The Numbers For 2012

I went on 1 vacation to Richmond, VA.

I saw 98 movies in the theater.

I had roughly 180 days of sobriety.

I performed in roughly 170 shows.

Rick had 43 shows.

Salute Jive had 9 shows.

Runnin' Coin did two festivals.

I joined Deep Schwa and performed 34 shows.

I coached 2 improv teams.

I had 1 unsuccessful audition.

I spent 8 days in the hospital.

I tried 1 new cuisine, Ethiopian, which I had never tried before.

I wrote 1 sketch show with Ted, we performed it 7 times.

I had 1 spiritual experience.

I began co-writing a serial radio show with Tisher and recorded 1 episode.

I met 1 of my literary idols.

I read 32 books, my favorite of which was In One Person by John Irving.

I made 6 new friends.

I believe I mended 3 damaged friendships.

I made 4 collages.

I published 367 posts on this blog, 1 for every day and 1 to grow on.

I rode my motorcycle for 4 glorious months.

I bowled 2 times.

I went to 1 wedding.

I went to 0 funerals.

I had the love of a wonderful woman for 366 days and for that I am grateful.

Inciting Incident 11

I ask friends "When did you first feel the need to perform?" This comes from Richmond Comedy Coalition co-founder, my first improv friend and constant source of inspiration the eclectic Matt Newman.

Acquainted With The Night

I have been one acquainted with the night.

I have walked out in rain -- and back in rain.

I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.

I have passed by the watchman on his beat

And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet

When far away an interrupted cry

Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;

And further still at an unearthly height,

A luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.

I have been one acquainted with the night.

-Robert Frost

Graffiti 84

Photo credit to PP

Let those who will stride on their barren roads
 And prick themselves to haste with self-made goads, 
 Unheeding, as they struggle day by day, 
 If flowers be sweet or skies be blue or gray:
 For me, the lone, cool way by purling brooks,
 The solemn quiet of the woodland nooks,
 A song-bird somewhere trilling sadly gay,
 A pause to pick a flower beside the way.
-Paul Laurence Dunbar

Each time it rings
i think it is for
me but it is
not for me nor for

anyone it merely
rings and we
serve it bitterly
together, they and I
-William Carlos Williams

Street Talk 10

Walking home from the bus, 10:13pm.

Man In Jeep: (Spanish accent) Excuse me!
Me: Yes?
Man In Jeep: Do you know the closest...eh...video store in the area? Could you...eh...tell me of any video stores...eh...not Blockbusters...eh...adult video stores?
Me: (pause) I couldn't. No. (exits)

'This Is 40' & 'Jack Reacher' Reviews

This Is 40 is an anxiety inducing mid-life crisis drama masquerading as a comedy. The film is too long and the laughs are few and far between. At the heart of the film is the dysfunctional marriage of Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann. The fights, aggression, and animosity between the two characters is unpleasant to watch. If that is 40 I don't want to be 40 and I certainly don't want to watch a movie about it. Financial insecurity and personal discontent underscore the film. Towards the end of the film the marriage seems as if it might be on the mend but at that point you don't care, you just want to get out of there and use the bathroom. As charming as all the actors are the characters are almost too "real" to be likable.

Don't See It.

Jack Reacher is a predictable action-thriller. Is it fun? Yes. Is it totally conventional in every way? Yes. Was I entertained? Yes. Was it worth seeing it in the theater? No.

Rent It.

Loved Ones

This Christmas was a little different for the Nelson household. We didn't get together with my extended family which was a disappointment but it was nice to have two full days of relaxation. We sat around, ate a lot of delicious food, watched movies, and gabbed. My family does most of our Christmas on the Eve. We open presents and we have pizza fondue. In the days of Santa Clause we would exchange presents between us on the Eve and Santa would come on the Day. These days Christmas day is exclusively for lounging and watching movies. This holiday has been especially great because I've gotten to see so many people that I love. My family of course(above), Punam, Beanpole, Adam, and Matt.

Punam spent Christmas with me which was great. It's nice to be out of the city where both of us can just sit. Spend some time with each other where we aren't coming from shows or going to shows. In preparation for the holiday we made cookies. Something I haven't done in years. Some had surprise treats inside, we were experimenting with relative success.

Beanpole and his wife Jen came over and we got to spend some much needed QT together. Whenever I get to see him I feel like I become the scrappy twenty something that use to live with him. I use to make this face in a lot of pictures and haven't in years. Beanpole's latest project is a children's book staring characters he's made up called "werp-werps" which he will write and illistrate.

On our way out of town Punam, my dad, and I stopped by Beefaroo to see Adam. We only had a quick visit but its always nice to see him. He's the only close friend I have who has a real family. He's like a real dad. He stayed up on Christmas Eve putting together a Ninja Turtles Club House.

Last but not least Matt has been in town visiting Katie's family. He sat in with Schwa last Sunday and we had a great show. It's always great to get back on stage with him and it always seems like he never left. That old connection is always there.

Overall it's been a great holiday. Joy and peace to you and yours.

Steve's Guide To The Perfect Gift

All gifts are good. Anyone who thinks different are simply inconsiderate. But there is always that distinction when someone gets something really good. Someone really nails that something in particular that was great for that certain person. Some thoughts...

1. Unexpected- It has to be unexpected. If the person can see it coming that automatically takes the impact of the gift down a peg. This is unfortunate because it takes anything on someones "x-mas list" out of the running for great gifts but if you ask for something then receive it some of the spontaneity is lost.

2. They Wouldn't Get It- People love getting something that they want but would never get for themselves for whatever reason. People will sometimes drop hints about this kind of stuff "I've always wanted..." or "I've always meant to get..." or "...when I get my tax return I'll buy..." You indulge someones guilty pleasure which they feel like they can't indulge, they'll love you for it.

