released.

I made two collages.

Beanpole and I collaborated on 1 project.

I played 2 games of chess, both I lost.

I went to 1 concert.

I went to 0 plays.

I went to 0 weddings.

I went to 0 funerals

I fell in love, once.

West Coasters

Periodically old members of Deep Schwa will come back and play. Last night Brian Jack, in town for the holidays, came back and brought Dave Hill formally of famed iO team People of Earth and Matt Jones formally of famed TV show Breaking Bad. Whenever we have guests or former members back I think we're all a little sharper, a little faster, more excited and eager

It was a real fun show with a packed crowd which seemed to really love it. I was trepidatious initially because 11 can be an unruly amount of people and whenever people come in from out of town and there are a lot of us I worry about getting in there and being apart of the show. We started off with real high energy and pace and were able to keep it going. Every scene had four or five people in it and we hit this pell-mell frenetics but never pushed over the border into incoherence or cacophony. Everyone played a part and got to be seen.

My favorite part by far was Jeannie coming on as Brooke Shields and then her and I reenacting a bizarre version of Blue Lagoon where the rest of the team were plants, rocks, and animals egging me on in my fumbling seduction.

It was challenging and a little chaotic and I think everyone involved, audience and performers, were entertained. I'm proud to be a member of Deep Schwa. It is one of my greatest accomplishments and greatest pleasures.

Graffiti 112

“Having a dissenting opinion on movies, music, or clothes, or owning clever or obscure possessions, is the way middle-class people fight one another for status...Hipsters, then, are the direct result of this cycle of indie, authentic, obscure, ironic, clever consummerism...It is ironic in the sense the very act of trying to run counter to the culture is what creates the next wave of culture people will in turn attempt to counter.” -David McRaney

"I'm just another stupid human." -Markus Zusak

Reprieve

It was 50 degrees in Chicago today. Encouragement from the city and the world at large. Comfort and reassurance that the winter months will pass quickly. And at the other end, warmth.

"A light wind swept over the corn, and all nature laughed in the sunshine." -Anne Bronte

Death Row Meal

One of celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain's favorite questions is "what is your death row meal" i.e. what would your last meal be if you could choose.

My mother's stromboli has been my favorite dish since she first made it when I was 12. Whenever possible I goad her into making it for me. Stromboli is a type of turnover filled with cheese and meat. Hers is simple and delicious. Our past couple Christmas dinners have featured stromboli and only by the gracious persistence of my sister did my mother make it this year. Good as ever.

Rounding out my last meal would be my mothers chicken chili(refrigerated and reheated the day after it was made), Brussels sprouts and a Cherry Coke Zero.

It would be a fine meal to end on.

'Her' A Review

Her is a science fiction romance set in an undefined future where a man falls in love with an operating system.  The film is murky and elusive. Every person seeing it will come away with their own feelings and interpretations it's theme or message is ambiguous.

Joaquin Phoenix plays Theodore a man struggling to recover from a divorce. He works at Beautifulhandwrittenletters.com(yuck) a company family and lovers outsource their correspondence to. He works, he plays video games, and he engages in bizarre sex chats before bed. Enter Samantha voiced by Scarlett Johansson an artificial intelligence operating system. Samantha gets Theodore's life in order and they gradually fall in love mirroring the problems and pace of a normal relationship. Other than Theodore's ex-wife everyone acts as if this is totally normal and acceptable.

The future that is portrayed is unassuming but sad and quietly horrifying. Technology is ubiquitous. The relationship which is the focus of the film is handled with grace and feels organic however a romance between human and computer feels hollow. Phoenix's performance is good but there is something unsatisfying, incomplete about his scenes with Samantha. He doesn't come off as pathetic or a loser but he is not particularly likable, in fact none of the characters are save maybe Samantha.

It's been said the film encapsulates the 21st century, has it's fingers on the pulse of our culture. If that is the case humanity is on a collision course with isolation, weakness, dependence, perpetual immaturity and fear. To me Her is a cautionary tale of a bleak future, a glimpse into the depraved socially handicapped society we may become. It is no doubt beautifully shot, excellently scored, and well acted but it is unpleasant.

The best scene of the film is about a minute long. The only scene Phoenix interacts with his ex-wife played by Rooney Mara. It's refreshing to see him interact with a human, makes you wish the whole movie would have actually been about his failed marriage.

Interesting and thought provoking but not enjoyable. And the high waisted pants don't make any sense.

Rent It.

A Different Kind Of Christmas

My family does all its activities Christmas Eve. We open presents between the four of us and then my extended family on my father's side get together and have pizza fondue for dinner.

For a long time the extended family would get each other gifts. The uncles and aunts would get the kids gifts until they were through college and the adults would draw names to get each other a gift. We gave up the gift exchange last year and at this point I only have two little cousins that get gifts.

This year was quite different. Marta and Nick just got engaged so there was a lot of excitement about that. My college-age cousins on my mom's side Iona, James, and John, in town from LA, spent the holiday with us. My mom's family is spread all over the country and some across the world so it was a great treat to have them with us.

In a surprise twist Tisher came and spent Christmas with us as well. Groupon is being progressively stingy with PTO so he couldn't make the trip back to Napa to be with his family. It was great and odd to have him there, like worlds colliding and I think he enjoyed himself but there is still something melancholy about spending the holiday with a family not your own.

All told that's nine people when our norm is four. The holiday was more crowded, a bit more stressful, and not as relaxing as it usually is. More often than not I spend the holiday lounging around and reading. This time there was a lot more running around, a lot more errands, a lot more logistics, and more entertaining to be done. Which was a nice change- fuller and more action packed. In the past I may have been put off by all the changes to our routines, but I was happy to mix things up and to be there for my family and friend to, together, have a great holiday.

I got my dad Undefeated on DVD. We watched it today before I came back to Chicago. We watched and cried, it was a wonderful Christmas.

