'Nasty Baby' A Review

Nasty Baby is a drama about a gay couple, Freddy(Sebastián Silva also writer/director) and Mo(Tunde Adebimpe), trying to have a baby with their friend Polly(Kristen Wiig). Interwoven within the main plot is Freddy's work on a video performance piece also entitled Nasty Baby(which depicts adults in diapers acting like babies) as well as numerous confrontations with a mentally unstable homophobic man in their neighborhood.

The most aggravating thing about the movie is its seeming lack of interest in telling a cogent story. All three plots are, at various times, given center stage(pregnancy, art piece, crazy guy) but each is only briefly touched on, underdeveloped, then abandoned. There are also smaller ideas and characters that are introduced which beg for further explanation or exploration but are ignored. The third act takes a dramatic, illogical, and confounding turn which might have some kind of an effect if it wasn't so preposterous. In short, the "narrative" is sloppy, viscous, and unsuccessful.

Another major issue are the characters- entitled, oblivious, self-involved- they almost unilaterally garner no sympathy. Freddy, the defacto protagonist, is grating, single-minded, self rightous, and vain. Silva's portrayal is wooden, presentational, and spends an inordinate amount of time on shots of himself in deep contemplative(contrived) thought. Wiig does a fair job as Polly but the character is manipulative, petulant, and two-dimensional. The only bright spot is Adebimpe as Mo, kind, graceful, and grounded, totally lost in the impotent mess of Nasty Baby.

Pretentious, apathetic, and artificial. Surpasses Jurassic World for worst movie of the year.

Don't See It.

HFCH Analysis

Holy Fuck Comedy Hour at The Annoyance is my favorite show in Chicago, I've written about it a number of times before, its at midnight on Fridays and its free.

Each week the cast, joined by a guest or two, put up in-development/experimental sketch ideas, some more structured than others. The result is a somewhat chaotic, frequently brilliant, always entertaining show where a collection of some of Chicago's most creative performers really go-for-broke. Yes, there is some failure- given the late hour, the typical lack of extensive preparation, the almost implicit requirement of absurd costuming, and a mercurial audience- how could there not be some. But failures at Holy Fuck can be almost as delightful as its successes. When an already insane (or even bad) idea goes off the rails there can be an almost rapturous quality to the depths, the volume, the commitment, of the failure.

From time to time I'll talk to some members of the cast after a show I enjoyed which they felt didn't go well. The audience wasn't responsive, this bit didn't get laughs, that bit didn't get a reaction. But the truth of the matter is the show was, usually, amazing. The confused, frequently drunken, random audience members that find their way into the free midnight show aren't your typical comedy audience. They may have no frame of reference for what they're seeing, a couple weeks ago there was a full Indian wedding party, last week a table with three generations of a family, people who don't typically see sketch comedy at all let alone something as bizarre and playful as Holy Fuck. There's also often a portion of the audience that is under the influence to various degrees. This is all to say the audience response isn't a good barometer for the quality of the content, especially with a show as capricious and chimerical as Holy Fuck Comedy Hour.

There's a lot of lips service paid to experimentation and support of failure in the Chicago comedy community. But there is no place where that philosophy is more in evidence than The Annoyance Fridays at midnight. It is a place where daring and courage are displayed without pretense, where expression is taken to dark and absurd extremes, and inspiration is ever present.

'Steve Jobs' A Review

Steve Jobs is a biopic about the titular Apple co-founder, written by Aaron Sorkin and directed by Danny Boyle. The film is set right before three separate product launches in 1984 with the Macintosh, 1988 with the NeXT cube, and in 1998 with the iMac. Jobs(Michael Fassbender) meets and mostly argues with various people in his life that are close to him. Notably Steve Wozniak(Seth Rogen), Apple CEO John Sculley(Jeff Daniels), Jobs's former partner Chrissann(Katherine Waterson), and his daughter Lisa(various actors) all while being accompanied by marketing exec Joanna Hoffman(Kate Winselt).

The Christmas Carol like structure at times strikes notes of unbelievability, Sorkin mystifyingly even calls it out at one point. The story isn't terribly compelling, it doesn't really address the demigod like image Jobs constructed for himself nor the arguable "advancements" which he pioneered. The film mostly focuses on a highly fictionalized and moderately sentimental relationship with his daughter Lisa.