3. Personal- Gifts related to someones interest or preferences are always big successes. Something involving an athlete, author, actor, artist, or musician that they love or identify with. They'd live it and it shows that you know them well. Or if the gift is related to your shared past. Any gifts that highlight the relationship or how well you know the person are guarantees.

4. Instinct- At the end of the day go with your gut. If you have that feeling or thought "You know what, ____ would really like this!" Get it. Then when you give it to them you can watch their face light up.

Giving gifts always feels good. But there's nothing better than that look of genuine surprise and joy when you give something that really hits home. Shocked euphoria.

Entr'acte

(From Holy Motors, my favorite film scene of the year)

During the holidays it seems like everything slows down. People leave town, work stops, there's a general lull. The world takes a deep breath, there's a pause. It's the time for relaxation and reflection. Take a break before the old year ends and the new year begins.

Inciting Incident 10

I ask friend "When did you first feel the need to perform?" This comes from Chicago favorite, the funniest guy I know Mr. Joey Romaine.

The End Of The World

I hunch and wait for the bus.
The city is cold and full of bluster.
Our first real snow.
The flakes dart and buzz.
I've worn the wrong coat
and bury my hands deep
in my pockets.

The evening is deep and sharp.
I don't think the world will end.
Today or any other.
But if it does
the day was full
and the night vibrant.

Graffiti 83

I saw this in Bucktown when I was Christmas shopping. It reminds me how much of a modern construction time is. Years ago the sun was the big dictator, it was night and day not something o'clock. Our world moves fast now but I think we let it. In some ways we're the only ones who give power to time. It's our perception of it. Being late, setting alarms, setting reminders, making appointments, being on time. We set so much importance on the ticking of the clock a lot is lost.

There are moments when we feel time slow down or speed up. Wonderful moments that seem like hours. When hours pass like minutes when we are wrapped up in something extraordinary. Moments of danger when it takes an eternity for seconds to pass. Those are the moments we should remember. We govern time, it does not govern us.

"Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in." -Henry David Thoreau

"The clock talked loud. I threw it away, it scared me what it talked." -Tillie Olson

'The Hobbit' & 'Hyde Park On Hudson' Reviews

 The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is the first of a trilogy of movies based on the novel of the same name, a prequel to the Lord Of The Rings trilogy. The film is pretty much what you'd expect: a fun, fantasy adventure with humor, action, and a beautiful landscape. Ian McKellen reprises his role as Gandolf with more playfulness this time and Martin Freeman takes over the roll of Bilbo Baggins. Freeman's performance is dry, understated, hopeful, and humorous. He is an excellent focal point which the movie turns around. The dwarfs are portrayed by a wide array of English and New Zealand character actors. The result is a fun journey with fun characters. The film doesn't have the moral weight of the LOTR and it shouldn't, The Hobbit is essentially a young adult film. An exciting and adventurous fantasy film with heart.

Not a lot of surprises but worth the trip.

See It.

Hyde Park On Hudson is a confused mess of a movie about FDR and his burgeoning romantic relationship with his sixth cousin. The movie can't decide whether it's about the visit of the King and Queen of England or the a fore mentioned romance. What results is a movie that has two plots that don't go together and in the end take us nowhere. Bill Murray's portrayal is interesting but lacks the charm needed to really empathize with him. Laura Linney's performance is bland, uninspired, and simpering. She plays here character so dumb we don't care about her. Olivia Williams as Eleanor is a bright spot but she gets little to no screen time. The King and Queen portrayed by Samuel West and Olivia Coleman do their best to save the film, they are the only engaging characters but in the end the movie isn't really about them.

The movie suffers from cliche dialogue and a lack of focus. There is a good film in there to be made but it falls painfully short. If you take Laura Linney's character out of the film and focus on the interesting aspect of the story, the King and Queen visiting FDR, that's a movie you'd like to watch. You get moments of it: a dinner party, late night drinks with the King and FDR, a hot dog picnic, but they are not it's focus. FDR's adultery and multiple mistresses are the subject matter the movie focuses on and quite frankly it simply isn't interesting.

Don't See It.

Cooking

I've never cooked much. I've never had much time to and if I'm being honest I've never had much interest in it. I use to eat out a lot and have a lot of frozen dinners. I had two dishes that I would cook from time to time for friends or girlfriends, dirty rice or jambalaya but I never branched out farther than that. The past couple months I've developed a real pleasure in cooking. Simple stuff. Above is some veggies in preparation for my morning omelet. Below my third attempt at sweet potato fries.

I use to never buy fresh produce. I would never cook anything on or in the stove. Now I have time on my hands and a desire to be healthier. I have a vegetable omelet every morning and asparagus, Brussels sprouts, or green beans for dinner. I've started experimenting with different sauces and seasonings, different preparations, different oils. It's all very exciting and fun. And it's fulfilling. It's an interesting puzzle. You break things down and put them together in different ways. I find cooking very calming and it always tastes better no matter what when I'm done because I cooked it. I tried something and I get to enjoy it.

If you don't cook you should start. It's easier than you think. Start small.

Mads Brügger

A couple nights ago I watched two documentaries back to back by Mads Brügger: The Red Chapel and The Ambassador. Both were excellent and are available on Netflix instant. What struck me about them was Mads courage. In The Red Chapel Mads goes to North Korea under the pretense of a cultural exchange. In The Ambassador he purchases a diplomatic position to set himself up in the blood diamond business in the Central African Republic. In both films there is the potential for great danger and death. In both films he goes to great lengths to show us how corrupt and distorted these particular countries are. At times he seems almost too single minded using whatever and whoever he can to make his point, even himself. Both films are powerful, they pack a punch, but at times you wonder what the real message is or if he is being somewhat corrupted by his investigations. There has to be a great personal cost to him. Mads strikes me as incredibly intelligent, fanatically driven, and seems to have no scruples at all about doing whatever it takes to get to the truth. He is absolutely captivating to watch and I cannot wait for his next film.