Silent Season

closed mouths

tight lips

nothing said

nothing missed

cold above

cold below

hunker down

for winters lull

around the fire

yarns are spun

ambitions forged

songs begun

a quiet night

a frozen day

perseverance

come what may

'American Hustle' A Review

American Hustle is a crime dramedy loosely based on the 1978 ABSCAM operation. The plot is not confusing but describing it most certainly would be. Going into this film I knew almost nothing about it, thanks for the most part to the short length of the trailers and the lack of dialogue within them, and it affirms my belief that the less you know about a film the greater your enjoyment will be.

Across the board the performances are incredible bolstered by a tight, electric script. Christian Bale and Amy Adams put in two marvelously inspired turns as con-artists in love. Their chemistry is fascinating and the love they portray for each other is more engaging and believable then most romances. The individual characterizations are so densely layered it immediately encourages repeated viewing. They find humor, drama, heartbreak, despair, determination, joy, charm, sensuality, spite, shrewdness- they hit all the notes. The leads are rounded out by Bradley Cooper in his most ambitious and successful performance to date and Jennifer Lawrence in her first turn as a heel. If there is one flaw in the film it is Lawrence's accent- it comes and goes. The supporting cast is lead by excellent turns from Jeremy Renner and Louis C.K. who make an already great movie vibrant and balanced.

A great script which allows four great actors to put in four delirious, melodic performances.

Don't Miss It.

Engagement!

My phone is almost always on silent so I frequently miss calls from people. I'm also fairly lax about returning calls so my dad and I have an unspoken code. If he texts me "Call when you can" that pretty much means call right away. My sister texted me last night "Call when you can. LU" and so even though it was late I called her back.

Marta: Well...Nick and I are engaged!

It was a very excited, surprising and joyous conversation. I am truly happy for her and am incredibly grateful to be in a position where I can be present and share/delight in the news, to be one of the first people she wants to call and tell.

I restrained myself from asking the questions that immediately come to mind- where and when- but could not resist joking-but-not-really-joking with Nick about his potential groomsmen, angling for a spot.

It is wonderful news. Easily the blinding highlight of the holiday season.

Hamburgerman

Long before Hamburgerman was the host of the worlds most popular home improvement show A Patty Prepares, long before Hamburgerheads from all over the world tuned in each night to see the best way to sand their counters or paint their cabinets, long before fame created Hamburgerman there was only Burgerboy.

Burgerboy did not have a nice childhood. At school he was called a variety of hateful nicknames. Some relatively conventional, some more creative: Beef Breath, Mayo Brains, Grease Trap, Meat Mop, Onion Eyes, Glutton Guide, Burnt Buns, Cowlips, EColi Face, Mustard Tears and Temple Grandin by the kids in the agricultural know. His classmates would hold him under the hand dryer in the bathroom and dry out his patties. They would dowse him with water to soggy his buns. They would ridicule him for the stink of his cheese even though they themselves were ignorant in the ways of deodorant.

And no girl ever talked to Burgerboy.

The only school dance Burgerboy ever went to was prom. He went stag, decked out in a vintage 70's tux with ruffles. He had no friends and no date but he wanted the experience. The football team released five German Shepherds when he first braved the dance floor, they had been unfed for three days. As he fled the school grounds with the dogs in hot pursuit he could hear the roar of spiteful laughter from his classmates.

College wasn't much better. He started wearing a cloth sack on his head.

For a time he lived in Berlin, City of Freaks, and was unaccepted. Time passed.

On a weather induced layover at JFK Burgerboy met Richard Karn, famous for portraying Al Borland on the legend-in-its-own-time TV show Home Improvement.

Little did he know what a fateful meeting it would turn out to be.

Graffiti 111

I've always been drawn to eyes. The first painting I ever did, which was terrible, in 8th grade art class was a disembodied red and black eye floating in a maroon storm. Because of Lord of The Rings and folklore there's a ton of evil eye imagery in a lot of fantasy books. There's something deep and unknowable about the eye.

"The health of the eye seems to demand a horizon. We are never tired, so long as we can see far enough." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing." -Bill Cosby

Justice

Last night The Night Shift had a show at The Playground. Last Wednesday, tonight, and for a couple other Wednesdays in January we have a night with Yes Diggity and Squall, two other Playground teams. This week there were only two audience members and about half the members of each team so we decided to do two mash up teams instead of our three individual teams.

The first mash up team started off well- an established setting, an interesting premise, and some fun characters. It wasn't great but they were figuring it out. As the piece went on I noticed one guy off to the sides waiting, let's call him Doug. After a while Doug entered the scene and took over. Non-stop talking, steamrolling of others ideas, with no regard for give and take. Doug came on and it was apparent to me that he was judging the piece, figured it "wasn't going well" and had it in his mind to "fix it". That's a good instinct to have but how he tried to "fix" it was by talking over everyone, negating others statements and ideas, and by repeatedly calling one woman's character a bitch. This behavior is unacceptable.

In life there is rarely justice, I've talked about this before, but in improv there can and should be. Doug is a talented guy but his methods were not funny, not inspired, and made him look like an asshole. And there's a fine line between being an asshole onstage and being one off stage. That kind of improv is unacceptable and makes people uncomfortable, Doug needs to realize that. It is also on the other improvisers performing with him to let him know that.

When someone is acting like an asshole and treating people like an asshole in an improv show it is important that that person get their comeuppance. There's a fine and blurry line between the personal and the professional in improv shows and if we feel uncomfortable as a person in a show with what someone else is doing it is a valid feeling and we our entitled to act on it. In this show I was waiting for one of the other players to stop him, to call him out, to bring him down. What that looks like sometimes with people like Doug is talking louder than him. If he shouts- you yell, if he interrupts you- you don't let him get a sentence out without an interjection.

Sometimes you have to fight. Not physically or personally or off stage. But in an improv show if you feel put down or let down or called out or taken advantage of you respond in kind. Use your imporv, use your skill, use your wit. Turn the tides.

Take a stand.