That all being said it is a pleasure to watch all the incredible actors recite the snappy charged Sorkin dialogue under the energized yet atypically restrained direction of Boyle. Fassbender, as always, is magnetic and Rogen surprises and delights with his first foray into straight drama. If you are looking for quality cinema look to Steve Jobs, if you are looking for truth look to the documentary Steve Jobs: The Man In The Machine.

The life of Steve Jobs is the loose neglected backdrop which masterful artisans use to display their craft.

See It.

An Uncommon Autumn

For some reason this year is different.
The harvest doesn't hold the same allure
it use to.

Maybe my pallet is tired of the flavors
pumpkin-apple-candy-corn
not as special as before.

Maybe the vigorous autumnal marketing
has finally oversaturated my innate attraction
for the crisp and changing leaves.

This year it feels like one long protracted on-ramp
to winter's congested streets.
A descent into snow and seasonal songs.

Maybe my blood thinned out this summer
more than years past.
Maybe its simply age.

Although I don't mind the colors, baked goods, or chill
I find enjoyment of the Fall elusive-
no trace of the former thrill.

Life Is Like A Movie w/ Sean Price

This past weekend Sean invited me to be a guest on his podcast. We talked about tons of movies and capped it off with a run down of our top 10 lists for 2015. If you like movies give it a listen!

Graffiti 180

REI just announced they'll be closed on Black Friday, one of the biggest shopping days of the year, and are urging people to Opt Outside. A fine sentiment but all the media attention and REI's carefully cultivated response make it appear to be, at least partially, a publicity stunt.

"You work with people who are obsessive about shopping, obsessive about owning things and buying things, like this purchase is going to make them happy. And you want to say to them, 'You know, no amount of real estate is gonna fill that void.'" -David LaChapelle

"Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping." -Bo Derek

"Consumers have not been told effectively enough that they have huge power and that purchasing and shopping involve a moral choice." -Anita Roddick

'Room' A Review

Room is a drama about a woman being held captive in a shed with her five year old son, based on the novel of the same name. Joy(Brie Larson) has been a prisoner for seven years, she's raised her son Jack(Jacob Tremblay) to believe that the garden shed they are trapped in- Room- is the only thing that exists. The film opens with Jack's fifth birthday and establishes Joy and Jack's routine in their cramped quarters. After Old Nick(Sean Bridgers) Joy's captor, violator, and Jack's father confesses he's lost his job Joy takes a high stakes gamble on Jack's freedom. After Joy and Jack escape they struggle with acclimating to the real world.

Larson puts in a mutli-faceted, incredibly emotional, and compelling performance. Strong but vulnerable, resilient yet real. Tremblay gives a masterful portrayal that defies his age. Naive, innocent, yet not without some of the darkness and anxiety the situation would inevitability impart. He is also periodically, age appropriately, petulant and irrational but not to an insufferable degree, it serves to clarify and augment his singular relationship with his mother. The film is as much Larson's film as it is Tremblay's, although Jack's affected narration serve to propel the narrative. Joy has a substantially more difficult time adjusting to life after Room than does Jack mostly because of how hard she's strived to protect him. Their chemistry is magnetic, their emotional journeys compelling, their ultimate transformations cathartic.

The only misstep in Room is the inappropriate score. Mostly sappy cliched music undermines powerful scenes which degrade their impact. The rich performances and evocative cinematography don't need the bizarrely heavy handed orchestration. It is an occasional distraction which doesn't, ultimately, significantly detract.

Tough without being brutal, inspiring without being precious.

Don't Miss It.

The Wellness Institute Presents: Health Gala! A Celebration of Astral Healing

Tonight Nicole and I went to the CIC Halloween show, an interactive high-concept theatre experience. The audience members were welcomed to the "wellness retreat", separated into groups of three, given masks and a card with various symbols on it which corresponded to different stations throughout the theater. All the actors were dressed in white and had scars on their faces. It was very immersive. While people went through the various stations, which were unsettling in and of themselves, there were ongoing "scenes" in the space, yelling and screaming from various rooms. The night culminated in someone being indoctrinated into the cult.