I can't recommend these films enough.

Inciting Incident 9

I ask friends "When did you first feel the need to perform?" This comes from Groh Show star, the inspiring colossus of energy Danny Groh.

Gratitude 5

I'm grateful for this moment

as I sit and listen to the rain

a rare, cool December evening.

Dark And Light

It has been a dark week, across the US and in my small corner of the world. Tragic, unexplainable things happen all the time all over the world. Sometimes we don't know about it simply because of publicity, how big a story is makes the difference between known or unknown.

If a tragedy happens to someone you know it hits close to home. If a tragic event is broadcast on every news channel it brings it closer to our lives. But that doesn't mean tragedy's aren't happening everyday. That doesn't mean people aren't starving, being murdered, taken advantage of in every city through out the entire world. We just may not hear about it. Now I say that not to diminish anything. There are tragedies and they are sad, unfortunate, incomprehensible things. And if they propel people into action great. But living in tragedy, being bogged down by the sadness of the world, is a mistake.

People can be beautiful wondrous creatures. All over the world there are people helping each other, trading smiles and small talk, brightening each others days with simple words or deeds. Right now somewhere there are kids standing up to bullies, there are people volunteering to feed and rebuild, there are service workers smiling and engaging with people shopping for the holidays, people holding doors, people giving gifts for no particular reason, people taking in animals or orphans, people giving rides, people holding hands, people hugging, people listening and supporting each other, people working hard to solve problems that effect many, people writing to inspire and entertain. People simply being good people.

There is dark in this world. Sometimes it feels like it is overwhelmingly dark. But there is light too. Sometimes good positive actions are small, but there are lots of them. Add them all up and you have a world to be grateful for. Don't succumb to the dark, be a light in the world in whatever way you can. Smile, help where you can, free yourself up to what good there is and could be.

There is darkness but every day it is driven off by the light.

Radio Show

About a year or so ago Tisher and I started talking about working on something together. I can't remember exactly how we came to it but we were both really interested and attracted to old school radio serials. We came up with a basic premise: 1933-two inventors on the run from the law traveling cross country. We beated out the theme of each episode for a ten episode season.

Months later we finally got into a studio and started recording thanks to Tim our co-collaborator and engineer. We recorded an intro and started to flush out our characters. We'll be recording the first episode in its entirety next week.

It was a long time coming but we gained some traction once we really started to write and after a night of recording it is full speed ahead. It's so fulfilling to branch out into different mediums and experiment. To set a goal that stretches your creativity and work towards it. I'm very excited for the release of the show which should be in early February.

Coming soon: Bubble Boys

A Phantom Call

2006: I got off the train and was heading home when the phone rang. It was early and the neighborhood was quiet. I was alone. I stared at the phone as it continued to ring. Eventually I answered.

Me: Hello?
Voice: Steven.
Me: (looks around) Who is this?
Voice: Stever Beaver.
Me: (agitated) Who the hell is this?
Voice: Do you want to know the future?
Me: Adam?
Voice: It's not Adam. Listen, I don't have much time.
Me: (false bravado) You listen, I don't have time for kiddy prank bullshit.
Voice: When you were a kid you had a cot you slept in set up right next to your bed. You kept your journal behind your headboard with sandalwood matches. You use to lay awake at night imagining you were a dragonrider of Pern.
Me: ...
Voice: Do you want to know the future?
Me: ...ahhhhh no. I don't think I do.
Voice: (laughs) You don't.
Me: (long pause) How about some advice?
Voice: Keep your head up, your eyes open, and tell the truth. Do the next right thing. Let go. You're not in control, stop acting like you are.
Me: I don't get it.
Voice: And keep your bike locked up. Don't be stupid about it.
Me: Dude, I always lock up my bike. Who is this?
Voice: I'm the fly in the ointment, the monkey in the wrench, the pain in the ass.
Me: Die Hard. I love that quote.
Voice: I know. Keep your nose clean Steverino.
(click)

'The Central Park Five' & 'Life Of Pi' Reviews

The Central Park Five is a documentary about the false imprisonment of 5 minority teens. A woman was raped and beaten in 1989 in central park. At the same time a group of 25-30 kids were roaming around the park causing trouble. The cops picked up a number of kids and after 30 plus hours of interrogations and coercion the kids confessed simply to get out of the police station. The film follows the story with found footage, interviews from the five teens now adults as well as lawyers, journalists, and a social psychologist.

The film lays out in no uncertain terms the innocence of the Five as well as the tactics used by the NYPD to solicit their confession. It goes into the fervor of the time in which they were convicted and the racist picture painted in the press. It seems the lawyers defending the Five didn't even believe in their innocence and gave halfhearted defences.

The film is sad and jarring there's no doubt. But there is something uplifting about the Five. Their ability to preserver, their chance to finally get the truth out. The film details the gaping flaws in our justice system and the racial prejudice that comes into play. The charges were dropped in 2001 when the perpetrator of the crime finally confessed but at that point the Five had all done their time. Time they cannot get back.

See It.

Life Of Pi is a heart warming story about perseverance in the face of adversity. It follows a boy after a shipwreck as he survives on a life boat with a tiger. The imagery is powerful, the narration potent, the story up lifting. But it leaves something to be desired. I don't know if its because I've read the book but I feel like there is something missing. Maybe all stories that you know going into lose some of the magic. The film was good but after reading the book it wasn't really worth it. If you haven't read the book: See It. If you have:

Rent It.

