Two weeks back a college friend reached out to me about a short film. She's producing this project and offered an audition. I was intrigued. I responded- got an audition slot and a copy of the script. The role had no lines and required a mask be worn the whole time. That along with the audition notice requiring movement cloths for a half hour physical audition made me reticent maybe even a little nervous.
There's a fine line, a difficult balance to be struck, as a performer. Over committing/extending versus not putting yourself out there. It makes some decisions difficult. I was on the fence.
The evening of the audition, this was last week, I had a meeting go long and I got stuck on the train. I didn't make the slot, I was relieved, it was convenient, I had proper excuses. I didn't email anyone or try to rush up there late, I bailed.
On Sunday I was passed by my college friend riding her bike, I smiled at her and she gave me a biting and much deserved withering smirk. I realized an apology was owed. My indecision and nonattendance had weighed on me, I had felt guilty but just pushed it down, compartmentalized it, ignored it. Heaped non-action on top of non-action and found myself out of balance.
Yesterday I sent her a message apologizing and explaining my absence from the audition. She accepted the apology and I felt some relief. Recalibrated, in harmony.
There is no shame in making mistakes, we are all human and it is in our nature. Sometimes a debt is owed. An apology of some kind, verbal or otherwise. There is no shame in that either, it's just the right thing to do.
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