My favorite station was the one where we were taught a chant. It was very affecting, even though I knew it was all pretense it was oddly convincing, the "wellness institute" held a bizarre allure.

I submit.
I give myself unto it.
I willingly receive
and it comes.

A Fine Actor

Last night Scott had his last show in Chicago(for a while) S. Charles Nelson. Stage Legend. No Doubt About It. It was the third installment in his Fine Actor series where he plays a faux version of himself as a professional somewhat pretentious actor "looking back" on his career and reprising notable monologues and scenes from fictions plays. A loosely structured revue based-show which is almost completely improvised.

The show was, as usual, incredible. Easily one of the funniest, fun, and impressive shows of the year. Scott is the most talented person I know, I've frequently said over the years that if Scott doesn't find success in the entertainment industry at some point down the line then talent is inconsequential. He flourishes in the most bizarre sets of circumstances. He prefers to paint himself into corners, to creates situations that are incredibly challenging which he then has to meet, that demand that he deliver on the spot. As an example during the show yesterday he set himself up to sing, monologize, do spoken word poetry with barely a premise to go off of and it was amazing.

There's a term in improv- "pimping"- which means making one of your fellow performers do something difficult which they might not want to do like sing, rap, breakdance, do an impression etc. There is no pimping Scott. He excels when tested. Relishes a stacked deck, putting a ton of pressure on himself, because he always rises to the occasion, always triumphs

He's going on a boat for four months. I'm not entirely confident he'll come back to Chicago after his contract is through. I'll miss my friend, he's a constant source of inspiration and delight.

'Goosebumps' A Review

Goosebumps is a horror comedy inspired by the series of children's books of the same name. Former New Yorker and current high schooler Zach(Dylan Minnette) and his mother Gale(Amy Ryan) move to small town Madison, Delaware in order to start fresh and shake off the grief of their patriarch's passing the year before. While moving in Zach encounters his new neighbor the fun and adventurous Hannah(Odeya Rush) who he strikes up a precarious friendship with despite the truculence and antagonism of her father Mr. Shivers(Jack Black). After hearing an intense argument next door Zach goes to investigate and is not prepared for what he discovers.

The film strikes the perfect balance of camp and scare achieved mostly by the commitment of the actors. There are ridiculous moments but none are sold out by the performances, they give the wild monsters and crazy situations just the right amount of weight. Never melodramatic and never ludicrous. Black as the co-lead is wonderful- comfortable, funny, and engaged. He exudes a kind of mischievous confidence that makes him watchable in anything. Minnette and Rush as the love interest teen leads are good, the story and the script don't call for great, they are likable, react in compelling believable ways to the insanity around them. They are our surrogates in the film and they propel us forward.

Fun, funny, and thrilling enough to get you in the Halloween spirit.

See It.

Apart

surrounded by familiar faces
made foreign by inebriation

alien where I once was home
all are bay when I am roan

a substance once so defining
that brought me close to dying
no longer holds an influence
its presence a mere hindrance

at times on the periphery
but nonetheless a victory

to be a part and separate both
a chance at life and real growth

'Sicario' A Review

Sicario is a crime thriller about FBI agent Kate Macer(Emily Blunt) who gets involved in a questionable CIA operation against a Mexican drug cartel. The film opens on Macer, who is the head of the FBI kidnapping response team, and her team raiding a home in Arizona. They discover that the home has been used as a de facto morgue for a cartel. This instigates her involvement in an inter-departmental  mission against the cartels. She meets the head of the operation Matt Graver(Josh Brolin) and enigmatic consultant Alejandro Gillick(Benicio del Toro). She is taken along as the team dubiously enters Mexico in order to retrieve a prisoner and the operation continues dangerously and suspectly from there.