Graffiti 82

I thought this was some inspired cryptic graffiti turns out it's a band sticker. Even so I like the graphic and the phrase When flying feels like falling. It's off-putting but comforting or maybe it just strikes me as very human. It's very much how I feel now and again. As if you're gliding through your life but you feel like your plummeting from it. It's like vertigo. You feel off-balance even though you're totally stable.

"He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying." -Friedrich Nietzsche

"Stumbling is not falling." -Malcolm X

"Vertigo is is the conflict between the fear of falling and the desire to fall." -Salman Rushdie

Dragon's Teeth

Before Schwa each week we choose the form we'll do that night. Whenever the numbers are appropriate I always suggest doing a form where we are all onstage the entire show, either as characters or as inanimate objects. When I first suggested it a couple months ago Craig said the form was called "Dragon's Teeth."

Tonight's show it was Danny, Craig, and I with Vince sitting in. I suggested we do a Dragon's Teeth with only transformational edits in between scenes and everyone else was on board. The form forces everyone to be present in every scene and so lends an immediacy to the show which other forms don't. It's like running down hill. At a certain point gravity takes over and if you try to stop you'll fall.

The show was incredibly fun. We were all sweating about half way through and we covered a lot of ground. My favorite scene was one where we were all in a choir with Danny conducting. We were only singing single notes and making simple harmonies but it sounded great. My other favorite moment was just an edit. We edited out of a sweat lodge scene into a gym scene by doing a smokey dance type of thing.

It always feels good to try something difficult and to succeed. The show wasn't perfect but it was good. We all had fun and we were doing different stuff. Difficult stuff that isn't easy to navigate. We put some severe limitations on ourselves and had to figure out, on the fly, how to benefit from them instead of being restricted by them.

I love performing on Deep Schwa. It was a dream of mine for years which I now get to realize weekly. I feel like I grow and learn and experiment each week. This week was exceptionally satisfying. I was so happy to get to play with Vince, he fit right in, and brought some much needed freshness. I haven't played with him in a long time and I've missed it. At one point he played a girl being suffocated by a workout machine.

Improv wins.

Inciting Incident 8

I ask friends "When did you first feel the need to perform?" This comes from Second City e.t.c. cast member the lovely and talented Punam Patel. You can find her funny entertaining blog here: What's A Punam?

The Inheritance Trilogy

Fantasy is my favorite genre. In grade school my reading level was very low for my age until I started reading the Chronicles of Narnia. I discovered reading could be fun, even magical. Ever since then I've been a fantasy nut but the problem is it's difficult to find good books in the genre. The bookshelves are always clogged with poorly written rip offs so it's hard to sift the good from the bad.

I recently came upon The Inheritance Trilogy by happenstance looking at top ten lists. I burned through all three books in about a week. N.K. Jemisin creates a very unique, engaging world with diverse cultures and peoples. What makes it great fantasy of course is magic and gods. The world borrows some from Greek and Norse mythology and weaves it into something completely new. We follow the gods and humans as they plot, fight and fall in love. The first two books have female leads and the third book focuses on an androgynous child god. As I read the series I wondered why it wasn't well known. In this age of Twilight and all its spin offs this was a series with actual strong women who teenagers and tweens could look up to. Women who were powerful, independent, and confident. Women who didn't define themselves by their relationships with men but by what they stood for and who they wanted to be. There is great romance in the books and magic. Why isn't there an Inheritance Trilogy craze? N.K. Jemisin has Stephenie Meyer beat hands down.

I recommend these books to anyone who likes fantasy as well as anyone who liked the Twilight series. I would a ledge it's better written, more fulfilling, and more empowering to women.

Expectations

Monday night I got some bad news. Not terrible just bad, unfortunate. I thought that I was prepared for it, I thought one way or the other I was ok with what would happen. The news hit me like a punch in the gut and I moped the next day feeling a bit sorry for myself. I realized it was because I expected good news. I very much expected this particular thing to go my way. And it didn't.

Over the past couple weeks I've had some great shows, some good shows, and some ok shows. I've played with people that I know and people that I've never played with before. Shows that I've been really excited about and shows that are simply part of my weekly routine. I've noticed that the shows I expect will go well or expect will be different or ground breaking aren't. I'm left wanting.

I love movies. I see two or three movies a week. Without fail the ones that I enjoy most are the ones I know the least about. Trailers, reviews, and hype always detract from my experience.

Expectation leads to disappointment. I'm not putting down optimism nor am I advocating pessimism. But I think expecting a situation to go a certain way will lead to disappointment of it not going that way or an unfulfilled feeling of it being exactly what was expected.

We should all live in the moment. Not wallow in the past or try to rigidly plan the future. We should allow ourselves to inhabit the moment we're in. Open ourselves up to surprise and joy and wonder. Put ourselves in a position to grab onto all the experiences we can. Put ourselves in a position to weather undesired outcome with grace and calm.

Travel through life with a clear mind, enjoy each moment for what it is not what it should be.

Poppycock

Molly and I had our second Poppycock show yesterday. This scene was a friendly chat between two girls about what it takes to get what you want. And keep it.

'Silver Linings Playbook' & 'Anna Karenina' Reviews

Silver Linings Playbook is a mental health love story. The film opens with Pat(Bradley Cooper) getting out of a mental hospital after going through treatment for bi-polar disorder. The film is funny and touching at times but tries too hard. The supporting cast all do great turns: Chris Tucker, Julia Styles, Jacki Weaver, Robert De Niro, and John Ortiz as friends and parents of Pat. Jennifer Lawrence gives a great performance as Pat's manic depressive love interest. 