Groh Show #17

Groh Show with Danny Groh Holiday edition. Danny shares with us his new alter ego Grizzly Groh, explains the true meaning of Christmas, chastises Daniel for not celebrating it, advised me to stop cooking, and gives us a little insight into his recent romantic parting of the ways.

And he tells us about his band which I'm still skeptical is actually a real thing that will happen.

Steve's Guide To Holiday Parties

1. Eat Up- More often than not there is a lot of food at such parties. Freely provided by the host or a pot luck type situations. Either it's free or mostly free. Indulge. And try all the cookies you can.

2. Drink Up- I don't drink but for those who do it's a good time to make merry. Shake off some of the winter doldrums. Stir the pot. If there is an open bar, take advantage. If its BYOB there's usually more than enough to go around. Give one, take two.

3. Stay Mobile- Don't get pinned in a corner. Stick and move. Engage with friends you haven't seen in a while and try to touch base with some people you may only know in passing. The energy at a holiday party can be a bit frenetic, ride it don't let it ride you.

4. Dance- If there's dancing and you like dancing- dance. If you're one of those people that is on the fence, survey the scene, if a lot of people are dancing and having fun join in. Don't be shy. This is our substitute for the Winter Solstice. Cut loose before buckling down for the long winter. Get those pheromones working.

5. Exit Strategy- Go in with an idea of how long you want to stay and try to stick to it. An hour, two, what have you. You don't want to get roped into something or get yourself into trouble. Have an excuse- work, a significant other, unattended Christmas shopping etc. You can also go in with the idea to stay all night, keep yourself open to the possibility of a kiss under the mistletoe or something a little more decadent. If that's what you're looking for stick it out till the end and see what opportunities arise.

6. Stay Safe- Use cabs, public transportation, and designated drivers if you plan to imbibe. If the holiday party is work related keep yourself reigned in around your boss. Try not to break or spill things. If you are directing your affections at someone be sure they are being welcomed.

The goal is to wake up the next day feeling satisfied not guilty.

'The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug' A Review

The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug is a fantasy film, the second installment of the Hobbit trilogy. The adventure continues where it left off with a brief, and contrived, flashback to catch up any uninitiated coming to the franchise for the first time. Bilbo and his band take refuge in the home of a skinchanger, traverse Mirkwood forest, are imprisoned by the elves, escape to Lake-town, enter the Lonely Mountain, and confront the dragon Smaug. A lot happens in the film and the adventure is engaging and pleasing.

Pervading over the whole experience however is the nagging question of why. There is no reason to extend this story into three films, the content isn't there. The Lord Of The Rings movies had a break neck pace and a good amount was cut from the books, even though there were three long films they were packed with story. The Hobbit by comparison feels bloated and lethargic. Because of the length of the films, the amount of digressions they make, and the fact there are three- a great deal of narrative momentum and satisfaction is lost.

The performances are spot on but because of the investment required by the audience a great deal of freshness is lost.

Entertaining and good for distraction but nothing more.

Rent It.

'The Last Days On Mars' A Review

The Last Days On Mars is a scifi thriller about an expedition searching for life on the red planet. The movie is a cookie cutter rehash of every monsters-in-space trope. So obvious it's boring, it achieves neither camp, horror, nor suspense. There is life on Mars, surprise, its bacteria that turns people into zombies.

An excellent cast is given almost nothing to do and nothing to work with. It's depressing watching great actors struggle with such mediocrity. Liev Schrieber, Elias Koteas, and Olivia Williams put in valient efforts with no effect, they seem either unaware of how terrible the finish product will turn out or determined to, by force of will alone, create a watchable movie. There acting isn't bad its what they're saying and what(little) happens in the movie that makes it D.O.A.

The Last Days On Mars makes Ghosts of Mars look like an innovative masterpiece.

Don't See It.

It's A Wonderful Life

Nicole surprised me with tickets to It's A Wonderful Life tonight, one of her favorite movies and one I've never seen. It started off a little stressful. The Music Box was packed and there was a line out the door. When we picked up the tickets we were surprised to discover that the seats were assigned and through some box office mix up our seats were one in front of the other instead of one next to the other. The theater was a chaotic mess and I clammed up, situations like that shoot my anxiety to the moon.

The family sitting to my left had reserved the remainder of the row but one of their party wasn't coming. They graciously acquiesced when Nicole asked for the seat. We had our own little Christmas miracle. My relief was palpable. Before the film started Santa and a faction of some Chicago choir lead the room in Christmas carols. I was skeptical at first but quickly joined in. It was a nice feeling, a room full of people singing those old familiar songs.

The movie started and by then I was in my element. I liked the movie a lot. I think it has an almost perfect structure and performances which walk a tight rope of sentimentality but never fall into it. I cried at the end.

It was a wonderful night. Sharing the experience with Nicole meant a great deal and I now understand why the movie resonates with her and so many others.

I'm not one for the Christmas spirit or seasonal sentimentality. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't moved.

Posion

"How may I help you?"
day after day after day
erodes empathy
and leaves a calculating cold.

Unwarranted and Unplanned
Maliciousness
targets those who answer phones
or make change
or conduct trains
or tear tickets
or serve spirits.
Conduits for discontent.

Temper is infectious
and can be leeched.

But serenity is better
and kindness best.

Goodbye Gary

Tonight was Gary's goodbye show. It was really fun and loving and sweet. There were two sets with Gary then a series of tributes/bits for him. All the expressions of affection were very genuine and there was a palpable feeling of friendship in the room. That of course was off set by some gentle and not so gentle ribbing.

Gary will be missed but there wasn't a pervading feeling of sadness because Gary is an amazingly talented guy and there is no doubt from anyone that he will do well in New York. Also there is no doubt he'll come back to visit. 

A lot of things were said about Gary- how nice he is, how talented, and how fun. What I will remember most, Gary's defining trait in my eyes, is his fearlessness. I've seen him again and again in improv shows and with his sketch and stand-up engage in dangerous material. Stuff that seems almost impossible to pull off. I wrote about one of my favorite bits of his last year: No Guts No Glory. He has the ability to walk a razor's edge of controversial material and make the content funny and at times poignant. Recently Gary and Carmen did a frat boy scene about date rape. As a concept it should have been awful but some how they managed to make it funny and make a point. Gary constantly delivered fresh innovative perspectives on perilous subjects.