Unarguably a dynamite cast they, at times, seem underutilized or unchallenged. Brolin approaches his role with such a casualness it periodically boarders on the unreal. He is so relaxed throughout the film his concluding monologue which is "serious" doesn't play. Benicio del Toro gives his best performance in years, although there is a sense of unfulfilled potential, as if he was restrained or not pushed. Blunt's performance is incredible, her character is somewhat mystifying, she becomes marginalized in her own movie. Macer becomes increasingly inconsequential as the plot progresses to the point where she is completely ineffectual. This was obviously a choice, perhaps intended to mirror the futile nature of the drug war itself, perhaps to elucidate the impotence of morality in the modern age, perhaps for the sake of "realism", whatever the intention behind her character arc it is frustrating and disappointing.

Visually the film is pedestrian. There are numerous aerial shots which at first create the desired foreboding but quickly become rote. Considering the heightened subject matter there is considerably little style involved until the conclusion. There is a protracted night vision/thermal scene which is interesting but is totally incongruous with everything before or after.

The structure and narrative of the Sicario are confused. The story takes place, presumably, over the course of a couple days but there's no corresponding sense of immediacy. It is unclear who or what the story is actually about. Is it about Blunt's character, del Toro's character, or the thrice briefly pictured weary Mexican border guard? A choice isn't made, its incomplete.

Interesting subject matter, compelling actors, almost completely discordant.

Rent It.

Graffiti 179

"The dirty little secret of both clinical psychology and biological psychiatry is that they have completely given up on the notion of cure." -Martin Seligman

"I got into therapy in the fifth grade because I said in a sarcastic way that I was going to kill myself, and they didn't get it then. Nothing's changed." -Fiona Apple

"Words of comfort, skillfully administered, are the oldest therapy known to man." -Louis Nizer

"When I was younger, I was terrified to express anger because it would often kick-start a horrible reaction in the men in my life. So I bit my tongue. I was left to painstakingly deal with the aftermath of my avoidance later in life, in therapy or through the lyrics of my songs." -Alanis Morissette

Miracleman

My dad was into comic books when he was younger and has a massive collection from the 70's and early 80's. For a year or two when I was a kid he tried to get me interested in them, the only series I got into was Sleepwalker which was a short-lived and unpopular Marvel property. My interest faded quickly.

In the past couple years Craig, who is a big comics fan, has given me a number of books to read and gotten me interested in the art form. Sandman, Preacher, Powers and Jonah Hex were my favorites. I found I liked the ones with longer narrative arcs with the scope of novels rather than shorter stand alone stories.

Recently he gave me Miracleman which I'm liking a lot. It's nice to branch out, take in different types of content, get inspiration from sources I wouldn't normally seek out or be exposed to.

'Beasts Of No Nation' A Review

Beasts Of No Nation is a war drama based on the novel of the same name. In an unnamed West African country in an unspecified time a young boy Agu(Abraham Attah) is forced to become a child soldier after his father and brother are killed. Under the alternatively cruel and quasi-nurturing leadership of the charismatic Commandant(Idris Elba) Agu and other boys are indoctrinated into the hardships of war. They are forced to kill and witness atrocities.

The film is a bit uneven in the beginning until the Commandant is introduced. Once Elba appears on screen the film and the other actors seem to find their footing. Attah seems to settle into the performance as the story progresses, his comfort as an actor progressing with the constriction and misery of his character. Attah puts us right into the middle of this horrific nightmare, we feel the hopelessness, the despair. Agu has one friend Strika played by Emmanuel Nii Adom Quaye who gives an incredible totally silent performance. Elba has the most complicated role, layers which he plays artfully and almost casually. We understand the allure of the Commandant, the reassurance he offers, his appeal despite his savagery. There is a scene of inferred abuse towards Agu perpetrated by the Commandant which seems heavy handed, undermining the ambiguity of the Commandant but that may have been a choice instigated by source material faithfulness.

Visually the film is vivid and rich. Bold unconventional color choices and editing techniques highlight the psychology of the characters. Risks are taken with the cinematography but ultimately serve to elevate rather than distract.

Difficult and harrowing but immersive. Important if not pleasant.

See It.

Go Cubs

Since the final weeks of September pervasive and intense Cubs fervor has been growing in Chicago. I don't follow sports and don't find them particularly interesting. I'll watch the various playoffs, the super bowl, or regular season games with friends. I know the fundamentals of all the major sports and have a cursory knowledge of big stars and if I'm in a group of people who are engaged I can get engaged. I also enjoy live sporting events. From living in Chicago I stumble into tickets to one team or another once or twice a year. I can enjoy it but I never seek it out.