The main and glaring flaw of the film is Bradley Cooper as the lead character. The first half of the film when he's really struggling with his illness is totally unbelievable. Cooper's portrayal of manic episodes feel more like adolescent temper tantrums than actual bi-polar disorder. There's also an ill conceived subplot about Cooper's character having previously been overweight that falls totally flat. His performance recovers somewhat about half way through the movie when the character is somewhat recovered but it seems one of the most inappropriate casting choices I've seen this year. When I think of an actor who could convey body and mental issues I don't think Bradley Cooper.

The film's plot, although having the somewhat complicated lay on of mental illness, is predictable. We know they'll end up together, we know how, and we know there will be a moment at the end where it gets close to not happening but then does. The supporting cast fills out and brings definition to the film but it fails to bring new life to an old story.

Rent It.

Anna Karenina is a boring waste of time. If you want to see Kiera Knightley's lip quiver as she stares in a mirror and cries- this movie is for you.

Don't See It.

Graffiti 81

Photo credit to PP

"We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face...we must do that which we think we cannot." -Eleanor Roosevelt

"When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks back." -Friedrich Nietzsche

Inciting Incident 7

I ask friends "When did you first feel the need to perform?" This comes from the sophisticated and versatile Kate Duffy.

Callouts

I pulled lights for a couple shows last night. One of the sets started off with a guy, after getting the suggestion, pulling out an electric razor from his pocket and shaving off his mustache. It was clear no one knew this was going to happen, he hadn't clued anyone in, he was trying to mix things up. I don't think it was the best idea, I'm not a fan of gimmicks or props, but I appreciate the attempt at trying something a little daring to boost some energy.

One of the fellow players took great offence and immediately berated the player for what he was doing.

Player 1: Scuba Diving. Thank you. (takes out electric razor, starts to shave mustache)
Player 2:You're gonna clean that up you know! This is a public space where people have to be! Have some respect!
Player 1: This is my bathroom.
Player 2: This is a stage! This is not your space!

He took the audience out of the scene that was trying to be established, made everyone uncomfortable, and criticized the player as himself for what he was doing in real life. Throughout the rest of the piece he kept this going with things like "I hate stunts! That shit is bullshit!" and "I'm not condescending to you man you just can't do shit like that!" I understand getting slightly upset but it was a mess easily cleaned. The audience is there to see a show and regardless of if you get mad about whatever you still need to perform not engage in a weird exhibitionist argument.

Callout is an improv term for when one player calls out another players reality. Acknowledges them as the person they are or that they are not actually doing what they are acting like they are doing. Someone mimes chopping wood "Why are you waving your arms around?" For the most part there are no good callouts. They may get laughs but they generally undercut anything being done onstage.

This particular callout was especially egregious because we're seeing genuine negative emotion between real people on stage. I don't want to see this, in fact I go to see live entertainment to avoid this.

Unchecked, unjustified rage isn't something I want to see. In real life or in improv.

The Last Rose

As I walk around the city I see a lot of wilting dying flowers. This may be the last healthy flower that I see this year. Winter is coming. I'm not dreading it but I'm certainly not looking forward to it.

There's something comforting about a bright flower in a patch of brown fallen leaves. Something resilient. A pocket of warmth in the cold.

It gives me hope.

Cage

I sat up and looked around. I'm in a cave or a cell of some sort. There's no door. There are air shafts on the ceiling every ten feet or so. I can see blue sky and clouds. "Hello!" I wait poised under the shaft. Each opening is ten inches by ten inches and I guess that it's about twenty five feet to the surface. Not something I could fit through could I even reach the ceiling. I wait. No answer.

I walk the perimeter of my pen. It's fifty feet by fifteen feet. There's a rusty spigot on one of the short ends which produces fresh, cold, albeit sulfury water. I drink and realize I'm very thirsty. I drink more. There is no food and no toilet. I designate a corner on the opposite end from the spigot as my latrine and christen it.

I search my person. I have the cloths I'm wearing: jeans, t-shirt, sweatshirt, boxers, thick socks, sturdy tennis shoes, a belt, a lighter, and a hardware store pocket knife with a blade that measures three inches.

Without food I calculate that I can survive eight to ten weeks given the fact I'm slightly over weight. I figure that my strength will decrease but not drastically decrease until week six.

I don't feel panic or much concern. I don't ever remember feeling much of anything. Maybe that's why I'm here.

Nerves

bursting bubbles
crawling gum
itching insides
acidic glum

insides out
outsides in
sagging tightrope
reality's thin

big moments come
then they go
climb as high
above the low

show what you can
which makes you tick
and then move on
don't stay sick

'Holy Motors' & 'Lincoln' Reviews

Holy Motors is a french film about an actor. Mr. Oscar played by Denis Levant is ferried by white limousine between 11 different 'appointments' for each of which he plays a different part. From motion-capture artist to deranged leprechaun to dying father. Levant's performance is absolutely memorizing from frame one. He embodies completely and convincing every form he takes. When he is just himself there is a blankness about him which is equally if not the most compelling. The transformative effort of his performance is stunning.

This is the most interesting narrative film I have seen all year. The concept grabs you, the acting hooks you, and the story leaves you wanting more. The film is very self referential and referential to film in general. The way the film is framed is somewhat unconventional and there are bizarre moments but it only heightens the impact of it.

There are some small problems like a scene where the premise of the film is explained, unnecessarily, about 2/3 of the way through. The ending as well is somewhat unsatisfying and absurd but doesn't spoil the feeling you take away.

My favorite section of the film was a musical interlude with about ten accordions. The film is fun, makes you think, and answers about as many questions as it raises.

Don't Miss It.