Every time I watched Gary there was an element of courage, of daring, and it is that which I'll miss most.

Good luck my friend.

A Cold City

The Chicago winter has come on quick and vengeful. Kept temperate for the past couple years it seems this winter has much too prove. The city is not less welcoming but seems to be fortifying itself for a long siege, as do most of it's occupants. People travel less and with more purpose, bundled and distant. With thickening blood Chicagoans guard against the long dark. A temper of reservation spreads, anxiety and depressive traps are prevalent.

But time passes, the city pumps, and we preserver.

"I have struck a city - a real city - and they call it Chicago... I urgently desire never to see it again. It is inhabited by savages." -Rudyard Kipling

"A city is a place where there is no need to wait for next week to get the answer to a question, to taste the food of any country, to find new voices to listen to and familiar ones to listen to again." -Margaret Mead

'Nebraska' A Review

Nebraska is a road trip family drama dubbed a comedy by its director Alexander Payne. It follows Woody(Bruce Dern) and his son David(Will Forte) as they travel from Billings, MT to Lincoln NE in order to collect a million dollars Woody believes he won in a publishers clearing house sweepstakes. They make a stop in Woody's hometown where most of the action takes place.

The film is quiet, patient, and subdued. It explores family, age, and a certain type of America. The performances are extremely varied. Dern puts in a layered performance as an aging alcoholic father with selective and/or impaired memory. Forte plays the everyman, a well meaning, lost, blank slate, searching for connection with his father and direction in his life. The rest of the cast success varies with good turns from Stacy Keach and Bob Odenkirk but with some rigid, jarring performances from Nebraskan locals. At points the line delivery is stilted and contrived but not enough to detract from the fluidity of the film.

Nebraska is shot in a cool black and white and depicts the landscape and the people with a haunting beauty and authenticity. Certainly not a lively film, but a film that conveys a lot of truth with enough moments of excitement, inspiration, and affirmation to balance it's overall depressive feel.

See It.

The Improv Mind

The first couple years I performed I could remember every suggestion, every scene, every show. Weeks after I could recall in detail moves and characters and took great pleasure in holding on to them. At a a certain point my mind hit critical mass and I lost it all. I still remember some stuff and can be jogged into remembering more but for the most part most of it fades pretty quickly. I don't miss it, the recall, it seems fitting, my memory mirrors the transient nature of improv.

My short term recall has vastly improved. The holding capacity has transferred from the long term to the short term. In a thirty minute span I can juggle scores of character names, premises, locations, and narrative arcs. But the specifics dissipate shortly after the lights are pulled.

Being able to be present and hyper aware in a show is more vital than being able to reminisce after a show.

Hang Drum

Last night The Hague had a show at iO, it was probably our best show to date, everything came together in a very organic pleasing way. Our show was totally eclipsed, however, by The Dream.

The Dream is usually the second or third act in an improv show at iO. The host brings someone up from the crowd, interviews them about their day, then the improvisers do a piece based on the response. Sometimes it can be fun, most of the time its relatively sedate. Last night The Dream was very different.

The first striking difference was it was just seven of us, instead of the Deltones the second show was going to be a one person musical and that person wasn't going to participate. The usual number of people doing it is 15-30. The second thing was the guy that did it. His name was Perry and he was a new agey guy who talked about getting his tarot cards read, being a spiritual traveler, transitioning from being a telemarketer to a spiritual healer, and playing an instrument called a Hang Drum. He has a daughter named Truth.

As the interview progressed I started to panic. The stuff he was saying was not typical and once we started doing scenes it could go from fun to making fun of him very quickly. I was anticipating it to be very difficult and to go very badly. He had his hang drum with him and we invited him to accompany Dave on piano while we improvised. It has this resonate, sharp, bell like quality.

The piece itself was a shocking success. It was very organic with little to no scenic elements- a lot of narrating, physical transformations, and direct address. It was the first time in a long time an improv piece I was in felt almost solely artistic, we didn't try to make jokes or do bits at all, it had a very trance like quality- ethereal and fleeting. We ended it by all seven of us mirroring him playing the hang drum with its tinkling foreign tones filling the room.

It's relatively unsatisfying describing an improv show, I know, but this one was special, unique, and one I'll never forget.

Sand

Brunlieb, Thomas, and Scott are the improv team Sand. They had a show last night at midnight at iO. It was a great show and the crowd was packed to watch 'em. It was one of those nights that happens every once in a while where friends perform and they are great and the audience members are all friends who perform and the energy in the room is full and positive and loving.

It had been a while since I had seen them and I think, for me, iO is the best place to watch improv. I don't mean the best improv but the best stages, the best set ups, and I feel the best in them. So watching them last night I enjoyed them more and was able to be more open when I was watching. What struck me was there form, their structure. It is relatively rigid or seems so- they do a monologue then three scenes with the person who gave the monologue, another monologue from a second person then three scenes with that person, a monologue by the third persons then three scenes with them then done. They called their own out and just took a bow without a light pull. What struck me was given the spartan simplicity of the structure they could stop worrying about form completely and focus exclusively on the characters which they are wonderful at, its their strength.

It just seemed so genius to me and almost like a trick, have a form so set and firm that any thought of it vanished- freeing you up. I enjoyed the show as an audience member and laughed my face off but also felt liberated as a performer watching my friends be truly original not as improvisers but from a longer view as theorists, inventing a new canvas, a new solo, a new way to play.

A great team, a great show, an eye-opener.

'Philomena' A Review

Philomena is a English drama about a woman trying to find her son she was forced to give up for adoption. Martin Sixsmith(Steve Coogan) has been outed as a political advisor and is at loose ends when he is approached by the daughter of Philomena(Judi Dench) about helping her mother locate her first child she was forced to give up while confined in a convent. After some persuasion he agrees and Martin and Philomena begin a journey into her past following a trail that is very cold.