I use to feel like watching professional sports was a waste of time. Part of me still feels that way. I don't quite see the benefit, don't understand the attraction, can't grasp what warrants the obsession. But after the Cubs won on Wednesday and Nicole cried for twenty minutes out of happiness and relief I got a glimmer of understanding or at least acceptance.

I may not appreciate sports fandom but I do appreciate passion. I can get on board with people emotionally investing in something even if I don't personally value it. Whether its books, movies, knitting, working out, pets, sports, whatever. Excitement and enthusiasm are vital and invigorating. Ultimately I support anyone chasing after their passion whatever it might be, deriving meaning from wherever they'd like. We must define purpose and satisfaction on our own terms.

So, in the spirit of solidarity and support, Go Cubs Go.

Football Night

Football Night in uhhh...'Merica is a play conceived by Craig and collaboratively written through improv. Inspired by Craig's experience playing high school football in Arkansas. I really don't know what to expect, Craig asked me to do a short interstitial bit so I haven't been directly involved in its development. Should be fun!

Fridays at 10:30pm at iO through October.

Amateur Cooking Shows: The Last Bastion of Credible Reality TV

I went home from work sick this morning and all day I watched Worst Cooks In America. Maybe because of the cold medicine, my eroded immune system, or my borderline ecstatic lethargy I found the show really engaging. The people were real and there was no drama, just normal people learning(to various degrees of success) to cook.

Reality TV pioneers Real World and the subsequent sister spin off Road Rules were successful not because they mirrored the emotional turmoil of network dramas but because they lacked it. Those shows captured real people, in both real(in the case of Real World) and heightened(in the case of Road Rules) but neither we're completely manufactured, and if they were structured they were not done so to create interpersonal conflict. In the beginning individuals were cast for personality rather than how unstable they were. As both franchises gained momentum Reality TV turned into a broad and viable genre. The shows being created became more and more produced, constructed, scripted. Eventually they all felt the same, fake.

Along came Top Chef which was refreshing in that it was about the food and not the drama but it quickly fell prey to manufacturing conflict and heightening action with musical stingers just like every other over wrought reality show. Now the only reality left in Reality TV is found in amateur cooking shows like Worst Cooks In America, MasterChef Jr., and The Great British Bake Off. Where the creators cast real people based on merit(or lack there of) and not on the unstable nature of their personality. Where the focus is on ability, challenge, and execution rather than interpersonal spectacle. When volatile people aren't involved typically people get along. And it's pleasing to watch people be nice to one another.

SICK

This past weekend I caught a pretty mean cough. Stuffed up, sneezing, sore throat, the whole works. It always comes as a surprise how overwhelming it can be, how much it takes out of you. I went into work today and on the train I struggled not to cough on everyone. When I got in to work I was hyper aware of the coughing/sneezing/runny-noses of my co-workers, paranoid that my germs were spreading, guilty that I may have gotten or was getting them sick. Of course its just that time of year. Its spreading. Everyone is sick, has co-workers or friends that are sick.

The seasons change and its what happens. It still sucks. Each year I forget how debilitating being sick can be. It takes so much more effort to go through the normal routine of getting up, commuting, and sitting at a desk. I'm feeling particularly exhausted and uninspired.

Hopefully it clears up quickly. Just got to stay rested, hydrated, and optimistic.

Sunsets #8

 Madison 9/26/15

Badlands 9/30/15

Ode To My Hiking Boots

When I first bought you
I found you fit snugly
like a second skin.
You served me well
for eleven years.

We've seen snow and sand,
stream and stone,
crag and peak.
Through miles mundane
and majestic.

Your soft pliant sturdy leather
has been with me
on ocean beaches
in quiet woods
and lonesome reaches.

But the wintry Chicago streets
took their salty tole
on your rubber soles
and the time has come
to say goodbye.

You were comfort and companion both.