Lincoln is a struggle between two incomplete films. It can't decide if it's a historical epic or a character study. Daniel Day-Lewis's performance as Lincoln is amazing and the way he relates to regular citizens, his family, and his fellow politicians is engaging to watch. The parts of the film that work are the smaller moments. The moments where we see the day to day operation of the presidency and how politics could have been conducted in that time. Negotiations, bargains, lobbying. The parts of the film that didn't work were all the "broad epic" stuff. Music swelling, lines like "This will go down in history", and the reciting of the Gettysburg address by soldiers to Lincoln. There was a lot of fat in the film that could have been cut(Joseph Gordon-Levitt) which wasn't. There was no need to have a running time over two hours.

Over-all lots of hits, lots of misses. Maybe Spielberg is too big for anyone to actually criticize him anymore.

Rent It.

Inciting Incident 6

I ask friends "When did you first feel the need to perform?" this comes from my Rick teammate and voracious reader Ms. Laura Wilkinson.

Point Of No Return

Today is four months.

In my past attempts I haven't made it this far. At first I was scared. It's a no man's land where I haven't been before. I don't know what to expect. This is all new territory. But then I realized it's just like anything else. Go in, do your best, take it one day at a time, if need be one hour or one moment at a time. Everything is manageable moment to moment. Everything can be dealt with either by taking the time to think it through or by calling friends and loved ones. I've learned that my perception and my reactions to things may not be 100% reliable. That's why I take a second and slow things down, try to asses what's really going on. If I can't I call someone who can. Simple.

Day to day life is sometimes easy. Those are the good days. When it's hard you have to get through it. That's life. I'm an adult. And I've always found, with a clear head, the good days always out weight the bad.

Graffiti 80: Philadelphia

Evidently Philadelphia is very anti-graffiti. There weren't a lot of tags or stickers up. There were a lot of murals done by the Philadelphia Mural Arts Program. Back in the 80's the city hired an artist who in turn reached out to graffiti artist to collaborate and make murals in stead of graffiti. The idea I like but the product for the most part seemed variations on the same kind of design over and over again. The murals broke up the landscape, which I appreciated, but were all very similar(at least the ten or so that I saw). People painted in similar ways over and over. I wish the artists would have gotten a little more freedom. It seemed that because of the cities involvement they were only allowed to paint within certain perameters and restricitons. The above is not a mural but a large poster glued to the side of a building.

This is a band which I have never heard of but I think its kind of funny.

Demon-monkey?

Mickey Mouse flipping the bird.

I don't really know what to make of this but my money is on the bear.

"Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life- think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just let every other idea alone. This is the way of success." -Swami Vivekananda

Always be prepared.

"A wind has blown the rain away and blown the sky away and all the leaves away, and the trees stand. I think, I too, have known autumn too long." -e.e. cummings

Thanksgiving

My family drove out to Philadelphia to spend Thanksgiving with my Aunt, Uncle, and cousin. We use to do this every year when I was growing up but haven't made the trip in ten or so years. It was a wonderful visit with an excellent meal prepared expertly by my Uncle Mike. He makes the best stuffing I've ever had. Today we went into to Philly proper to see some sites. Of course we had to visit and pay homage to the recently restored Rocky statue at the art museum.

My sister wanted to go to the Comcast center which boasts the largest HD TV in the world. I wasn't very impressed but there were hundreds of people there to see there twenty minute 'show'. Personally I don't get it, we're addicted to TV too much as is.

This is the top of the Comcast building. I wonder if that square indentation is suppose to resemble a TV. Or maybe it's just the CEO's deck.

This was an old guard tower which was left alone while a bunch of condo's were built around it.

For some unknown reason my Uncle Mike took us to Fort Mifflin on the way downtown. No one really wanted to visit there. There wasn't much to it but this was one of the munitions storage mounds.

A Philly sunset.

All in all it was a great trip. I haven't spent that much time with my family in years. And I haven't seen our Philly relatives all together for a while. It was a nice trip, a nice change of pace, a wonderful dinner, and some casual sight seeing. I missed a show and I did most of the driving but it was worth it.

The low light though was the scarcity of coffee. My Aunt and Uncle don't drink coffee and so didn't have any in house. It was a trial each morning to have my morning coffee and cigarette. Who doesn't drink coffee?

I'm thankful for my friends, family, Punam, and this wonderful world I've found myself in.

Stuffing rules.

A Disturbing Dream 5

I'm in Japan. I'm incarcerated in a fortified mansion with 50 or so follow inmates. I'm the only white person and English speaker in the structure. Everyone speaks Japanese and I'm unable to understand anything that is said. Although the mansion is lavish our mobility and the things we can do are limited.

I have a friend. He's a young 17 or 18 year old Japanese boy. We walk around the common area communicating with basic sign language. I know that he has a family outside that is in some kind of trouble. We interact with other people trying to solicit someone who can get a message outside. We talk to an old man who indicates he can get a message to my friends family. I am the designated lookout as this meeting is held.

Time passes. We play ping-pong at which my friend beats me heartily. After a meal of rice, which we all eat in the common room, cross-legged on the floor, we return to our rooms. There are guards waiting for us at the door to ours. They begin to take my friend away. To be tortured, I know without having to be told, for his attempt at trying to communicate with the outside. A despair grips me. I know I have no one outside counting on me or waiting for my return. I get the attention of the head guard and indicate I will take my friends place. I will endure his punishment for him. He thinks and nods, this is an acceptable replacement.

As I'm escorted towards the torture room a hush falls on all the inmates. They look down, avoiding eye contact. I look back and glimpse my friend briefly as he is shoved into our room.

I enter a room with a large roaring fire in a fire place. There are two wooden poles fixed to the ground about two feet away from the blaze. My shirt is taken off and neatly folded on a table. I'm tied to the poles facing the fire. I hear one of the guards pick something up. Then the experimental crack of a whip. I wait. I feel wind on my back then a streak of pain.

I awoke.