The most striking thing about the film is it's realism and authenticity. There is the feeling that these are real people in a real situation, a spotlight on a story that doesn't have great political importance but significant universal emotional weight. Dench and Coogan both give multi-faceted performances playing somewhat against type, Dench as a simple, dotty country Irish lady and Coogan as a distant, quietly angry man suffering a mid-life crisis. The chemistry between the two is enough to carry the film but the story contains enough twists and surprises to create a shocking amount of tension for what would seem, on paper, a rather conventional drama. Dench and Coogan's relationship develops as most friendships or partnerships do, slowly. There is no large change or transformation form either character but we get to know them as they get to know each other, in unfolds beautifully.

A moving, surprising, resonate story which elucidates a small secret with large implications.

See It.

Nastiness

I don't enjoy being nasty to people. I doubt most people do. But sometimes the pressure of the daily grind, the cold, or city living get a whole lot of emotions percolating and you need an outlet.

This week has been particularly grating. Talking to and receiving a substantial amount of scornful animosity from women creeping into old age. I've been taking, what feels like, a disproportional amount of calls from sour, bitter, unhappy, angry, entitled, unreasonable old ladies. Interacting with them is poisonous. I can feel their attitudes infecting me and I feel the impetus to lash out. It's unpleasant. I don't like feeling angry and don't like to be put in a position where I interact with aggression.

The feelings get stirred up and have to go somewhere. You have to release the pressure or the boiler explodes. Humor is the solvent. I've got friends with sharp and wicked senses of humor and a couple times this week used them as conduits to alleviate the bad juju. I can say nasty things to Tisher, not at him but about others or in general, biting things, tee off on this or that and say things I have no belief in, and he can laugh and commiserate without judgement, and there's no residue, it's forgotten. I chatted with Brunlieb a couple times this week and jokingly confronted him and challenged him about a couple things. He's got a considerable dark streak hidden under his unassuming lovable exterior and we went back and forth saying, what could be considered, some hateful shit. It was all in fun, or if not all was of no consequences, reflected no genuine malice.

It's nice to have friends you can rail at or to. The world can be an ugly place and no matter how hard you try to have it roll off your back it can effect you. It's good to have a place to channel that negativity, to dissipate it with laughs, to let yourself go with someone safe, to revel in it for a moment then let it go.

Don't keep it to yourself, don't revel in it for long. Negativity is toxic and thrives in the dark, secret, lonely places.

One Last Ride

Tonight I took what will most likely be my last motorcycle ride of 2013.

A friend of my grandfather taught my dad to ride his motorcycle when my dad was 18, he's never said much about it but I get the sense he thought it was really fun. The next year in college my dad borrowed a friends motorcycle and crashed it, got pretty banged up. After that he didn't ride again for thirty years. At 50 he got the bug- maybe because his friends were all getting motorcycles, maybe it was part of some typical male midlife crisis, maybe he wanted some danger or excitement in his life, maybe he just wanted to live more- I don't know. This time he fell in love, for a couple years he ate, drank, and breathed motorcycles. During this honeymoon period he got me to get my motorcycle license, taught me a bit, and we started riding together.

Motorcycle riders are surprisingly inclusive, it's a distinct commonality that ties all kinds of people together. When I started riding I noticed my dad and other riders gesturing to each other when we'd pass. They would extend their left arms and point diagonally down or gesture with two fingers like a peace sign. I asked my dad about it and he just smiled and shrugged. It's the motorcyclists secret hand shake, the high sign, the password.

It says- I see you, we share this wonderful, dangerous thing, ride safe and ride well.

A Fable About Indecision

There once was a lion with no killing instinct.
He could track and stalk and pounce but he could not kill.
Every time he brought down an antelope or oryx he could not deliver the final stroke.
His mothers had forced him out, he was too old to be fed by the pride.
He haunted the plains slowly starving.
When his jaws were poised over his cornered prey his mind raced.
Who was this creature?
Did it have a family?
Was it relied upon?
Who would be left waiting?
Would it suffer?
Certainly it would suffer.
Would it suffer long?
What comes after?
For this creature and for me.
What is beyond?
Then he would look down at his prey in dazed confusion and let it free.
His thoughts were long as he paced the sun kissed desert.
And his stomach ached.
Thoughts are not deeds.
And something must be done.

'About Time' A Review

About Time is a romantic feelgood movie about a young man who can travel back in time and relive/change parts of his past. The movie follows Tim(Domhnall Gleeson) as he moves to London to becomes a lawyer, falls in love, and starts a family. Tim meets Mary(Rachel McAdams) randomly at a blind restaurant and sparks fly. After a couple hurdles involving time-travel, paradox, and his own ineptitude Tim and Mary get together. The rest of the movie follows their burgeoning life together.

The movie is simple, heartwarming, and fun but at times problematic. Not much time is spent on getting to know Tim and for the first part of the story he comes off relatively sophomoric. There is also little time spent showing how and why Tim and Mary fall in love, there's a montage and were expected to buy that they are. The faults are out weighed by the time travel device and the ease with which McAdams and Gleeson navigate there some what contrived love story. The supporting cast is dynamite with the actors giving stunning depth to characters that must appear startlingly flat on the page, they bolster and patch any remaining flaws.

A buoyant cheerful love story with a cool time travel twist.

Rent It.

Suits

We wore suits for Prime tonight, I haven't worn one in a while and haven't performed in one in even longer. It felt good being dressed up but it was a bit constricting when it came to the flow of the show, the scenes were longer and there were less of them, sedentary.

Overall it was a great night, the shows weren't amazing- they can't all be, but the dreamer during the 8 o'clock show was this lovely, portly, newlywed Indian guy named Thomas and I gave notes to the team Morehead coaches Sonis. It was nice to look at a show like a coach again- to analyze, diagnosis, and give feedback.

I doubt we'll be wearing suits again for some time.