'Labyrinth Of Lies' A Review

Labyrinth Of Lies is a German historical drama about a younger public prosecutor, Johann Radmann(Alexander Fehling), in 1958 who takes an interest in former Auschwitz guards and officers who have resumed their normal lives without consequence. Radmann and others of his generation are mostly ignorant of the concentration camp atrocities due to a society wide unspoken agreement of willful amnesia and inaction. Radmann investigates the horrors perpetrated at Auschwitz through survivor interviews and American kept files. He gradually discovers how complicit numerous "upstanding" citizens were, begins issuing warrants and preparing for a large scale murder trial.

The film has a slow methodical pace with an undercurrent of menace and foreboding. We see and experience Radmann's gradual psychic transformation and the emotional toil it takes. The film doesn't spend time on the particulars of the Holocaust but on the emotional journey of its protagonist and because it is done so well we get a sense of both the personal and national impact of the tragedy and its subsequent passive cover up. Fehling puts in an incredible performance shouldering the entire burden of the film, by telling the story of Radmann with such clarity and weight we get the story of post-war Germany with finesse and heart.

Visually the film lacks inventiveness and has a relatively pedestrian look but it doesn't detract given the freshness and energy of the story. The ensemble is stacked with every individual, regardless of screen time or lines, giving three dimensional evocative performances. Especially Radmann's secretary Hansi Jochmann who's billed simply as "Sekretärin". She runs a clinic in non-verbal acting.

Remarkably acted, meticulously plotted, perfectly paced. A film that smolders but never flames.

See It.

'Pan' A Review

Pan is a fantasy movie, a reimagining/prequel of the classic Peter Pan tale. Peter(Levi Miller) is abandoned by his mother at an orphanage in London, when he is twelve during a WWII bombing he is abducted by sky-pirates and taken to Neverland. Under the rule of Blackbeard(Hugh Jackman) Peter and many others slave away in the fairy dust mines, he meets Hook(Garrett Hadlund) and Smee(Adeel Akhtar) and three escape together. They connect with the natives and eventually do battle with Blackbeard and his pirates.

There are some glaring problems with Pan first and foremost the lead Miller who is exceptionally out of his depth compounded by his choice to play the role rather meekly and realistically with none of the bravado of the Peter Pan we know and none of the energy or flavor of the other characters on screen. The second major problem is an incredibly convoluted and over-stuffed plot. We have an inordinate amount of ground to cover and large sections are rushed. We frequently have only landed in one intricate and interesting place in Neverland before we are ushered to the next.

The production design is wonderfully over the top, a weird mish-mash and amalgamation of other stories and different genres. It doesn't quite work but it is cool to look at and creates a singular, if not necessarily harmonious, world.  Aside from Miller the other actors put in fun heightened performances. Jackman especially holds nothing back and is deliciously Cage-ian.

Not entirely successful or cogent but still entertaining.

Rent It.

New Job

This week I started a new job. Quite an adjustment after having two months off. It's with a small insurance agency, everyone seems to like each other and like the job, everyone is much more energized than anyone I've met in the insurance industry previously. I think it'll be a good fit. There's a lot to take in but all of it is, basically, just variations on things I did at my previous job.

With insurance there's a lot of paperwork, a lot of complicated language and meticulousness involved. It can be boring but for the most part it's interesting enough, there's enough variety and periodic challenges to keep me engaged.

I don't love insurance but it is the industry I've found the most satisfaction in. This job feels like a step up, like progress, more adult. Who knows where it'll go or if I'll stay in the field of insurance but for now it's working and I'm learning. Feels good.

Graffiti 178

"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous." -Chanakya

"Every great story seems to begin with a snake." -Nicolas Cage

"The snake will always bite back." -Jake Roberts

'The Martian' A Review

The Martian is a scifi film about a Mars expedition that leaves an astronaut, Mark Watney(Matt Damon), presumed dead on Mars. Through MacGyver-like scientific ingenuity Watney grows food, establishes contact with NASA, and settles in for an extended stay awaiting rescue. The film cuts between Watney on Mars, his ship returning to Earth, and NASA unfolding in series of mishaps combated by hard work and good old problem-solving.