'Skyfall' & 'Wreck-It Ralph' Reviews

Skyfall is the latest installment in the Bond series. This is my most recent viewing which I regret going in with expectations. I went into the film only having the title of Ebert's review "Best Bond film in years" which constricted my viewing pleasure. The film continues with the trend it has taken since instating Daniel Craig as Bond. It's darker, there's more action, and there is very little evidence of the 'suave' James Bond of old. This film feels more like a British Bourne movie rather than a Bond film.

That being said the movie is enjoyable. Daniel Craig's performance finally hits home as Bond because he is aging and has lost a step. He is an outdated asset in a technologically advanced world. Bond is vulnerable, he is psychologically damaged, and lacks the constant pose present in previous films. Javier Bardem puts in a great performance as a quirky, somewhat flamboyant mastermind. All the scenes with him are totally gripping.

The ending sequence of the film is by far it's most engaging. It's beautifully shot, well acted, has exciting action, and provides some history on Bond's background heretofore unexplored. The movie clocks in at around 2 and a half hours which is way too long. Because of this it drags at parts which the ending makes up for. A good film not a great film. Probably the best Bond movie since Goldeneye but in between then and now it doesn't have much competition. 

See It.

Wreck-It Ralph is a feel-good kids film. It provides exactly what you would expect from the trailers and a Disney film. Children and parents will enjoy it because it's simple, fun, and funny with a good lesson. Twenty and thirty somethings might enjoy it for the plethora of video game references. Because it is a PG film it doesn't go any deeper than "lonely guy goes on adventure, finds friendship". While the graphics are 3D the story stays strictly in one dimension.

Rent It.

Inciting Incident 5

I ask friends "When did you first feel the need to perform?" This comes from actor, musician, and Talkie Pictures creator Brendan Kelly.

Bowling Again

Punam's birthday was today and it was wonderful. The highlight for me was going bowling. Sarah, Punam, and I went to the Diversey Bowl and played two games. I haven't been bowling in a while but everything came back pretty quick. And a lot of memories too.

When I was really young my dad would take me bowling. He was in a battle of the sexes with a woman from his office and he would go to practice most weekends. He would bring me along. I would usually play one game maybe two. He would give me some pointers but I didn't really have much interest at the time. What I did have interest in was the arcade.

After my attention wandered my dad would give me some quarters to go play in the arcade. My favorite game there was Street Fighter II. I got progressively better at it the more we went. At the time I don't remember being really good at anything. I didn't excel at anything at that time, I think I was 7 or 8.

One day a couple of tough older kids came up to me while I was playing Street Fighter II. They wanted to play. They challenged me to a game with the winner "controlling" the consoul. I had never played anyone else just the computer and I think at the time we didn't have Nintendo or anything at my house yet. I was nervous but I said ok, I just wanted to keep playing.

I trounced him. I trounced his buddy. They got more of their friends and I beat all of them too. Instead of being mad at me they were in awe of how good I was and cheered me on. It was the first time I ever felt exceptional at anything.

Whenever I go into a bowling alley I think of that moment and smile.

Friend Zone

From A Friend

The only reason someone would use a bullshit buzzword to describe a situation in which someone else is not attracted to them sexually or romantically but enjoys their friendship, is if they felt entitled to that individual's love/sex/what have you. Or maybe if they don't like themselves enough to be okay when someone doesn't want to fuck them or date them.... so they have to make up excuses.The concept of being "friendzoned" is absurd. What extra bothers me about this is that it's typically gendered. We tell women "he's just not that into you." We tell men, "awhhhh dude bro, you got friendzooooned. all those hours of actting liiike a guud persson 'n' listening n pretennding to care about anything but thaat puss = LOST, dude." or "aaaaaah you got FRIENDZONED!!! "THEY" never like the nice guys! Nice guys finish last! What a dumb bitch!" 

Friendzoning isn't a thing. The men I'm friends with? I didn't pursue sexually because I didn't want to. My feelings for them manifested in a Platonic way. If one of my male friends tried to change our relationship, and I said, oh no, dude, we're friends, I have not "friendzoned" them. I've clearly defined the thing I feel and the relationship we have. If a male friend's friendship with me was a ruse to try to get inside my vagina? That friend is a fucking asshole, and not a friend really. 

In short, you didn't get friendzoned, you're just not attractive to that person. Deal with it. Find your league. Be less of an entitled, whiny, creep, and maybe a woman will like you.

Be Bold

This is my latest collaboration with the Beanpole. When I first asked him to make me an image for the purpose of graffiti I gave him the quote "Struggle Not Submission". This time I gave him "Be Bold" from the Robert Frost quote "Freedom lies in being bold." It's eerie sometimes how things overlap. I've been listening to a lot of Radiolab recently. A couple great episodes are about space. How vast it is, how unknown, how full of possibility. I didn't tell Beanpole any of this of course.

He just knew.

Creative Endeavors

Molly and I after Poppycock's first show

This week has been great. I felt like my creative output was on full.

Poppycock: Molly had a dream that we did a two person improv show and the name of it was Poppycock. She told me about it the next day. We figured it was a sign and got a slot. Our first show was last night and it was great. It was Molly's first two person show. The crowd was packed and they loved it. The show was slow paced and grounded, playful and fun. I broke super hard in the middle of a scene where I was Molly's mom berating her for being in love.

Talkie Pictures: BK asked me to shoot some videos. We did one where I slammed George R. R. Martin. Dreams do come true!

Salute Jive: Julia and I had our first show since July. Both of us were a little nervous before hand but we clicked right into place once the show started. We got the longest laughs we've ever had. Fast and fun and effortless.

Bubble Boys: Tisher and I are writing an episodic radio show. I'm really excited about this and we've been talking about it for a while. We finally got episode one on paper and planned out. It should be recorded and available for your ear holes some time in the next couple weeks.