Nothing Like Family

This year my sister Marta spent Thanksgiving with her boyfriend's family so she got our family together again this morning for a post-holiday brunch. It was great to have everyone together but with 15 adults and 4 kids it was a little rambunctious. 

With full bellies some of us took the kids to the park. It was a beautiful day and great to horse around and kick the soccer ball in the fresh air.

I love my family, we've been through a lot and stuck together when it would have been relatively easy to fraction off. It's nice to have a younger generation coming up, it makes everything more lively and exciting. And begs the question- whose next to get married and/or have kids? A question of course all of us eligible to answer don't care for.

A Sleeping Wood

In winter a forest does not die, it sleeps.

Roots drink, but drink slow.

The creeks freeze but fish still swim and water flows.

The body breathes when sleeping, the mind dreams.
The breath of the forest is quiet, all green gone.
But the dreams are vivid and long.
You can almost here them.

Thanksgiving

I'm thankful for family and Rockford and for the house I grew up in.
I'm thankful for garage door codes and blankets and cable "on demand".
I'm thankful for coffee and cigarettes and breakfast from a frying pan.
I'm thankful for audiences and iO and Craig.
I'm thankful for motorcycles and woods and poetry.
I'm thankful for cooking oil and spices and sharp knives for cutting veggies.
I'm thankful for chess and movies and pictures in focus.
I'm thankful for friends that listen and friends that talk and friends that hug.
I'm thankful for Tisher and Jimmy and fantasy book series.
I'm thankful for Beanpole and Adam and NPR.
I'm thankful for cousins and aunts and homemade whip cream.
I'm thankful for microphones and podcasts and editing.
I'm thankful for love- romantic, platonic, and familial.
I'm thankful for Mom's cranberry sauce and Uncle Mike's stuffing and Coke Zero.
I'm thankful for the companionship, support, and affection of Nicole.
I'm thankful for comics and classics and Centrum.
I'm thankful for exotic soaps and fresh tooth brushes and brand new razor blades.
I'm thankful for heat and good lighting and steam from the shower.
I'm thankful for comfy sofas and comfy beds and broken in pillows.
I'm thankful for inspiration and sobriety and stories.
I'm thankful for full moons and sunsets and quiet kisses.
I'm thankful for Stephen King and Gene Wolfe and John Irving and Terry Gross and Paul Newman and Johnny Cash and John Lee Hooker and Bill Wilson and Tom Wilkinson.

And you, dear reader, always you.

Maybe Si, Maybe No

Nicole wasn't planning on going back to Florida to have Thanksgiving with her folks so I invited her to Rockford with me. She ultimately decided she would stay in Chicago. After work my dad picked me up at O'Hare and drove me back. An hour or so after getting there Nicole called me and told me she was on a bus and asked if I could pick her up. She had changed her mind.

It was a wonderful surprise and filled me with gratitude and joy. When someone does something for you, makes an effort, puts themselves out there, it has meaning. I'm very luck and have a lot to be thankful for. Today was a great reminder.

Some Love For Top Chef

I've been a Top Chef fan since the beginning. I've diligently and delightedly watched all 11 seasons, Top Chef Masters, Top Chef Just Desserts, and Top Chef Canada. It inspired me to cook a lot more and I've come to take a lot of pleasure in it.

Top Chef is a great show because it's straight forward. It's a cooking competition show which almost entirely focuses on the cooking competition. For the most part the show is concerned only with good chefs and interesting challenges. Certainly there are some big personalities on the show or they cut the show to create big personalities but the show has never become about them. The show will play up confrontation or emotional outbursts, sometimes teasing them for an entire season, but ultimately all the dust ups are minimal and breezed over by the competitors swiftly. They are just normal moments that happen when people who don't know each other are thrown into situations with numerous unknown variables.

The show doesn't cast basket cases, doesn't deliberately throw unhinged individuals together hoping for friction. They put good chefs in interesting situations to see what they cook. The personalities of the individuals on the show come through slowly and organically. We like some of the people, we dislike others, but not because the producers predicted and designed this outcome. Of course what we see is not truth, we don't get a full sense of all these individuals, but the show is not put together to skew or slant or facilitate villainization.

I loved the first couple seasons of The Real World and Road Rules. They were great shows because they were simply real people in a situation and the camera observed. As time passed stunt casting and contrived situations turned an interesting TV show into a spectacle. Most reality shows start from that manufactured place- fake people in conflict. Top Chef has consistently steered clear of these pitfalls and focused on what it is: a show about food and the people that cook it.

Christmas Come Early

Nicole gave me a Christmas tree. It's my first, not something I'd ever have gotten for myself but a very sweet and thoughtful gift, it brightens up my apartment and facilitates some much needed holiday cheer.

Nicole: Do you want the multi-colored lights or the blue lights?
Me: Blue.
Nicole: I knew it.
Me: Why?
Nicole: I was just thinking our styles are different and after I got the multi-colored ones I knew you'd want something, something less flashy.
Me: What's the difference between your style and mine?
Nicole: Well, mine, I'd want more colors and sparkles and yours...
Me: Mine's more sedate.

"Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love." -Leo Buscaglia

Roomiez

Eli, Alex and I had brunch this morning. I haven't seen them in a while and the three of us haven't sat down together since we moved out of our apartment spring of 2012. We've grown apart a bit- divergent interests, relationships, and time- but the friendship is unchanged. Eli and Alex were my first real friends in Chicago and my first collaborates. They are two of the sweetest, easy-going, funniest guys I know. The dynamic is fluid and easy, fits like a well cut sport coat.

(This girl was very deliberately photo bombing, Eli makes this face in every picture)

Our roommate situation was relatively contentious, of which I had a large part. The discord of the past has all but dissipated and our friendship, although not as close, is strong.

Chess

Jeremy and I met at Caribou for a game of chess before The Night Shift Show tonight. I've been on a team with Jeremy for three years and only about a month ago we discovered our mutual passion. He's better than me, not by much, but better. I was on the defensive most of the game but I made him play it out and his victory wasn't decisive. I'm a bit rusty, I haven't played consistently in years, but the strategies, the way of thinking- move anticipation and prediction- stirred and came back quickly. I love the game and I love the mindset you have to be in to play it well.