The performances are almost unilaterally flat with Michael Peña being the sole exception. Damon holds much of the burden and aside from one vulnerable moment it seems he is completely unaffected by his extreme experience. His cavalier attitude and "wise-cracking" dialogue contribute to this sense of unreality. We get no sense of isolation or struggle beyond the inconvenient. The other actors recite their lines with minimal if not non-existent emotion, many of them seem to serve no purpose. The film focuses on science, diagnostics, and logistics but without even a slight sense of human stakes the whole thing feels a bit hollow.

Visually the film is striking, no surprise with director Ridley Scott, but because of the lack of emotional weight the imagery has little impact.

Intriguing scientific inventiveness, appealing spacescapes, an apathetic narrative.

Rent It.

Reflections

We're back in Chicago and have had some time to decompress. The trip was a real success. We visited some family, saw a lot of interesting and weird roadside attractions, emersed ourselves in nature, and rode a sometimes majestic sometimes demanding 1,500 miles on the motorcycle. 

The main challenge that Nicole and I faced on the trip was the physically demanding nature of some of the stuff we were doing. Riding for long stretches of time, wind, cold, and varied hiking terrain. This, of course, effected our moods from time to time. What we did to head off any issues was just checking in with each other frequently. Stopping when we needed a snack or a hot drink, relaxing or napping if we needed it, staying connected and on the same page. We did some real relationship work and made some substantial progress. There were moments that really tested us and I think we came out of the whole experience a lot stronger as a couple, as partners. The two keys were communication and patience.

On the motorcycle the world is different. Time has less meaning. Your perception is heightened and you see a lot more. There are no distractions. You are simply there in that moment, wherever you happen to be. The weather and temperature are of utmost importance. You are in touch with your body and the landscape in a much more direct and meaningful way. The experience is unique and inspiring. But can be draining.

Coming back we weren't exactly relaxed or well rested. It took us a couple days to bounce back and now after some reflection I think both of us can say the trip was amazing. Something we won't ever forget, but something we might plan out more rigorously next time.

Badlands 2

Surrounded
by monoliths
of a prehistoric ocean
and volcanic ash aged millennia,
the silence spreads for miles.

It is easy to remember
when man was sparse
and feeble.

All is grass
and scarred butte
forever.

Proof, if such exists, of the Divine.

Badlands 1

All nerves scream
"I am alive!"
and the gods smile
on their creations
in mutual
appreciation.

The Calvary

Yesterday was an incredibly difficult ride. Nicole and I were on the road for ten hours, eight of which was riding, and we made about seven hours of progress. It was cold, incredibly windy, and due to South Dakota's scarcity of premium gasoline our gas mileage was terrible. We made it to Austin, MN and both Nicole and I were depleted. Looking at the forecast for today it was even colder with heavy winds in the afternoon. In the hotel room thinking about the day ahead I came to a couple conclusions- we wouldn't be able to safely get on the road until 10 or 11 because of the temperature, given the forecast the day would be as difficult if not more so than the day we had just had, and we would most likely get sick. Given all this it appeared the situation was untenable and I needed help.

For a long time it was difficult for me to ask for and receive help. I didn't want to be weak or appear weak, didn't want to be wrong or admit fault, and if I ever did or was there was a certain amount of shame that went along with it. I called my dad last night and asked for help. He drove up and met us close to the Wisconsin boarder and we switched vehicles for the remaining leg of the trip.

Over the past couple years I've been better about recognizing my own limitations, honestly assessing situations, and asking for help if I need it. Most of the time now I don't get ashamed or embarrassed about it, it is just a part of life. No one is so capable, confident, and independent that they don't need other people to lean on from time to time. In this situation, with the gift of hindsight, I realized and fully admit that I was underprepared and myopic in my single-minded desire to take the motorcycle(instead of a car) regardless of the imminent change in seasons. And that's ok. We all make mistakes. I'm grateful I had someone to call.

My dad has gotten me out of a lot of trouble over the years, significantly less so since I got sober. The trouble I get in now is usually due to laziness or poor planning, more clerical than legal, but still it happens occasionally. It's nice to know I have someone I can count on, someone to talk through problems with, someone whose always in my corner. Thanks Pops.

Badlands Haiku

Alien crags jut

skyward- remote, desolate,

and strange. Outside time.