Its always satisfying to perform. But it's even more satisfying to utilize multiple types of media. I'm realizing that I'm in a place now that if I have an idea I can get it out there. There's no reason not to be as eclectic as possible with presentation. I have many talented friends with many different skills. And they're all game to create.

'The Flat' A Review

The Flat is an Israeli documentary which follows Arnon Goldfinger as he cleans out his grandmother's apartment after her death. He finds evidence of a friendship between his grandparents and a member of the SS in Nazi Germany before their forced immigration to Israel. As he digs deeper he uncovers more information including their friendship after the war. He delves further into his families past uncovering disquieting things.

The film unravels a mystery but raises very complicated questions. Questions that can't be answered or simply have no answer. Why do people do the things they do?

It's an insightful, moving, dense film that examines an incomprehensible friendship in the wake of the Holocaust.

See It.

Street Talk 9

I was getting on the train today and my CTA card must have gotten demagnetized. It showed me an error message on the turn style "see attendant". The attendant was very harried and seemed annoyed.

Woman: (thick accent) It no work! It no work!
CTA Attendant: OK, try this one here.
Woman: I had 5 dollars! I had 5 dollars.
CTAA: (irritated) You still have 5 dollars just go through.
Woman: But I already, I already, I already...I payed two twenty five already! It charge me!
CTAA: (louder, more irritated) It's charging you 25 cents! (woman boards) Jeez...(to me) Yeah?
Me: My card won't work. I have $8.10 on it.
CTAA: (rolls eyes) Try this one here. (I try it, it gives same error) Hold on, I'll get you a new card(sighs)
Couple: Excuse me?
CTAA: Yeah?
Couple: We're trying to get to 322 N. Jefferson...?
CTAA: (sighs, shuts eyes, pause, opens eyes) Go up the stairs here walk north to the elevated train stop then get on the green line and your stop is Clinton. Get off at Clinton. Then head west to Jefferson then take a right.
Couple: Thank you so much.
CTAA: Yeah. (to me, sighs) OK, you got your ID? This gonna take a minute.
Me: (smiles) Here ya go.
Snooty Woman: Excuse me?
CTAA: (frowns) Ahhhhh Yeah?
Snooty Woman: I'm looking for (unintelligible). You know by the Marriott.
CTAA: (rolls eyes) Yeah I know it. Go up to Grand and head east.
Snooty Woman: ...Grand...um...Grand.
CTAA: (disgusted sound, pause) So I got you a new card-
Cute Little Boy: (runs up, jumps to the window) Boo!
CTAA: (face lights up with the most amazing warm smile) Oh, hello! How are you today?
Cute Little Boy: Trains! (ducks below window, jumps up) Boo! (runs off to his mom)
CTAA: (chuckles) Ok here's your replacement card and I'll give you a free ride for the inconvenience. Sorry about the wait.
Me: Thanks. No problem at all. (smiles big) Have a great day!
CTAA: (returns smile, big and honest) You too.

Graffiti 79

"I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing than to teach ten thousand stars how not to dance." -e.e. cummings

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." -D.H. Lawrence

"I don't ask for the meaning of the song of a bird or the rising sun on a misty morning. There they are, and they are beautiful." -Pete Hamill

Inciting Incident 4

I ask friends "When did you first feel the need to perform?" This comes from my beloved collaborator and Shrink creator Ted Tremper.

Gratitude 4

I'm grateful for these last warm days.
I'm grateful for coffee and cigarettes.
I'm grateful for Punam and her love.
I'm grateful for stages to perform on.
I'm grateful for an understanding and loving family.
I'm grateful for Radiolab.
I'm grateful for Adam and Beanpole's joking texts.
I'm grateful for vegetables.
I'm grateful for cooking oil.
I'm grateful for salt.
I'm grateful for candles.
I'm grateful for fantasy books.
I'm grateful for reconnecting and staying connected with friends.
I'm grateful for feelings and talking about them.
I'm grateful for ideas and paper and ink and glue and push pins.
I'm grateful for hot showers and sandalwood soap.
I'm grateful for dreams even ones that leave me uneasy when I awake.
I'm grateful for movies and dark theaters.
I'm grateful for iO and all the friends and opportunities I've been given there.
I'm grateful for Christmas lights and candy.
I'm grateful for wind and clouds and sun and full moons.

And you, always you.

'Flight' & 'The Man With The Iron Fists' Reviews

Flight is a movie about a struggling alcoholic. The film opens with Whip, played by Denzel Washington, waking up, finishing a beer, doing some coke, and then flying a commercial flight. During the flight there is a mechanical failure and the plane goes down. Whip pilots the plane to a miraculous landing saving 96 of the 102 people on board. The rest of the film follows the fallout of the crash.

The first half of the movie is great. Denzel's performance is nuanced and engaging. The film falls apart however because it doesn't go anywhere. The second half of the movie loops in on itself and repeats the same series of actions over and over. Denzel's love interest is so underdeveloped and contrived it takes you out of the film anytime it's shoehorned into the plot. The ending is sappy, unsatisfying, and unbelievable.

After ten years of dealing with computers it seems Robert Zemeckis has forgotten how human's actually work.

Rent It.

The Man With The Iron Fists is a Kung fu movie written, directed, and starring RZA. The dialogue is terrible, the plot makes no sense, but the fighting is great. As I watched it I felt like it was a complete waste of time until I realized what a passion project it was for RZA. Everyone knows how much the Wu Tang Clan loves Kung fu movies. And it's obvious that a lot of love went into the movie however poorly it turned out. If RZA decides to make another movie I would simply suggest working with a professional screenwriter.

And the wigs were absolutely terrible.

Don't See It.