My dad taught me to play chess when I was around 6 years old, I liked the game but wasn't any good at it. For a couple summers after that I took a chess class at "Whiz Kids College" a summer activities program based out of the local community college. That's where I really fell in love with the game, in a room full of prepubescent nerds just like me, but I was still pretty bad. I stopped playing for a while and picked it up again as a teenager, a lot of lessons and ideas about chess fell into place and I became pretty good, I beat my dad for the first time.

In college I had three great opponents- Drew, Samson, and Jeff. It was tough to find people that knew the game, wanted to play the game, and most importantly were good at it. Playing with someone with substantially less skill doesn't evoke the same kind of involvement or mental exercise that playing with someone with equal abilities does. Samson was my favorite person to play because we were the most evenly matched(Jeff slightly better than me, Drew slightly worse). He had an extremely grating personality and I didn't really like him. He quieted down and focused up when we sat down to play. We never talked, we just played, it was incredibly fun.

Since then I haven't been able to find a good chess partner. Recently I've discovered both Jeremy and Jimmy are great players and love chess. Hopefully there are many more games to come.

'Catching Fire' A Review

Catching Fire is the second installment in the Hunger Games Trilogy a dystopian world where each year 24 citizens are selected at random to fight to the death. This year is different. After spitting in the face of The Capitol, by saving both herself and Peeta, Katniss has become an unwitting symbol of hope and revolution. In order to combat the impending uprising President Snow has former winners, most importantly Katniss, compete in the 75th annual Hunger Games.

The plot and structure of Catching Fire is virtually identical to the original Hunger Games with the same plodding first act. The visual effects and script, however, are significantly improved from the first installment. The performances are also much improved having the benefit of more seasoned supporting players.

Fans of the book will like the movie, fans of the first movie will love this installment, but ultimately the story itself leaves a lot be desired- much is implied about hope, individuality, and love but not much is actually said.

Rent It.

'Museum Hours' A Review

Museum Hours is a lyrical film, a love song to museums and Vienna. The story is set in motion by a slightly contrived relative-in-a-coma scenario but it seems to only serve the purpose of getting the two main characters together. Anne(Mary Margaret O'Hara) travels to Vienna because an estranged cousin is in a coma. With little funds and no knowledge of the language or city she befriends museum security guard Johann(Bobby Sommer).

The film is punctuated and gently guided by Johann's narration. Johann guides Anne, and us, through Vienna. They discuss art, communication, solitude, and architecture. The pace of the film is slow and it's tone is relatively quiet. It evokes an engrossing museum visit. The film is not for everyone because there is no narrative to speak of and the light friendship between Johann and Anne develops gradually. It is beautiful, smart, and unconventional.

There is only one major flaw, a fifteen minute extended museum tour of a particular artist containing neither main character. All the actors in the tour are wooden and stiff coming across as bad local amateurs. The scene itself is incredibly long and stagnate made to feel even more so by the fluidity of the film around it.

A great movie for the right mood.

See It.

Silence

Every statement doesn't require a response. We are becoming more and more conditioned to respond, even if we have no thought or opinion to voice, to anything and everything- it's become expected. I say something, you say something back, if you don't it's rude. You're being aloof or distant or unengaged or cold if you don't fill a moment with words regardless of their meaning.

A silence can be comfortable. Discomfort is something you apply to it, its not inherent in the absence of speech. Truly being in a moment and listening to someone is often enough and can mean more than repeating back to someone what they've just said or blurting out the first thing that comes into your head. I like chatting and keeping the conversation going but it's not always necessary. If there is no more to say, cease to speak.

People don't argue the peace and beauty of quiet in nature or in the dark of night. We should apply that same calm and ease, periodically, to interpersonal interactions. Sometimes not saying anything says a great deal.

"I wash my hands of those who imagine chattering to be knowledge, silence to be ignorance, and affection to be art." -Kahlil Gibran

"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over." -Octavia Butler

Pinocchio

After the credits rolled I imagine Pinocchio had it rough.

He was a wooden puppet animated by magic and all of a sudden he's a real boy. He has no idea what feelings are or how to deal with them. Never felt love or fear or disappointment. Never felt heartbreak or loneliness. Never been in danger or injured. And one day he wakes up and humanity comes rushing in. He's left woefully unprepared. Out of his depth.

I drank a lot for a long time. I kept things muffled. I didn't develop the ability to feel my emotions and deal with them. They were buried, camouflaged, muted. I avoided honesty, tried to make myself incapable of it. I was crippled in a way, unable to communicate or articulate. I was like Pinocchio. I could walk and talk like a real boy but there was something off, something missing.

Sobriety has been a gift, eye-opening and life-changing, for which I'm grateful for every day. But it's not always easy and at times can be raw. I'm like Pinocchio, I woke up one morning and was flooded with situations and emotions I had never experienced before. I woke up present in my own life for the first time. How do you process anger or regret? Joy or longing? How do you feel it? I didn't know.

Getting sober is a transformative experience not less fantastic or magical than Pinocchio being gifted with mortality. I learn every day. I feel every day. There are ups, there are downs, and for the most part they even themselves out. I'm learning to ride the wave not fight it. I may be behind but there is room and time for growth.

Once he became a boy, a real live boy, I imagine Pinocchio felt like he had a lot of catching up to do. And I imagine he discovered what I have. Time is a great equalizer.

Fight Or Flight

Last week Beanpole asked me to write a poem for him. He sent me a couple images and gave me the concept "flight or flight" for inspiration. I posted the poem last week and this piece is his further inspiration. I've always loved collaborating with him, trying to meld our particular creative inclinations. Beanpole is currently getting his masters so hopefully this is the first in a series of similar projects.

Man v. Nature

It's getting too cold to ride my motorcycle. I garage it in Rockford in the winter.
It was warm this morning and I decided today was the day.
I checked the forecast knowing there was a storm coming, TWC said it would hit at 1pm.
I strapped up, zipped up, buckled up, and headed out at 11am.
Rocketing down I-90 I noticed the clouds were thick and moving fast.
I rounded the curve through the Des Plains oasis and was confronted with the storm.
The sky was sickly green, puke green, and veined with lightening.
The temperature dropped thirty degrees in ten feet.
Rain poured down sideways, I was soaked in a moment.
The wind tried again and again to blow me off the road, I almost hit a traffic barrel.
Realization dawned, this was a piss pour, ill conceived journey.
I entertained the idea, briefly, of carrying on, powering through.
While I considered I noticed something out of the corner of my eye.
On the opposite side of the highway a billboard was shivering.
As I watched the supports cracked, the billboard disintegrated.
The wind shredded canvas, splintered board, and scattered debris across the highway.
I took the next exit, pulled into a gas station, and got my barrings.
I could continue on, I could wait out the storm, I could turn back.
I turned back.
The first ten minutes I was in the middle of the storm.
Wind, rain, lightening, me and the motorcycle.
I got out in front of the storm and beat it back to Chicago.
It was dangerous and not particularly smart.
But it was fun, I felt alive.
And it was a good piece of riding if I do say so myself.

'Bad Grandpa' & 'Thor: The Dark World' Reviews

Bad Grandpa is a family road-trip comedy using the Jackass prank style. After the death of his wife elderly Irving(Knoxville) drives cross-country with his grandson Billy(Jackson Nicoll) to drop him off with his biological father. This loose narrative ties together a string of hidden camera pranks perpetrated by the young Nicoll and old man Knoxville, ranging from simply approaching people on the street to a catastrophic visit to a male strip club to ruining a pre-teen beauty pageant.

There is a surprising amount of heart in the movie and a great deal of humor, not all of it blue. Knoxville and Nicoll have great chemistry, making their moments as characters carry weight while simultaneous sharing the joy of their antics.

There's not a whole lot to the movie but its simple premise creates a good delivery system for the shock and embarrassment Jackass is known for. The most surprising part of it is the actual bond Nicoll and Knoxvile create, crudely sweet.

Rent It.

Thor: The Dark World is the sequel to 2011's Thor and the latest edition in Marvel's ever expanding unwieldy cannon. Our hero Thor(Hemsworth) has just finished making peace in the nine realms in the wake of the uprisings insighted by the alien invasion of Earth featured in The Avengers. In this incarnation Thor finally seems like an actual person having put his stupidity and bravado behind after months of war and thoughts of his lost love Jane(Portman). Meanwhile Jane has been busy on Earth with scientific experiments and dates. She stumbles upon an ancient weapon created before the universe began, is possessed by it, and Thor comes to the rescue.

The resulting narrative is predictable. The visuals are stunning, the fights are cool, and the dialogue leaves a good deal to be desired. Hemsworth has a little more to do this time as Thor and comes off as three dimensional however still falls short of producing a performance that necessities it's own franchise. Portman does almost nothing and serves merely as Thor's object of affection. The bright spot of course is Tom Hiddleston as Loki- complicated, wry, and charming.

Thor: The Dark World is entertaining but not entertaining enough to warrant the money or time that went into it.

Rent It.

Thursday Evening Movie Club

A couple weeks ago Jeff asked me to be on his movie review podcast Thursday Evening Movie Club. It's a potluck and discussion which was really fun. Anytime I can eat and talk movies I'm in hog heaven. We discussed Robert Altman's Nashville which I didn't care for and was a split decision overall. I don't recommend seeing the film but give the episode a listen or check out previous episodes where Jeff, Jeannie, and guests review other movies from AFI's Top 100.

Not-Art

Tisher and I went to Carmen's weekly show Thunderdome after recording last night. It was a fun show, as it always is, with a mash-up of different improvisers and a couple other acts. There was one piece from a performance artist however that I thought lacked any artistic or performance element and seemed to display a genuine ignorance of what it is to get up in front of an audience.

This performance artist Nikki is touring the country with a box on her head. An overt expression of isolation. I thought it kind of odd but intriguing. I was looking forward to her piece anticipating it would be some kind of discussion on her experience or a performance elucidating the connectedness/disconnectedness of people in our culture. What she actually did amounted to nothing at all.

She got up on stage with her yoga instructor, asked for a couple volunteers, and proceeded to do three three minute exercise drills. The audience counted each squat, sit-up, and push up. She gave a very brief and lame intro to the piece "We connect with each other by connected with our bodies. I've been working out a lot recently to stay in shape for this tour." And that was it. No point, no idea, no message.

When you get up on stage in front of an audience you're entering into an unspoken agreement, a contract. You are saying this is something. Not that it's good, not that it'll be funny or dramatic, but that is in fact something. That it is an idea that you have thought about. That it has the possibility of being entertaining, poignant, or thought provoking. This was none of those things. I don't know what other pieces this woman has done or what her message or thrust is. I would like to know but last nights performance was ill-conceived and poorly executed.

I've seen a lot of bad performances. Sketch, improv, theater, music, performance art what have you. I don't mind if it's bad. You just have to try.

Once Begun, Half Done

We had Carmen and Devin in the studio tonight to record our Gypsy episode for this season of Bubble Boys. It went great, they brought it like we knew they would. Carmen went on an impassioned rant speculating about sharing coffee and tea in Hell with the devil and all the world leaders of the 40's. Devin told Tisher and I's fortune with an incredibly grueling description of Tisher and other fallen soldiers ghosts chewing me to death with insubstantial baby ghost teeth. Really great stuff which I can't wait to edit.

This episode marks the fifth in the can. We're at the half way point in the season and on schedule for our January release. We've got the rest of the season written and cast. There's a lot more work to be done, with plans to create a lot more original music and to script in totality a USO show. It sometimes feels like putting together a particularly difficult puzzle. But it's gratifying, extremely so. I am very eager to finish things up and start putting season 2 out into the universe.